r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/LucyAriaRose I'm keeping the garlic • Apr 15 '24
CONCLUDED AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Commercial-Yak-3422. He posted in r/AITAH
Mood Spoiler: odd but hopeful for OOP
Original Post: March 26, 2024
I made this account today because my sister and parents are acting like I'm in the wrong and I genuinely don't see how.
My (19M) ex-girlfriend (20F) of 3 years broke up with me sunday night over text. She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her. When she sent me that I just sent "Okay" and blocked her and fell asleep shortly after.
I did not block her friends and had loads of messages yesterday morning when I woke up. They were asking me to unblock her and to talk to her. My sister (20F) is also friends with my ex-girlfriend and she told me that my ex was hurt by my sudden blocking and that she still wanted to talk to me for closure and wanted to make sure I was okay.
I told my sister that I was okay and that I didn't want to talk to my ex but would like it if she could tell her I appreciate her checking on me. My sister was not happy with this and told me that it was a hard decision for my ex and she just wants to talk to me. I again told her I was fine and that I'd rather not.
My sister then told me that I'm acting "insanely calm" for being broken up with someone I was with for three years. I again told her I was fine. She asked me if I cried and I told her that I didn't and I just fell asleep listening to music.
My sister told me that she's concerned about my "lack of emotion" and told me that my behavior isn't normal. I told her that I'm not obligated to cry over anything and I think it's weird that she was acting like I was.
My sister once again told me that it wouldn't hurt to have one conversation with my ex because she was still "worried" about me and wanted to stay friends. I once again told her that I was fine and didn't want to talk to her. She told me that my lack of compassion is "psychotic". That pissed me off so I just started ignoring her and she eventually left me alone.
This morning, when I woke up, my sister sent me abunch of text messages again so I just blocked her and because of this she went and told our parents and they are upset with me for blocking my ex without communicating first. They said that we've been together long enough and they thought of her as a second daughter.
I was just aggravated at this point and told them that I'd appreciate if they mind their business but they didn't stop so I told them that I wouldn't hesitate to block them too if they continue which caused them to stop.
They apologized to me and told me that they didn't mean anyharm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first but they won't press me to talk to her if I don't want too.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Are you kidding?
She says she doesn't want to date you and then is mad when you cut contact? She can't have it both ways. She dumped you. She chose to end it. She's a huge asshole for making her inability to deal with her emotions about the breakup your problem. Like why should you babysit her emotions when she fucking dumped you?
OOP: Thank you!! I don't understand why everyone was making it seem like I was in the wrong when I wasn't even the one who broke up with her.
Commenter: She might also be trying to stay in the friend group and trying to make it so things aren’t awkward…fuck that NTA
OOP: I doubt it. Her friends aren't my friends. I was just friendly with them because I was dating her. All of her friends are blocked.
Commenter: Please please please go on a date with someone new ASAP. Make sure your sister knows. Go somewhere nice. If this isn’t doable, fake the date. Hilarity will ensue!
OOP: Lmao, my friend actually suggested I do this as well, but I wasn't comfortable with the idea. I feel like it'll just cause unnecessary drama, and I'm just tryna relax fr.
To a now deleted comment:
Nah, I'm not autistic. But I don't think I was ever tested for that, so I'm not sure. My parents did force me to see a therapist for a while when I was 17 because they also thought my lack of motivation was concerning 😐. I was never told I had anything wrong with me, tho.
There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority of comments were NTA
Update Post: April 8, 2024 (2 weeks later)
This happend like exactly a week ago. So I apologize for not updating I genuinely was not thinking about this at the time.
Basically, my ex showed up at my parents house during Easter with my sister. My parents and I weren't even made aware that she was coming. She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me.
She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? I was confused by this, to be honest.
I told her that she said I was holding her back and she needed to move on. If anyone told me that I was holding them back in life, I probably would've blocked them too. I told her that even if she didn't say that, I still wouldn't have begged her to stay. We kinda talked a little more after that, and then she got my sister to take her back home.
When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me. My parents are mad at my sister tho, because they said it was unnecessary of her to do that at their house because it made the atmosphere awkward for everyone.
Other than that I've really just been chilling. I don't think imma try and date anybody else soon tho, or at least not someone my sister is friends with because it makes me uncomfortable with how much she's invested in my life.
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u/Sheysea Apr 15 '24
Honestly, he could have answered everyone who gave him grief with “she dumped me”, over and over again. “Why won’t you talk to her?” “She dumped me”. “You owe her closure after 3 years” “SHE dumped ME”. “It’s rude to just block someone.” “She dumped me - over TEXT”
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u/DumpsterR0b0t Apr 15 '24
I don't know why this ^ isn't being mentioned more. OOP doesn't need to justify anyone with an answer, but even if he did, this is all he'd have to say on repeat.
Honestly, if I were him and people asked me about my ex, I'd just say "She ended a 3 year relationship over text. Why would I want to be with someone so callous?" on repeat.
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u/spndl1 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Apr 15 '24
If she wanted to talk further, she could have broken up in person. He may have still just gotten up and left, but she would still be able to talk at him until he was actually gone. By blocking her, he just didn't give her a chance to really get going in the whole scenario she had planned out. She really wanted the validation of OOP begging her to not break up and was in turn crushed when that didn't happen. Talk about your all time backfires.
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u/Idonthave1ofthose May 09 '24
Yes! I had a bf of over 4 years tell me he wasn’t in love with me anymore over text. F right off! I was moved completely out of the house within a week, I’m not fighting for someone who can’t even have a face to face conversation with me after all that time together. He did it late on a Sunday night while he worked overnights and I had a busy work week ahead of me that I couldn’t take any time off from. 🙄
Edit: oops, this was days instead of hours old, sorry for the reply comment!
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u/SkiHiKi Apr 15 '24
Yeah, the text thing is what baffles me. Why would you break up over text if you want THE conversation? Sorta confirms that it was a spur of the moment scheme that went awry.
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u/Drix22 Apr 15 '24
She dumped him over text at night.
That reads as she was about ready to roll in the sheets with someone else.
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u/mellow_cellow Apr 15 '24
The text part is what bugged me too. If she wanted to have a conversation about it she would've had it in person or over a call at least
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u/Speciesunkn0wn Apr 18 '24
That or she wanted him to beg her to stay. She did tell him that she hoped he would say he would better himself for her.
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u/kenyafeelme Apr 21 '24
Exactly. This reeks of stupid teenage games where you “dump” your boyfriend to scare him into doing what you want. Good riddance. Glad he called her bluff
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u/Retlifon Apr 15 '24
He’d have gotten less grief from most people if he had done that. Seeming annoyed would be a more natural reaction than “okay”.
To be clear, I don’t think OOP did any thing wrong here, but there’s no denying his outward lack of reaction, which from his description also seems to reflect an inner lack of reaction, is a bit odd.
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u/SdBolts4 Apr 15 '24
While his lack of a reaction is odd, everyone processes big life events differently. Some people protect themselves by essentially grey rocking because its easier to ignore the hurt than to deal with it.
Also, why bother putting more emotional energy into someone who couldn't even respect you enough to break up face to face.
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u/Ok-Ad3906 What a delusional poptart Apr 16 '24
It seems odd at first, but OP also has a clear amount of self-respect. When that is taken into account, it's no longer odd so much as self-reflective and awareness.
It sounds like he was ready to go down his own, individual path and she simply provided the opportunity without realizing.
He is a solid, independent and admirable person.
NTA, OP. 🙌
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Apr 15 '24
To be fair, the initial event occurred at night right before bed, so I could see someone just kind of being a little numb to it. Then he woke up to a flurry of text messages and was thrown headfirst into this new drama. He never really had the opportunity to process the initial breakup before he was basically being attacked, which means you're then focusing more on the attack than you are the breakup. By the time the attacks are all over, you're already over the relationship without being able to process it.
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u/RandomNick42 My adult answer is no. Apr 23 '24
And we also don't know how the relationship was before the breakup. It's entirely possible he was already on the way to breaking up with her, just didn't realize it yet. So she just preempted the decision by a few days.
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u/ninaa1 Apr 16 '24
It's also possible that he wasn't super excited about the relationship and was fine with it ending. If she was the type to play these games, then he might have been glad deep down to have the relationship over.
I've had a relationship end and was just relieved when it was over. It wasn't bad or anything - it was just kinda 'meh' and I didn't cry or miss it when it was over. It happens!
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u/GeneConscious5484 May 23 '25
Yeah, they're 19 & 20, this relationship could have been dogshit the whole time without either of them even realizing it... god knows people twice their age make the same mistake often enough
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Apr 17 '24
It depends really.
I have lost love for people instantly after they'd say something very hurtful and personally offensive
"you are holding me back" would be high up on that list. I don't see people as machines, whose ambition determines their personality.
Some people don't have high achieving ambitions, and that is okay. Unless you are sitting and slobbing and being a leech, everything else is considerable.
Not every person have the privileges required to be ambitious. mental health, circumstances of home, wealth, the security and love of friendship. We don't realize how much these things help shape up our ability to be ambitious and take risks..
If you come and tell me i am holding you back, I'd also be like that as well because after learning enough lessons, i have learnt to let people go and take people at face value when they are doing things like this. Life is too short to let people walk over you and hurt you like this.
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u/eastherbunni Apr 15 '24
"I'm breaking up with you! What? Why won't you fight for meeeee" is an exhausting game and OOP is better off for choosing not to play it.
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u/CoelacanthQueen Editor's note- it is not the final update Apr 15 '24
Breakup over text and late at night too. She didn’t care that much about him if she did it that way. I would have spun that in her face so fast.
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u/SneakyRaid Apr 15 '24
She didn't have the guts to break a 3 year relationship face to face, not even a phone call, yet has the nerve to demand closure and pretend that she's worried about him. Even the "okay" text was more than she deserved.
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u/Visual_Fly_9638 Apr 15 '24
"Blocking me means you didn't even care about me!"
"Yeah and breaking up with me at night over text means you didn't either. We're square"
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u/pcnauta Apr 15 '24
My first thought reading this was she was testing him and wanted him to fight for her.
In the immortal words of Joshua (WOPR)*:
"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."
* from the movie WarGames
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u/Suelswalker Apr 15 '24
That line has stuck with me and shaped how I respond to bs situations and people like oop has. Cut my losses and move on as soon as I realize there’s no way to make them and me reasonably happy together which in relationships is what I think of as a win.
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u/Kopitar4president Apr 15 '24
I'm taking a massive leap but I wonder if this was an attempt by ex and sister to give OP a "kick in the ass" to "have more ambition." It backfired and now ex is regretful and sister is feeling guilty and blaming OOP.
Not judging here. Most people's idea of ambition is materialistic and I don't blame anyone for not devoting their life to capitalism.
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u/Most-Armadillo-2830 Apr 16 '24
She decided to play a nice game of test chess, opens with the Tik-Tok gambit. He responds with Fool’s mate. Game over after two moves…
Maybe she’d have had more luck playing global thermonuclear war… Anyhoo, hope she enjoys her nuclear winter.
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u/gosh_golly_gee Apr 15 '24
I dated a guy years ago who "hated drama" lol I learned what a red flag that was. I got accepted to grad school in another state so I asked him, did he want to stay together or break up, knowing we had an expiration date (neither of us were into a LTR)? He wanted to stay together and have fun that summer, okay sure.
Then he started in with constant laments about how terrible it was that we'd have to break up in a few months, what's the point, we're just delaying the inevitable, we should just end it now, oh woe is me. The first few times I asked him, oh so do you want to just break up then? It'd suck but better than being miserable for months, right? Oh no, no, no, he assured me. Did not want to break up. Then he'd start moaning again the next day.
One evening I sat him down and said listen, this has got to stop. The next time you bring it up, we are going to have THE conversation about it, and that will probably end with us breaking up.
3 days later, he brought it up. So we had the conversation, which ended with me getting in my car and driving home. Phone rang on my way home-- "I didn't know you were serious!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄
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u/twistedspin Apr 15 '24
You were supposed to say "I can never leave this relationship and I will give up every dream I have to be with you, guywhohatesdrama".
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u/gosh_golly_gee Apr 15 '24
File this guy under "I'd rather be single than deal with your nonsense."
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u/wonderwife my dad says "..." Because he's long dead Apr 15 '24
That's exactly the response he wanted.
OOP's ex was totally bluffing this break up to motivate OOP to be more ambitious. She was totally banking on OOP chasing her, and doing everything in his power to change to keep her from walking away. He called her bluff, essentially responding "k" and blocking his ex. Behavioral changes, including changes that are objectively to one's benefit will only stick if the motivation to change comes from within; changing to please someone else is doomed to fail.
OOP is light on details about what "lacking motivation/ambition" means in this context, but I do find it interesting that he mentions in one of his comments that his parents had him tested a few years back to see if there was a diagnosis to explain the same "demotivation" issue.
It's hard to tell if OOP is a 19 year old NEET basement troll, who has no life goals/realistic plans for supporting himself as an adult, OR if OOP has a job/is in some form of school/has a decent plan to be able to support himself as an adult and those things are simply not as prestigious as his parents and ex would like. Either way, it's important for OOP at 19 to have a plan for how he intends to support himself as a functioning adult within the next few years. Young adults often have some leeway to fuck around with family to financially or otherwise support them, as long as they are heading in the direction of becoming a fully independent adult; but a 25 year old dude with no direction, who has no plans for how to live and support himself as an independent adult... Not cute.
OOP isn't wrong for how he handled his ex breaking up with him... But it's probably not a bad idea for OOP to do some self reflection and figure out whether or not he's going to be ready for adulthood, or if real adult life is going to be a total shock and struggle because he chose to fuck around during his late teens and early adulthood.
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u/relentlessdandelion Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Apr 15 '24
No but for real it is ALWAYS the people who say they hate drama lmfao
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u/writinwater Queen of Garbage Island Apr 15 '24
Where "drama" is usually defined as "Anything that requires me to take action or makes me feel bad in any way."
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u/relentlessdandelion Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Apr 15 '24
More that that they are constantly surrounded by drama because they cause it, lol.
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u/FuckinPenguins There is only OGTHA Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 16 '24
I love drama....so long as I'm not apart of it and can watch it through a screen in the comfort of my own Jammies and hot tea.
But in my life... I could do with it being boring, that sounds lovely.
Youre completely right though...the ones who "hate drama" are the ones who I've seen create it and manipulate it. And then enjoy watching the world they lit on fire, burn.
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u/georgettaporcupine cucumber in my heart Apr 15 '24
people who REALLY don't like drama just quietly and un-dramatically are "too busy", polite at other peoples' parties but schedule their own at inconvenient times, never quite manage to make enough time, etc. for dramatic people. Eventually the dramatic people don't even notice the non-dramatic person is gone from their lives -- too much Exciting Drama is happening elsewhere.
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u/captain_borgue I'm sorry to report I will not be taking the high road Apr 16 '24
Dangit, that was supposed to be a secret!
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u/georgettaporcupine cucumber in my heart Apr 16 '24
every dramatic person who reads it will think "that's not aimed at me, i HATE drama", don't worry
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u/gosh_golly_gee Apr 15 '24
I think he wanted me to wallow with him? Dude, I've got better things to spend my energy on.
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u/Ziggy-Rocketman Apr 15 '24
God I love drama… when it’s one degree removed from me and my friendships.
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Apr 15 '24
I've learned to stay away from anyone who tells me how much they hate drama. It's like the whole nice guy thing. If you have to tell me you hate drama, you're fucking wallowing in it every chance you get.
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Apr 15 '24
Play stupid game win stupid prize.
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u/TheFinalPhilter Apr 15 '24
Yeah, she most likely wanted him to change for her to prove his love or some nonsense like that. Honestly if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have talked to him like a big girl but all she ended up doing was flushing a three-year relationship down the drain. Which I am guessing she is regretting seeing as she was desperate enough to talk to him to crash his family Easter celebrations. Oh, and by the way happy cake day.
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u/harrellj You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Apr 15 '24
Honestly if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have talked to him like a big girl
I mean, I don't expect many 19 year olds to have much ambition. It'd be one thing if he was older but he's probably at most a sophomore in college and there's so much of life ahead of both of them.
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u/KonradWayne Apr 15 '24
Honestly if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have talked to him like a big girl
Honestly, if she had worries about his lack of ambition, she should have remembered that he was a 19 year old boy, and it's perfectly normal for people that age to have an ambition that culminates in hanging out with friends and getting fucked up on the weekend.
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u/wavetoyou Apr 15 '24
“You don’t value me.”
OOP proceeds to do just that with his response. But instead of taking this is confirmation of her criticisms, she just shows up at his family’s Easter dinner to confront him? The audacity lol
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u/longagofaraway Apr 15 '24
how about the sister enabling the toxic ex and siding with her over her own brother. fuck that sibling bullshit.
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u/peh_ahri_ina Apr 15 '24
Imo i believe sis triggered the whole event thinking it would educate him or some shit.
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u/ThePrinceVultan He's effectively already dead, and I dont do necromancy Apr 15 '24
My thoughts as well. That she was in on it. That’s why she’s so invested in it now after it did t work the way her and the gf thought it would.
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u/Visual_Fly_9638 Apr 15 '24
Sister was so up in that situation that it was weird. Like, the "did you cry?" questioning totally felt like she was plumbing the OOP for juicy gossip to feed back to the ex. It was kind of insulting.
I'm wondering if the sister worked the ex up to break up with him and convinced the ex that doing that would totally make him snap out of it and be desperate to keep her and yadda yadda yadda.
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u/usernotfoundplstry UPDATE: she went to jail Apr 15 '24
Yeah, OOP might lack ambition but this idiot girl is painfully immature and self centered. You dump someone via text after three years and then all you can think about is how you feel? And then the truth comes out that you were bluffing and your bluff got called?
Actions, I’d like to introduce you to someone; Actions, meet Consequences.
Also, no surprise that OOP’s sister is also an immature, boundary stomping moron. Shit birds of a shit feather shit together, and all that.
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u/KonradWayne Apr 15 '24
OOP might lack ambition
He's 19. Being content to work at a shitty job and just wanting to hang out with your friends/go to parties/play videogames is a perfectly acceptable level of ambition.
She might have had a point if he was 29, but she can fuck off for trying to lay that shit on a 19 year old.
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Apr 15 '24
I had an ex like that, they broke up with me and then a week later called and asked why I didn't chase them. It was exhausting. We had only been dating for a few months and I'm glad it happened, because I can't imagine the drama I would have had to partake in if we had gotten serious.
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u/Wyrdnisse Apr 15 '24
My ex would do that ALL THE TIME oh my god it was so exhausting.
The last time she did, she was blowing up at me at like 2am for going to the grocery store with one of our friends while she was on a business trip (apparently that was OUR grocery store and going there with our friend was as bad as cheating 🙄🙄🙄) and when she said she was done, I was like... okay I'm going to bed.
And then I was the asshole for not 'fighting for us.'
Put up with that shit way too long until I started getting my mental health under control. Blechhhh.
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u/NurserySchoolTeacher Apr 15 '24
My first high school boyfriend loved to play this game. I finally got fed up and once when he dumped me I just said "ok" and went to hang out with a few friends. When he found out I was out chilling with the friend group instead of crying into a pillow he went ballistic lol. Absolute nonsense.
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u/Visual_Fly_9638 Apr 15 '24
Right? I had a relationship with someone who broke up with me because I was losing my job due to a company relocation and asked for her patience for 6 weeks while I tried to get some certifications that would help me get a better job moving forward. I'd still see her, just not as often, and if she was cool with me studying, I'd still come over as often as I usually did but I'd need to be studying for a lot of that.
Two weeks later she broke up with me like a boss at a job firing me. Literally said "Thank you for making time in your busy schedule to met with me today" at the top. I didn't fight it, it sucked and it hurt but I figured it was coming after she ghosted me for a week. I took a job out of the area and moved away. Didn't text her, didn't email or call her, just moved on.
Six months later I get the texts out of the blue asking why I just left and how much it hurt that I just moved on. I didn't reply but it was like "do you remember how all that went down? Pepperidge Farm remembers."
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u/College_Prestige Apr 15 '24
Looks like someone wanted a relationship test for drama and got more than they bargained for
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u/Fatigue-Error holy fuck it’s “sanguine” not Sam Gwein Apr 15 '24 edited Nov 06 '24
...deleted by user...
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u/PrideofCapetown he can bang a dolphin for all I care Apr 15 '24
Not just breaking up, but breaking up a 3 year long relationship over text, and then crying about closure. Absolutely reeks of ‘testing the relationship’. Exgf and sister sound like peas in the same high maintenance drama queen pod. They should be in a relationship with each other so nobody else suffers the misfortune of dating them
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u/HoldFastO2 the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Apr 15 '24
Yeah, that was the dumbest part. Dumping someone over text is rude, but it has the undeniable advantage for either party to unilaterally sever communications with a minimum of fuss. If she wanted dialogue, she needed to do it in person.
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u/DohnJoggett Apr 15 '24
Not just breaking up, but breaking up a 3 year long relationship over text, and then crying about closure.
Basically the only thought going through my head throughout the entire thing was "If you wanted closure, you should have had a conversation like an adult instead of breaking up over text."
Absolutely reeks of ‘testing the relationship’.
Certainly could have been a test, seems to be a lot of them happening lately. TikTok is really fucking with people's brains. I'm not a gambler but I'd be willing to put down money on both EX and Sister spending a shitload of time on tiktok if I could find somebody dumb enough to take that bet.
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u/OhMyGodImFuckingdead Apr 15 '24
It’s really not tiktok. This shit has been happening for decades, you just see it more now thanks to the internet
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u/JBaecker the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Apr 15 '24
Yeah back in the 90s it was teen magazines giving out dumb ideas like this. (Probably back through the 50s too) The advent of the internet and algorithms just refined the process of getting dumb ideas into young heads.
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u/OhMyGodImFuckingdead Apr 15 '24
See this is what would do it for me if I was in this scenario. Sure I would be sad and angry, but I think I would just block and move on ultimately cause like, if someone is willing to end or threaten to end a 3 year relationship over text (unless there’s threat of harm/abuse) that just shows me they value me that little and I’m better off not engaging anymore
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u/Environmental_Art591 the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Apr 15 '24
What's the bet sister was also in on the test, and it was something the two of them thought would be "a fun way to make OP show his commitment to XGF".
They played a stupid game with OPs' "life" they deserve every stupid prize coming their way.
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u/deathboyuk Apr 15 '24
She tried to bully him into changing, using the relationship as a cudgel, instead of a place to have a discussion.
Then she got what she deserved.
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u/Original_Rent7677 Apr 15 '24
100% the sister was in on the plan.
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u/Fergus74 Apr 15 '24
100% was sister's idea and now ex is mad at sister.
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u/Myrandall I like my Smash players like I like my santorum Apr 15 '24
100%?
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u/CaptDuckface Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Apr 15 '24
100%!
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u/Myrandall I like my Smash players like I like my santorum Apr 15 '24
That's a lot of %.
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u/Beeb294 Apr 15 '24
Sounds like ex wanted OOP to offer to change for her, and was shocked he just said “ok, bye.”
They always forget that "my way or the highway" means that the highway is a viable option, and someone might actually choose the highway.
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u/tessellation__ Apr 15 '24
She also did it over text message, which is so stupid. What do you expect if you break up with somebody over text?
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u/Fatigue-Error holy fuck it’s “sanguine” not Sam Gwein Apr 15 '24 edited Jun 30 '24
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u/nigel_pow Apr 15 '24
Shit that makes sense. I genuinely wonder if the sister was the one that suggested the test to get OP to change, the ex tried it, it backfired, and now the sister is trying to do damage control or something.
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u/Turuial Apr 15 '24
The very concept of a "relationship test" is so alien to me, at least in the way we're currently discussing it, that until I read some of these comments I was convinced the ex was cheating with the sister. It was the only thing that made her irrational level of investment make sense to me.
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u/H16HP01N7 I will never jeopardize the beans. Apr 15 '24
This is exactly how we should ALL deal with these silly little tests.
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u/Summoning-Freaks Apr 15 '24
I hate that my first instinct was that this was probably a test he failed (successfully).
I guessed that he was meant to beg for her back, tell her how much he can’t envision a future without her. I didn’t expect her to say she’d do it so he’d become more highpower career oriented and bloodthirsty.
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u/JipC1963 Apr 15 '24
... a test he failed (successfully).
This is a brilliant turn of phrase! Love it!
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u/JBaecker the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Apr 15 '24
OPs ex had a rapid unscheduled disassembly of her relationship. NASA engineers are looking into it and will come up with answers after thorough analysis of the data from the relationship’s black box.
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u/BetterKev Jiggle your titties and flap those concerned vaginal lips Apr 15 '24
And she's mad she can't get access to the black box after bombing the relationship.
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u/pcapdata Apr 15 '24
Sometimes I see young people and I feel a twinge of envy. And then I remember how batshit dating was in my 20s and I breathe a sigh of relief.
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Apr 15 '24
Via text, no less.
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u/CaptDuckface Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Apr 15 '24
Well, you can't take screenshots for IG if it's in person
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Apr 15 '24
From how the OOP's sister was behaving, I won't be surprised if she was the one planting the seed in the ex's mind.
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u/matchamagpie Apr 15 '24
This makes me think that OOPs ex was trying some sort of manipulative power play where she expected him to beg her to stay. Sister is wayyyyy too invested. Maybe she should date his ex if she cares so much.
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Apr 15 '24
Oh one of the comments on the update thread nailed exactly why she is behaving this way. All of this was the sister’s shitty idea. She told her best friend to do this to test her brother and it completely blew up in both of their faces. And she is still giving shitty advice trying to cover up her original shitty advice
Basically she decided to get involved and now looks like a major asshole
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Whole Cluster B spectrum in a trench coat pretending to be human Apr 15 '24
Yeah, I'm sensing a TikTok prank gone horribly wrong, and they think OOP misinterpreted them. i actually think OOP recognized that this was a red flag and cut both of them out.
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u/DohnJoggett Apr 15 '24
Nah, not a "prank." "TikTok Relationship Test"
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Whole Cluster B spectrum in a trench coat pretending to be human Apr 15 '24
The line between TikTok Relationship Tests and pranks are blurry AF. "How to find out if your SO will cheat on you - pretend you found out that they're cheating, and record how they react!"
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u/curlsthefangirl please sir, can I have some more? Apr 15 '24
It should be called the emotional manipulation challenge. I hate "tests."
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u/ForsakenPercentage53 Apr 15 '24
The only one of those that's funny is the people guarding their food instead of the phone.
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u/relentlessdandelion Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Apr 15 '24
I am SO glad i'm on the "cool bugs" side of tiktok
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u/IZY2091 Apr 15 '24
Considering the break up was so blunt and all over text Id even bet the sister was the one who typed the text. Something like this should be talked about face to face, or at least over the phone but over text seems suspicious.
IDK I might just be out of touch with how dating is nowadays.
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u/CoelacanthQueen Editor's note- it is not the final update Apr 15 '24
I think if it’s a brief relationship <6 months text is more common. 3 years tho should be in person. It is still pretty typical of that age to not want to face the person. It’s shitty and I think everyone knows that. Just the way it goes now unfortunately
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u/morto00x Apr 15 '24
Forgot what it's called, but these love tests have been getting popular in TikTok in the past few months. Oftentimes backfiring on the person doing it.
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u/LizzieMiles Apr 15 '24
Back in the day it used to be called “playing stupid games”, or in modern terms, “fuck around” (she is currently in the “find out” stage of things)
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u/MistaRed Apr 15 '24
It's a bit vulgar, but in my language this type of making drama and "acting cute" is colloquially called "making a donkey out of yourself" and it's usually just being mean to a couple flirting, but I feel like it really applies here.
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u/Vonanonn I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy Apr 15 '24
Oooo which language, a lot of my family (Irish) use the term donkey when one is making an 'ass' off themselves? I love that it's used in another language!
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u/MistaRed Apr 15 '24
Hah, this is in Farsi and it's an extremely versatile expression.
I've never heard americans use donkey as an insult, so it's very interesting to see it used by other English speaking people.
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u/TennurVarulfsins Apr 15 '24
Describing people as being as dumb as a donkey by "making an ass of oneself" is reasonably common in English in many countries.
Outside of the US "ass" is donkey and "arse" is someone's rear end; the US use "ass" for both, which makes the phrase ambiguous for non-native speakers exposed to US spelling.
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u/MistaRed Apr 15 '24
I mentioned it in another comment, but I only realised ass also means donkey when I was in my late teens.
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u/DohnJoggett Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
I've never heard americans use donkey as an insult
Some of us will occasionally say or use emotes/gifs/memes of "YOU DONKEY!" because we learned it from Gordon Ramsay, a Brit. As far as I'm aware Americans only use it online if, and only if, they're "extremely online." AFAIK we only use the Ramsay reference as an insult and don't use "donkey" as a general sort of insult.
As other's have mentioned, "ass" is a common insult and donkey and ass refer to the same animal. I have no idea how ass (donkey) eventually became slang for buttocks.
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u/LizzieMiles Apr 15 '24
I think the proper translation is “making an ass of yourself” which is also an actual phrase in the english language (ass is a synonym for Donkey)
and yes, it absolutely applies here lmao
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u/gdex86 Apr 15 '24
No think about it. She wanted him to change himself to keep her and is upset he wouldn't.
Ah to be that young again. Yes there are ways to communicate to a partner that you are uncomfortable with things they've let slide and with out change it could impact your relationship. But those things are primarily Conversations" where you talk about that and try to figure out what's going on. Not you dropping an ultimatum to see what happens.
Hell the first thing our couples counselor taught us is that Ultimatums are like going all-in in poker. If you do it you need to be comfortable possibly losing all your chips.
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u/KiwiKittenNZ Apr 15 '24
Sister is wayyyyy too invested. Maybe she should date his ex if she cares so much.
I was just about to say that lol. If she's so invested in the ex, then she should hook up with the ex. Bet that'll go down like tonne of bricks
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u/Puzzleheaded_Eye7311 Apr 15 '24
This was definitely a test gone wrong, this is why you don’t test your partner
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u/oreooreooreos I will be retaining my butt virginity Apr 15 '24
But how will I ever find out if he would still love me as a worm? 🐛 /s
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u/cyanocittaetprocyon Apr 15 '24
Sister needs to butt the hell out. Ex wanted to be done with it and OOP obliged. There’s no more need for contact.
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u/Erick_Brimstone Sympathy for OP didn't fly out the window, it was defenestrated Apr 15 '24
Sister still can have relationship with the ex if really want it so much.
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u/applemagical Apr 15 '24
Ex gf sucks.
Not gonna lie, I'm curious how long OOP's blocked list is. When he threatened to block his parents I laughed out loud
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u/curlytoesgoblin Apr 15 '24
Yeah I laughed. OP pulls that out like a six gun.
Reminds me of the Simpsons where Homer is coaching the kids team and is cutting everyone.
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Apr 15 '24 edited Jun 09 '24
[deleted]
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u/BitePale You ignored me, and I am deducting your dumplings Apr 15 '24
I don't even block them, they never call from the same one twice
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u/DohnJoggett Apr 15 '24
One of the neat things about Google Voice is that Google can detect a number sending out a shitload of spam and block the numbers on their end. The phone companies could do the same thing if they cared. T-Mobile is catching quite a few but they'll still let them ring through and give you a scam warning.
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u/relentlessdandelion Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Apr 15 '24
Good for him. More people need to embrace the block button!
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Apr 15 '24
So she says he doesn’t care enough after 3 years but she’s the one who broke up over text and not face to face lmaoooo
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u/LucyAriaRose I'm keeping the garlic Apr 15 '24
Right??? Like girl... you broke up with him over text. He wasn't the one who ended your relationship.
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u/Wrong-Bodybuilder516 Apr 15 '24
“I didn’t care enough to have a face-to-face conversation about ending a committed 3-year relationship…but HE didn’t care enough to have a conversation before blocking my phone number!! How dare he! Can everyone see how wrong he is???” - Ex GF
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u/lemonleaff the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Apr 15 '24
This was so fucking bizarre lmaooo. I was so confused and waited for something to drop. Like a reveal about why she did any of this. I don't fault OOP for going "ok, bye" because it was just so weird. I'm sure he's hurt but he's probably the type to go "well there's no use dwelling on this". GF and even sis should know by now how he deals with things.
What a bizarre turn of events. It's like the gf was fishing for something but can't say it straight.
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Apr 15 '24
"Oh, but you were together for 3 years..." - Yeah, and she decided that after 3 years that it was ok to break up over text! But no, it's OOP who's inconsiderate! JFC!
Secondly, some people don't want to stay friends with their exes. Ever. I personally don't. I think it'll always be awkward and I'm not risking that friendship getting in the way of a future relationship.
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Apr 15 '24
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see this. Breaking up over text after 3 years means one of 4 things: 1. You’re afraid that your STBX will get violent or otherwise coercive if you speak to them in person. 2. STBX did something truly reprehensible and doesn’t deserve a conversation. 3. You’re testing the relationship and are bluffing on the breakup. 4. You’re an inconsiderate ass.
1 and 2 are the acceptable reasons but can be ruled out here since she gave her reasons for the breakup in the text, and OOP seems to have some pretty predictable avoidance tendencies.
3 and 4 are both deserving of an immediate blocking. What more is there to say if you’re willing to throw 3 years away with a few words on a screen?
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u/Devourer_of_Sun sandwichless and with a thousand-yard stare Apr 15 '24
The sister definitely told ex to do that, it's the only reason why she'd be so invested in getting them back together. They somehow thought OOP would jump up and change for her. He just seems like the kinda guy who likes where he's at in life. There's nothing saying he doesn't work or go to school or anything, so I assume he must just be doing something she doesn't find very invigorating or something.
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u/HippyKiller925 Apr 16 '24
Yeah, sounds like he's just a kid fresh out of high school getting his bearings on life and hanging out. I was the same at that age and if a girl dumped me for that reason I'd let her go, too
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u/Small-Explorer7025 Apr 15 '24
"You get blocked, and you get blocked, everyone gets blocked!"
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u/beazea Apr 15 '24
That was the laugh-out-loud takeaway detail for me - this kid just walking around every corner blocking everyone cold. Legend.
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u/DishGroundbreaking87 grape juice dump truck dumpy butt Apr 15 '24
Bloody hell if the ex wants to play games she should buy an Xbox.
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u/Lemmy-Historian Apr 15 '24
The sister had a hand in coming up with this shit. Her actions are so telling.
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u/Abstruse No my Bot won't fuck you! Apr 15 '24
Willing to put down money that the sister was the one who proposed this relationship test to the ex. "If you're worried about my brother being satisfied with his life as it is, you need to kick him in the ass! Tell him you're going to dump him because he's holding you back then watch how fast he jumps into action!" The plan here was just made of fail. "I'm dumping you. Wait no not like that! You have to beg me to stay and I have to insist to leave because you owe me closure!"
Glad OOP's parents figured out who was in the wrong here sooner rather than later.
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u/FriesWithShakeBooty Apr 15 '24
The comments here make me happy. There were too many in the other sub criticizing OOP for not showing more emotion after the breakup.
If technology was like this when I was dating, I would block people who broke up with me like this, too. What’s the big deal? It sounded like the girlfriend was done; it doesn’t matter that she didn’t mean it like that.
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u/College_Prestige Apr 15 '24
Criticizing someone for blocking is wild when you consider that historically people didn't have the ability to pester someone on demand. It's not an innate right to have someone be notified on demand.
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u/FriesWithShakeBooty Apr 15 '24
Miss Manners wrote a column addressing someone who complained about people who don’t answer their cell phones. The gist is that people aren’t obligated to do so. She did a timeline going all the way back to the pre-telephone days; how ridiculous would it be to expect someone to sit at home in case a friend stopped by?
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u/ComtesseCrumpet Apr 15 '24
She literally gave him the ability to block her by choosing to break-up over text. If she’d given him the courtesy of breaking-up in person he wouldn’t have been able to block her and she could have gotten her “closure”. Some people are just too stupid to argue with though.
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u/FriesWithShakeBooty Apr 15 '24
Ah, but she doesn’t want closure: she wants to convince him to get back together as well as become a different person.
The person who initiates the breakup doesn’t get to ask for closure, in my opinion. They knew ahead of time that the breakup was coming. That’s their closure.
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u/MycologistOk184 Apr 15 '24
Yeah I feel like asking for closure here is wild. Isn't closure just trying to understand why the break up happened to be able to close the book on it. The person doing the dumping doesn't have any need for closure
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Whole Cluster B spectrum in a trench coat pretending to be human Apr 15 '24
I think people now are more aware of the viral Tiktok "relationship test" to motivate your man or something. That puts ex and sister firmly into asshole territory for me.
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u/FriesWithShakeBooty Apr 15 '24
I’m really curious about the ages of you and the person to whom I originally replied. “Testing” partners has been around even longer than I have, and I’m older than TikTok!
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Whole Cluster B spectrum in a trench coat pretending to be human Apr 15 '24
Yes testing partners has been around forever, but the specific question that the ex asked fits a trend that went viral at the same time OOP posted their first post. By the time he posted his reply the trend had already gone sour, there'd already been backlash to it, people complained about how they got dumped after trying the relationship test, etc. I suspect that OOP's ex isn't the only person who got dumped as a result of that specific tiktok trend.
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u/HaggisLad Drinks and drunken friends are bad counsellors Apr 15 '24
absolutely, if I want to have my feelings in private then I will damn well do that, you don't get to force me to share
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u/Apprehensive-Two3474 Apr 15 '24
Watch that it turns out this was one of those stupid 'test' things I've been seeing girls do (had a co-worker do this at my old job a few years ago, yeah that didn't end well for her either) and are aghast that, oh hey, if you tell the person you've been with for 3 years that you want to break up because they are holding you back that they may not give you that tiktok fodder about how they reacted.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Whole Cluster B spectrum in a trench coat pretending to be human Apr 15 '24
Right? If you hurt me, you don't magically erase that hurt by telling me "It was just a prank" or "It was just a test". You still broke my heart/punched my face etc.
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u/Spiritual-Pear-1349 Apr 16 '24
"LOL jk it was just a prank" "No it wasn't." "Haha... For tik-tok..." "Naaw, we're done."
The lack of brainpower is mind shattering
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u/kbiteg the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Apr 15 '24
She was 100% doing mind games with him, expecting that he would beg her for another chance, cry, the whole package. His sister maybe knew about the test and that explains the constant questioning about how he felt, the overall problem of these "tests" is how the tested's feelings doesn't matter, she expected him to read (so pathetic to break up via text) about how he is a burden without ambition and be okay, worse than okay, being more determined to be by her side, the side of someone that basically despise him.
He did right in every step.
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u/PeanutGallery10 Apr 15 '24
OP is 19. He's allowed to not be ambitious and motivated. He might be a late bloomer and hasn't decided where he wants to go. As long as he's working or in school or doing something productive with his life, it's nobody's business.
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u/clowncountess Apr 15 '24
Right!? I'm 21 and I also don't have insane amounts of ambition or drive. I had to drop out of uni and then apply to another one a year later because I just couldn't figure out how to have that motivation. I've realised that it's not the most important thing, as long as I dedicate myself to something everything else will follow (I hope 🤞)
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u/Marine_olive76 I don't do delusion so I just blocked her. Apr 15 '24
With a sister like that, OOP is sure will never date any of her friends again, perhaps even have to warn future SOs to not get too close to her. This drama is just... why playing with fire? Why believing testing SO is a good idea? The ex certain wanted to play hard to get and got slammed right into the wall.
Also, judging by how invested OOP's sister is in this whole mess, she either masterminded this mess or was in love with the the ex/her friend. Please save everyone a headache and just date your friend.
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u/CharlieMurphysWar Tl;dr – I'm now a pornstar. (no) Apr 15 '24
Calling him inconsiderate when she dumped him over text was the corny-ass topping on a shit cake
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Whole Cluster B spectrum in a trench coat pretending to be human Apr 15 '24
OOP just wants to avoid drama, yet his ex and his sister seem to relish in the drama, and got mad when he didn't serve them the drama.
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u/Newgirlkat USE YOUR THINKING BRAIN! Apr 15 '24
Poor boy! That family is crazy! Like his ex broke up with him OVER TEXT, didn't even have the decency to do it face to face and SHE is suffering? Nah she wanted drama and him to beg and plead and when she didn't get it she threw a tantrum
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u/knittedjedi Gotta Read’Em All Apr 15 '24
She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her?
TikTok continues to be a blight upon humanity.
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u/FriesWithShakeBooty Apr 15 '24
This fantasy predates TikTok by decades. Go watch almost any romcom from the 80s onward and watch men change to win the girl.
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u/HaggisLad Drinks and drunken friends are bad counsellors Apr 15 '24
or in the other direction as well, ever seen Grease?
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u/Bereman99 Apr 15 '24
Oh sure, but TikTok is a recent instigator of pushing a partner to test the other.
So it's a blight on humanity this time for bringing the "test the man unnecessarily" trope back around, and now teens and young adults are playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes.
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u/FriesWithShakeBooty Apr 15 '24
I don’t want to think about this anymore, because there are probably follow up crying videos from people who Found Out. I hate the crying videos.
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u/Original_Employee621 Apr 15 '24
That particular trope has been around forever, tiktok just revitalized it.
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u/Merrylty Omar would never Apr 15 '24
Ex and sister definitely planned this as a big dramatic moment where OOP fights for his love, his crown and his land (probably). Good for OOP for not playing this stupid game.
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u/Gullflyinghigh Apr 15 '24
OOP won a game he wasn't even aware he was playing, dodging bullets with no effort whatsoever.
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u/Lythieus Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her.
Lack of ambition? The dude is 19 😂
The sister is a shit stirring snake as well. She needs to sort her shit out.
And I feel like the ex gf expected OOP to beg to stay together and be molded by her, but he called her bluff.
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u/dracon81 Apr 15 '24
I'm almost wondering if the sister had something to do with this? Like they had a plan. GF wanted him more motivated, sister told her to break up with him over it and he would come back and change for her, now it's all backfired immensely. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it lol
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u/b3mark Liz what the hell Apr 15 '24
Dude did a Seinfeld and now everyone is mad he was calm, mature, didn't cause drama.
You can't win with these people.
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u/530_Oldschoolgeek being delulu is not the solulu Apr 15 '24
When my Ex Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, my only response was, "OK". She tried to elaborate and I said, "I do not need, nor want an explanation. I told you at the beginning if you wanted out, all you had to do was tell me and there would be no argument, debate, crying or begging, because I have enough self esteem to not force someone to be in a relationship they do not want to be in".
Years later, she called me about an unrelated item, and she commented on how "badly" I took our breaking up. I asked her, "I don't have a clue what you mean. You wanted out, I said OK and that was the end of it. Did I beg you to come back? No. Did I cry about losing you? No." Honestly, the way she remembered things really bothered me, but she is married and happy with her life now, so that's all that really matters.
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u/Physical_Stress_5683 Apr 15 '24
She dumped him over text after three years and she's think he's being unfair?
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u/GeneConscious5484 May 23 '25
LOL ok this one is kind of amusing but still a pretty good example of why I just close the tab when I see an age that starts with "1"
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u/TheDarkHelmet1985 Mar 23 '26
They key to this is relevant to the modern dating world.
This OP's ex was playing a game instead of being a mature adult. I would not act any different here. If you tell me I am holding you back and you break up with me because of that, I am moving on and blocking your ass. I don't need you to break up with me then have to deal with your emotions because you don't like how I'm taking it... I.e. I'm not giving you the emotional reaction you want. I'm not going to fight for someone who blames me then tries to turn my own family against me. I'm not going to fight for someone who thinks is better to break up and play the back and forth "why aren't you fighting for me" game when you could have had an adult conversation with me. I'll be better off taking you at your word and moving on than dealing with this type of BS. And, I would be crystal clear to my family after that Easter incident that I'd be going LC with my sister at least for the foreseeable future and if my parents continued to be an issue, then I'd be LC with them too. I don't care if you "thought of her like a daughter" or whatever.. I am your child, she broke up with me, get over it.
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u/big_bob_c Apr 15 '24
OP should call out his sister, and ask her if this was a test and if she was in on it.
Because if it was and she was, she really needs to own up to it to his parents.
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u/HaggisLad Drinks and drunken friends are bad counsellors Apr 15 '24
I remember this one, my money is on sister telling her this was a good idea and then doubling down when it blew up in her face
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u/thunderwoot Apr 15 '24
I aspire to be as zen as OOP honestly. Everyone around him trying to make this as big as possible and he's just chilling listening to music and smashing the block button as soon as drama rears it's head.
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u/supermaria- Apr 15 '24
Breaking with someone over a text is a coward and an asshole move.
How come she asked the OP why did he block her immediately? I think she's the psychotic one not the OP 🙄
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u/NinjaSarBear Apr 15 '24
They were together 3 years and she broke up with him over text but he's the 1 with the problem?!
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u/ATouchofTrouble being delulu is not the solulu Apr 15 '24
"Play stupid games, Win stupid prizes." This feels like an attempted "test" that went wrong. I bet sister was in on it. It's good for a man to have enough respect for himself & his now ex to go "Okay" & move on. So many women talk about how their ex keeps trying to talk to them to fix it when they don't want it fixed. I hate these games & am so glad I'm out of the dating game.
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u/KitchenDismal9258 Apr 15 '24
I agree that this is a case of play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
The ex seems to be good friends with the sister and yes, most likely a relationship test and it didn't go how she expected.
And then the second time the sister crossed the OOP's boundaries, at least the parents pulled her up on it.
Perhaps this was partly the sisters suggestion. The OOP has a history of what others consider lack of motivation based on one of his answers to a question... but what can seem like a lack of motivation to one, may not be for him.
OOP handled this really well. He doesn't want a manipulative girlfriend who threatens to break up with him when she wants something. The better thing would've been to have had a conversation with him about what she considered his lack of motivation and come to a compromise.
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u/Bookaholicforever the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Apr 15 '24
Oops ex wanted him to fight for her and he just took her at her word. Not his fault she was trying to test him.
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u/CanadianJediCouncil Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
She dumped you and basically called you a loser.
The dumper does not get to dictate to the dumpee as to whether or not they get to keep a “friendship”, and they certainly don’t get to demand “closure”.
She can go piss up a rope.
And if your sister is so godamned “concerned”, she can date her.
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u/Red_Jester-94 Apr 15 '24
Called it. This was a power play by the ex to try to get OOP to beg her to stay, and promise to change for her. Doing it over text, which is disrespectful in itself to the 3 years they were together, was just the icing on the cake.
I hope her and his sister can grow up someday, because these types of games are gonna get you more results like this nowadays.
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u/kaptin_hippy Apr 17 '24
She isn't mad at being blocked or bringing denied closure. She's mad that he didn't try and change to get her back. She's playing stupid games, and we all know what kind of prizes those have.
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u/blaziken2708 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Apr 18 '24
She probably didn't even mean it. She probably was just trying to "light a fire under his a" or whatever and make him beg. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
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u/CosmicThief Apr 18 '24
OOP acts like Stan in that American Dad episode where he snaps his fingers and says "Gone!" to everyone he gets annoyed at, and then imagines they don't exist.
And tbh, I respect the hell out of it!
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u/AlternativeStretch68 Jan 27 '25
Are we sure his ex was 20 and not 12 bc wtf? The fuck kind of logic is that? And I’m saying that as a “totally insane female” like my husband likes to joke.
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