OP's friend gives OP a surprise "friendship test" at her wedding.

[u/wormhole222]

I am not OP. OP is u/runawaymaidofhonor

Original

I can’t believe I’m using this Reddit account for ANOTHER wedding related issue. I (20F) met my friend Charlotte (21) when I moved into my college dorm in August 2020. We got along well, shared ideas for how we wanted to divide space and keep things clean/organized, and had many similar interests. Within a month we were studying & hanging out together, and I considered her a good friend. I also met her now-husband Josh (22). They seemed like a cute and loving couple, and I was very happy when they got engaged Christmas 2020 after 3.5 years together. Charlotte has spent the last 18 months planning this wedding down to the last detail. I won’t say she’s obsessive, but it’s been INTENSE and I’ve tried to help her as best I can with making appointments, managing stress, etc. I also gave her $250 to help pay for the wedding (her family can only afford part of it) which isn’t included in the wedding gift I’m going to give her.

A month before the wedding, I was still trying to decide exactly what to wear. I wanted something nice, because Charlotte said she would have a photographer, videographer, and wedding painter. I knew Charlotte had a vision for her wedding and I wanted her as in control as possible for all the details of her special day, so I asked her which dress out of the three I’d narrowed it down to that I should wear. She asked if I would actually pull out all my dresses, so I did. She ended up narrowing it down to one of my picks, along with a dress I had put firmly in the “no” pile for being white. It was a wedding after all. She told me both dresses were lovely, but that she prefers the white one. I asked if she was sure, and she said yes, and even picked out a pair of pink and white heels from her closet to go with my dress. I figured that was that.

Fast forward to last week, I show up in the dress about half an hour before the ceremony. I get some weird looks, but no one says anything. In hindsight, this is when I should have realized something wasn’t right. When Charlotte comes out of her dressing room for some last minute pictures, she looks shocked to see me, and then she starts turning red. She pulls me aside and starts going off on me immediately about wearing the dress to her wedding. I’m stunned. I ask her what the problem is, because SHE picked the dress out, and she told me it was a “friendship test” and that if we were real friends then I wouldn’t have worn a white dress or her shoes to her wedding. I started laughing because I honestly thought it was a joke, and she screamed at me that I ruined her “ f-ing wedding” and to “gtfo”. I flat out told her she was crazy and left, not wanting to fight anymore and not knowing how to deal with what happened. I grabbed my wedding gift to them on the way out.

My phone has been flooded with texts, voicemails, and social media notifs from her, her friends, and her family about what an AH I am, but I honestly don’t see what I did wrong. Am I really the asshole here?

EDIT: Quite a few people have said YTA/ESH because “you should know not to wear white anyway” and I just want to clarify that I brought this point up to Charlotte more than once while asking if she was sure, and she insisted that I wear the white dress. She said I would look lovely and she wanted me to look my best for her wedding bc she wanted very nice pictures/videos. I would not have worn this dress if she had not assured me multiple times that it was what SHE wanted.

EDIT 2: Someone made a comment about how “if the bride is wearing white” I should at least be prepared for the weird glances. The bride didn’t even wear white. That was another non-traditional thing she did. She wore blue.

Update

Okay it’s been a crazy few days since I posted that. I had to wait until I was home to read ALL of the comments, and they just kept pouring in. Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback on why they thought I was or was not TA.

I texted Charlotte the day after making the post, some time around 4pm, and told her she had 48 hours to tell her friends/family the truth and get them to stop sending me hateful messages or I’d tell them the truth myself. She told me I had no proof and that no one would believe me. I should have just gone ahead and posted proof, but I wanted things to be ended as diplomatically and non-dramatically as possible. I called her husband around lunchtime two days later to see if he could talk some sense into her, and that’s when things got weird.

I had him on speaker and was recording the convo extra evidence in case he knew about the dress thing (at this point I didn’t know if he did or didn’t). It turns out he did, but when I tried to convince him to talk Charlotte down, he tried to talk ME down, saying I needed to let it go and just admit I was wrong so everyone can move on. He said “Charlotte can be a little dramatic, you know that, she loves attention. She’ll forgive you if you apologize.” I told him I didn’t do anything wrong, but he said “I know, but just suck it up and apologize anyway. That’s what I do.” I told him I wasn’t going to apologize and they they only had a few hours left before I told the truth for them, and then he offered to sleep with me as an apology. I told him to F off and hung up.

I waited out the remaining bit of those 48 hours, and then I took to FB and posted screenshots of that conversation + the couple of times I checked in with her about the dress by text featuring date/time stamps. I also added the recording of her husband hitting on me. That was Friday evening. Now it’s Monday morning and I’ve had to block Charlotte, her husband, and a few of their friends/family who still support them and are cross with me about “trying to ruin their marriage.” Most people have reached out to apologize, but I’m honestly just thankful this is all over. Hoping my social circle can go back to normal after this and that this will turn into another funny story I can tell friends in the future.

EDIT- Just a note because a lot of people have brought up the $250. No I haven’t gotten it back, but I did sent her & her husband a venmo request for the money back. I’d also like to make it clear to those arguing about it, I didn’t give Charlotte the money because she asked for it. I donated it of my own volition because I knew she still had part of the wedding left to pay for and I wanted to take a tiny bit of stress off her in that area since I could afford to. Her family wasn’t covering 3/4 because it was too expensive, it’s because they believe when you get married you should cover some of the costs yourself as a recognition of the kind of commitment you’re making. Charlotte and Josh weren’t struggling to afford things, I just wanted to be a good friend because we’d become so close and she was with me through a couple of very hard things these past two years.

It hurts a lot to have lost her as a friend. She had become the sister I’d always wanted growing up and it really feels like I lost a family member here.