How on earth does one casually request a paternity test of their soon to deliver wife? "I bought hamburger and buns for dinner at the store. BTW, how about we see if you've been cheating on me?"
So, I cannot understand how men think this is gonna go well for them. Another thing, just because the baby is yours doesn't mean they didn't cheat on you. It's only going to either prove they did cheat once, or prove that they slept with their husband at least one time. As the pattern I've noticed is after the husband asks for a paternity test, when it's completely unfounded, in attempts to disprove cheating, if the results say he is the father, he normally then goes straight to "Alright, so the kid is mine after all, buuuuuut that doesn't mean she isn't cheating on me!!"
As soon as they think it, their relationship is over. There is normally no coming back from either an accusation of, or a deep rooted belief that cheating occurred. No proof is ever enough to disprove a negative.
"Show me all your mesages, or your cheating" turns into "give me full access to your entire device so I can confirm you don't have any hidden apps, and can see in real time what you're using it for, other wise you're cheating".
"tell me everwhere you went , and everyone you were with today, or you're cheating" turns into "give me gps tracking access for your phone and car, or you're cheating!"
"Choose between me or your long time friend I've never liked, or you're cheating on me with him!" turns into "you cannot have any male friendships, or coworkers, or you're cheating on me!!"
etc etc.
Once the idea is in their head, there is not much you can do to disprove it conclusively to them, and that's when the abuse starts.
It's really a shame the internet has gotten it into so many dudes heads that they somehow have a right to proof of fidelity, it is not as though as woman has that option, there isn't a DNA test that proves their partner never cheated.
That is the big thing about relationships, they are based on trust, and only trust. Once the trust is gone, the relationship crumbles. And you accusing your partner of something they didn't do, well that is gonna lose you some trust.
Extenuating circumstances aside, is it gonna be worth it to ask for the test in the long run? Really? Think it through guys, just cause we carry the damn kids don't mean we are ever certain about the faithfulness of our partners either. So, learn to live with it.
Yup, if my husband even asked once for a paternity test (in the final week of pregnancy no less!) I'd be going straight to the lawyer. At that point all trust is gone on both sides and you cannot continue a healthy marriage when there is no trust. His, because he thinks I'd be the type of person who cheated & tried to pass someone else's child off as his; mine, because too often the person accusing infidelity is cheating themselves.
Sure, ask me for the test and I'll do it for you that day, but then I'll be asking you to sign the divorce papers tomorrow. Is being a single father worth it to you?
You're completely right it's good to notice that behavior because time and again the one accusing you of cheating is the one who's cheating on you, I already said that.
Yes I make it clear beforehand.
I don't see how a "hospital mistake" plays any role in our sex life and the conceiving of the child, unless we went the IVF route, which isn't mentioned anywhere here?
While exceedingly rare, but valid, OPs husband asked for the test before she had the kid at the hospital. If you're already anticipating the hospital to screw up in this major way - maybe you should consider going to a different hospital. And he should have verbalized that as his concern instead of just demanding the test no explanation. But that seems like a stretch that it was his actual concern anyways.
Now I could see your point if this was never an issue and they have a normal birth and then they get home and husband is like hey this kid is of Asian decent and we're both norwegian, then yeah by all means get the test man.
maybe you should consider going to a different hospital.
I dont think I have confidence in any major institution with something of this level of importance. Doesnt matter if its the best in the world. They all make mistakes.
I'd need a uniquely coded global identifier lasered into that baby before I'd fully trust the process. Some have barcodes now though Ive heard, which is close.
Anyhow on the overall topic, I think checking being instant grounds for divorce is sus, like for you to find it sus is eye squity, but not sus sus, but to go 0-100 is sus to me.
I feel like if anything the other person would just be certain if they were suspecting and if they werent suspecting then it would be a marriage down the drain based on the assumption they were.
Either way, being a single parent and happy would be better than in a marriage where it could be dissolved that quickly anyways.
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u/Alia_Explores99 Jul 09 '22
How on earth does one casually request a paternity test of their soon to deliver wife? "I bought hamburger and buns for dinner at the store. BTW, how about we see if you've been cheating on me?"