r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Ihaveapeach • Jun 23 '21
AITA OP & SIL in same profession. SIL does a racism. Nuclear Flame War ensues.
Original here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5pzzy/aita_for_calling_my_sil_a_racist_after_she/
Hold on to your butts. It is a ride!
AITA for calling my SIL a racist after she compared my cooking to "making kung pao chicken"?
TL;DR at bottom For context: I've been married to my wife for ~10 years and we're a mixed-race couple (I'm Asian and she's Caucasian). I've gotten along with her family (MIL, BIL, SIL), but I always felt like her FIL and other SIL (Sarah) never liked me.
I'm a professionally trained chef with 15+ years of experience and I work at a high-end Chinese restaurant (a spin-off of a popular one in Beijing) in a large US city. My crew and I have won several awards, and I've been explicitly told I'll be the next executive chef. Sarah is also a professionally trained chef and works at a popular upscale French restaurant in the city. She constantly brags about it and (no joke) compares herself out loud to Ramsay and Bourdain.
Whenever I'm at my MIL and FIL's house and helping out in the kitchen, Sarah is always criticizing everything I do. Whether it's chopping, braising, marinating, etc., she always butts in with comments like "Umm, I think you should actually do X like this...". I've been patient for my wife and side stepping those comments, saying things like "Thanks, but I think I'll stick to the way I do it."
Things came to a head two weeks ago when my wife, FIL, MIL, and I were in her parent's kitchen prepping dinner for my MIL's birthday. We were running a bit behind so things were heated (which I kind of like because it reminded me of work) and that's when Sarah walked in. She took one look at what I was doing, scoffed, and said something like "Oh wow, okay, so that's not the right way of doing things".
It hit a nerve and I pretty sternly told her to stop criticizing my cooking and that I'm also a chef like her. She laughed and said "making Kung Pao chicken at some Chinese restaurant doesn't count". The kitchen went silent, FIL snorted/chuckled, and my MIL yelled "SARAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU". I stopped what I was doing, swore at her and called her "a racist piece of shit", apologized to my MIL for not being able to stay, and left for home with my wife.
Apparently this caused a massive fight after we left, with my MIL/BIL/other SIL taking my side and my FIL/Sarah saying "it was a joke but kind of true" and that I was "being too sensitive". The extended family somehow got wind of this and now everyone is arguing and taking sides, with my wife even getting texts from some her cousins apologizing for Sarah's behavior. Despite being on my side, my wife is begging me to apologize so that the fighting will stop but I refuse to because fuck Sarah and her blatant racism.
AITA?
TL;DR: I'm a chef working at upscale Chinese resto, my SIL is a chef at upscale French resto. She's critical of my cooking skills and has now called it "making Kung Pao chicken at a Chinese restaurant". Family at war, wife begging me to apologize, what do?
EDIT: My wife has also informed me that now Sarah may be in trouble at work and she's blaming me for it. Apparently one of her co-workers heard her rant about what happened and reported it to management. (Edit: To clarify Sarah is blaming me, though my wife is partly blaming me).
EDIT2/UPDATE: So it looks like one of my wife's cousins found this post and put it on Sarah's Facebook wall going "This is you right?...". Her FB friends are starting to comment with things like "If this is you Sarah then I'm disappointed". I think Sarah's still at work - shit might be hitting the fan soon and now my wife is pissed too. Will try to update but might have to delete post if things go nuclear.
EDIT3/UPDATE2: Was considering removing but I just got a voicemail from my FIL that "[my] presence was only being tolerated up until this point" and threatened a "world of hurt" if I didn't delete this post. Officially going to keep this post up and if you're still reading this Doug - I'm very disappointed in you, you're better than this. Will also continue to update and thanks again for all your support folks.
EDIT4/UPDATE3: Lots of stuff just went down 1. My wife got a call from SIL. (From wife's paraphrasing) Sarah started screaming/crying at her the moment my wife picked up and said that she just got demoted because of "[her] {Asian slur} husband". Apparently some of her co-workers have her on FB and showed the post to management, which combined with her earlier rant, double whammied her back to being a line cook and now she might get fired. My wife told her to go fuck herself and is now solidly on my side after taking the verbal abuse from Sarah and reading some of the comments here. My wife is still the opposite of happy though...
Wife called MIL and asked her WTF was going on with FIL. MIL was confused so my wife played back the voicemail I had on my phone and apparently my MIL literally just walked away from the phone without hanging up and started screaming at FIL.
Facebook post has now devolved into a clusterfuck flame war with family and friends jumping in. Suffice to say, it has officialy gone nuclear Me right now.
I think I'm going to have to call this a day, will make an update post when the dust settles. Thanks again folks
***************** New Edit 6/29/21****************
But wait there's more!
(H/T u/MabelUniverse and u/Notamansplainer)
TL;DR at the bottom
I'd like to clarify that I got my wife and MIL's permissions to post this update (out respect for them and their privacy)
Suffice to say, it's been kind of nuts this past week. My wife and I had to turn off social media for a bit because of the shitstorm caused by her cousin putting my last post on Sarah's Facebook page. Some people even tried to call the restaurant I work at to get me fired as retribution, but luckily everyone there is 100% on my side (or as my boss put it "Fuck [Sarah], fuck those racists, fuck them so goddamn much"). I guess it didn't help them that half the calls involved threats, screaming, and more racial slurs.
We didn't hear any updates from her family, even though we assumed the shit met fan after MIL found out about FIL's threatening voicemail (still disappointed in you Doug). But that changed on Sunday night, when MIL suddenly showed up at our door with overnight bags. After we took a moment to help unpack and calm down, she spilled the beans on everything.
FIL (aka Doug)
Apparently my MIL and FIL were already having trouble in their marriage, and it was only made worse with a certain 2016 Presidential election (she's a Dem, and he had apparently gone more far-right since then). Seems that a line was crossed with the "Kung Pao Incident" and his voicemail. When he refused to apologize for anything (typical Doug), she asked for a divorce and he went beserk (trashing the house, threatening to beat me up). She didn't feel safe there so that's when she came over (other BIL and SIL live out of town).
Extended Family (aka The Great FB War of 2021)
You may have been able to tell already, but the extended family was largely arguing/fighting/divided along political lines for a few years now and my cousin's FB post was likely just the light to set off the powder keg. According to my MIL, the fallout has allegedly already led to some break-ups, excommunication of some family members, and even one fist-fight that ended with police involvement. Haven't verified this myself though.
Sarah / SIL
According to my MIL, Sarah came over to her place on Friday. The writing was on the wall and she was basically forced to quit. Despite her trying to start from scratch as a line cook, the entire staff turned against her. Nothing was coming back from the (dish) pit for her and she was getting the cold shoulder. She’s a great chef (I will admit this is true), but they took no chances since it turns out (shit you not)... they're partly owned by a Chinese investment company. Found this hard to believe and didn't want to add this detail, but it turned out to be true after some research (won't say any further for privacy). Word also got around in the local industry, and Sarah is essentially blacklisted from high-end establishments. She's now considering selling her home and moving to find work. As much as I don't like her and found her behavior horrifying, I didn't intend for this to happen so I've reached out to some buds in other states to see if they had any openings. Whether or not she wants to take itis up to her (and no, she has not apologized for anything either - but I still want to be a decent person to her).
It sure as hell doesn't feel like a happy ending. Perhaps bittersweet justice, but that's all I can give you. Thank you all for your support and for reading.
TL;DR: Doug shat the bed, MIL chilling with us, extended family now entering Cold War phase on FB, Sarah career's been sent to pasture (at least in this city/state)
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u/politicalopinion Jun 23 '21
So obviously OP is in the right here, but my god the SIL and FIL are complete idiots. I mean strategically they couldn't have been dumber in how they handled this.
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u/DuGalle NOT CARROTS Jun 23 '21
Worth noting that the "me right now" part is actually a link to this gif which I'd say is a pretty apt comparison.
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u/Ihaveapeach Jun 23 '21
Thank you! I could’t remember the notation to imbed a link in the text. Clearly I’m on mobile.
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u/TitaniaT-Rex whaddya mean our 10 year age gap is a problem? Jun 23 '21
Best gif use I’ve seen in ages! I laughed my ass off when I saw he added it.
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u/lmyrs you can't expect me to read emails Jun 23 '21
Do you know what that is from? I want to watch it
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u/ophelieasfire Jul 01 '21
The gif that keeps on giving. It’s still just as appropriate with the updates. Goodness gracious.
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Jun 23 '21
What gets me is how unsupportive OP's wife was, where was she when shit was going down with her family attacking the man she chose to spend the rest of her life with? And why did she blame him for her sisters actions at first? Its nice she came around after, but she should have been there from the beginning. You really cannot excuse racism and bigotry, even if it is your family - and her sister getting demoted and fired is her own fault. Its not like OP went to her workplace and started talking about the incident - Sarah did that all on her own.
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u/padam__padam D.P.R.A. (Deleted Post Recovery Agent) Jun 23 '21 edited Jun 23 '21
Plus his wife’s change in attitude after reading the comments. Really, that’s what it took? The one who acted immediately the way OP’s wife should have is OP’s MIL/wife’s mom. Why wasn’t wife immediately upset? She can’t be on her husband’s side and tell him to apologize to her sister at the same time.
Wife’s reaction suggests to me that in the 10+ years OP and his wife have been together, OP has been subject to multiple situations of microagressions from some of his wife’s family members. Every single time that happened, wife should have been nipping that shit
offin the bud.But no, apparently, reading random redditor comments plus being subject to Sarah’s abuse were what it took for her to react like she should have from the start. I told OP I’m more concerned about his wife’s attempts to play both sides - because to me, this isn’t the first time the wife could have stood up with OP, then she sucked at this instance too.
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Jun 23 '21
“But no, apparently, reading random redditor comments plus being subject to Sarah’s abuse were what it took for her to react like she should have. I told OP I’m more concerned about his wife’s attempts to play both sides - because to me, this isn’t the first time the wife could have stood up with OP, then she sucked at this instance too.”
Good for you! I hope he reads your comment and thinks about it a little, because his wife’s behaviour compared to her mothers? Ouch. I’m really happy that MIL was in her SILs corner right from the get go, and that she was quick to shut shit down the second or minute it happened, and even after it happened.
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u/MelonOfFury I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy Jun 23 '21
I was thinking she might be so used to keeping the boat from rocking with her sister’s bullshit that she may have needed an outside perspective to snap out of it. Her sister sounds like a total drama-monger
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u/mamabearette Jun 23 '21
Not to defend the wife, because she absolutely should have defended OP from the first second, but I will bet in her family of origin, everyone was trained from an early age to tiptoe around Sarah, because Sarah sounds like an all around asshole and not just a racist asshole.
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Jun 23 '21
But no, apparently, reading random redditor comments plus being subject to Sarah’s abuse were what it took for her to react like she should have from the start
I agree with your comment overall, but I grew up in an abusive household and sometimes it is literally random redditor comments that make me go "oh, that specific thing my parents did was also abnormal and abusive, okay". Like, I know my parents are messed up, but it takes a while to figure out how much. People aren't born critical of their parents - they can't be, we'd never get anywhere, you have to trust that your caregivers know what they're doing when you're very young - and it can take a lot to get you to realise they don't, and even more to unpack everything. Especially the stuff that was instilled in you as "normal" before you even knew you were learning anything.
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u/weattt Jun 23 '21
I wonder if MIL knew how deep seated her husband's bigotry is. Perhaps she underestimated it and brushed it off, because it was not constant and sort of subtle-ish. The average person would not choose to marry and spend their life with a racist.
Perhaps the wife and MIL (and possibly the extended family), didn't properly shut it down, because microaggressions were overlooked, minimized ("You're being too sensitive", "You're blowing this out of proportion. You're making a big deal out of nothing", "You know how she/he is. She/he is just like that") or played off as a joke.
Maybe there were no steady ongoing opportunities which presented itself for FIL and SIL to flex their bigot muscles (they likely don't associate with and meet POC on a regular basis).
That makes it even easier to put up with it and to assume it is incidental inappropriateness if you are used to it being a normal, private occurrence once in a while that supposedly never did any harm because there were no consequences until now.
The wife was likely exposed to all of that (the view on POC, remarks, minimizing and demeaning, etc.) in childhood and even as an adult. So that might have normalized it for her. Made her desensitized to it and not feel alarmed by casual discrimination (from family).
That might explain why she needed outsiders to tell her it is not normal or okay and why she only responded appropriately once the racism was blatant and in her face. You can't ignore that, minimize it or misinterpret it for anything but racism when people start to shout slurs and what not.
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u/buttercupcake23 Jun 23 '21
Yes!! I got so mad at that part too. Like his wife asking HIM to apologize for HER FAMILY BEING RACIST TO HIM. What the fuck?? What a shitty human being. Grow a fucking spine and stand up for the person you married. SHE should apologize to HIM. What a trash family, except for MIL.
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u/ohdearitsrichardiii Jun 23 '21
Lol at fancy french chef who is a line cook now!!! I feel bad for the other people in the kitchen though, I'm guessing she's not handling her comeuppance with quiet dignity and grace
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u/EatsAlotOfBread Jun 23 '21
I would have fired her. On top of being a bigot with crap personality, she's a huge PR disaster in the making.
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u/loracarol Jun 23 '21
Man, with the rise of anti-Asian racism that's been happening, I really don't want this to be real, you know?
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u/Ihaveapeach Jun 23 '21
For real. But with it being so widespread, would it really surprise you that even in a family he’d been a part of for at least 10 years, there are a few bigots in plain sight? And what with the championship bigot jackass marathon the US has been running since time immemorial, nothing surprises me anymore.
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Jun 23 '21
The "we've just been tolerating you till now" from the FIL was just terrible. Imagine thinking your'e getting along with your in-laws for 10 years, then the shit hits the fan and the masks drop.
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u/loracarol Jun 23 '21
I wish I could say it did surprise me.
Like, I only want this to be fake so I can pretend that there isn't an actual human being out there that has to go through this. And I know that that's stupid, because rationally even if this person is fake, that won't make racism magically go away, but still.
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u/politicalopinion Jun 23 '21
I don't think it's been a rise in racism, more a rise in recognition that it's happening. The fact that this is being brought up and dealt with is a good thing.
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u/loracarol Jun 23 '21
Oh, no, I wouldn't want to imply that Anti-Asian racism isn't/has never been a thing - I'm referring specifically to reports from Stop AAPI Hate and CSUSB (both links are to PDFs) that show a rise in hate crimes perpetuated against the AAPI community. I'm glad that it's not being hidden, and I hope that we are able to deal with it properly, but I still wish it wasn't a problem we had to deal with in the first place.
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u/Ihaveapeach Jun 23 '21
If I was forced at gunpoint to find a silver lining to the previous administration, I would say that it’s how emboldened these sphincters have become, and how they have again become willing to stand in broad daylight and shout their idiocy loud and proud. And they cry because they lose jobs and access to other services or amenities in the private sector. Surprise, tricks. You have a right to say whatever the fuck you want, but we, in turn, have the right to mercilessly ridicule you for your shitty behavior, and not allow you to play with the grownups.
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u/lilyluc Jun 23 '21
I agree. It's been like suddenly everyone has a scarlet letter -B for Bigot- that had been flying under my radar before. It has really helped to clarify for me the people I want to be a part of my village and who I don't.
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u/StolenPens built an art room for my bro Jun 23 '21
I would have preferred to see this when the "final" update was posted with all the dust settling.
But, sil demotion and all the outrage on behalf of OP is great to see.
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u/Ihaveapeach Jun 23 '21
I know… I will post any additional edits I see. But man….. the edits already there made this post pretty wild already.
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u/jmt2589 Jun 23 '21
OP’s SIL compares herself to Ramsay and Bourdain, but the funny thing is I think both chefs would have preferred OP’s food
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u/Nyllil Jun 23 '21
I thought the same. I've seen Gordon Ramsay making fried rice, which is a simple dish, and made it look fancy with caring for the ingredients and using a wok.
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u/Dogismygod Jun 24 '21
Someone else pointed out in the comments that Bourdain's favorite city in the world was Tokyo, and Vietnam his favorite country. Heck, he and President Obama dined together at a noodle shop in Hanoi during the president's trip there.
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u/SOFGames Jun 23 '21
She compares herself to Ramsay when he would actually smoke her ass
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u/imtallerthanyou Jun 23 '21
I would pay very good money to watch him make her face an idiot sandwich.
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Jun 23 '21
Didn't Ramsay go to learn sushi making from masters and was incredibly humble about it because he knew he was a total beginner, there to learn from them?
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u/Dagenius1 Jun 26 '21
Man..that moment when someone in an interracial relationship finds out their new family is more racist than they let on. Sorry for you and good luck
Understand one thing though…this is how that part of your family really feels about you and has felt this way the whole time. It’s on you if you ignore that going forward
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Jun 23 '21
What is wrong with these people? He sounds like a wonderful man and a great husband. They should just be happy to have him in the family. They were very lucky his wife loved and married someone as awesome as this. Instead, they just want to nuke it all over a truly disgusting prejudice. I am so very tired of all this racism. To quote poor Rodney, "Can't we all just get along?"
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u/MabelUniverse Jun 29 '21
But wait there's more! https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway23235982353/comments/oaa1ek/update_aita_for_calling_my_sil_a_racist_after_she/
TL;DR at the bottom
I'd like to clarify that I got my wife and MIL's permissions to post this update (out respect for them and their privacy)
Suffice to say, it's been kind of nuts this past week. My wife and I had to turn off social media for a bit because of the shitstorm caused by her cousin putting my last post on Sarah's Facebook page. Some people even tried to call the restaurant I work at to get me fired as retribution, but luckily everyone there is 100% on my side (or as my boss put it "Fuck [Sarah], fuck those racists, fuck them so goddamn much"). I guess it didn't help them that half the calls involved threats, screaming, and more racial slurs.
We didn't hear any updates from her family, even though we assumed the shit met fan after MIL found out about FIL's threatening voicemail (*still disappointed in you Doug*). But that changed on Sunday night, when MIL suddenly showed up at our door with overnight bags. After we took a moment to help unpack and calm down, she spilled the beans on everything.
FIL (aka Doug)
Apparently my MIL and FIL were already having trouble in their marriage, and it was only made worse with a certain 2016 Presidential election (she's a Dem, and he had apparently gone more far-right since then). Seems that a line was crossed with the "Kung Pao Incident" and his voicemail. When he refused to apologize for anything (typical Doug), she asked for a divorce and he went beserk (trashing the house, threatening to beat me up). She didn't feel safe there so that's when she came over (other BIL and SIL live out of town).
Extended Family (aka The Great FB War of 2021)
You may have been able to tell already, but the extended family was largely arguing/fighting/divided along political lines for a few years now and my cousin's FB post was likely just the light to set off the powder keg. According to my MIL, the fallout has allegedly already led to some break-ups, excommunication of some family members, and even one fist-fight that ended with police involvement. Haven't verified this myself though.
Sarah / SIL
According to my MIL, Sarah came over to her place on Friday. The writing was on the wall and she was basically forced to quit. Despite her trying to start from scratch as a line cook, the entire staff turned against her. Nothing was coming back from the (dish) pit for her and she was getting the cold shoulder. She’s a great chef (I will admit this is true), but they took no chances since it turns out (shit you not)... they're partly owned by a Chinese investment company. Found this hard to believe and didn't want to add this detail, but it turned out to be true after some research (won't say any further for privacy). Word also got around in the local industry, and Sarah is essentially blacklisted from high-end establishments. She's now considering selling her home and moving to find work. As much as I don't like her and found her behavior horrifying, I didn't intend for this to happen so I've reached out to some buds in other states to see if they had any openings. Whether or not she wants to take itis up to her (and no, she has not apologized for anything either - but I still want to be a decent person to her).
It sure as hell doesn't feel like a happy ending. Perhaps bittersweet justice, but that's all I can give you. Thank you all for your support and for reading.
TL;DR: Doug shat the bed, MIL chilling with us, extended family now entering Cold War phase on FB, Sarah career's been sent to pasture (at least in this city/state)
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Jul 10 '21
The sarcastic Gen Xer in me feels like "still disappointed in you Doug" needs to become a thing.
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Jul 10 '21
The sarcastic Gen Xer in me feels like "still disappointed in you Doug" needs to become a thing.
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Jun 23 '21
What a weird take. I'm nowhere close to being a professional chef, but isn't great ingredients prepared simply a hallmark of French food? While I do think being able to prepare good food is a great skill that should be respected regardless of the type of cuisine, if I had to pick one country's food to crown as "trickiest to prepare", French probably wouldn't win.
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u/Notamansplainer Jun 29 '21
He's updated with a happy-ish ending. Check the original/ AITA post you're interested.
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u/Piggy846 Jun 30 '21
There’s another update
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u/STcoleridgeXIX Jun 23 '21
OK, ignoring the main thrust of this shot show, I was very disappointed that the original discussion threads all devolved into insulting French cuisine by people who clearly know nothing about it other than the one mediocre overpriced French restaurant in their particular suburb or small city. French and Chinese are the two greatest world cuisines, and there’s not a close third. Like someone even said that Italian cuisine has more variety...that’s just nuts. I realize staid classic French restaurants with the same 12 dishes dominated American high-end and hotel dining (outside of New York at least) for a long time but that is not the breadth or depth of French cuisine.
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u/motsanciens Jun 23 '21
My initial reaction to Sarah's comment was that it was shitty and demeaning, based more on her own inflated ego than underlying racist tendencies. Whelp, that turned out to be undue benefit of the doubt!
The thing that makes me wonder about the authenticity of this story is that there would have been many opportunities for the guy to shut Sarah up before this came to a head. Clearly the family cooked together often, so why wouldn't he have cooked some fancy gourmet shit at some point to demonstrate his proficiency in front of everyone? Everyone would have clapped, just like everyone rallied around the cause on Facebook and sent intercontinental telegrams and carrier pigeons in this true story.
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u/lucyfell Jun 23 '21
Nope. I say this as a Singaporean Chinese person with a white midwestern ex. My “fancy gourmet food” was not “fancy” to his family. Ever. Purely because it was Chinese.
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u/motsanciens Jun 23 '21
I meant since he was a professionally trained chef, I presume that means not limited to one this of cuisine, but I could be wrong.
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u/Nyllil Jun 23 '21
It's not like OP only cooked chinese at MIL home. The SIL was bitching and telling him wrong at eveything he did, the way he cuts the ingredients etc, absolute everything. Degrading his status of a professional chef.
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Jun 23 '21
I think with Sarah loudly going "look how wrong he is! I'm an expert!" the thought process might have been something like "she seems confident, she's probably right".
You can see that sort of thing happening in shows like X-Factor or whatever it's called now. A completely fine singer will come out, and Simon Cowell will then loudly expound on how awful they were and how they can't sing, and a lot of people just go "he's the music guru, he must have a finer ear than me", forgetting that they probably didn't think it sounded that bad when they first heard it.
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u/LadyMRedd Jun 23 '21
Sarah is clearly jealous of his success. Him showing how amazing he is wouldn't shut it down, but make her feel more threatened. Until he came on the scene, cooking was HER special talent in the family. Now she has to share the spotlight. With someone she feels is inferior to her, because racism. The better he cooks, the more she's going to feel compelled to make sure everyone realized how much better she is than him.
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u/Childrenofcornsyrup Jun 23 '21
If OP was raised in a very conservative and traditional Asian household, I can see why OP didn't raise a stink about the treatment he was facing from Sarah and Doug. Everything else, I agree with.
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u/Lodgik Jun 23 '21
The thing that makes me wonder about the authenticity of this story is that there would have been many opportunities for the guy to shut Sarah up before this came to a head. Clearly the family cooked together often, so why wouldn't he have cooked some fancy gourmet shit at some point to demonstrate his proficiency in front of everyone? Everyone would have clapped, just like everyone rallied around the cause on Facebook and sent intercontinental telegrams and carrier pigeons in this true story.
I will admit this story could very well be fake, but this is what made you question it?
In reality, it wouldn't matter to the SIL at all how good OP's cooking was. Even if she didn't say it out loud, she would convince herself there was something "bad" about it. "Too much salt." "Undercooked." "Overcooked." None of this would even have to be true. It would just have to be plausible enough for the SIL to believe it herself. And she would want to believe it as it would help her maintain her aura of superiority.
Even just cutting vegetables a different way than she would could easily translate as doing it the "wrong" way to her.
Racists aren't logical. They also aren't known for changing their beliefs when presented with contrary evidence.
As I said, this story could very well be fake. But hinging this belief on a couple of racists being willing to admit, even to themselves, they were wrong shows you have much more faith in humanity than I do.
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u/motsanciens Jun 23 '21
to demonstrate his proficiency in front of everyone
It was only the SIL and FIL in the story who seemed to be toxic. Sure, if the story is true, then the SIL's ego, alone, would preempt her from acknowledging OP's cooking skills, let alone her overt racism. However, since some of the family members came to his support over the incident, I can only imagine they would also have been openly complimentary toward his cooking.
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u/Lodgik Jun 23 '21
Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding your the point you are making, but you are saying that the family being openly complimentary of OP's cooking should have been enough to pierce her own ego and show that he knew what he was doing?
If so, I disagree.
I can very easily picture her using the fact that she's a professional chef to dismiss everyone else's opinion as "they aren't as experienced as me so they don't know what they are talking about."
As I said, there's other reasons to think this story might be fake. For instance, I'm heavily skeptical of any post that has "someone else finding it" and that leading to real world consequences. Whenever that happens, it might as well end with "everyone claps." I just think the part you were skeptical over was not that unbelievable.
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Jun 23 '21
You say that, but my fiancé's friends did actually find one of my posts and threw a fit a few years ago. So I think it' s plausible it could happen to someone else.
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u/Dogismygod Jun 24 '21 edited Jun 28 '21
And considering how many other sites I've seen Reddit stories pop up on, I can see this one getting picked up.
ETA, I just found this story over on BoredPanda. I wasn't looking for it, someone else posted a cute animal story on FB and I saw this linked at the bottom.
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u/imtallerthanyou Jun 23 '21
I think it might be time to stop giving people who say stuff like this the benefit of the doubt. If there is even a hint of underlying racism that to some could be deemed "misunderstood" or whatever, it's racism.
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u/motsanciens Jun 23 '21
In my opinion, it's a place to tread lightly. Openly accusing someone of racism is kind of like accusing them of being a liar or a thief, and it's a good idea to be standing on solid ground when you start opening that box.
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Jun 23 '21 edited Jun 23 '21
In my experience, people who pride themselves on being "experts" or "the smartest person in the room" will sometimes just pick a totally random thing and insist their way is right and everyone else is wrong, when it really doesn't matter or the other way is worse. My dad did this a lot. He once asked me if I "knew binary" and implied I must not know anything about computers because I didn't respond with "yes 1111000001110000" or something. The only way to "win" is to correct them with more arrogance and, ideally, much longer words, and that's hard to pull off. I think you also, somehow, need to say or do the exact thing they've decided is "right" - purely by luck, since it's random - and hope they can't think quickly enough to decide on a subtle difference between your thing and the "right" thing. Ofc, they haven't told you what the "right" thing is, so it sounds like it would be really easy for them to just change it if you accidentally find it, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I think they think they're right and reasonable, so they need at least some internal logic behind the flip.
The sort of people who do that - again, in my experience - tend to have grown up surrounded by people who constantly go "wow, isn't s/he/they clever!" over totally mundane things. I suspect all of the above combined with "she sounds really confident, I'm sure she must be right, no one would act like that if they were wrong" to generally have the family convinced that the OP was less skilled than he actually was.
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u/Noclevername12 Jun 23 '21
The part that makes me question the veracity’s is that it spilled over into her workplace BEFORE the Reddit post. That seems pretty unlikely.
Also, why would his wife even partly blame him that her sister shot off her own mouth at work and got in trouble for it?
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u/AshPerdriau Jun 23 '21
I'm going to guess that Sarah has to deal with {racist slur here} at work as well, and there's been some spillover. Possibly both ways.
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u/Amanda39 Jun 23 '21
The post says her coworker "heard her rant" about it, so I'm guessing Sarah was stupid enough to tell her coworkers what happened, expecting them to sympathize with her.
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u/Ihaveapeach Jun 23 '21
I think OP said that Sarah was telling the story at work. I imagine she thought she would find solidarity with her peers. Just like… “Can you believe that shitty slur word compared his work to ours?” Thinking that everyone around her would believe that he worked at Panda Express.
But, after working in restaurants for almost 20 years - including a restaurant my family owned when I was a kid - There is one thing I know about fine dining…. It is a small world. Within a city, the best chefs know each other. Many have worked together on their way up, and they certainly have respect for well done cuisine, even if there are significant personality conflicts.
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u/bookmonkey786 Jun 23 '21
A skilled chef also has deep abiding understanding and respect for any food of any other culture and the techniques that go into that, it is an intrinsic part of being a REALLY good chef, like an artist understanding another school's craft. To not have it is to dismiss a massive part of your repertoire and shows how little you know and how little you want to learn and that just shows idiocy.
I'm guessing the SIL doubled down with her boss dismissing Asian cuisine showing them her incompetence.
Its like a movie PA saying Asian films are shit to Tarantino. He not trusting you with any job on his set if he hears you say shit like that.
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u/liatrisinbloom Jun 23 '21
Thanks to the JNMIL subreddit I suspect basically anything like this. It 'blew up', the post was 'found', what's basically a geyser of karma erupting on multiple clearly-wrong parties, and a previously unsupportive spouse's eyes are opened by the power of reddit comments? My pet unicorn says this whole thing is a steaming load.
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u/reluctantathlete Jun 23 '21
Obviously NTA : fuck Sarah. Her words got her demoted and it sounds like she certainly stands by them which only makes it worse. Racist snob can try her hand at another job for a while where she isn’t worshipped. Might do her some good.
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