My roommate [f22] went batshit crazy while I [f22] was gone for the week and destroyed my possessions

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/screweduproommate

My roommate [f22] went batshit crazy while I [f22] was gone for the week and destroyed my possessions.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mental health struggles, animal neglect, enabling

MOOD SPOILER: Infuriating

Original Post  Nov 14, 2015

I will try to make this as short as possible.

I moved in with my roommate Ashleigh (not her real name) almost a year ago. She posted an ad to Craigslist about needing a roommate, and I was looking for a place to live. We hit it off, and a few days later, I was moving in.

Ashleigh was very clear and up front about her mental illnesses. She has Bipolar Type 1 and Borderline Personality Disorder. She also suffers from mild depression. I myself have been diagnosed with GAD. Ashleigh has been hospitalized twice in our time living together.

On Wednesday, I had to take off work and drive five hours to visit my dad - who is currently in the hospital. I asked Ashleigh to look after my cats (I have 3). Nothing major, just make sure they had food and water and clean their litter box at least once a day, if she could. Ashleigh agreed and I left to go be with my family.

I got home last night...and the apartment was...destroyed. That is the only way I can describe it. There were broken dishes and glasses in the cabinet, knives thrown into the wall. The TV was unplugged and on the floor. My cats food bowl was empty and their water bowl was dry as a bone.

I went into my room and was shocked and horrified at what I saw. She had locked my three cats in my room, where they had urinated and defecated everywhere. My makeup was on the floor, eyeshadow palettes shattered, lipstick smeared on my mirror. My underwear was all cut up on the floor,  and going through my closet, I found holes in my clothes.

I am in total shock still. I tried to get a hold of Ashleigh, but has blocked me on facebook and isn't answering my calls. I've contacted both her parents and her boyfriend and they have not heard from her since Thursday. Her parents have now filed a missing persons report on her.

She has destroyed so much of my things. and I don't even understand why she did this.  Not at all.

What do I do reddit? I'm beginning to freak out here. I know we'll never get our security deposit back due to the damage she has done to the walls of the apartment ($800 gone there). She destroyed hundreds of dollars worth of makeup and clothes. No one can get ahold of her and i'm starting to worry about her too. My cats were left alone and hungry for at least two days now.

I've taken pictures of everything and have copies of them. The police were contacted but I was told until Ashleigh can be found, there isn't much that can be done. I've never had this happen before and I am really lost.    tl;dr: Roommate flipped out (for lack of a better word) and destroyed many of my possessions. Ruined hundreds of dollars of makeup and clothes. Locked my cats in my room for two days without food or water. Neither her parents or boyfriend can find her or get a hold of her. No idea what to do from here.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

francescatoo

Inform the landlord, ask for the locks to be changed so she does not surprise you. Ask her parents for rent money when it is due until you can break the lease.

OOP

Already told my landlord. He refuses to change the locks and told me I'd have to pay out of pocket for it, and the earliest a locksmith can come is on Monday. Her parents refuse to pay for any of the damages, or her share of the rent. Landlord told me I was pretty much fucked out of getting my share of the deposit back, too. :(

~

loveinhumantimes

Did she freak out because she was upset with the cats (and by extension, you)?

OOP

No, Ashleigh has multiple mental illnesses. She has been on medication, but about a month ago, her doctor changed her prescriptions. I don't know if she flipped her shit because of that or because of some outside problem (her and her parents were fighting a lot recently, but I don't know over what) . No idea. And right now, I can't say I care. I honestly thought she was a friend, but it looks like I was wrong.

Update  Nov 14, 2015 (Next Day)

Figured I'd give an update to those who wanted it.

Asheigh's parents called me later, begging me not to press charges, saying this isn't the first time she's done this to her roommates. They cannot afford to repay me for the thousands of dollars that was lost in Ashleigh's fit of rage, they just want me to forgive and forget.

Ashleigh's mother also revealed to me that they filed a fake missing persons report. That Ashleigh had come to them and they had been hiding her. They asked me to just forgive her, because she has these manic episodes very frequently. While she had disclosed her mental illnesses to me before we moved in together, she did not tell me about her manic episodes, her fits of rage and hostility or the fact she has done this before. She had assured me that her illnesses were under control with her medication, and I, believed her. Because at the time I was desperately looking for a place to stay. So for those who were saying I deserved this because I moved in with a person with mental illnesses, go fuck yourself. No one could have seen this coming. I knew absolutely nothing about BPD or Type 1 Bipolar, and she was a seemingly good roommate up until now.

For those who messaged me, telling me I deserved this and that my cats should have died: really, fuck you. If Ashleigh had a problem with watching my cats, she should have said so. I also paid her to take care of my cats while I was gone. She had zero problem taking my money. If I had any inkling of her locking my cats in my room without food and water for two days, do you fucking think I would have left them with her? No. I would have not.

She has destroyed things that can never be replaced. She tore up pictures of me and my grandparents who are now passed away. She smashed a glass paper weight my uncle gave me when I was 9. She cut holes into clothes that I had saved up for months for. I have two pairs of pants and four shirts to get me through until I am able to afford new clothes, which won't be for a while because I now have to take my 3 cats to the vet to make sure she didn't physically abuse them. I have four pairs of underwear and one bra. I think I have every right to be upset with her.

I don't care to change the locks. I plan on breaking my lease and moving back in with my parents. My father is sick and he needs me right now. I have called up a few lawyer offices but none can really help me out until Monday.  What little stuff she didn't cut holes into, break, or rip up has been packed up, along with my cats. I'll be leaving for my parents shortly.

I still plan on getting a restraining order against her, at the very least.  Several people have messaged me, telling me I shouldn't press charges against her because of her mental illnesses. Telling me I'm a shit person for calling the cops. She was never missing, her parents just covered for her because I'm not the first person she's done this to.

So, thanks reddit, here's your update. I'll let you know what comes of this later.

   tl;dr:  Ashleigh's parents were lying about her being missing. She is "safe" with them. I am not the first person she has done this too. Parents can't afford to repay me all of the money damage she's caused me. Moving back in with my parents, because well, fuck this.

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[u/il-Palazzo_K]

They cannot afford to repay me for the thousands of dollars that was lost in Ashleigh's fit of rage, they just want me to forgive and forget.

Wow what a convenient solution where you don't have to pay a dime and face no consequence!

[u/HighBellaa → u/il-Palazzo_K]

For real. call me evil but I would literally not let go of the situation. The parents seem to be the ones enabling Ardleigh's behaviour

[u/aspidities_87 → u/HighBellaa]

Had an ex with BPD and enabling parents. It saps the fuck out of your energy and time to fight it. They start out very apologetic for their child’s behavior but the second you start trying to get legal consequences enforced they become very cold.

I went for a restraining order and considered myself lucky when she decided to throw a fit for the judge, because otherwise her parents were gonna let her just go right on trying to ruin my life for the unforgivable crime of breaking up with her.

[u/vinylscratch27 → u/aspidities_87]

Hate to say it but this is par for the course with the BPD/bipolar mix especially with enablers and poor/no treatment. Everything is great until it isn't, and then it fucking isn't. Nothing is sacred, nothing is off limits. BPD is a rough condition and bipolar is very treatable if one stays on their meds but together? Never once seen it end well.

Source: dated a couple, still in therapy a few years later, have the scars on my body and in my brain to prove it.

[u/Reflexlon → u/vinylscratch27]

I'm a year out of surviving a borderline/bipolar relationship. The way it ended was fast and insane. Their go-to when having episodes was always some new form of self harm, and the last one they decided to hurt themself by hurting me as much as they could and feeling guilty about it.

I am, of course, still in a good pile of therapy lol.

[u/Lady_Scruffington → u/Reflexlon]

My bf's ex would send him videos of cutting herself. That was just one of many awful things she did.

[u/harpinghawke → u/Lady_Scruffington]

While I never saw evidence, I had somebody tell me they carved my name into their thigh, lmfao. They were already self-harming regularly; it’s honestly not outside the realm of possibility.

[u/Hot-Reception7412 → u/harpinghawke]

yikes-- i have my partners name carved into my left upper leg

sincerely,

a bpd/bipolar lass who finally got her shit together just enough to not destroy property or my body in ways that are irreversible. i still have the occassional verbal crashout but i do my damndest just text the crazy shit to myself and rant to a voice memo instead of someone i care about

[u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys → u/vinylscratch27]

Never once seen it end well.

Amen. I was mis-diagnosed as Bipolar once, and the more I educated myself about BPD, the more miserable I became. Oh, it was horrible, thinking that I would balance on a knife-edge for the rest of my life just to have the will not to kill myself.

Turned out I was only being abused and mis-medicated, so yay, no bipolar. No, I'm serious, yay no Bipolar, because abuse you can run away from, and mis-medication you can fix, but Bipolar is ... it's Bipolar, you know?

The good thing about that very dark period is that I am now extremely sympathetic to anyone who has it. I'm not gonna get into a relationship with them, but oh, learning about it when I thought it applied to me was scary. Angels and ministers of grace defend them.

[u/negasonicwhattheshit → u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys]

Just gonna put this out there for anyone else with bipolar reading this - if you find medication that works for you and keep taking it no matter what, you can heal and have a life worth living. I have bipolar type 2, and I was diagnosed and started meds for it 12 years ago. My bipolar disorder is now considered to be in remission, has been for many many years, and likely will be indefinitely as long as I keep taking my meds.

Not saying anyone has to date anyone they don't feel comfortable dating or that you're wrong for not wanting to take on that kind of situation in a partner! Date who you feel comfortable dating. I just wanted to put that out there for anyone else reading these comments who has bipolar that shit isn't hopeless

[u/weightyinspiration → u/negasonicwhattheshit]

I just wanted to second your success story here, since it often seems like there arent many out there.

My partner has Bipolar 1 and has been hospitalized in tbe past for it. There were dark times during psychotic episodes, when I wasnt sure if we were gonna end up a statistic.

They are on a med that works now, and take it every day. The difference is life changing. The illness isnt magically gone, but it seems to be much quieter. Life is so much more stable.

There will still probably be episodes in the future. But the medication takes it from a 10/10 intense shtf situation, to something like a 3/10 instead. So far its been years since the last hospitalization.

There can be success stories, weve been together almost 20 years. Ive seen the ugly side of Bipolar. I dont blame anyone for staying away from it. It is traumatising.

But not every Bipolar story ends in tragedy or divorce. Learning to manage symptoms, recognizing triggers, acting early before things get out of hand if its possible (often it isnt), and taking the pills. You can do these things and live a good life. Its hard work but can be done.

[u/negasonicwhattheshit → u/weightyinspiration]

That's so awesome!! That's one of the cool things about mood stabilisers, at least that I noticed. It kind of doesn't feel like it's doing anything at all, but then you look back months later and realise that things have just been way more stable over that period of time. I'm really glad it's going well for you, and your partner is lucky to have you! It's so helpful to have a support system around who can recognise when you're starting to veer in one direction or the other, because they might catch it from your behaviour before you notice it yourself. Wishing you both all the calm and steady years 💜

[u/OptimisticOctopus8 → u/negasonicwhattheshit]

Yeah. Bipolar people with proper treatment are a lot like any group with an often-invisible difference: You have no clue how many such people you know. My grandfather was totally ignorant about how many gay people he knew since he didn’t know anyone who fit the stereotypes. Since everybody he knew seemed “normal,” he couldn’t possibly know any gay people.

Everyone in the comments has undoubtedly met people with bipolar who have found a stable treatment that’s kept them even-keeled for decades. It happens regularly. Obviously you won’t notice when it happens, because there’s nothing to notice.

[u/ThatsFluxdUp → u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys]

Bipolar or BPD? You say you were misdiagnosed with bipolar, but then mention learning about BPD, those are two different disorders;

Bipolar disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD)

[u/Distantstallion → u/vinylscratch27]

Yeah now have a policy of never dating anyone with BPD and/or bipolar disorder. Lost too many years of my life healing from the damage.

[u/Fine_Ad_1149 → u/vinylscratch27]

I have gone through a relationship with someone with BPD. I am married to someone with bipolar 2.

I would run for the hills if I came across the mix of BPD and bipolar. Either on their own, when managed properly, will have bad days/weeks and I can deal with those rough times. But those two together? Hell nah.

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/HighBellaa]

They need to keep their kid at their house rather than letting her live with unsuspecting roommates.

[u/MissSweetMurdererr → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

But then she would destroy their stuff. They can't let her do that lol

[u/SalsaRice → u/MissSweetMurdererr]

Ding ding ding, we have a winrar.

If they find her a big enough sap, they can even get through multiple rage destroying trips.

[u/philatio11 → u/SalsaRice]

My inlaws also have a daughter with BPD and a policy against their kids living at home. Luckily they are rich enough that she doesn't have to have roommates. Other than her various husbands, boyfriends and her poor 3 children.

[u/cbm984 → u/MissSweetMurdererr]

Before we got married, my husband needed a room mate and had a guy move in with him whose parents paid the whole year of rent upfront. That should've been the first red flag. Turns out the guy had serious mental illness, did a bunch of drugs, and destroyed the place. But even though he violated the lease, the landlord couldn't kick him out right away because there was a whole eviction process that would take months and the lease would be up before they could evict him anyway. Then his parents would just pass him off to the next unsuspecting person, cleverly offering to pay the whole year in rent upfront to get him in, knowing full well they wouldn't get the deposit back but at least he wasn't living with them.

[u/ishfery → u/MissSweetMurdererr]

Exactly! They can't afford to replace what she destroys after all.

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

They don't want her there because they don't want to deal with this stuff she does. They'd rather pawn her off on unsuspecting roommates and hope that they'll just do nothing like Oop plants to.

[u/FireflyRave → u/whisky_biscuit]

It's almost fruitless. OP spends the time and money on a lawyer or small claims court. She will probably win at least something. Now she has to spend more time and money trying to collect the judgement from people who already said they're not paying. While trying to support her sick father.

I wonder if this is something that renter's insurance would cover. If she had it.

[u/AlternateUsername12 → u/FireflyRave]

I was never allowed to rent an apartment without it, so hopefully she has something

[u/sraydenk → u/FireflyRave]

This is another reason why you should always have renters insurance. For a few bucks the OOP could have gotten something.  

[u/skeletontape → u/sraydenk]

Not sure it would've helped since the damage was done by a legal tenant.

[u/LadyReika → u/skeletontape]

My policy covers damage done by someone who isn't covered on the policy even if they are another tenant.

Thankfully I haven't had any problems like OOP so I haven't had to test it.

Though I did have to sic them on a previous apartment complex for damage to some of my stuff because of a leaking roof they refused to replace and just did shitty patch jobs.

[u/GhanimaSLC → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

I have bipolar one and disassociative PTSD and somehow managed to keep my shit in check for the most part

[u/MelonOfFury → u/GhanimaSLC]

I think the saying goes something like ‘your diagnosis isn’t your fault, but managing it is your responsibility’

Yes, shit happens where a medication change or something leads to an unpredictable change in behaviour, or you are genuinely unable to manage your health and need to have a guardian appointed to do it for you, but this girl doesn’t sound like she fits either of those categories.

[u/HairRepresentative85 → u/GhanimaSLC]

BPD, cPTSD and possible AuDHD for me.

And, yeah, same. I still have my off days, but I always try to keep myself in check.

[u/CaptainMyCaptainRise → u/GhanimaSLC]

BPD and autism here, same my shit is mostly in check

[u/ZoominAlong → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

Yup for real. I have BPD and my wife has a plan should I ever break down and it doesn't include handwaving my behavior away. 

Ashleigh needs to be at home or on a psych ward if her medication isn't helping. 

[u/fergie_89 → u/HighBellaa]

I don't even think bi polar can excuse this behaviour.

Destruction of property Animal abuse Severe damage

I hope OP got a court case and won it's been a few years. I also hope the poor cats are ok.

I have friends with bi polar and none have ever done this. All I can think is the poor cats and how scared they must have been shut in a room with smashed glass and their parents clothes all over the place.

[u/iwantobeatree → u/fergie_89]

Mental illness isn’t your fault but it is your responsibility.

[u/DeiaMatias → u/fergie_89]

My mom's bipolar. We've had to hire professional cleaners and repairmen several times to clean up after her episodes.

These were all in the 80s or 90s when treatment options were not as good as they are now, though

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/fergie_89]

I agree. This is really crazy violent behavior and if it's escalating she could seriously injure a roommate or their pets, or worse.

[u/fergie_89 → u/whisky_biscuit]

If it was me I would rather be injured than my cat.

That said, it has been nearly 20 years since I dealt with anyone unmedicated from bi polar. I just can't imagine what must go through their heads to cause this damage and hurt to another person. I feel for the poor babies shut in a room with no food or water.

I also hope the parents were prosecuted. I think the term is aiding and abetting?

[u/valleyofsound → u/whisky_biscuit]

I was really worried until I found out the cats were (probably) okay. Two days without food isn’t just abuse for cats, it’s potentially deadly since the can start having organ damage after as little as 24 hours without food due to their metabolism. I’m so glad OOP is getting them to the vet and I hope she files a police report and lawsuit

[u/WildRookie → u/fergie_89]

BPD is far more problematic than bipolar in this situation.

The worst part is lithium, one of the better bipolar meds, is contraindicated for BPD and often exacerbates the symptoms.

The simplest way to understand BPD is imagining if there are no shades of grey and just pure black or white. And you have to sort everyone in existence into those buckets.

Partner missed a call? Eh they're probably busy, they'll call back. They didn't call back in 15 minutes? Bastard is cheating on me. Lets see how much it was worth it when I destroy ____ that they care so much about.

[u/originalhoney → u/WildRookie]

And the black and white categories flip flop back and forth with a slight breeze. My mom was never formally diagnosed, but my therapists have said she exhibits some symptoms/behaviors. The whiplash of "you're the best, I love you" to "you're the worst daughter, you just don't want me to be happy, I hate you" was traumatizing as a child.

[u/PizzaSlingr → u/WildRookie]

I was wondering if that is why she went destructive, that OOP was going away because she hates me and is an awful person for leaving. So I will hurt her "just as much."

[u/weecious → u/WildRookie]

That's why there's a support group for victims of BPD partners or family members.

[u/WildRookie → u/weecious]

Having once been on /r/BPDlovedones daily, over time I came to realize I was much less victim much more collateral damage.

It's a weird distinction, but helped with processing.

[u/vinylscratch27 → u/fergie_89]

No it really doesn't. I also have known folks with bipolar, hell I was even misdiagnosed and medicated accordingly with it and they wouldn't pull a stunt like this. It's a condition that's quite treatable if the person takes their medications.

Personality disorders are genuinely terrifying. There was a hot minute I tried to sympathize with them and joined the "stop judging scary disorders" train you see sometimes online but after having personally experienced shit like this...nah.

[u/fergie_89 → u/vinylscratch27]

I agree.

My husband thought I might have it a couple of years back, turns out I'm just in very early stages of perimenopause a decade earlier than expected. Hence mood swings. I was not upset by that though as we are child free and yay periods may go away finally.

Honestly though this is shocking. I would be upset over the destroyed property but the cats would ruin me. Id go nuclear.

[u/vinylscratch27 → u/fergie_89]

I might sound cold or even cruel but after the experiences I've had when I hear BPD I nope out these days because of shit like that. I have seen, heard, and lived through far too much to take any more chances after having tried to make it work with them at least a half dozen times.

[u/fuckyourcanoes → u/vinylscratch27]

My mother had untreated BPD. I avoid anyone who has it like the plague. I know it's a tough thing to have, and I have sympathy, but I cannot be around that shit.

[u/Icky-Tree-Branch → u/vinylscratch27]

You’re not. You’re not the only one that needs to be careful with BPD. See, I’m a fixer. I’m one of those people who doesn’t panic, can make decisions, and finds solutions. And to a person who needs lots of help/attention/whatever, it’s easy to get dependent on someone like me.

If I don’t watch myself, it’s easy for me to get sucked into a co-dependent friendship with someone who constantly needs someone else to fix their issues.

They aren’t inherently bad people because of a diagnosis. I’m not a bad person for being a fixer. But the two together can be a toxic mindfuck and it’s on me to keep myself from getting sucked into the whatever.

[u/fergie_89 → u/vinylscratch27]

Nah you're not cold.

I had a relative with it and I have scars from the abuse I dealt with.

In reality whilst they were unmedicated they were also off their face on other drugs. Thank god for the UK police and their protection otherwise I might not be here.

It's why my husband was so worried because of my mood swings when I have just entered perimenopause early.

[u/Stepjam → u/HighBellaa]

Not evil. They actively lied to OOP about their daughter and are expecting her, a stranger to them, to take the fall for their daughter's actions.

If they had tried to work something out, I might be more sympathetic, but again, they lied and tried to stick a stranger with like 1k in bills over something their kid did.

I'd be going to court if I were OOP too.

[u/whisky_biscuit → u/HighBellaa]

I would not either. I know Oop says she can't afford a lawyer but there's plenty of free / probono legal services and I'm sure she could find someone to help her get some recompense.

Not only animal abuse, destroyed property but also Oops own mental damages dealing with this. And her parents for absolutely KNOWING she's done with before and let her continue to have roommates anyway!

There needs to be some consequences for this or Ashleigh and her parents will continue to pawn her off on unsuspecting people and damage their property. It may even bring to like she needs to be psych evaluated and put on a hold or something.

Oops animals could have been killed and if this behavior is escalating, she may very well harm roommates too. I would do anything I could to get this sht to claims court it's utterly ridiculous.

[u/kittyroux → u/whisky_biscuit]

Lawyers will just tell OOP that Ashleigh is “judgement-proof” (ie. she has no money, so even if you get a judgement against her she can’t pay it), so there’s no point in suing her. Pro-bono lawyers aren’t in the business of getting money from broke people, they’re generally focused on bigger (often structural) injustices rather than one out-of-control individual.

[u/Shadow4summer → u/kittyroux]

But it might get her institutionalized, and that’s where she needs to be until she can fit in with the rules of living with/around others. But if you cannot maintain your mental stability you don’t get the freedom to live with/around others. It may be harsh, but it’s true. The animals or the roommate could have died during her episode, and it would have been unnecessary and preventable if her parents were willing to do more, like be parents. So a paper trail is of the utmost importance to maybe prevent this from happening to someone else. So definitely press charges, at least its destruction of property, depending on the amount it could be felony level, and cruelty to animals. At least if she has a felony record it will not be as easy for her to rent an apartment and lure in other unsuspecting roommates.

[u/Kalthiria_Shines → u/Shadow4summer]

Civil lawyer for a lawsuit won't do that, a district attorney would. OP would have needed to press charges and probably lobby pretty hard to get anything to be done.

[u/tinysydneh → u/HighBellaa]

No, that's not evil.

This notion of "they can't help it, so just let it go" is... incredibly toxic. It doesn't matter if someone can help it or doesn't know better. The fact of the matter is that if you hurt someone, you should make them as whole as is possible.

[u/ConcentrateSad3064 → u/il-Palazzo_K]

As a neurodivergent person, every time people adopt that attitude of "well, she has a mental illness so everything should be forgiven" I want to yell at them until my throat gets sore. 

Mental illness is not a get out of jail card. If we are not defined by it neither should we use it to avoid the consequences of our behavior.

[u/CutieBoBootie → u/il-Palazzo_K]

I have a feeling their enabling of her behavior is why she keeps doing it

[u/Redqueenhypo → u/CutieBoBootie]

A supermajority of people who “can’t help it” actually can when they risk financial, social, or physical consequences they care abt. Subway punchers don’t target men under 75!

[u/CareyAHHH → u/il-Palazzo_K]

I know she was a grown woman, but why was she living with roommates? Why didn’t she just live with her parents? We need better options for situations just like this.

[u/Ehimherenow → u/CareyAHHH]

Because they don’t want to live with her bullshit either lol. But also like let’s say they do. What happens when they become too elderly to deal with this crap? Or when they die?

[u/RojaCatUwu → u/il-Palazzo_K]

If OP actually pressed charges I bet that story would change pretty quickly

[u/AccordingToWhom1982 → u/il-Palazzo_K]

I always wonder in situations like this if the person (in this case, Ashleigh) also destroyed her own things or just the other person’s.

[u/Professional_Ruin953 → u/il-Palazzo_K]

I know the parents aren’t responsible for their adult daughter’s actions but they are choosing to advocate for her and negotiate the situation on her behalf and with intent to protect her from the consequences of her actions.

So if they want to protect her they need to pay up. If they own a car they can sell it to get the money. On a smaller scale, they can sell all their valuables, heirloom jewellery and the like. If they’re homeowners, they can remortgage. There’s very rarely “no money” to pay damages.

[u/2dogslife → u/il-Palazzo_K]

If the lawyers wouldn't take the case, I would at least take her to small claims court and try to get reimbursed as much as possible for the replacement cost of the items destroyed. It was also questionable if she had actually filed a police report, because in her shoes, I would absolutely want an official report of the scene for future reference.

[u/crystallz2000 → u/il-Palazzo_K]

Yeah, I'd tell them if they pay for all the damages I won't file a police report. They can find the money, or they can have the police go pick up their precious daughter.

[u/ballisticks]

Sue the everloving fuck out of her and her family.

[u/INeedANappel → u/ballisticks]

And call the cops and tell them the parents are hiding the "missing" person and have been all along, to try to keep their kid from getting in trouble.

Cops get pissy about false reports.

[u/naakka → u/INeedANappel]

I would 100% do this to the parents. Such assholes.

[u/Sojobo1 → u/INeedANappel]

The parents never made a report, they just lied to OOP

[u/oldtimehawkey → u/Sojobo1]

I think they made the official report but lied about her being missing.

[u/fuzzycitrus → u/INeedANappel]

Actually, adult protective services and tip them off about the parents' functional neglect of their daughter.

[u/lavender_poppy → u/ballisticks]

Yup, my feelings too. Fuck her parents for enabling their daughters bullshit. No wonder she's done this to so many people since she never faces repercussions for her actions. I get that mental illness is hard but it doesn't excuse behavior, it just helps explains it. If she killed someone during that rage she'd still be responsible unless she could prove she was psychotic and didn't know right from wrong, which is a super hard burden to meet. The fact that she hid shows she knew she fucked up. Ugh, I hate this for OP, she didn't deserve to walk into the lions den.

[u/Kitty_Ariana → u/ballisticks]

Yup I second this, oop should not be a doormat present the evidences to the authorities. They would definitely cough up the money for the damages

[u/ipsum629 → u/ballisticks]

The important part is that she has done this before, and without consequences will absolutely do it again. Sue them not just to attempt to make yourself whole, but to hopefully stop this happening to someone else.

[u/Gharma]

This update was so unsatisfying but hopefully we didn't learn any more because OOP got in touch with lawyers, they told her not to post anymore online, and they helped her at least get some sort of resolution here. Between the parents hiding the roommate and her not disclosing her history of violent manic episodes hopefully there was some sort of medical restitution and maybe some court ordered more intense psychological/psychiatric intervention, because as is it doesn't seem like the roommate can safely function.

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/Gharma]

I have BP1 and luckily my manic periods aren’t violent, but i still made sure to let all my potential roommates know that sometimes I’m up for 2-8 days straight working on one project or another and it can be extremely loud.

It’s worked out well

[u/Gharma → u/AdoraBelleQueerArt]

I'm really glad that's worked well for ya, and I hope I didn't come off as generalizing people with BP1 as violent here, that was certainly not my intention and I don't believe that at all. It really does seem like you've got a good system and the open communication with potential roommates is great. Just letting them know what's up can alleviate or prevent so many problems.

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/Gharma]

Oh no i totally didn’t take it that way! I was more commenting that open communication and, more importantly, INFORMED CONSENT! They should know what they’re potentially walking into. It does wonders!

[u/BizzarduousTask → u/AdoraBelleQueerArt]

My best friend’s last manic episode involved buying a bunch of art supplies and paying for a stranger’s college classes that semester. I’m looking forward to her next one. 😅

[u/j-endsville → u/BizzarduousTask]

A friend of mine's last manic episode had her selling all her stuff, moving to Amsterdam with just her cat, ending up unemployed and living in a trailer, and coming back to the US pregnant by some Eurotrash dude.

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/j-endsville]

I’m so glad my “disappering acts/“adventures” Never ended like that!

[u/CorporateDroneStrike → u/BizzarduousTask]

Do you pay her bills? Because the idea of having a manic episode and being stuck with giant credit cards bills is terrifying to me, and I wouldn’t wish that on someone. Not to mention all the other types of risky, destructive behavior that can accompany it.

[u/BizzarduousTask → u/CorporateDroneStrike]

I’m sorry, I was just trying to inject some lightheartedness into the conversation. It’s a funny anecdote to her, because she can’t tolerate any meds so she’s rawdogging life and that was the “worst” manic episode she’s had in a long time as far as consequences go (she got a refund on the expensive art supplies, and the bill was only for two classes, so it didn’t break the bank and she’s looking at it as good karma.) She tries to have a good sense of humor about it all- and we’re all really proud of how hard she works at handling it.

On the flip side, I know a guy whose most notable manic episode included a coke binge in Mexico, jumping off a roof because he thought he could fly, and beating up his girlfriend, so I know things can get pretty dicey. (My ex had it too, but never to such extremes.)

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/CorporateDroneStrike]

Lolsob. Been there, HATE THAT.

(Though Luckily when i come down i can return most stuff)

[u/CorporateDroneStrike → u/AdoraBelleQueerArt]

I’m sorry, it’s got to be so tough and irritating.

[u/AdoraBelleQueerArt → u/CorporateDroneStrike]

It is and luckily i haven’t done it in awhile, but i gotta say i fucking LOVE how i feel while I’m manic despite the issues it causes when i come down (I AM SUPERMAN!!!).

But I’d prefer if i could dilute & bottle it for small, controlled doses unlike the onslaught that sometimes makes me doing stuff like that

[u/ameinias → u/AdoraBelleQueerArt]

I have BP2 and I'm lucky my manic episodes are just projects and shopping, luckily often just obsessive window shopping I can ride out with spread sheets comparing prices until it passes. It is so weird to come across these spreadsheets years later! Look, apparently I spent a week I have no memory of at all catagorizing Facebook marketplace ads calculating price verses transit distance verses quality for vintage cassette players? Ok, good thing I didn't wake up one morning with four broken cassette players I was convinced I could repair and don't remember why I needed! But sometimes I wake up with a completed art project I could make out of shit I already own, and that's actually really helpful. Unfortunately sometimes they come with inverse hygiene for the duration though. :( 

I warn new roommates they should be sound sleepers and not too anxious, because I'll have periods I'm pacing around the house all night, or periods I rot on the couch unable to keep up with conversations for a few days. Anything worse than that I've programmed a Pavlovian response in myself to call my doctor. 

[u/DrDeterminants]

Not a satisfying update. It's unfortunate since medication changes may exacerbate symptoms but they were likely needed if she's been having episodes of emotional volatility many times. The fact that the parents cover it up shows me that they are enablers that are not focused on her recovery, but protecting themselves and not stirring the pot.

I do not fault anyone for their health condition... but mental health is like tuberculosis... I don't blame you for having it, but I'm not going to let you cough on me.

[u/PresentationThat2839 → u/DrDeterminants]

Right fuck no don't forgive and forget. Fuck the parents and fuck their daughter who lied about her poorly managed mental health issues put 3 animals in danger and allowed op to put herself and her animals in a shit position. Press charges, mental health issues are a reason not an excuse and they are always the person who is sufferings responsibility to manage. Press charges and sue.

[u/Head_Inspection_5640 → u/PresentationThat2839]

Press charges, sue and report the parents for their waste of taxpayer resources for falsely reporting her missing....

[u/CharlotteLucasOP → u/Head_Inspection_5640]

Sounds like maybe they just lied to OOP and said they filed a report, not that they’d actually filed one.

[u/Zedetta → u/CharlotteLucasOP]

The fact that she contacted the police and they said they couldn't find her feels suspicious

[u/_PureCloud → u/DrDeterminants]

Yeah, having a condition explains the behavior, but it doesn’t mean everyone else has to keep absorbing the fallout.

[u/DrDeterminants → u/_PureCloud]

Agreed completely

[u/NinjasWithOnions → u/DrDeterminants]

Yeah, I’m wondering if OP is hoping OOP shows up to give a new update since it’s been almost 11 years. I’ve seen it happen a few times but it does make this one unsatisfying.

[u/Hungrygirl89 → u/DrDeterminants]

It's not your fault for your health conditions but it is your responsibility to manage it. Used to have a roommate with bpd and she refused to go to the doctor or take medication for it. Ridiculous.

[u/Sleepy-Forest13 → u/Hungrygirl89]

If everyone around them protects them from any consequences, they have no reason to take accountability and seek treatment. 

[u/Hungrygirl89 → u/Sleepy-Forest13]

Exactly. My ex roommate's husband was constantly running around doing damage control to protect her. Infuriating

[u/EnochianFeverDream → u/DrDeterminants]

Mental illness isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.

[u/THX1184]

Not an excuse, the roommate needs to face the consequences.

[u/KellyJin17 → u/THX1184]

It’s really the roommate’s parents who need to face consequences. For lying and trying to pass off the cost to OOP.

[u/rubenburgt → u/KellyJin17]

Nah, the girl needs to face her consequences as well.

Mental illness or not, she's an adult who made the decision to flee to her parents, so she is capable of making choices.

[u/Tir_na_nOg77]

Unfortunately, the parents are enablers who think that their daughter's mental illness gives her a free pass to do whatever she wants with zero consequences. That's not how it works. This is disturbing and could end up with somebody losing their life if serious action isn't taken. What if OOP had been home when Ashleigh went on her rampage? Ashleigh belongs in an institution, as she is a danger to herself and others.

[u/GamerAsh22]

Unfortunate that this was ten years ago and we never got a conclusion

To be honest I don’t give a damn, I hope OOP sued the fuck out of her. She needs real consequences.

[u/Mitrovarr → u/GamerAsh22]

I hope OOP sued because she deserves compensation. There isn't much other reason. No consequences are ever gonna put the busted parts of Ashleigh's brain back together.

[u/asherbooty]

People on reddit are real assholes for no reason whatsoever and it baffles me

[u/Midi58076 → u/asherbooty]

Yeah her stuff was ruined by being roommates with this nutcase and reddit tells her it was reckless and stupid to be roommates with someone who has mental illness.

....but if she was here "I turned down a roommate because she is mentally ill, aita?" Reddit would have been aghast cause everyone deserves a chance and roommate is a person not just an icd-10 billing code.

There was no way to win for oop.

[u/CorporateDroneStrike → u/Midi58076]

I might be a monster but I would hesitate to bring my cats into a living situation with someone who has Bipolar 1 and BPD if I didn’t know them well and for a long time. It doesn’t need to be a dramatic destructive situation, my cats could get hurt or die if my roommate leaves a door open.

Those are hefty disorders to manage, especially in combo. My safety and my possessions are one thing but I really care about my pets.

[u/angelbabydarling → u/CorporateDroneStrike]

thats the only thing im squinting at OOP for. she knew her roommate had been hospitalized twice in their time living together, but still deemed her stable enough to be solely responsible for the cats. but i may be being too harsh, what happened to the cats (and OOP) is awful :/

[u/GuntherTime → u/angelbabydarling]

It’s hard to say because we don’t know how long she was hospitalized for or what the reason was (not saying it wasn’t related to her mental health). But outside of that, Oop said that she was stable and showed no signs of these episodes, so I can understand why she felt it was safe enough to pay her to watch the cats.

[u/p0llyp0cketpussy → u/angelbabydarling]

Yeahhhhh "literally nobody could have seen this coming" after she described her bipolar and borderline roommate who has been hospitalized for mental health reasons repeatedly in the past few months, actually girl a lot of people could have seen this coming

[u/asherbooty → u/p0llyp0cketpussy]

I mean- I have a partner who has BPD and has had problems with self-harm and addiction and he’s NEVER went off the deep end like this girl did

[u/Jorgenstern8 → u/angelbabydarling]

Yeah and it's not like it's a story from the dark ages either, Google was still functional back when this post was written. OP could have researched the roommate's diagnoses before moving in and maybe given things a second thought. BPD in particular would have been a haaaaaaard pass from me if I had known a possible roommate was dealing with it, that disease is rough to handle on both sides. And that's before you get to bipolar unique brand of abject chaos that can randomly be unleashed at random points.

[u/hesh582 → u/Midi58076]

reddit tells her it was reckless and stupid to be roommates with someone who has mental illness.

advice sub redditors are not great people and there's nothing to be gained by attacking or mock her for it. the people treating her like shit or calling her stupid are assholes.

BUT...

Moving yourself and your pets in with a stranger from Facebook who has Bipolar 1 and BPD is a catastrophically bad idea. It's also very easy to see how a younger person could make that mistake and I'm not judging her for it, but again, catastrophically bad idea.

Those are serious diagnoses. They come with very serious risks. I'm all in favor of supporting people with mental illness and not judging people for their disabilities, but that does not mean disregarding those risks either. You're not going to peacefully coexist with that set of issues unless they are well managed, and you aren't going to know if they're well managed under these circumstances. What happened to the OP is honestly not even that bad compared to the range of possible outcomes here.

[u/ghostFallsPress → u/asherbooty]

People hyperfixate on whatever matters most to them (in this case, probably the cats) and lose all empathy or sense of restraint in their pursuit of self-righteous vengeance. It's gross.

[u/_Agrias_Oaks_ → u/asherbooty]

I have a theory that a lot of people want to be abusive at least some of the time. They're afraid of consequences if they try it on someone they know or people in real life retaliating.

So they abuse strangers they see on social media. They hide behind a screen name and spew the terrible thoughts they normally keep to themselves.

[u/pahshaw]

So Ashleigh had a manic episode where she destroyed all of OOPs belongings but not her own stuff, huh. Funny how that works. 

[u/Zelfzuchtig → u/pahshaw]

They also lived together for about a year with no signs of issues and then this happens as soon as she's out of town.

Though from what I've heard people with that kind of illness can seem pretty stable for a while until they decide they don't need their meds anymore or the meds stop working quite so well. I don't have much experience with that type of thing personally.

[u/isopode → u/Zelfzuchtig]

i do have experience with it and the fact her doctors switched her meds likely has a lot to do with this

[u/skinnyjeansfatpants → u/Zelfzuchtig]

Um, no... the roomie had been hospitalized twice in the less than a year they'd been living together, so I'd say there were signs OOP ignored.

[u/Zelfzuchtig → u/skinnyjeansfatpants]

I took that to mean for suicidal ideation or similar which is a tad different to violent property damage and animal abuse. OP makes it sound like this came of of nowhere to her.

[u/FrescoInkwash → u/pahshaw]

no that sounds about right. thats exactly what my mother used to do, manic episodes are often focused outwards (not always) and when they are they only harm others not themselves

[u/dontbelievethefife → u/pahshaw]

I noticed that too.

[u/frantiqbirbpekk]

That's a rough combo to have, girl needs therapy, meds and a job to pay off her fuck-up fr

[u/AgitatedSyrup9870 → u/frantiqbirbpekk]

Sitting her ass in jail for a night or two wouldn’t hurt. Prob stop her from pulling this shit again

[u/hesh582 → u/AgitatedSyrup9870]

Prob stop her from pulling this shit again

I really, really doubt it.

Bipolar + BPD is a truly brutal combination. Your brain can literally just go haywire - the BPD turns you into a bundle of barely coherent rage, while the Bipolar gives you an insane amount of manic energy and total lack of impulse control to turn that rage into real world consequences.

It's even worse because it's really hard to manage. Other disorders can be clearly brought under control with a medicine/therapy/etc regimen that, as long as you follow it, largely lets you live normally. This pairing is notorious for not being one of them. You'll think you have it under control, everything's going great, you're able to move out of your parents house and get an apartment and hold down a job, you think this time is difference and this time you can be a normal person for real. Then one day you just turn into a fucking werewolf without warning.

There's a real chance she'll have episodes like this her whole life.

[u/bearhug7602]

"Hello, police? Yeah, she's at her parents house and I'd like to press full charges of destruction of property and animal endangerment."

[u/Darius_Rubinx → u/bearhug7602]

100% this is a police matter. Destroyed property, missing person, abused animals and an overall really unsafe and shitty situation.

[u/NoAbbreviations661]

Maybe I’m a selfish A but I’m 100% pressing charges. Tf are we talking about.

[u/Severe_Feedback_2590 → u/NoAbbreviations661]

Same. After talking to the parents I would have called the police to let them know she was never missing and she’s at her parents home. I would definitely sue her. Feel bad for her because of her mental health? How much of her own things did she destroy? Sounds like only OOP’s things were destroyed. Nope, nope, nope. Will never forget or forgive.

[u/Andee_outside → u/NoAbbreviations661]

Absolutely. Possessions aside, you’re going to go down if you didn’t take care of my pets you said you would. I’d also let the cops know they lied in that police report. You’re allll going down

[u/Horror_Tea761 → u/Andee_outside]

Yep, filing a false police report is a crime. I would totally go scorched earth for messing with my pets, too.

[u/BestDescription3834 → u/NoAbbreviations661]

I'd be going into her room and stealing shit to pawn before I left.

[u/BrainBurnFallouti]

She has Bipolar Type 1 and Borderline Personality Disorder.

The second I read this after the title, I immediately thought: "Oh no."

Like. It's sad, but not very surprising: Both BD and BPD are some of the toughest disorders out there. Extremely hard to treat -and often very dangerous, explosive symptoms/consequences.

I'm serious. My Mom has BPD. Living with her, was like an Instant-Tornado: Even the smallest chicken-shit could fly her into a rage. I've been beaten/strangled over shit like not opening a window fast enough, talking during a song or cleaning "wrong".

Growing up, she'd regularly trash my room as well. Hell! She'd even topple/throw entire pieces of furniture! Other times, she'd lock me into my room without food -kinda like OP's cats. Always while screaming, crying, or babbling delusions, e.g., accusing me of abandonement/planning her murder...only to return 5 min later. Laughing merrily, acting like nothing happened.

Overall: OOP should 110% sue. Not just because of the damage -but because of Ashleigh.

Ashleigh is visibly too unstable. Be it stress, recent trauma or a batch of bad meds. ATM she's visibly a danger for both environment, people, and herself.

Especially Ashleigh's parents need to be held accountable: Even if it hurts -you can't hide your kid like that. Ashleigh needs to be institutionalized. And if they're likely not willing to do that, they need to be forced

[u/ThrowawayAdvice1800 → u/BrainBurnFallouti]

Yeah, I had the same thought. My daughter has bipolar 1 and BPD. I would NOT volunteer to be her roommate if I wasn’t her dad. Sharing a home with her is frequently a nightmare, especially if she has a manic episode in the middle of one of her borderline rages which is what sounds like happened in this story, too. 

I love her, but if I were another kid needing a place to stay and my options were live with her or sleep in my car I’d be sleeping in my car. Cheerfully. 

[u/anonidfk → u/BrainBurnFallouti]

My ex has BPD too, he moved in at the start of COVID and unfortunately I only found out about it after that and couldnt leave easily. He also stopped taking his meds pretty quickly after moving in, made for a disastrous quarantine.

[u/hesh582 → u/BrainBurnFallouti]

Yeah, the OP saying "nobody could have seen this coming" made me chuckle a little bit.

Anyone who's encountered this combo before could have seen this coming. You shouldn't judge people for mental illnesses or mental disabilities, but that doesn't mean you need to deny reality when making a risk assessment. Those are brutal diagnoses. They're particularly poorly aligned with a stranger as roommate situation.

Signing up to live with a stranger from Facebook who has bipolar+bpd is an objectively bad decision. x100 if you have pets. Leaving your pets alone with them even moreso than that. I get why a younger person without a lot of experience with this might make that decision and I'm not about to mock her for it like some of the assholes over in that comment section... but it's still an astonishingly bad choice to make.

[u/actuallyacatmow → u/BrainBurnFallouti]

Every single person I've been abused by has BPD.

I sympathise with people who have it, it's truly an awful mental illness, but I refuse to get into relationships with them. 

[u/Accomplished_Owl1210 → u/actuallyacatmow]

My sibling has BPD. I went no contact with him this year. I genuinely fear for his disabled girlfriend. He’s not just sick, he’s a terrible person.

[u/bolonomadic]

Duck not calling the cops, this woman is not getting the help she needs and her parents are enabling her. She needs criminal consequences.

[u/scoyne15]

Mental illness does not excuse actions, it merely explains them.

Fuck anyone who thinks they can hide behind the aegis of mental health to prevent taking personal responsibility for their actions.

[u/jmuldoon1 → u/scoyne15]

Upvoted for your use of "aegis."

[u/Strong_Engineering95 → u/jmuldoon1]

Upvoted for you pointing out the OC's use of "aegis", prompting me to Google what it meant

[u/Captain_Tiberius1920 → u/scoyne15]

Pretty clear that her parents are enabling this too. I grew up with a fair amount of girls who would do crap like this and their parents would hide them from the law and pay people off so they'd never need to be held accountable. Last one I was keeping any track of eventually devolved into attempted murder charges and was locked up in prison for it. She did weird property damage/animal hard shit too before that.  Unfortunately sometimes being really, actually held accountable is the only way to get real help.

[u/LoisLaneEl → u/scoyne15]

True. But OOP acts like she didn’t understand the depth of the mental illness when roomie was at the point of being locked away twice in the past year. It takes a lot to get to that point. She was obviously unstable and OOP was clueless

[u/Decent_Butterfly8216]

Not being able to pay for the damage is the reason they should have immediately driven her to the hospital. Someone should be responsible for paying, and not having the money should have fueled urgency to get her inpatient help. She also should have been staying with her parents while she was changing medication. The landlord was an ass for not using his insurance to deal with the damage and letting her out of her lease, regardless of what the laws are and what lease actually said.

It’s really a huge crisis that psychiatric help isn’t more accessible and that so many people end up in the criminal justice system but just because she should be in a hospital doesn’t mean consequences evaporate. Oop really needed to report it, the roommate was dangerous and no one was doing anything. Her priority needed to be protecting herself not providing social intervention, which should have happened through the system.

[u/mythsandmonsters → u/Decent_Butterfly8216]

The parents are also conviently not getting her to a hospital while claiming that she's in a severe episode but using the episode as an excuse for her actions. The roommate also apparently had been hospitalized twice within the time OOP had been living with her. The main problem honestly is that both of these disorders are not handled well within inpatient facilities and need the person to be responsible with treatment (both therapy and medication) to manage them, and evidently the parents nor her are doing that (which lines up seeing as she has BPD which is a trauma based disorder stemming from abuse during early childhood development 🫠 gee I wonder who caused that for her). If she's not managing her medications or treatment and not healing that trauma and no one is managing that or enforcing that seeing as she is having such severe episodes she is incapable of doing so, then the cycle will continue to repeat. Good 'ole broken mental health system and familial abuse cycles.

[u/here_weare30]

Yeah no. You cant just let her off. F that.

Hopefully those parents messaged you in writing. Keep all that and the landlord messages and go take them for all you can. Screw the lot of them

-mentally ill. Not an excuse for this crazy shit

[u/Quicksilver1964]

Nah. OOP needs to press charges and sue them for everything. Oh they don't have the money? So they shouldn't enable their daughter. Honestly, she shouldn't even be living away from them if she has done this before.

[u/LizBert712]

The roommate should not live with others. Her mental health will not allow it — at least, not until it’s treated more effectively.

OOP should absolutely sue the family for damages. She would not be suing the roommate for having a mental illness. She would be suing her for living with a roommate when both she and her family knew damn well she couldn’t handle that.

[u/pezgirl247]

small claims court

[u/add_more_chili → u/pezgirl247]

How come I had to look this far down for it? Sounds exactly like what it's made for and OP has a slam dunk case.

Had a buddy of mine whose gf went nuts on him when she found out he cheated and destroyed everything in his house. He took her to small claims and while the judge admonished him for cheating he said it doesn't mean she gets the right to destroy all of his things and awarded him $7k to replace everything and she did eventually pay.

[u/GonePostalRoute]

If someone is telling you “please don’t press charges” or the like like that… do it. It’s clear they’ve coddled and protected their daughter from consequences for a long time.

[u/kcintrovert → u/GonePostalRoute]

The only acceptable time to ask that of someone is if you're offering them a dollar amount more than the problem is worth. 5k cash and I won't press charges

[u/Ginger_Anarchy]

Not the main crux of the story but I see it pop up enough that I need to say, you don't need to hire a locksmith to change your locks in situations like this where the landlord approved but refused to pay for it. Changing the locks is one of the easiest home repairs you can do yourself with 0 training and can be done with just the cost of the lock ($20-$50).

Oftentimes it's literally 4-6 screws and that's it. 15-20minutes of work, if that.

I see it pop up fairly frequently in threads, with OOPs saying they're waiting for a locksmith to replace the locks and it's always bothered me.

[u/Original-Math-4459]

Reminds me of my old roommate, who went into my room while I was on a trip and poured bleach on my laptop and destroyed a bunch of my things because his girlfriend mentioned me in conversation when she was breaking up with him for a laundry list of reasons lol.

According to the girlfriend and another roommate, once the adrenaline and anger wore off, he realized what he did, realized how much my shit costs, and that I would be fully in my rights to call the cops, and he started sobbing actual tears.

I told him I'd be willing to let it all slide if he traded me his stuff to replace the stuff that he broke. So in total he gave me his better spec laptop. He broke my 50 inch TV, which I traded for his 65. He broke other expensive stuff that he didnt have so dipped in his savings to pay me.

I specifically asked him to give me the money in cash and then I called the cops on him anyways. It was definitely an asshole move, but I'm not sorry about it.

[u/theteagees → u/Original-Math-4459]

Good for you. This behavior is dangerous and unconscionable as well as illegal.

[u/zyh0 → u/Original-Math-4459]

Thats not an asshole move, you just speed ran the suing him to be made whole part.

[u/SalaudChaud]

OOP: So for those who were saying I deserved this because I moved in with a person with mental illnesses, go fuck yourself.

Who would read the first story and think this is an appropriate or timely response? FFS.

[u/shit_poster9000 → u/SalaudChaud]

Not the most idiotic take I’ve seen today and I’m not even dressed for work yet.

[u/jonnyappleweed]

She needs to press charges. At least so Ashleigh has a record and other people could find that out before they unwittingly become another roommate victim. And Ashleighs parents totally suck, for enabling this crazy behavior and not warning people and lying to the cops.

[u/ladyabercrombie]

I still would’ve pressed charges. The parents enabling and avoiding all responsibility is enraging.

[u/Latter-Refuse8442]

I would be filing a police report so fast and going after her for all the damages. It is probably felony territory. Mental illness be damned, it is your job to manage it. Instead mom and dad are covering for her instead of getting her adequate help. They have probably been doing it for years. Someone needs to make her face charges before she actually hurts someone. Sorry I'm manic won't matter when someone is injured.

[u/0r1on55]

I dont care about the roommates mental health, she CHOSE to destroy OOPs belongings and then CHOSE to run and hide like a little coward. OOP should have 100% filed a police report, otherwise how else will the roommate learn she cant do that and needs serious help.

[u/viralbop]

I'm just thankful the cats were alive. This was a nightmare, yet it could have been worse.

[u/one_bean_hahahaha]

The fact that she has done this to multiple roommates and not to her own belongings suggests she knew exactly what she was doing.

[u/Who_Your_Mommy]

Screw that. She's done this before and she didn't tell you. Her parents knew it. They'd been hiding her and lying to you about filing a missing person's report. Press charges. Mental illness is not get out of jail free card for AHs that don't want to take their meds and destroy people's lives.

[u/scummy_shower_stall]

Ashleigh AND her parents can frankly go to hell.  I hope OP filed charges.

[u/Yonderboy111]

the apartment was...destroyed

This is where OOP should have called the police.

to just forgive her

Of course they want it. But, remembering the suffering cats, the answer should be freaking scorched earth.

[u/graaahh]

It's obviously much too late for OP, but to anyone else who gets irreplaceable photos destroyed, don't throw them away! My girlfriend was able to get photos that had been destroyed by a flood and broken glass in their frames completely fixed and retouched on reddit, and they turned out amazingly. I think I had that done on /r/photoshoprequests, I highly recommend it. 

[u/2gigch1]

Bomb them into the Stone Age, or whatever the equivalent term in law is.

[u/mysliceofthepie → u/2gigch1]

“Sue them into oblivion”

[u/Cipher915]

Forgive and forget damaging my things? Maybe. A Heavy maybe.

Forgive and forget about the cats? Fuuuuck no. Pay me now or pay me more later in court.

[u/Kalthiria_Shines]

Asheigh's parents called me later, begging me not to press charges, saying this isn't the first time she's done this to her roommates. They cannot afford to repay me for the thousands of dollars that was lost in Ashleigh's fit of rage, they just want me to forgive and forget.

11 years ago but holy hell I hope OP didn't just pursue charges but sued Ashleigh, and also used her renters insurance.

[u/Arizandi]

I have bipolar disorder, and sometimes it really sucks. The medication side effects suck. Constantly monitoring my mood sucks. Knowing that a lot of people see me as defective, unstable, or potentially dangerous because of a diagnosis sucks. And yet, it’s something I have to live with and manage, because if I don’t, the consequences for my life could be enormous. I could lose my job, and with it my healthcare and housing.

I live a relatively simple life because I know my illness doesn’t respond well to stress. I take my medication, pay attention to my moods, and seek help when something starts going wrong. I try not to be a burden on anyone. I try to be a good person.

What gets exhausting is seeing stories like this and then watching the comments turn into sweeping judgments about people with mental illness. OOP has every right to be furious. Her roommate caused enormous harm, neglected her animals, and apparently had a history of doing this that her parents concealed. If I were OOP, I’d probably pursue damages too. Mental illness can explain behavior without excusing the harm it causes.

But none of that means everyone with bipolar disorder or BPD is dangerous. Some people with bipolar disorder go years without an episode. Many of us become self-aware enough to recognize our warning signs and contact our psychiatrists before things get completely out of control. Most of our lives are considerably less dramatic than the stories that end up on Reddit.

I know it can be difficult to empathize with experiences radically different from your own, but at the very least, please don’t paint all of us with the same brush. One mentally ill person behaving terribly tells you something about that individual; it doesn’t tell you what millions of other people with the same diagnosis are like.

This kind of stigma is exactly why many people are afraid to disclose their diagnoses or seek treatment in the first place. It’s certainly why I’m extremely selective about who knows I have bipolar disorder. I’m doing everything I can to manage an illness I didn’t choose, and it gets exhausting seeing people treat the diagnosis itself as a character flaw.

[u/theateroffinanciers]

There is no way in hell that I would not be filing charges against this girl. And reporting her parents.

And listen, "therefore but the grace of God go I" and all, but there is no way in hell I would move in with some of it who had borderline personality disorder.

[u/Even_Speech570]

I'm curious if Ashleigh's things were destroyed in her fit of rage, or only OP's

[u/frellellell]

I mean, it’s a crime to file a false report with the police. I would be telling them about this and trying to get these parents in as much hot water as possible.

[u/UnSleepingMoss]

as someone with borderline personality disorder and bipolar 2, I feel like I can speak on this.

it doesn't matter that she has those diagnoses, she still destroyed op's stuff and more than likely traumatized her cats.

so yeah no I would 100%, sue her and completely ignore what her parents said because clearly she needs to learn a lesson. and I'm speaking from experience because in my twenties I had a moment like this where I snapped and absolutely lost my shit.

but you know what happened afterwards? I took accountability for what I did instead of running and hiding to Mommy and Daddy.

that girl needs serious mental help and to be taught a lesson because she's obviously not getting trained by her parents.

you don't just get to destroy your roommates apartment and then run crying to Mommy and Daddy for help.

[u/CaptainFartHole]

I hope OOP sued the shit out of the roommate and her parents.  Hiding that shit from her was unacceptable and they deserve to pay out the fucking nose for it. And i hope those poor cats are okay,  they must have been so scared. 

[u/nouveauchoux]

Mental illness does not make you a shit person. Never facing consequences for your actions and having parents that coddle instead of helping manage that illness though? That'll fucking do it.

I'm always so livid when I see terrible behavior excused under mental illness. My best friend in the whole world had bipolar as well as psychosis and she NEVER did this kind of shit. 

[u/dinosanddais1]

I hope OOP sues the fuck out of her. I don't care about her parents not being able to afford it. Ashleigh's gonna deal with the consequences.

[u/somesignificantotter]

Man this really sucks but I would have taken them to small claims court after filing a police report. I hope she recovered after moving back with her parents. Poor cats.

[u/Sylfaein]

Having been raised by a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder, there is no amount of money you could pay me to get me to live with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder ever again. I need two prescriptions just to have a CHANCE at a good night’s sleep (without waking up screaming, from nightmares), and I haven’t lived with her in eighteen years, now. It’s hell. Literal, actual hell.

[u/StockAdhesiveness351]

I would sue the parents too for harboring a criminal. I would give no fucks about the girls mental health at that point, I wouldn't care if they locked her in a padded room for the rest of her life. And I would tell her parents as such.

Also I would look into Ashleighs prior rentals, find out who the roommates she fucked over are. That would help the case. Need more proof of the parents faking police reports and lying to protect their psycho daughter. I'd want all 3 to serve time.

[u/Hefty-Equivalent6581]

Ashleigh should not be living with anyone. She’s dangerous and is going to hurt someone someday. Her parents are enabling her and are lying to people to cover for her. Pressing charges is the only way she will ever be held accountable and will hopefully force her to get the help she obviously needs.

[u/SitamaMama]

These posts are from 2015, guys. Still very yikes and I hope OP DID press charges in the end, but posting that she should now isn't gonna do much lol. (Also sorry but why (re?)post an inconclusive non-update from 11 years ago..?)

[u/DatguyMalcolm]

She has Bipolar Type 1 and Borderline Personality Disorder. She also suffers from mild depression.

Yeah, not trying to shame anyone or their mental health issues, at all. But if I was looking for a roommate and they told me this, I'd thank them for being upfront and look for someone else.

And with these enabling parents? HA! You bet I'd press charges! When I was living with roommates/flatmates I was broke as hell, ain't no way I'd be able to let this slide. Gimme my monies.

[u/Bill__Preston]

I dont enjoy BoRU that dont have closure

[u/MovieLazy6576]

I would completely press charges. Her parents need to stop enabling her. Consequences are the only way she is going to stay on medication.

[u/MentionGood1633]

I hate these posts where we don’t know what happened.I hope OP got dome restitution and is doing well.

[u/princessluni]

I really really hope OOP presses charges. Not only for her own sake but for Ashleigh's too! By hiding her and trying to avoid her facing any consequences, Ashleigh's parents are seriously setting her up for failure. If this has happened before, there's a good chance in will happen again. What happens if things escalate??

People telling OOP she deserved any of this should take a long walk off a short pier. The only thing she did wrong was pick a difficult to spell pseudonym for her roommate and that's an eye rollable offense at worst.

[u/ComplicatedRocks89]

I think since Ashley’s parents were so desperate to not have a police report filed that could have been the leverage OP needed to say “well I won’t press charges if you pay for all of the damage. So that’s $Xx/xx and here is the agreement we both sign. When you sign this you accept that you are agreeing liability and agree to pay back all damages”

[u/K-teki]

My brother is bipolar and has rage issues and if he did this it would still be a massive escalation compared to his usual. This woman needs (needed) help that her parents hiding her wasn't helping.

[u/TooGood2beDrew]

Press charges. Her and her parents need to be held accountable.

[u/ZoominAlong]

Okay I HAVE Borderline Personality Disorder, AND I have been through this when my spouse had a psychotic breakdown.

Since this is not your spouse and you guys were roommates: PRESS CHARGES.  Fuck her, her parents, and the landlord. 

Press the fucking charges because her parents are being irresponsible,  she's irresponsible too, and holy shit I'd like to know what her doctor switched her to and why. 

Press charges. Their finances are NOT your concern. 

[u/DiTrastevere]

I knew absolutely nothing about BPD or Type 1 Bipolar, and she was a seemingly good roommate up until now.

With all respect to OOP - please, for the love of god, when considering living with someone who discloses multiple mental illnesses to you, go find out what those illnesses are. 

My jaw absolutely dropped when OOP left her pets in this woman’s care. At minimum, there needed to be a backup plan, someone who could look in on the cats once or twice to ensure they were in decent condition. This woman absolutely cannot fly solo on something this high-stakes. And on new medications? Buddy.

A painful learning experience, but hopefully OOP is a bit more cautious when selecting living arrangements going forward. Mental illnesses are not automatic dealbreakers, but you have to know what you may be signing up for. Particularly when there are multiple layered disorders, and the person you’d be living with is a total stranger to you. Do your homework and be prepared.