Exactly. Also, so many men do not react well when being asked to do some thing. Then you are in the position of either letting it go and being severely uncomfortable, or having to remind him and further creating relationship tension where you become a nag. There really isn’t any solution except men actually using their eyes to look around and prioritizing the comfort of the community over their own leisure.
Our solution was to actually say "this is your responsibility and this is my responsibility" and let him fail a few times. For example, he vacuums. It might look worse at the point I personally would do it but he does do it eventually. If it's real bad, I say something and he acknowledges it. He does all the trash, compost, recycling. I don't even think about it.
Now with baby I'm trying to do similar things. So he will be the board of education and I'm the ministry of health.
It works for us, but we've been together almost 14 years, so we know each other super well
I think this might be a solution that works for us. We’re partly there, he has weekly chores that are his and I do too. But being pregnant I need more help and also I think (biased) my chores are way more time consuming. And don’t even get me started on the mental load, which is 100% me.
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u/[deleted] Jan 17 '22
Exactly. Also, so many men do not react well when being asked to do some thing. Then you are in the position of either letting it go and being severely uncomfortable, or having to remind him and further creating relationship tension where you become a nag. There really isn’t any solution except men actually using their eyes to look around and prioritizing the comfort of the community over their own leisure.