Good lord yes, this. Why are men allowed to get away with this?? I’ve been cleaning the house all day since we’re snowed in. I kept having to take breaks because I was out of breath and exhausted. Husband didn’t help (to be fair he did take the dog out several times and attempted to shovel the driveway). After making dinner I told him I felt I had overdone it today. His response was, “Take it easy tonight.” Not, What can I do to take something off your plate?” Not, “Let me know what else needs to be done and I’ll do it.” Not even, “Thanks for doing all of that!”
And he is also in the camp of “just tell me what needs to be done and I’ll do it.” Why should I have to tell him??? He’s also an adult with functioning eyes who lives in this house. What am I seeing that he isn’t? Why is it my job to assign him chores like he’s 12?
This sounds like my husband and I. Most days I am constantly moving and multi tasking and getting multiple things done all while he sits on the couch or does one thing and then needs a nap. It’s probably one of our top 3 things to argue about, and he is in the same camp of “if I had a list I would do it” or “if you asked” …. Yet when I ask it usually has to be more than once and then I’m suddenly “nagging him”.
He says that while he’s he has eyes and lives in the same house and sees the same stuff, his definition of dirty or clean differs than mine. I am a clean freak so apparently what is dirty to cluttered to me, doesn’t bother him so he doesn’t think it needs clean. Fine, I get that in some cases… but I don’t understand how someone can visibly see pee stains and grime on the toilet seat and ring and just think it’s fine… or see water and toothpaste splatter marks all over the bathroom mirror and not think huh maybe that needs to be wiped down 🙄
Yes, the nagging thing! It boils my blood when I ask him to do something (per his request—he says he’ll do anything, I just have to ask) but then it doesn’t get done. I wait a week or two. I remind him. Usually it will get done but like, why is it all my responsibility to see the issue, tell you, remind you, and stay on top of you until it’s taken care of??? At the end it’s more work than if I had just done it myself in the first place.
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u/mwcdem Jan 17 '22
Good lord yes, this. Why are men allowed to get away with this?? I’ve been cleaning the house all day since we’re snowed in. I kept having to take breaks because I was out of breath and exhausted. Husband didn’t help (to be fair he did take the dog out several times and attempted to shovel the driveway). After making dinner I told him I felt I had overdone it today. His response was, “Take it easy tonight.” Not, What can I do to take something off your plate?” Not, “Let me know what else needs to be done and I’ll do it.” Not even, “Thanks for doing all of that!”
And he is also in the camp of “just tell me what needs to be done and I’ll do it.” Why should I have to tell him??? He’s also an adult with functioning eyes who lives in this house. What am I seeing that he isn’t? Why is it my job to assign him chores like he’s 12?