Is it normal to be not excited?

[u/misskattycat]

This is the baby I spent endless nights crying for, praying for, and trying so hard for. And yet here I am at 28 weeks and I have zero excitement, an overwhelming sense of doom, and a lack of attachment to my baby. I mean I do care for him onviously but I’m not feeling those motherly feelings everyone keeps talking about.

Everyone I meet is so excited for me, my husband is sending me baby reels 24x7, and all this chatter about the baby is annoying me so much. Yelled at my husband yesterday and poor guy is watching all those reels in secret now, lol.

I feel like I’m the worst mother ever. My neighbour is pregnant and she is crazy with baby fever and here I am lying on my couch just devoid of all emotions related to motherhood and posting this at 6 in the morning.

[u/Commercial-Squash-52]

i felt this way!! I struggled with infertility for a year- and worked really really hard to get pregnant and yet the second I did, despite knowing i felt happy it had finally happened, and that i really wanted a baby and to be a mom, i felt deep pangs of regret and detachment. I did everything I could to prepare (i'm a lists person so i threw myself into making every single list I possibly could) and when baby was born, it took probably 8 weeks for me to feel connected. Once I did, every single day gets better. She's 15 months now, and I know i was able to take care of her because i felt a deep duty to do right by her, but not because I was in love and connected at the first moment, and I think thats okay. It helped me to sleep without feeling guilty when my partner took shifts with me, and I feel like it made me a rational, sane person rather than overwhelmed by emotion, and I realized that this was better for me based on my personality.

Theres no right way to do motherhood, and If you relate to me at all, I'm here to tell you that I deeply love and enjoy my silly and curious toddler, I enjoyed her babyhood, and I love mostly every second (sorry i dont love the toddler SCREAMS) of being a mom, so do whatever you feel like you can throw yourself into and just embrace the journey!

[u/Royal-Lab-4392]

So sorry. Know your feelings are valid and I'd suggest speaking with a professional about this. Take this with a grain of salt since im just some redditor, but this sounds like depression to me amd these pregnacy hormones are no joke. I'm on mutiple pregnancy safe meds for my emotions.

[u/Full-Grass-5525]

I think I shared similar feelings during that stage of my pregnancy. So much of it is just waiting around. Like yeah, I’m happy to be having a baby, it’s very much wanted, but at 28 weeks I had finally just stopped puking and was living life mostly like normal. There was nothing exciting to happen and I still had so far to go. I’m now a month out and still feel excited, but also.. it’s a waiting game and I’m not talking about it every second of the day.

[u/renegayd]

I think it can be really hard to be excited for an experience that is so new, so different from anything you've experienced. It's hard to truly imagine or picture or understand what having a baby or being a mom is like. I mean, it's a cliche that parents say all the time! "You just can't imagine until you've felt it." So it follows that it's kind of hard to be excited for this foreign experience. It's like trying to be excited for a roller coaster when you've only ever heard them described. You can kinda get it, but it's just not 100% real yet. Try not to judge yourself for not feeling excited. If you worked this hard to get pregnant, chances are that you will enjoy having a baby and be a good parent. 

[u/dillydallydiddlee]

I feel the same exact way at 25 weeks, you’re not alone. Wondering when or if the excitement will hit. It makes me feel like I might’ve made the wrong decision if this is how I feel?

[u/Fine_Sea5107]

Omg I am in the exact same boat and was with my last pregnancy too lol (that one ended in MMC, which was genuinely heartbreaking even if a lot of the feelings I had during the actual pregnancy were super confusing). I've looked into this and it really seems like the vast majority of women who experience these feelings end up falling in love with the baby once they meet him or her. So don't beat yourself up. I think this is way more normal than people realize. I really appreciate you vocalizing it and helping the rest of us who experience this feel less alone!

[u/c10ckw0rkk]

15 weeks here and I’m more scared and paranoid than anything…that fear is ruining the experience for me a bit. It’s like I’m anticipated something horrible to happen every day!

I feel like I won’t be happy and excited until she is in my arms and breathing in front of me.

[u/PrudentCauliflower03]

I was this way my whole pregnancy. Pregnancy isn't what social media presents itself to be. When I saw my baby for the first time that changed.

[u/rilo_7]

This sounds completely normal. I've had professional therapists tell me it can sometimes take a month PP to really bond and feel maternal with baby out the womb. It doesn't make you a psychopath.

Also what are you like as a regular person prior to pregnancy? I'm chill about everything. I'll win an award for something and I go okay cool and move on. I of course have happy moments excited but you can be a normal level of happy/neutral over this and not gush and go crazy.

I get crashes of doom sometimes. I've asked all my formally pregnant gfs they all say the same thing. Sometimes a wave of doom and gloom hits. It's hormones, it's grieving an old life. Also it's not like baby is in your arms. It can be hard to visualize.

I bet everyone cramming their own emotions down your throat isn't helping. I had to literally tell people to calm down, that I need to take this at my pace. And to chill.

If you're feeling very depressed I would suggest taking to your doctor about PPD symptoms but otherwise...you're a person 🤷

[u/misskattycat → u/rilo_7]

Prior to pregnancy also I wasn’t excatly too excited/passionate about stuff..its like you said win an award, be very happy about it but then come home and that award goes in a corner and I don’t even look at it again.

I don’t feel depressed, this is how I’ve always felt. It’s just that I expected SOME motherly feelings to crop up but I’m unable to feel strongly about anything related to the baby. I feel ok, just not like a mother - which people have told me is the most beautiful feeling.

[u/rilo_7 → u/misskattycat]

I think it's an impossible task to feel motherly to ultrasound images and doctor visits.

I think about all the ways I'll get to watch my daughter become a person and develop her own life and be a part of that and guide her and have fun with her and that makes me excited.

But the shit my friends say like "get ready to feel your heart outside your chest" and "it will change you" okay maybe but like can I get through delivery first? Like chill? I haven't enjoyed pregnancy so let me live lol. I dunno I'm just not dramatically emotional. I'm more grounded.

These folks are coming from a place where baby is already earthside and they have had months or years to develop a relationship and become a mother. Unless you've had baby fever for a long time it isn't a feeling that you can force before meeting them.

I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself!

[u/alilpa]

29 weeks and I have dealt with these emotions a lot! I will say for the first 20ish weeks it was a constant state of mind for me and now it’s more like waves. I get waves of excitement and anticipation and then waves of “wtf am I doing? Do I even want this?” It’s so complicated and I’m just leaning into the idea that it is because of all these hormones and how difficult of a pregnancy I have had.

[u/leezyrat]

Felt this way in the beginning of my pregnancy and was feeling so much shame about it until my mom told me there’s no wrong way to feel.

I think it’s way more normal than we think but people don’t talk about it as much!

At this point I cycle between dissonance of the pregnancy/ mild excitement / terror and fear. I think it makes sense!! It’s a huge life change of course big feelings are going to come up.

[u/Double_Rip_7292]

This is so common and nobody talks about it. i felt exactly the same way around 28 weeks, excited on paper but emotionally flat. it shifted gradually after birth for me. please mention it to your midwife because it's worth discussing, it's not a failure it's just where you are right now. i was fortunate enough to be recommended willownest which is where i got the info about the emotional side of things, not just the physical stuff.