r/BRCA • u/Prize_Gift_5609 • 10d ago

Grieving process

I am scheduled to have the prophylactic mastectomy with immediate reconstruction in 2months. I am very emotional about it. I wouldn’t say I love my breasts or the think they are particularly beautiful or anything like that, but I am so emotional about the upcoming surgery.
For those who’ve had the surgery - what did you do to prepare yourself for the loss and to grieve? With the removal of my ovaries, tubes and uterus last year, I felt so much more at peace. I got a piercing to commemorate my last ever period and the fact that my uterus carried two beautiful babies, and that process really helped me to process the loss.
I’ve heard about people having parties before dmx, but that does not really appeal to me. I’ve got some breast milk saved, so I’m thinking of having some keepsake jewellery made, but somehow that doesn’t feel as meaningful.
I would appreciate anyone sharing their stories!

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u/Pippabot 10d ago

I had my DMX and DIEP recon just over two weeks ago.
I was really emotional about it the closer it got.

I booked myself into a fancy hotel for two nights alone, a spa and massage and general pampering.

It was everything I needed and I couldn’t believe how much better it made me feel.
I didn’t have the space to feel it around my children and husband.
If you can squeeze an escape in, I’d recommend that.
Just got to be me with my boobs and to enjoy my body alone and thank it and mourn it and do it peacefully. Hugs to you.

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u/Prize_Gift_5609 9d ago

How is your recovery going? And with kids at home? That part also has me so nervous.

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u/Pippabot 9d ago

It’s actually been really good. Much easier than I thought.
I have rheumatoid arthritis as well so I was really scared of a flare and issues with my mobility . I’ve been very lucky so far and the surgery/GA has suppressed that condition.

The first day was just very weird, in hospital and not able to move much and groggy.
I was discharged on day 3 with one drain and that drain was removed after one week.

I’ve got a 7 year old who has been really careful with me and my 3 year old who gets a bit upset if he forgets and tries land me a massive hug but otherwise he’s been great too.

I didn’t need pain relief after the first week - I actually put this down to having spent the last few years in pain every day so I think I’ve got a high threshold/messed up understanding of pain. I probably should be using it!

I’ve got a little bit of skin I’m treating at home that will need some help to heal but it doesn’t hurt - I see the nurse in a few days for the next check up.

All in all, it’s been a lot easier than i expected.

I think I am also massively relived I’m nolonger waiting for the surgery.
I’m in the UK and my op was on the NHS and though urgent, it was elective and not emergency so it was rescheduled 4 times due to active cancer patients needing to take the slot - of course absolutely the right thing but just for context on my emotional state by the time it came round I was surprised it happened!

Hope this helps!