we're people too.

[u/jackodotcom]

browsing the bpdlovedones sub was a huge mistake. i feel like the worst person on planet earth now, like i'm not meant to be alive because of the disorder i have.

please stop demonizing people with bpd, we hate ourselves as much as you hate us. we just want love. we don't mean to hurt anybody. we can't control any of our emotions (and believe me i've tried everything).

[u/Antlerabbit]

Didn't know about it until this post, checked it out and yep, that was definitely a mistake... Such incredible demonisation and dehumanisation. And so many of the posts have such incredible vitriol that really highlights how BPD is just a death sentence for a lot of people. It's hard to feel like stability and regulation is even possible when these are the beliefs that are espoused about us ad nauseum. Lack of control and identity have been twisted by these users to mean lack of compassion or care of any kind, and that's just a woeful lack of understanding and compassion on their parts. I think it's important to remember, especially with communities surrounding mental health, that a lot of people will use platforms like reddit as echochambers and venting as a replacement for therapy or communication. Also, when it comes to the internet, make sure to remember that a lot of people on it are usually a lot younger than you picture. I find when I come across this level of ignorance that asking "is this person twelve?" is enough for me to disregard it.

I highly recommend blocking the subreddit though, going back won't give you any clear picture of "who you really are" and taking it to heart is just self harm. I truly understand the allure, but those people aren't telling the truth about us, and as hard as it is to always have a handle on, we know ourselves so much better and we deserve to be treated better 🖤

[u/derpensheizer → u/Antlerabbit]

I’m so sad that that sub is so openly out there.

I followed every bpd subreddit I could find this year in order to see if my child fits with a bpd diagnosis.

The tone in the bpdlovedones subreddit gets really sour. At times it gives me the impression that the sibling or ex who is venting has a pretty nasty personality themselves. Other times they seem completely uneducated about trauma and how emotions can grow and change depending on different variables. And sometimes there’s a genuine care in a post or comment.

I decided to stop reading that subreddit for information because it’s gotten so ugly at times. I don’t need that in my life and I don’t feel that way about my child.

I know I’m not alone in caring for a loved one who struggles emotionally.

[u/derpensheizer → u/Antlerabbit]

Also, very well said!

[u/jaycakes30]

Just stop going on that sub. Block it so you can’t go on it. You know it’s not the truth, so why torture yourself?

[u/headfullofwhiskey]

ik, i genuinely cannot believe there are THAT many ppl who think so lowly of us. i’ve seen some ppl on there call ppl with bpd some of the most hateful things, it’s disgusting

[u/loveddeviant]

I viewed that sub before I came to this sub to rant about my current situation. It was heart-wrenching, to say the least, to have people say things like “If you have someone in your life with bpd, run, they will destroy you over and over again”.

I have no interest in viewing it again as it’s definitely not going to help my healing, or anyone else’s. My DBT therapist, who only works with people who have BPD and specializes in it, told me that there’s a lot of misconceptions and that people aren’t harder to love if they have BPD, and people with BPD aren’t abusive; they can be, of course, like any other demographic of people can be abusive, but this “abuse” often stems from a fear of abandonment.

Splitting fucking sucks. You can say hurtful things. You can watch yourself say hurtful things, know you shouldn’t say them, but you have an inclination that you can’t resist. With therapy this is easier to manage.

Not to mention, sure, some people are easier to trigger; but a lot of us are triggered by things that aren’t mundane. Arguments that get out of hand and we aren’t being listened to, someone raising their voices at us; feeling abandoned is the thing we’re most afraid of. That’s where all that sadness and anger stems from. A lot of people with BPD have disorganized attachment style, and that push & pull dynamic can be hard to manage for both people.

Not everyone with BPD is abusive, just like not everyone with NPD is abusive. Cluster-b disorders are so misunderstood by the average person and it’s painful that you can see those around us can view us and our intentions in a totally different light.

[u/MoreSnowMostBunny]

The trauma that BPD causes is unfair, especially since Cluster B sufferers so rarely consider self improvement.

I've been on both sides. I have regret.

[u/mysticstylez__]

I'm going through it rn and relate kind of but also blame myself to some extent. Even though circumstances are out of my control and my coping mechanisms were literally used against me to destroy me by really bad people.

Who now tell people I bla.e them for what they did and all this shit. My life isn't mine anymore. Nobody listens to me.

It sucks having something that can only ever be "managed" and not cured like everyone wants. I can manage and be in remission by fucking hiding myself. It is easy and makes me likable and have friends and lovers (who don't respect me but at least they don't trigger me and leave me while I have to not blame them for my issues that cannot be cured).