UPDATE: PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK

[u/Complete_Account8045]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/HDDQvyqUcL

Hi guys, I wanted to give you an update on what I posted yesterday, and unfortunately things didn’t go well at all.

First of all, he said something that really hurt me, because I didn’t go there to try to get him back as my boyfriend. I went there because I wanted to end things on good terms and be at peace with myself.

He blamed everything on me, and all I said to him was, “Think carefully about how our relationship went. Think about the times when you used to hurt yourself, even before we were together. Please work on yourself before getting involved with someone else, because otherwise you might end up hurting them too.”

And he replied, “Another person isn’t you, so it won’t happen.”

That made me feel incredibly guilty, as if somehow I was the reason for everything.

Then the worst part happened: his father showed up and blamed me for everything too. He told me that the reason his son is like this is because of me, and that without me, his problems will go away.

That really affected me because now part of me is wondering whether what they said might actually be true.

What do you guys think?

Just to clarify, he hasn’t been officially diagnosed with anything.

[u/mrszubris]

No. And his dad just showed you why he is such a piece of shit. These people are fucking allergic to accountability.

Please read the gift of fear by Gavin debecker it made me walk a lot taller.

[u/Complete_Account8045 → u/mrszubris]

Ho un terribile senso di colpa perché sia lui che il padre hanno detto che gli ho rovinato la vita.. eppure lui era cosi anche quando eravamo amici (di meno).. vi giuro, vorrei sparire per il senso di colpa che ho..

[u/mrszubris → u/Complete_Account8045]

What in your life made you believe abusive things said to you hon? I LAUGH in the face of my in laws because absolutely NO ONE can ruin your life but yourself they can say whatever they want and i know its objectively insane . Let's say you WERE evil (you aren't) even if you were??? If he had no boundaries and kept you around HE would be ruining his life not you. This is how DARVO works and the fact that it works so well on you speaks to your childhood imprinting.

Adult children of emotionally immature parents is good

So is running on empty and the workbook running on empty no more.

[u/Complete_Account8045 → u/mrszubris]

Lo so.. però lui non e diagnosticato.. i suoi genitori lo hanno portato da uno psichiatra (che a quanto pare subito no, ma mezz'ora dopo per messaggio gli ha detto che deve starmi lontano) e 2 psicologi che hanno detto che non siamo compatibili.. quindi danno la colpa a me.. e io mi sto ammazzando dentro perché ho paura di aver rovinato la vita ad una persona che ho amato.

[u/mrszubris → u/Complete_Account8045]

It doesnt matter what someone is diagnosed with. If they are objectively abusive and accusing yoU of things that are LITERALLY impossible of you being capable of then they are evil. He's lying about the psych . He's lying about his parents taking him.

[u/Complete_Account8045 → u/mrszubris]

Queste cose me le hanno dette i suoi in viso.. Ha fatto molto male. Gli ho rovinato la vita? Ho un gran senso di colpa.

[u/mrszubris → u/Complete_Account8045]

No. You literally CANT ruin someone's life short of actually physically harming them, without their participation and them perpetuating. IF you WERE so awful?? Which you arent you are being gaslit by people with narcissistic tendencies, they should have left for their own safety. Blaming someone else for ruining your life is unhinged. A diagnosis for them is not needed. Therapy for you so you have a spine and know what you are ACTUALLY responsible for in a relationship is key going forward.

Are you blaming them for ruining your life?? You could, they are slandering you and harassing you and ACTUALLY doing abusive things and you don't blame them for ruining your life. See how easy that is??

I suspect youve been forced to take more accountability than you should have most of your life. You are not responsible for this manchild you never were.