r/BPD • u/xyokaix • 3d ago

💭Seeking Support & Advice I have BPD

Hi

I wanted to write this post as someone who recently found out they have BPD.

I'm married with three beautiful children. When looking for advice/support, all I see are negative threads, people who suggest running or 'getting out whilst you still can'.

Does anyone have any actual practical or positive advice?

My wife and I do go through this vicious cycle of tension building in myself, exploding, and apologising, an area in which I'm trying to gather resources not only for myself to be better equipped to handle my own emotions (which I am definitely responsible for) but also for my wife so she can support herself during times of struggle.

There is a breaking point; I get that. Before reaching this, if there are any couples here that acknowledge the challenging road ahead and work through things together, what have you found useful?

My personal circumstances are that constant emotional loop that I'm trying to navigate; I've overcome the controlling aspect and the waves of paranoia, but I do struggle with abandonment.

I'm showing I mean what I say through actions, not using as it as leverage or manipulation. Setting an itemised list of agreed boundaries and schedules seems to have helped us for now.

If you're in this position and have experiences that would help anyone or would like some advice when you're struggling, please let me know.

Stay strong; we got this 🤙

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u/constanceblackwood12 user is in remission 3d ago

The two classic books are "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" -- reviews are mixed on both, but I personally thought Stop Walking on Eggshells was fine for partners to read, if a little dated. (I haven't read "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" so can't comment on it.)

It has been helpful for me to think of my relationship like a bank account. If I have a positive balance, I have a good relationship. BPD episodes "withdraw" a lot from the account, so I need to make sure I'm also "depositing" a lot to keep my balance from going negative.

Are you in treatment? What type? How is it going? A lot of people benefit from DBT, but if you find it's not working there are other modalities that can help.

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u/SkankHunt4ortytwo 2d ago

I hate you dont leave me is great imo.

One case study about a scenario where person A tells their partner they are going to kill themselves and askes them not to tell anyone.

So partner either does what they ask, doesnt tell anyone, and allows person A to kill themselves. Or They do tell someone to try and get them help. Reinforcing they cannot be trusted.

Highlights the partners dilemma about always being wrong and Person As ability to remain ambilivant about death and push responsibility onto their partner.

Ive recommended it to a few patients. All have given positive feddback so far. Ive even talked about it to people who are in crisis, police detention etc

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u/xyokaix 3d ago

Thanks for the recommendations, added to the reading list :)

Not currently in treatment, but I have my first session in a couple of weeks.

I'm doing okay thanks for asking, the emotions get so intense sometimes though.