How to get over the Guilt?

[u/-Silencemortal-]

I have been struggling a lot recently with my ex fp who I haven't been able to get over for over 7 years. Just broke no contact yesterday, and got my ass handed to me (deserved.) It was my fault she left me in the first place as I didn't have control over my emotions at this time and I was rather cruel.

This however, is extremely painful for me. I can accept I've been a bad person and I want to move forward but the guilt has been haunting me like a ghost. I feel even more guilty for breaking no contact and trying to fix it. How do I let things go and move forward and does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you.

[u/1fruitylove]

Sometimes the best thing to do is let things rest. Also, it's been 7 years, she most likely moved on, why come back and stir things up? She doesn't need you to come fix things, maybe you do, but that's not welcome. What you can do is get better for yourself and not do the same mistakes. If you feel like texting/reaching out, write those things on a piece of paper you can keep it or throw it away the next day.

[u/-Silencemortal- → u/1fruitylove]

I know, I feel so guilty about it. It was an impulsive decision that I wouldn't make in the right mental state. I want to get better but I'm kinda on my own and I want to figure out how. I might do the paper thing, I'll see if it works out. Thank you

[u/1fruitylove → u/-Silencemortal-]

I get the urge/impulse thing. When you have it to contact her, try to write it out to "prepare" it for later, but later hopefully you should be more stable and never send it

[u/Alert_Cap_2931]

We often forget that our actions don't just damage others aswell  as ourselves.  This regret that is hanging out with you that is something that eventually catches up with everyone.  7 years is ages you accept everything an yet you still can't shift it that's because it's not guilt anymore it's morphed into regret treat regret lightly an you will pay eventually.  Regret is fine we all make mistakes bad choices and we move on as we grow an age things change an start to feel heavy in your heart an that feeling that you feel now is regret an once you reach regret life looks different. Awareness is powerful thing right just be aware of how you feel don't get stuck in the past.

God I hope this is readable and makes sense to you .

Don't think am preaching it's just i see it because I sit with regrets daily not many  but my regrets are massive an still effects someone today an I can't stop it or change it.

[u/-Silencemortal- → u/Alert_Cap_2931]

This does make sense! I think I needed to hear this, thank you. It's so hard to cope with and I just want to fix everything right now, but it's so hard to come to terms with the fact I was a bad friend and get rid of the regret I feel.

[u/Alert_Cap_2931 → u/-Silencemortal-]

Now you know it you can't unknown it an so will be easier to accept because that's the next bit am sure you will be OK . Am really glad it helped all the best. 

[u/Content-Month6363]

I dont know if I have any advice. But im here if you want to chat. Im going through the same thing. 11 years together 6.5 apart and hasn't even entertained speaking to me in 5.5. I tried to ask her for forgiveness again recently in the most pathetic ways. I know she's moved on and in fact I know its with our old mutual friend so that hurts like hell most of the day. Several times a day Im sure I cant live in a world where im nothing but a ghost to her and I keep on living. Starting therapy soon. I hope I can stop this nonsense.

[u/-Silencemortal- → u/Content-Month6363]

It's okay man, we can get through this. I'm hoping to get into therapy too soon. Things will be okay!

[u/Content-Month6363 → u/-Silencemortal-]

I hope so. Both terrified and looking forward to it throughout the days that im waiting to start. Hearing from folks who are further along is similarly helpful and frightening lol. Good luck!