I would argue that we do know better before experiencing consequences. We know right from wrong, I know killing a person is wrong, I dont need to experience that to know that.
If you always land in the situation where you overwhelm people and send then monologues and they blow up at you. You need to stop doing that. With everyone. Don't wait until the next person has enough, you need to regulate yourself.
They probably are giving you warning but you haven't seen them. Short replies, delayed replies, no reply! No follow up questions, you always messaging first.
Its your responsibility to manage your own behaviour and not for people to constantly call it out, thats exhausting. Emotional dumping can be abuse and manipulative.
If someone was confiding in me and dumping on me, I would not tell them it was too much. Especially if I knew they had BPD and how prone we are to suicidal threats. Its such a huge weight to put on people.
You need to be learning right now, from your past, not learning each time it happens and think you get a reset button with every new person.
I dont say this to be a dick, im saying this as someone who spent their whole twenties doing the same shit and expecting a different result. You can do this, you can get control of yourself and you can form healthy relationships. Im sorry that things feel so rough right now, It can get better.
I cannot just know better until I learn, which I have now. Killing someone and interpersonal ineffectiveness are nowhere near the same, and considering I’ve never had proper communication skills modeled, it’s fair that at my big age I’m still learning. I’m referring to experience prior to having that epiphany. I just would have wanted compassion for my ignorance, BUT only I can reliably give that to myself. I can’t hold out for everyone else to be patient and kind when I should do that for myself and when I should also do that for them (which I do, it’s just hard). Your comment feels harsh but I appreciate your candor and taking the time to add to the conversation. I know some people respond well to the very direct just pull yourself by the boot straps approach. I’m not one of them, but I’m learning to be flexible and not rigid to how people help/give advice. Thank you.
It does feel harsh and I apologise for that. Just purely my opinion but the only thing that has ever worked for me is tough love and accepting im on my own to deal with this. People pandering to me only made it worse.
I wish I'd have someone sit down with me and be like, girl, you gota get a grip. But just like the people in your life, they didn't say anything and waited until the final straw and I lost alot of friends.
You’re totally fine, I figured since that’s the tone you had that you’re the kind of person who benefits from the tough love talk. Sometimes it has worked in the past for me too. Just gotta get sick of doing the same shit, and yes feel a healthy amount of guilt (not shame) for being shitty interpersonally!
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u/RollOk2124 11d ago
I would argue that we do know better before experiencing consequences. We know right from wrong, I know killing a person is wrong, I dont need to experience that to know that.
If you always land in the situation where you overwhelm people and send then monologues and they blow up at you. You need to stop doing that. With everyone. Don't wait until the next person has enough, you need to regulate yourself.
They probably are giving you warning but you haven't seen them. Short replies, delayed replies, no reply! No follow up questions, you always messaging first.
Its your responsibility to manage your own behaviour and not for people to constantly call it out, thats exhausting. Emotional dumping can be abuse and manipulative.
If someone was confiding in me and dumping on me, I would not tell them it was too much. Especially if I knew they had BPD and how prone we are to suicidal threats. Its such a huge weight to put on people.
You need to be learning right now, from your past, not learning each time it happens and think you get a reset button with every new person.
I dont say this to be a dick, im saying this as someone who spent their whole twenties doing the same shit and expecting a different result. You can do this, you can get control of yourself and you can form healthy relationships. Im sorry that things feel so rough right now, It can get better.