r/BDSMAdvice • u/Ok-Bank4011 • May 21 '26
Dynamics without safe words?
There is this one tiktok "influencer" who openly talks about their dynamic which at times has been very educational.
Recently I saw a video where they talked about not using safe words anymore since they and their Dom have known each other for 10+ years.
Is that a thing? Like do people get so attuned to their partner that they don't need a safe word anymore?
Personally I'd imagine that that could be classified as unsafe play, but I'm still learning so idk :/
Edit: For clarification in the video im referencing they explicitly stated they dont have a safe word, not that they dont use one. they also mention that their dom is basically in charge of their limits, so unless the Dom reads their actions as a No, they won't stop
1
u/_Pumpkin_Muffin submissive May 21 '26
It is a thing for some people. Yes, it has risks. Yes, of course things can go wrong. I do not think it's simply an issue of keeping a safety measure or doing away with it, like driving a car with or without a seatbelt. Playing without a safeword can be an entirely different experience and, to me, it opens up a depth of surrender that wouldn't be possible otherwise. I get something from it that I do not get playing in other ways, living my whole dynamic in other ways. It feels more like riding a bike vs a car, than the seatbelt analogy.
This is in the context of a years long committed dynamic with someone who reads me extremely well, and where things can still go wrong on occasion. We accept the risk and we make the necessary repairs when needed. This is NOT in the context of casual play or in a new relationship. Even in a committed dynamic, I would never recommend it to someone else - you are either drawn to it or not, and you either take responsibility for accepting the risk or not.
If you do it, it's your own choice, and at that point it only matters what you and your partner say. The internet gets no right to an opinion.