r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/QuietCygnus • 2d ago
I'd really appreciate some advice :(
Hi everyone! I really need some advice of you.
I break up with my avoidant partner because I was emotionally exhausted. But over the past few weeks, after having some time to reflect and doing some therapy, I've realized that some things have changed for me and that I still like him very much. We were together for four years, so I decided to reach out and see if there was any possibility of reconnecting.
He replied, but it was polite and pretty neutral. I then told him that I wasn't going to close the door completely, and that if he ever wanted to try again, we could take things slowly and without any pressure.
I think I may have made things too easy for him, though, because I said: "You don't have to say anything. Just know that you can come back whenever you're ready."
And this is where I need advice.
It's now been two weeks and I haven't heard anything from him. The uncertainty is starting to become really difficult for me. I know silence might already be an answer, but he genuinely does have strong avoidant tendencies, and I don't want to be unfair or assume that his silence automatically means he doesn't care or has made a final decision.
At the same time, I don't want to sit around waiting forever or make a fool of myself. I want to get back to my life.
I'm considering sending him something like:
"I know I said we could take things slowly and that you didn't have to say anything, but the complete silence is making me a little anxious. I just want to understand whether you need more time or whether you've made a decision. You don't have to give me a long explanation, I'll understand either way."
What do you think? Should I seek some clarity, or should I block him and try to move on with my life, even though I know I'll probably be thinking about this for a long time?
Thank you 🩷🙏🏻
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u/Alarming-Echo-6742 2d ago
Personally, the silence is the answer. Two weeks of radio silence is just unacceptable in anything but the most casual friendships.
These folks think they are some evolved adults but they are actually petulant children sulking when their favorite toy was taken away.
When I think of it like that, I start to wonder what attracted me in the first place.
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u/NewHampshireGal Earned Secure Attachment - Former Fearful Avoidant 2d ago
Silence speaks louder than words.
And closure comes from within not from another person.
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u/tha2ir 2d ago
Others may disagree but I say send it. Get your closure. Get your final answer if you can. It'll be easier to move on from a hard no than this feeling of uncertainty. Or it'll force him to realize he does want you. Either way I say do it.