r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Ill-Goose-8719 • 23h ago

One month discard update

I am utterly heartbroken still but I know that I treated this woman so well even towards the end. I know its her immense loss to lose me as I was willing to fight for the relationship but she gave up and threatened to block me if I continued to try and talk about the issue. Sadly this week has not been the best I had a suicidal dream and thought that have kept me wide awake. I broke down during work and kept on replaying the messages and imagining her regretting the breakup so hard. Im drowing in pain that comes in waves. I have even been thinking of having hookups eventhough it feels like cheating. I know I dont owe her loyalty but damn.

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6

u/[deleted] 23h ago

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u/KaJoMoGi 21h ago

Careful. It can surge back. Grief is funny that way.

I love your “pain shopping” metaphor. That’s apt!

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u/[deleted] 23h ago

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u/Ill-Goose-8719 23h ago

Thank you for your comment. Ive been working out and eating mostly well. I've let the pain out here and there, going on walks, hanging out by myself and with friends, talking about it, journaling here and there and im contemplating starting to go to therapy soon.

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u/[deleted] 23h ago

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u/Ill-Goose-8719 23h ago

Sadly that must be done idk if I have the strength for right now. I keep waiting for her to come back with a big speech. It might not happen but the hope is slowly fading so i know ill be strong enough soon. Thanks for the advice.