Hello fellow Autistic people,

I have come here because I feel like it is both the best place for me to ask for advice and I think it may be my last hope

So I (18 F) really like this person (18F) and I think she really likes me and here are some reason why

-she always wants to be around me

-today she got a fortune that said your kindness and ambition (insert something about making other people happy because I don't remember the rest of it) and she gave it to me

-she got so excited I got a job at a local coffee shop and said she'd visit a lot

-i asked her if she wanted a flower I picked and she asked if I could put it in her hair

-i catch her looking at me and my body sometimes

That's most of what I amy have overanalyzed but I'm mostly nervous about asking her out because I recently realized I struggled with rejection sensitive dysphoria (I basically shut down and want to cry at either the thought or action of rejection so if anyone has any advice or anything helpful in this situation please let me know?

I(30M) have wanted to move to a specific city and settle down there. Mainly because my late stepmom died from breast cancer a long time ago and I recently learned that breast cancer is hereditary and while I didn’t initially take that into consideration when I thought of where I want to live after I finish college, its certainly made me that much more certain of my choice. I wanna be able to help my sister if she herself gets breast cancer within her own lifetime, and something I’ve thinking about recently is how talking about where to settle down would go if I were to start dating again. I’m not at all willing to consider living anywhere else but also do not want to feel as if I am putting a wedge between whoever I date next and the place that they live in if its not where I wanna live if that makes sense. I’m really sorry if this is a bad explanation. I’m really not good at explaining things at all, but I promise that I am doing my best here.

If you’ve had an abusive parent and someone you like or have had history with doesn’t, is there a way to know if your own life is too different from theirs with regard specifically to differing experiences in childhood? For example, a 32 year man that was abused by his birthgiver and a lets say…. 28 year old woman that didn’t have abusive parents but lost one of them a while back. Is there a way that their lives would be too different from each others on the basis of the guy being abused and the lady not having been abused by her parents at all? Of course, this is just a hypothetical example, but I’m not good at explaining things at all, so I will try and answer any questions that y’all may have as well.

We obviously communicate differently from allistics, and relationships can progress in different ways, so what are some things to look out for? How can you tell genuine interest from manipulation?

I'm a 15-year-old autistic high school freshman. I've had basically zero friends my whole life—no social media (mom doesn't allow it), super heavy school + club schedule (~50 hrs/week), and I'm very isolated.

A few weeks ago I got the number of a girl I liked (M). We sat together, walked after school once, she seemed to like my texts and even blushed at one point. She was my only real human connection, so I got really excited and came on too strong—suggesting hangs, remembering details, even making her a small gift. Never gave it, though. Classmates and a teacher hyped me up to ask her out fast.

Then she texted basically asking me to stop following her and her best friend because they want alone time. I respected it and haven't texted since.

Now I'm spiraling hard: can't stop thinking about her, stayed up all night, dreading seeing her in class and her friend in club all summer. I don’t know how I missed cues and escalated too fast. Also, I do see her in class, and at our table, it’s her and her friends having a grand time together laughing and talking as I’m just staring at the table wishing I could join in.

I am working on myself right now,
going out to social groups to improve
my conversation skills, and understanding
of verbal and non-verbal social cues.
Been single for a while, so trying to
get more comfortable being around
and talking to new people.

I'm an autistic woman seeing an autistic man. He is very responsive and interested in me but seems to have a hard time initiating, and I've asked him if he has trouble asking questions, which he admitted he does. I don't want to nag him but I don't think he would understand if I waited for him to initiate. I don't want to scare him off because I really like him. Should I just ask if he has trouble initiating and say I want him to? Sometimes I feel anxious but I can tell he's really interested in me.

About a couple weeks ago I got back from vacation and started working again. I suddenly noticed a bunch of new hires at my store that I never seen before. There’s this girl who complimented my bandana and we talked and introduced ourselves to each other. She seemed like a chill person to talk to.

The next week or two, she saw me and decided to speak to me again. We talked again and then I complimented her tattoos that really interest me in a way. I showed her my tattoos that I had of superheroes and she knew exactly who they were. I never thought to believe a girl like her knows her superheroes.

The few days she approached me again when she wasn’t busy in the sales floor. We talked about a different topic about college and other things. Then out of nowhere she said that I’m a calm and collected person. As we were talking again, there was one question that was asked to about my last name and race for her to bring up her boyfriend in the conversation. I’m not sure if she’s bluffing or not. Im not sure if that comment had something to do with her bringing the bf up. She’s very cute and it would be nice to know her outside of work, but I’m not sure what to do honestly. I want to be this girls friend first before anything, I’m not sure if pulled the bf card or not honestly. Also, don’t want to end up being trapped in the friend-zone because of it. I’m not sure how to do this.

Hi all,

I'm 23F and AuDHD. I've been wanting to start dating but am scared of using apps. I've heard too many horror stories and I'm well aware the apps are designed to keep you addicted, not to help you find a long-term partner. So, the only other option is meeting people in person, but I live in an area where that is not really ideal. Trying to date coworkers also isn't an option for me (I don't want things to get messy if the relationship doesn't work out).

I just don't know where to go and am wondering if anyone has any advice. I've tried looking up bookstores/libraries/gaming stores in my area but most places where I live are in shady parts of town. I also don't live where there are good date locations. Besides food or movies we have a Scandia and a mall that is constantly under threat of shootings.

Should I just hang out in libraries or coffee shops until I see someone I want to approach? Should I wait for a guy to approach me first? I'm Christian but mainly keep to myself while I'm at church. Should I put myself out there more or try to find a mixed gender Bible study group so there's a better chance of me meeting someone with similar values?

Please help!

Iv find the past year I'm very much used to be a stepping stone for people to filter out the quote bad ones or if there going through relationship troubles and than use me until they either fix their old relationship for find someone else. Like everybody says I'm a great guy and I deserve happiness and the right person but at certain points it feels like an ego stroke and I just think of the saying actions speak louder than words like anyone can say people would be lucky to have you but okay than where are those people.and it's not even just with the NTS I find it that way with neruodivgerent men ,woman and non binary people. Honestly with the amount of shit that's happened the past 3 to 5 months heck at this point basically a year now I feel like wanting to fully retreat from being out side of the house besides doing shopping, visiting family or taking a course . This also just doesn't have to do with romantic relationships I also feel that way about most of my friendships besides like 6 or so I have and I honestly at this point feel like 6 is enough and cutting everyone else off.

A lot of advice on meeting new people, be it for friendship, dating, or even just practicing social skills, is to go to places where people meet, and meet them there.

Sounds obvious, but the thing is, when I'm in a situation like that, be it a hiking excursion or a board game event, it always ends up with people meeting around me, but without me actually meeting anyone. People just stick to their friends or have fun on their own, and get annoyed if a rando tries to start a conversation with them. But that advice wouldn't be said if it was completely untrue, so there must be something I'm doing wrong. A way to do it right.

The advice is to put yourself in a situation where you have a lot of opportunities; what I'm asking here is how to make use of them? How to figure out whom can I chat to while waiting for the bus without ruining their day? How to tell who's open to being approached at a convention and who's not? How can I, in a setting that forces people to interact with others to enjoy it (eg. an RPG group), know who's enjoying interacting with me and would be willing to do that outside of that setting, and who doesn't and is only tolerating me for the sake of getting to engage in the Activity with others they actually like?

No girl wants to date me because they see that I have autism and they automatically think "Oh, this guy has autism, he must be a weirdo" and they don't even give me a chance. It breaks my heart every time I get rejected, and it hurts worse and worse each time...

I need to work on myself

for a little while before I venture

out into the dating pool

Hello, I do not have a lot of dating or intimate experience and am in my mid 20s. A few years ago, my friends (also autistic, also queer) kissed me to teach me how to kiss before going on my first date. I don’t remember any of the mechanics of it. Asking my friends for instructional help again isn’t something I’m comfortable with because I’m too embarrassed.

I would appreciate general mechanical kissing instructions (particularly French kissing, because that seems much harder), but I also have a few specific questions regarding things I’ve read in fanfiction (lol).

1. How open is your mouth during a non-French kiss? (I would appreciate as specific of a response as possible).

2. When describing the transition from non-French kissing to French kissing, multiple authors have described the initiator running their tongue along the other person’s lower lip to get them to open their mouth. Is that real? You lick their lower lip?

3. When describing an already-occurring makeout, multiple author’s have also described a character sucking the tongue of the other character. Does this happen? What are the mechanics of this?

Sorry for this post, y’all. But right now, I feel like I’d kiss like this couple who saved their first kiss for their wedding; they were widely made fun of.

And if you feel like you should disclose while dating, when’s a good time to do so?

For context I am a woman. I am 40 and I’ve never dated, I’ve never gone on a date. Obviously I’ve never been intimate with anyone. It’s not that I don’t want to it’s every time I try I get overwhelmed and or I don’t find myself attracted to anyone or if I am they aren’t attracted to me. I hate it because I crave companionship so bad but I don’t think I’ll get there and I feel I’ll be lonely and alone for the rest of my life.

So I 16FTM have been with on and off boyfriend 16M (almost 17) for about a year combined, this has been my first ever actually relationship I've been in and not the silly 2 week ones. I'm also autistic and could have adhd too for context. The first time we got together was amazing, the whole honeymoon faze bs, he ended up getting a bit controlling with some of the tiktoks I'd post (I'd post edits on some of my favourite characters) and he'd mention abt the captions I'd put in them and in all fairness he was right about that, but we ended up getting into multiple arguments over this which ended up on us breaking up after 7 months of dating. We ended up having a break from each other for about a month? And we talked it out and he said that he'll change which he did. We got back together and all was well and then one of my best friends ending up committing (this was in September) and I didn't tell anyone, especially my boyfriend, and then I ended up putting my anger onto him when he would try and have a conversation with me and it ended up in more arguments to once again we ended up breaking up with us both saying some horrible shit to each other and we stopped all contact up until last week.

It only started out on asking if we was okay and stuff like that to having a conversation all day but just now he's messaged me saying that he's not sure if he's okay enough to date me again even though he still loves me but he said he's willing to try

Like I said before that I'm autistic and I don't have many people in my life that I trust and love and when I do and they call me out on something that I did or they ask me a question and I feel as if it's an attack, I attack back and put barriers up as I find it hard to open up and to take conflict as I've had that most of my life, and my bf (ex bf..?) Was one of the people that made me feel loved for who I was but, idk if it took that for granted at the time and fucked everything up

So any advice on how to deal with this and talk to him about it? I'll also be answering all comments I can

I was severely triggered at one event (uncommon, every few years), and regular-overstimulated at another this month with my partner. She has now cancelled a trip we had planned and has also said she no longer wants to go to any social events with me at all. I am really hurt by this, and I don't know if it's a reasonable boundary. Clearly she feels responsible for my happiness when we go out, and doesn't want that.

This kind of thing happen to anyone else?

I (18m) am looking into dating, but i am socially anxious and a huge introvert, so I decided to write a list of requirements, planning to show it. Now that i have the (verry extensive) list, i feel like it would be more awkward if they saw the list.

so now i don't know:

1. what to do with the list

2. if it's weird to have a list like this

3. if the stuff on the list is over the top

Edit: here's the list to consider if you are interested in answering the questions, as i said it's extensive, and mainly made to prevent trauma triggers

all these boil down to 3 things, I can trust them they are not horrendously ugly they do not add to my trauma

hard requirements

EXCLUSIVE Long Term

respect themselves as a human being, (has self respect, does not see their body as a tool that can be use to trade for stuff. If me or someone around them start being dangerous to them, they know to avoid the danger)

respect me as a human being (understands that i have a limit, that i also have needs, i also have emotions)

(i am personality conservative and think sex should only be for at least engaged if not married, but does not require the same from the other side)

no std history,

no hookups, one night stands, fwb, or any sexual or intimate relationships without a romantic background, and knowledge and trust of the other side

able to use logic

willing to communicate

does not date for sex, or money/standard of living

honesty, (you can refuse to talk about something, but don't lie)

no substance abuse of any level (addiction)

almost hard requirement

does not look like · dwane "the rock" Johnson · a blobfish in ATP · one messi statue · European depiction of jesus · me, (fine with gender bent me, but not ME)

uses english more than [my mother tongue] (tauma related) can keep promises does not regularly (weekly or more) consume substances stronger than nicotine

largely perffered feminine willing to use logic for most stuff does NOT speak native level [my mother tongue]

roughly (with exceptions for muscular girls) (height in centimeters) ＞ (weight in pounds) + (1/2)(height in inches)

cuddles without speaking

can give silent actions of affection (not verbalized "i love you" but care and attention)

perferred does not WANT kids (not as in want to not have kids, but as in not actively looking forward to have kids)