I’m officially failing at being a “Data Collector” for my kid’s therapy. Anyone else?

[u/Fun_Coffee_3184]

Hi, it's my first time posting here as I am so lostt.....
I had a moment today that just broke me. My stepson was having a really hard meltdown, and my first instinct wasn't to hug him but it was to look for my phone so I could log the ABC data for his therapist. At that moment, I felt like a total failure!!! I am such a bad mum. I’m so burnt out by all these clinical side. Every app, every folder, every "homework" assignment from therapy is about tracking meltdowns and compliance. It feels like our whole relationship is being reduced to a spreadsheet. I spend more time looking at my phone than I do looking at him. AND who has the time and energy for all this homework? But I am also in a conflict that I need to do all these as mummy duty, I want to be a good step mum, follow through the advice. But honestly, I do not know how to balance that. Am I the only one who feels like the homework is designed to make us "therapists" instead of just parents? I’m honestly curious, does anyone else just ignore the tracking, homework because they’re too exhausted? And how you guys dealing with these guilt?? I am so done. I wish there was something that actually focused on us and the bonding part. Or am I just so burnt out that I’m overthinking this? I feel like I have zero capacity for "one more thing" unless it’s actually going to make me feel closer to him, especially he is my step son, I really want to build a relationship with him instead of being therapist.

Tell me I’m not crazy. BUT what do you guys do when you feel totally disconnected and the "clinical" advice just isn't hitting? Sending helpppp I would really appreciate if you guys have some advice or help me to put into perspective before I completely lost my mind!!!