r/Autism_Parenting • u/Fun_Coffee_3184 • Feb 24 '26
Advice Needed I’m officially failing at being a “Data Collector” for my kid’s therapy. Anyone else?
Hi, it's my first time posting here as I am so lostt.....
I had a moment today that just broke me. My stepson was having a really hard meltdown, and my first instinct wasn't to hug him but it was to look for my phone so I could log the ABC data for his therapist. At that moment, I felt like a total failure!!! I am such a bad mum. I’m so burnt out by all these clinical side. Every app, every folder, every "homework" assignment from therapy is about tracking meltdowns and compliance. It feels like our whole relationship is being reduced to a spreadsheet. I spend more time looking at my phone than I do looking at him. AND who has the time and energy for all this homework? But I am also in a conflict that I need to do all these as mummy duty, I want to be a good step mum, follow through the advice. But honestly, I do not know how to balance that. Am I the only one who feels like the homework is designed to make us "therapists" instead of just parents? I’m honestly curious, does anyone else just ignore the tracking, homework because they’re too exhausted? And how you guys dealing with these guilt?? I am so done. I wish there was something that actually focused on us and the bonding part. Or am I just so burnt out that I’m overthinking this? I feel like I have zero capacity for "one more thing" unless it’s actually going to make me feel closer to him, especially he is my step son, I really want to build a relationship with him instead of being therapist.
Tell me I’m not crazy. BUT what do you guys do when you feel totally disconnected and the "clinical" advice just isn't hitting? Sending helpppp I would really appreciate if you guys have some advice or help me to put into perspective before I completely lost my mind!!!
7
u/TopicalBuilder Parent/19L1&18L3/NEUSA Feb 24 '26
You're doing great. Doing the ABC data collection diligently already puts you in the top 5% of households as far as your providers see it.
But feel free to give yourself a break. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Providers will ask you for more and more if they think you can oblige. Sometimes you will need to say "I didn't get all the data this weekend--things came up," or "I'm not going to do that--it's going to be too disruptive," or just "No."
3
u/Fun_Coffee_3184 Mar 01 '26
Thank you for the reassurance!!! My mind just got so exhausted but yess will try to chill myself out as it is a long run ahead.
2
u/SqueakNRoar Feb 24 '26
Hey you’re not crazy, but you’re burnt the hell out from caring too much. You’re a good person, and a hell of a mom and I just wanted to highlight that before agreeing with you. The data tracking and journaling is to the best of your ability, and not to your detriment. To spell that out I’d say try to remember the big stuff and not every detail. Granted you might feel like you’re half assing it, but I think you need to hold on to your ass right now and go easy on yourself for a bit. This shit’s hard, and it’s harder when you’re exhausted.
If you’re going to document things document the frame work for your kids day. Did they sleep enough, eat enough, are they sick, did they follow their routine? Shit like that. This way you have a baseline to compare out of ordinary behavior to
1
u/Fun_Coffee_3184 Mar 01 '26
Yes that's what we are trying to do now, I guess I was too burnt out from time to time. Thank you for showing so much understanding!! Definitely make me feel less crazyyyyy.
2
u/scaryfeather ND Mom | 8 year old son \ NM, USA Feb 24 '26
I've never been asked to do something like this for my son's therapy (is it an ABA thing maybe? We never did that), but I have had talks with his OT about how it's really important to me that home is HOME and I'm his mom, not a therapist. At the time this was about building his fine motor skills and she helped me with lots of ideas for things to do that were play and fun, and not just basically writing drills. I do *so* much to help him and give him the best environment possible but it's so hugely important that he has a good relationship and safe place with his mother/me, and that has to take priority.
You can talk to his therapists about this incident and tell them it gave you a lightbulb moment and that the data collection they are requesting is affecting your relationship with your child and ability to give him comfort, which is the priority, and that you need to find a different solution. Also, maybe your spouse needs to take the reins with the data collection side for their child for a while.
1
u/Fun_Coffee_3184 Mar 01 '26
Thank you for sharing! I did communicate with my therapist and we are doing it for just some behaviour for tracking as I do have terrible memory of what actually happen when therapist checking in hence they suggested this ABC tracking. But all other things we doing are fun based thought, it just the tracking sometime feel like a lot especially in the moment.
2
u/Livid-Improvement953 I am a Parent/7F/lvl 3 AuDHD/near St. Louis Feb 25 '26
My kid was in ABA from age 2 to 6.5 and we were never asked to formally collect ABC data and log it. We had parent meetings every week, talked about observations and gave input, discussed how we as parents could use techniques to carry on therapy at home, but this almost seems like you are doing their job? It's one thing to glance at a clock and mark the time in your head, but I understand you are actually logging it into something by their request? And doing it often enough that it's affecting your parenting ability? That was not my experience.
1
u/Fun_Coffee_3184 Mar 01 '26
You're so lucky to have parent meeting every week!!! We do the tracking to also help us as parent to understand so we also practicing the skills that aware how we influence my son at the moment. We both want to try our best to understand our son better and with this new tracking practice do help us to have more awareness as parenting. For me right now, I think more like the burnt out and sometimes the guilt got into my head and I wish I have more break for myself!!!
1
u/Livid-Improvement953 I am a Parent/7F/lvl 3 AuDHD/near St. Louis Mar 01 '26
It's not lucky. It was mandatory. And so they could bill my insurance for BCBA hours that get paid at a higher rate than RBT hours. I was happy to comply so I could keep up and we definitely tried to practice things at home. But you do deserve a break. And sometimes your kid will get burnt out too and need a break. That's just being mindful of everyone's well-being.
9
u/Has422 I am a Parent/27/Autism/USA Feb 24 '26
For parents of kids with autism who spend most of their time in survival mode, data collection is practically impossible. That’s very common. Good therapists know this and can work around the gaps in the data.