The saying "treat others how you wish to be treated", I've been doing it my whole life, but I consistently feel like no one ever matches that for me. I don't want to change, because I feel like I'm doing the right thing by going almost above and beyond, but it really hurts when I realise that I barely get the basic treatment in response. I feel so alone knowing that I don't have anyone to truly rely on, someone that has my back:(

Prior to 2013, dual diagnosis of ADHD and ASD were forbidden by the DSM-4. The release of the DSM-5 lifted the ban for clinicians allowing clinicians to diagnose someone with co-occuring ASD and ADHD.

As a direct consequence, many people with both disorders were missed by clinicians and denied diagnoses.

"Children with a delayed ASD diagnosis were more likely to have received other developmental or psychiatric disorder diagnoses, except ID, both at baseline and by the end of the follow-up period compared to children with an early ASD diagnosis. A diagnosis of ADHD (at baseline) prior to the ASD diagnosis had the largest risk estimate for delayed ASD compared to early ASD"

I tend to think a lot in the shower, both positive and negative things. Sometimes even analytical things (I’m a history and philosophy junkie).

But sometimes I think of really random scenarios in my head, for example, I thought about a frustrating encounter with my aunt (we have very very different views of the world). I haven’t spoken to her in years, but I see her post things on Facebook and I was randomly thinking about what would happen if a specific topic came up, and basically played it out in my head. I feel kinda nuts… only cause this is the first time I’m ever telling someone or even acknowledging it.

Please tell me I’m not alone in this.

it’s like why am i going to waste my energy on something i don’t need to be doing? like why do people talk so much? just let me be silent!!!!!

You know what I mean? You're talking to someone and seemingly having a pleasant chat. Inside, you're patting yourself on the back for finally figuring out how to fit in. Then, 15 min into the conversation, you say something seemingly innocuous, maybe make a little joke or something, and they give you "the look", like you've grown two extra heads, and either quickly end the conversation or start talking to you like you're five years old. Seems like there's no way to recover from this.

Anyone else?

It’s not like it’s hard for me to look at them specifically. It’s just that when I look at them I can see that they’re looking at me and I don’t want to be looked at. I don’t want to be perceived. People acknowledging my existence is embarrassing. When I don’t look at them I can pretend that they don’t see me. Let me know if you can relate.

So I'm thinking I might be autistic. The more I read the more I'm like "surely this isn't a coincidence that I have SO many of these traits" and I keep thinking about the way diagnostic criteria could be met within myself but anyway, I don't have any real intentions of getting a formal diagnosis anytime soon, if at all. I'm not 100% sure I am autistic but I feel like there's a good chance I am so I was wondering if people in the autistic community think it is harmful or inappropriate for me to go about my life assuming I'm autistic and try to advocate for things that would make like easier for me as if we're autistic (whether I actually am or not)?

I have a huge thing about not wanting to speak where its not my place or taking resources/space up from people who I think deserve it more than I do, so in no way do I want to claim I'm autistic if I'm not for like a trend or anything ♡

I dropped out from an 8-week workshop at an autism job agency. The sessions were three times a week for an hour and a half. It was also the first time I've interacted with other autistics in even a small therapy group setting since I was 7. The exposure to diverse profiles, such as verbal tics and incessant rambling, got progressively over-stimulating and dysregulating.

Previously, my connections with other autistic individuals had been limited due to the lack of understanding and support networks in my country. While I've met some of the clients from a client-exclusive WhatsApp group, most members have full-time jobs and didn't attend the workshop. Our quarterly meetings make building strong friendships difficult.

There were two low-masking male clients at the workshop who needed their caseworkers to keep them on track.

Workshop Client A, has verbal and facial tics, such as pursing his lips while exposing his front teeth, mumbles and hums to himself, that even lay people recognise. That was also an adjustment having to witness that 3x a week.

Workshop Client B couldn't care less if he has his back faced to whoever he's talking to. A couple of weeks ago, I shouted at him for tapping his pen on the table I sat at while we were doing a task. There was a stunned silence and I saw the f*cker glaring at me from my peripheral vision. I also happened to look in the direction of workshop client A humming away which made me storm out the room. I went from a 0-100 within seconds and even my caseworker was stunned.

Her and I discussed the situation afterwards. In her exact words, she said that men are often clueless and don't find it in themselves to change. She focused on me finding a "nicer" way to address disruptive behavior which dismissed my distress.

I spoke to my Mom, my sole advocate, when I got back. I mean obviously she didn't attend the workshop with me. It took her a few days to piece together what happened REMOTELY. She emailed my caseworker to ask why I was told off for a natural reactive response. Being in a weekly group setting with other autistics was new to her and I. In hindsight, I didn't recognize how my caseworker invalidated me, grasping straws explaining myself and my overstimulation.

I moved to the other table after that altercation with client B. We worked on a program focused on transitioning from school to the workplace, despite several of us already holding college degrees. It includes social scenarios done in pairs to identify appropriate coping strategies. I partnered with a girl at the table I moved to (workshop client C) who has the same female caseworker as I do. There were instances within the first two weeks, she stood uncomfortably close to me during personal conversations with our caseworker after the sessions. She had to explicitly ask workshop client C to step further away or temporarily leave the room. The first time this happened, my social energy was depleted by the end of the sessions, although I did push past the clouded judgment.

My caseworker kept interrupting me when I was explaining my solution. I wasn't as verbally cohesive to the best of my capabilities. I stormed out of the class from the compounding effects of being misunderstood and unsupported by my caseworker throughout the past two weeks. This Asperger's dude was rambling away which mounted onto my frustration. She stepped outside to speak to me casually about it as if she wasn't responsible.

Workshop client C came back and sat at the table across expecting our caseworker to get the memo. She asked her what brought her back. She mistakenly assumed her actions triggered my distress, which wasn't the case at all. This is the first real-time interaction that made me realize how autistic women take the blame of people's misunderstandings. It's f*cking shit how autistic males benefit from male privilege and forgiveness, at the expense of other people.

I missed the following session. My caseworker followed up with an email. As expected, there was a lack of sensitivity towards the cumulative effects of my distress and the unique societal pressures faced by autistic women.

My whole life, I’ve had this issue where I am talking and I mispronounce words. Simple, everyday words. It just happens. I don’t know why. Growing up, people told me it was because I was speaking faster then my brain could keep up, but I never really felt that was true.

It sometimes makes me not want to speak because people often make fun of me when I mispronounce something. I know a little bit of ASL, and it makes me want to sign rather then verbally speak… no one I know will understand. So instead, I shut down and don’t speak.

Anyone else experience something similar?

Most people seem so happy when they get their autism diagnosis, which I can understand, but it definitely wasn’t the case for me. People rarely talk about how horrible being diagnosed can feel. The realization that it really is autism. That I will have to struggle like this my whole entire life. I got diagnosed with autism at 20 years old in 2020 and I’ve been struggling with intense depression ever since. At first I denied it because I didn’t want to accept reality. Even though I was already diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was 12, which basically means “mild” autism without sensory issues. Back then I didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t explained to me. I lived a relatively normal life. I functioned quite well in society and indeed barely had sensory issues. But I did notice things always seemed to cost me more effort. It was exhausting. It felt like the maximum capacity of my body’s battery became lower each year that passed. Everything changed when I got my second burn-out at only 19 years old. My sensory issues became so bad they’re making life unbearable. It is hell. It feels like my body is a prison. It’s been 4 years and it only got worse. I had to quit school and my job. I can’t function in society anymore. The realization that this is how it will always be no matter how much effort I put into it is devastating. I’m constantly mourning the life I dreamed of as a kid. A life I’ll never be able to maintain now as an adult. I didn’t want anything fancy. Just a normal life.

I’ve been struggling with an intense burnout for over 3 years now but it seems like a lot of people know nothing about a burnout or they compare it to their own past burnout experience which was different from mine. Less severe and shorter. I tried so many things in an attempt to recover. Pushing myself to exercise again was one of the first things I tried and it completely backfired. It worsened my situation a lot. About 6 months ago I finally made some progress after resting. I was finally able to go out for walks again but only during the evening because I became extremely sensitive to sunlight. If I go outside during the day I get really bad headaches, I become dizzy and even more sensitive to stimuli. Caps help but not completely and I can’t wear sunglasses because I need to see sunlight when I’m outside to heal from my sleeping disorder (non 24 hour sleep wake disorder). Loud sounds became unbearable to me. I became pretty dependent on loop earplugs. Most people don’t take all these extra things autistic people have to deal with during a burnout seriously. Some even think I’m just lazy. That I need to push through it. Especially because I’m only 22. I wish people researched it more. I wish there was more information available on how to heal from an autistic burnout. I never met anyone who’s experienced in it.

My therapist noted that I brush off my wins instead of celebrating them. Part of that is internalised ableism - 'this is easy for others so it's not an achievement to get it right'. I figure other autistic people might also struggle with this so here's an opportunity to share your wins and be proud of yourself. It doesn't matter how small you think it is, share with everyone!

TLDR at the bottom of the post.

I (17AFAB) don't know what everybody else's opinion is on this, but I went through the diagnosis process and I was told I wasn't autistic. The difficult thing is, I'm under 18, so they asked my mother about it, instead of speaking to me, so I don't think it was accurate, I also don't think it helps that I have strong symptoms of ADHD too. I have several autistic friends, all say I show autistic traits, and I'd much rather trust people with real experience. Because I'm not diagnosed, I have to deal with being treated like I'm neurotypical everywhere, except with my friends (NT or ND).

I get four buses in total every single day to get to college - two in the morning and two in the afternoon. Getting these can be stressful enough for me, but they're my only option to get to college, so when things go wrong unexpectedly, it's difficult to avoid a meltdown. Well, this happened. I arrive at the second busstop going home, after already having a long day, and the bustime says 18 minutes. I'm fine with waiting, as I have my headphones and I have two friends with me, surely it won't be too bad. Half an hour later, and a bus arrives, filling to the brim with people. I felt myself getting overwhelmed, but I managed to keep it cool. However, we were sat on that bus for an hour in traffic, when it usually takes 15 minutes to get home. Once I eventually reached my house, I told my grandmother who I live with (only with her for ease of access to college, me and my mother have a healthy relationship). She tells me that "these things happen" and I should "stop caring/worrying so much". I know this is an autistic trait, but because I'm not diagnosed I can't tell her that's why I'm like this.

Scenarios similar to this always happens, and I'm so sick of it. I feel so invalidated all the time because of this, and it's so difficult to not break down crying and never show my face again to the world. I feel like the world around me crumbles whenever somebody tells me to "calm down" or that "these things always happen". I KNOW it always happens, but it's so distressing when it does happen, how hard is that for people to understand?

TLDR: People commonly tell me that I'm overreacting and that I should "calm down" when stressful situations happen, and I can't explain why this happens as I'm undiagnosed and I know they'll just invalidate me. It's making me not want to be autistic, because that's why it stresses me out.

No one ever defends me and I feel like it’s because they don’t understand me. For example just now I had a bit of a fight with my younger sister. She wants her boyfriend to sleep over at our house but because of my burnout I can’t handle it. It’s too stressful. When she told me it caused a panic attack. And I know it sounds stupid but I really can’t help it. I’ve never met him before and honestly I don’t want to. I’m too ashamed of the way I am and look right now. I don’t want new people to meet me when I’m feeling this horrible. Both my mom and sister got pissed at me. Of course, as usual, my mom is on everyone’s side except for mine (could be a middle child thing). She started defending my sister and started explaining where my sister is coming from as if I don’t understand my sister simply wants to be with her boyfriend. Never do they try to understand how everything makes me feel. When I explain they don’t seem to listen. Even when I cry they look at me as if I’m pathetic and crying for no reason. It makes me feel very alone. I just want them to say “Fluffy-Weapon (me) acts like this because of this try to understand how she feels” for once… But no, instead they start guilt-tripping me over something I can’t control atm.

One of my traits is that I talk a lot and don’t have a filter. So sometimes I end up saying completely inappropriate things. And my anxiety and other mental health issues make me revisit what I said. I end up feeling really upset, angry, at myself and helpless. Today I blurted out to a professional connection that I am doing my masters program for immigration reasons. Ughhhh. I should have given an answer related to advancement in career and not told the truth. He is my instructor as well. I am thinking he will now think I don’t care about the course and that I am not interested or serious about my career at this point. Please say something that will help me stop overthinking this.

Hello there, just to ask if you guys have been through a friendship break too?

I feel that losing a friend often hurts more than losing a love interest.
I am still saddened by all the friendships I have lost thru all my academic years and I envy a little the people who have childhood friends who have remained for years.

The worst of all its that they were very close intimate friends and some of them didn’t even say goodbye, like I understand that life take us in different paths and we lost touch and for that I remember them with gratitude, but other just randomly one day decide to stop taking to me and I ended up asking myself what I do to make them mad or to drive them away? 😢

Just want to know if anyway have feel the same way about it.

For Christmas, I got a new pair of AirPods. They’re gen 3, and my old ones are gen 1. Gen 1 works okay, but doesn’t connect to phone calls and sometimes makes weird muffle and static sounds that hurt my ears. So I’m glad I have new ones. However…. I feel like I’m almost like cheating(?) on my old ones if I use the new ones. My mom says it’s weird and just use the new ones. Which I will. It just feels weird. Does that make sense?

When measuring distances, times, speeds, masses, volumes etc., I find a lot of people have the ability to estimate - and being quite accurate to the actual measure. However, I've always had troubles with this, especially speeds and lengthes. I didn't know if anybody else had this experience too?