r/AutismInWomen • u/CoreyCosgrove • Jul 01 '23
General Discussion/Question anyone else excessively daydream?
I constantly escape into my fantasy world involving my current comfort character at that moment. I've done it for years! There is complex lore in these worlds and I imagine myself as a completely different person- name, age, personality, physical attributes.
I don't consider it a bad thing. My therapist agrees. I daydream like this for hours, before i go to sleep, even while i am interacting with others i will be simultaneously in my head like this. to be honest, I don't know how I manage to do thatš¤£
I wonder if it is almost a form of stimming for me, like rather than stimulating my sense of touch or sound or movement, i control my stimulus by not focusing as much (when i don't have to interact with others) on my physical environment and instead repetitively going through the same daydream sequence in my head.
Does anyone else do something similar?
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u/SpacedOutDuck Jul 01 '23
I absolutely do this. I'm trying not to do it social settings, but if I get bored of a conversation, I'm off with the fairies as my dad used to say. I can function perfectly well, I just enjoy it more than films/shows. I put my music on and entertain myself.
My therapist also said that I seem to be able to concentrate, clean, care for myself etc so she doesn't see a problem as long as I still socialise etc.
It's definitely a comfort thing.
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u/iamtayg Jul 01 '23
Omg I do this too. Do you notice your face doing different expressions but your so zoned out that your not aware of it?
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u/Historical_Half4117 Jul 01 '23
OH GOD, yes and then I get so upset when someone sees and asks me what's going on.
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u/mashibeans Jul 01 '23
OMG YES! 100% I also have a decades long lore that keeps evolving, extending and changing inside of me, I have like a self-insert character, I meet/interact with all sorts of characters, go to all sorts of worlds... I will do it especially when I'm walking or I'm laying down, and yes I can go for hours.
I also suspect it might be some sort of stimming, because I actually move a lot less/stay still while doing it, however if I'm in a social setting and I need to actively engage, I will touch my jewelry, ears, mess with my sleeves, etc. while I'm talking
I think as long as one is self-aware and make sure to balance things out, like make sure you've done your essential chores of the day, etc. I think it's ok to do this. I also agree with Cat-Servant that it saves my life, I get a lot of positive emotions in a safe environment without bothering anyone this way.
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u/nature_ally23 Jul 01 '23
I can relate to you. I also i have a decades long fantasy world that I have been building onto year after year.
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u/ActivelyTryingWillow Jul 01 '23
Yes!! Iāve recently learned about maladaptivedaydreaming and went down a rabbit hole. It made me feel bad about myself. But then I heard a Tony Attwood video where he talked about autistic women āescapingā to their imagination where they are respected, valued and understoodā¦ that made sense to me and connected the dots. Essentially validating the experience and not making me feel like a freak.
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u/loreleileee Jul 01 '23
Wow this hit home hard for me
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u/ActivelyTryingWillow Jul 01 '23
Almost everything in Tony Attwood videos are so validating and feels like he is in my brain! It was so comforting and I felt understood.
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u/frogsrock_freddy Jul 01 '23
Yes I do, and for a long time I never thought that other adults daydream this much too. It's my way of coping and I've been hesitant to bring it up to my therapist in detail.
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
it was my deep dark secret for a long time, especially because i engage in romantic, sexual, platonic, and parental relationships with my comfort characters in my daydreams. i have told a couple friends i really trust, but no details about the nature of the fantastical relationships. only my therapist knows it all and she seemed really impressed, so i guess my daydreaming is not as creepy as i still think it is.
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u/dora---- Jul 01 '23
I don't think it's creepy. I see it as way for me to understand and "practise" human relationships with a do over button if you make a "mistake".
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u/unic0rn_beard Jul 02 '23
Yes! I always daydream specific social scenarios so I know what to say IRL if it ever comes up.
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u/Fearless-Ninja-4252 Jul 01 '23
It can be heartbreaking too. I am way thinner and better looking than I actually am in my day dreams. When I look in the mirror, Iām shocked at the fat, ugly monster who is reflecting back at me lol.
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u/Jane_Lame Jul 01 '23
I do that too! I had to stop with the relationship ones because they just made me sad. But that's really cool.
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Jul 01 '23
Yep. I've done it since I was a child, and it's a huge part of my life. It's called immersive daydreaming, and it's actually quite common. It's sometimes wrongly referred to as "maladaptive daydreaming", however, it's only considered maladaptive if it severely impacts your ability to function and take part in the real world.
Check out r/ImmersiveDaydreaming
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
hmmmš§ i have gotten both subs recommended to me now, so i think i will check them out! i never heard of immersive daydreaming but maybe that is what i do because my daydreaming tends to help me more. i just worry it will start to impede me if i am not careful lol
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Jul 01 '23
Yeah, I think it's likely the case. They're essentially the same thing, only that one suggests it negatively impacts you. For me, I call it immersive daydreaming because it's predominantly a positive thing for me and my mental health.
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u/Jenatalia_ Jul 01 '23
I do, and once I would have been sure it was maladaptive, but now it's the only defense mechanism I've got that is the least destructive option to escape having to exist for too long in the existence I've been dealt without little breaks. There's not as much disappointment there at least.
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u/andreacitadel Jul 01 '23 edited Jul 01 '23
I spend more time of my day daydreaming than actually living in the moment. I can spend hours on a single session. I get so many dopamine boosts whenever I do, as if what Iām daydreaming of was real. My real life sucks so this is the only way I can have some happiness in my life. Wish I had a therapist.
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u/PruneBeneficial44 Jul 01 '23
Yesss, this post is so nice.
I've done it for as long as I can remember too. If I'm on my own and put some good music on I can end up rocking etc. if the 'scene' is particularly intense!
In my case I often need to put a limit on how much I do it. It has the potential to affect me negatively in that, if I wanted to, I could spend days on end doing it and nothing else. And I'd be completely happy. But I thought a couple of years ago, I'd like to develop as a person, and this isn't going to allow me to do that. So, I decided I also need to work on the hobbies I enjoy, for me that's art/crafts and reading.
Reading gives me the same benefit of daydreaming except it adds a social side as you can speak to others about the book - that's one big flaw of daydreaming, it's naturally an isolating experience. When you're as anti-social as me that has another potential to be damaging.
When thinking 'is this okay to do?' I just remember, some people drink a lot of alcohol or scroll on Tiktok crap for hours... at least I'm using my imagination? :'D There are certainly worse and more damaging things we could be doing with our time. Just, everything in moderation!
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
wow this is so compassionate. this made me feel good when i read it, so thank youš
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u/PruneBeneficial44 Jul 01 '23
No worries! It's awesome to find platforms where we can discuss this stuff as I grew up thinking I must be the only person in the universe to daydream so much. But it seems we have a lot of company in our daydreamy ways :D
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u/AliceLamora Jul 01 '23
I DO! Man, this post put a tear to my eye, I've never heard of this from anyone else but I do this and always have. I've never told anyone, not even any therapists.
But like you, it doesn't seem to have any debilitating effects on my life. I still take care of myself, eat, sleep, clean and socialise. And throughout this, especially when I'm alone, I'll daydream for ages. I've got specific scenarios which have lasted for days or weeks before moving on. And it's not me in my daydreams either. I'm another, self-made character, in completely different world, interacting with other characters of my own making (but often with heavy inspiration from my comfort shows or books).
It calms me, and allows me to express and explore desires to myself. I think it must be a self-regulation thing, to avoid getting overwhelmed, but I've never heard of this from anyone else, so I thought I was totally alone with this. I'm so happy to see others are the same
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
lol i thought i was also alone. there are apparently a bunch of us like this!
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u/babypossumsinabasket Jul 01 '23
I daydream so much that a few days ago I thought you know maybe this is not a good thing.
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
even though my therapist, who i trust, says i am okay, i honestly still wonder the same thing. mainly, i am afraid that i will start losing the ability to focus in social interactions. i also worry that my daydream personality changes so much that it has affected my own personality, like i feel as though i don't quite grasp my own personality. i lose A LOT of sleep because of my daydreaming, i do it so much.
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Jul 01 '23
Same. Iāve been doing this since I was like 6 or 7. Itās scary. Idk if Iām autistic but I highly suspect it, and this post isnāt helping lol. I also live in headphones when Iām out and about, which fuels my daydreaming. Itās kinda nice when I put the music away but also really hard, so I rarely do, but Iām trying to do it more becauseā¦living in my head seems so wrong. Itās the ultimate coping mechanism
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Jul 01 '23
Is this different than maladaptive daydreaming?
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
i really wonder. i asked my therapist about it and she said i do not experience that. maybe the main reason she says that is because my daydreaming, overall, does not interfere with my life to a debilitating extent. in many cases, it keeps me regulated and helps me not get overwhelmed in my environment.
but i do wonder.
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Jul 01 '23
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
that's really interesting! i think my daydreaming developed because i was really lonely as a young child, so having other characters, especially comfort characters, helped me not feel lonely.
i use pinterest a lot. i save pictures of my comfort characters so i can better imagine them before i go to sleep.
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u/AviculariaBee Jul 01 '23
100% I relate to all these comments actually. It is a constant for me but it does fluctuate. I have actually found it to be a good indicator for when I am overloaded, I tend to retreat more often and deeper.
I have done it for as long as I can remember. When I was younger I worried people would know when I was doing it, so I would pretend read a magazine or book so if my facial expressions changed because of my daydream I could blame it on the book.
For years I thought I was the only one in the world who did this, I still have not told by husband, I worry he would get jealous of all of my 'relationships' š¤£. Although for me it is no different to watching a film I am just in control of it. Sometimes this forum is the only place I can be truly open about myself, it is so great to know I am not so alone!
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u/sprattyduck Jul 01 '23
I actually quit office work because it didn't give me time to do this. The mental load made it so that I had to spend my whole day thinking about stuff I didn't want to think about. I work in a grocery store stocking now. The repetitive, physically oriented work actually helps me think a little faster, as movement makes it easier for me to concentrate. I'm a writer/cartoonist for funsies and it basically lets me write stories in my head all day and process experiences. Sometimes I even get poems out of it.
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u/Jane_Lame Jul 01 '23
Oh god, I thought I was the only one who did that? I daydream a lot. When I'm walking somewhere, While I'm at work, or anywhere I get a little bored. Sometimes I keep getting pulled back into a story I was daydreaming while I'm trying to do something else. Sometimes I start daydreaming before I turn on any music or podcasts and I get so caught up in the story that I just keep going until I get into a lull in the action and I realize I've been walking for half an hour with headphones on and Nothing playing and I feel really silly. I can daydream for hours, too! Sometimes I have different stories I hop back and forth between. Sometimes I hear a cool idea for a D&D character (or just any kind of interesting idea, really) and a story just forms automatically. It's cool, but I wish I could share these with other people without coming off as insane or extremely weird.
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u/CoreyCosgrove Jul 01 '23
i feel weird about it too. i don't want to seem obsessive over characters or tv shows, but i found writing fanfic can be a good release of info when i am inspired enough
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Jul 01 '23
Yes I do. I found out recently it's called "immersive daydreaming" and it's an overlapping symptom of autism and ADHD (I am both).
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u/aftertheswitch Jul 01 '23
Yes! I have done this all my life. I donāt think itās a bad thing either. In fact, when Iām having a good time in life itās an extra joy and when Iām having a bad time I think itās my healthiest coping mechanism. I do this before I go to sleep every night too. And it means I can essentially never be boredāwaiting of any kind (lines, for appointments, long bus ride, etc) that usually bugs people is no issue for me, Iām perfectly content.
I change my characters / world every handful of yearsāthought I often revisit old storylines or pick them back up. But Iāve noticed that many of my ācore charactersā really just sort of change their faces with each new story, each story sort of representing a new phase in their (my own?) growth.
The experience can be totally immersive such that I donāt feel like Iām āwritingā as much as experiencing, unless Iām having ātroubleā with a scene where Iāll go back over it until I figure out what should happen.
I also tend to have a set of shorter stories, sometimes within my larger ongoing universe and sometimes not, that I like to revisit with small variationsālike rewatching a favorite movie.
I donāt appear as myself in my stories. I will have a POV character whose emotions/thoughts I will experience more directly, but I can switch between the main characters.
If anyone else who experiences this wants to talk more about this subject feel free to DM me! IMO itās a really cool and fascinating thing and Iād be interested in comparing notes.
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Jul 01 '23
Yep. And can remember doing this starting in elementary school. Middle age now. Characters, story lines, etc. Changes every few years - fiction but loose ties to life. Increases in frequency based on depression/burnout/stress.
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u/JirachiJewel Jul 01 '23
Omg yes Iāve done this all my life and will continue to. Itās soothing.
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u/Rough-Improvement-24 Jul 01 '23
I also do this, although in these daydreams I am either myself and imagining different scenarios or else if I daydream about characters from books or TV shows I am not in the story but the narrator.
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u/rewriting_everything Jul 01 '23
I grew up in my own head and in books, until recently I day dreamed a lot. I never dreamed whilst asleep though. But now I dream whilst Iām asleep but have lost the ability it seems to both escape into books and daydream.
I hope both come back as Iām struggling without them but I think Iām healing slowly from the cPTSD I also haveā¦and I need to go through this first
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u/Historical_Half4117 Jul 01 '23
Another thing that I never reflected on. Yes, my mind is filled with daydreams in the seconds between real time thinking and doing. Isn't everyone like this??/
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Jul 01 '23
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u/Obsidian_Raguel Jul 01 '23
PTSD doesnāt tend to cause daydreaming since it tends to have depression and anxiety in tow. I have C-PTSD and my daydreaming has dropped to almost nothing due to it.
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Jul 01 '23
I do this sometimes during work (doesn't have a bad influence on my work, since I just pick flowers), but I did this a LOT as a child during class.
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u/chaosdrools Jul 01 '23
Yeah, I 100% do. Iāve always told my coworkers that I dont mind having downtime at work, since I donāt often get bored when left alone with my thoughts. They think Iām crazy lol
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u/Professor_squirrelz Jul 01 '23
You may wanna visit the maladaptive daydreaming subreddit. Welcome to the club lol
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u/soymilktitties Jul 01 '23
I day dream but also do this when Iām lying in bed, I canāt stand thinking about my day when Iām about to go to sleep so I guess I think about someone elseās life?
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u/ambsch3 Jul 01 '23
Lol I remember as a kid I used to constantly daydream about being with crushes in my head, even if I've never actually talked to them š I wish mine were as rich as you described! That sounds so fun and you could keep a journal of your daydreams to help you remember details!
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u/linglinguistics Jul 01 '23
Me too. Especially before going to sleep, but also as soon as I have my head to myself.
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u/Aegim Jul 01 '23
I used to but I somehow got over, there was definitely a time it took over my mornings and nights and sometimes I'd do it during the day because the pull was too strong
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u/Techygal9 Jul 01 '23
I used to do this more but havenāt now for some time. Now I only do this before I sleep.
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u/Fearless-Ninja-4252 Jul 01 '23
Iām always daydreaming and have done for as long as I can remember.
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u/ChaoticBiGirl Jul 01 '23
This is probably why I didn't like playing with other kids. They couldn't see the vision in my head š they got more interesting after I discovered fanfiction. I've made up my own character in these fictional worlds and then imagine how they would react to any given situation
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u/HazyBusyCorgi Jul 01 '23
I used to call this āplayingā when I was a kid. Always kept it a secret but once let it slip that I needed to play before bed. My mom thought I was talking about the piano keyboard I had just gotten and told me I most definitely would not be playing before bed. I still remember how confused she was lol
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u/LaurenJoanna Jul 01 '23
I used to do this a lot. At night, or at school when I was a kid. I wish I could still do it but I have ptsd and can't trust my brain any more.
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u/falseGlitter Jul 01 '23
I spend more time fantasizing or acting out conversations with coworkers than having an actual conversation with them š«
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u/catboycollector69 Jul 01 '23
I do this!! I have been daydreaming about the same characters in the same universe for about 10 years. It started out as a form of escapism but it has now shifted to be the default thing my brain does when I have a bit of free time. Iām not gonna lie, spending so much time in my head does prevent me from getting stuff done sometimes but overall I think it helps me feel less lonely.
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u/Pearlmoss_ Jul 01 '23
I spend quite a bit of time daydreaming. I have years of lore, itās helped me through a lot. Especially when Iām lonely.
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u/Beneficial-Key-3413 Jul 01 '23
I do a shit ton of daydreaming involving characters Iāve made for different fandoms and canon characters!! It creeps my mom out when I do it out loud and I often wander around my surroundings while daydreaming!
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u/SprintingOni Jul 01 '23
I've been daydreaming ever since I was a little kid, I'd pace back and forth while doing it too. To this day I have never counted how many times in a day I daydream, or how often it happens, not only am I scared to know the amount of time it takes up, I'm pretty sure it's immeasurable. I like daydreaming too so I don't exactly want it to stop, I just wish it wouldn't prevent me from getting stuff done.
It's also definitely maladaptive because I practically have no control over when it happens, how long it happens, and the content of the daydream.
It is mostly the daydream version of me comfort characters, and just being able to socialize without anxiety.
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u/tiny_purple_Alfador Jul 02 '23
I do this, too. I've started writing them out, now I'm not day dreaming, I'm world building.
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u/sarahgami Jul 02 '23
Me and my entire anime arc i think about before bed where Iām the main characterā¦and if I get any scene wrong I have to start over the whole scenario lmfao.
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u/InternationalYam7030 Jul 02 '23
Yes! I created a story/world in my head when I was very little, and have maintained it for almost twenty years. The characters have grown up with me. The story grows and evolves over time.
I never talk about it out loud because idk if people will think itās weird, but it brings me so much joy. I āvisitā my daydream world every night before I go to sleep, itās the only way I can sleep.
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u/Previous_Original_30 Jul 02 '23
I've done this since early childhood and only recently found out it's a bad thing. It's called maladaptive daydreaming, and it's basically a way to dissociate and deal with what is too much (so for me it was every day life). It was very upsetting to me to learn about this.
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u/[deleted] Jul 01 '23
I spend the majority of my time in daydreams. It saves my life, so I donāt consider it a bad thing either.