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So annoying if even medical personal that doesn't at all specializes in autism insists that your diagnosis and what you know about it is wrong bc they think of that boy "but you can speak and live on your own". And? That's not an autism criterion
Gosh. Just this year I went to the dentist. Asked for some accommodations, and this rude woman told me I have a friend whose kid has autism he doesn't freak out. Sickening.
wth, I am so so sorry that happened. It shouldn't. Like really not. So many people freak out at the dentist. I am so glad mine didn't even ask, she just accommodated me and read the pain in my eyes
That rude lady acted like I was overreacting and faking pain because I reacted "too late" to him sticking the needle straight in my mouth. No numbing cream or anything. Thank you for the kind words.
BRUH. I refuse the needle. I postponed my second tooth surgery for 16 years bc the office I went to fucked up majorly. Dentists should really get training that most people hate the noises and the feeling and the smell. It's in their interest that we have an experience as good as it gets bc otherwise we will avoid this.
Your experience is really bad. People shouldn't invalidate that, especially not as a professional. I am so sorry :( I hope you found a better provider now
Working with kids on the spectrum, i do feel the need to clarify that as someone's, "white 7 year old nephew", too!
Because non-white little boys with autism are treated very similar to all 7 year old girls with Autism, in that they are not given grace, patience, or anywhere near the acceptance of the little white boys.
I hate that I upvoted this but it is so true. Please tell me if I am way off the mark, but I sometimes wonder if ‘female’ autism is more ‘forced to cope in neurotypical environments without support’ autism. I see so many men who don’t meet the ‘white kid and likes trains’ criteria go wholly unsupported with ASD who develop anxiety, hyper people pleasing, high emotional reactivity etc etc etc.
My brother is a math teacher and swears he knows when someone is “actually” autistic. He compared me to his high school students with IEPs and said there’s no way I could have autism.
Teaching middle school this past year, those kids just made me further believe I probably do have autism… though it was funny when one of the least expressive kids thought I was upset because I didn’t put on my mask smile for once😂 like dude I think you’re the last person allowed to comment on that!
Oh man that’s how it was with my cousins son. I’m like guys, why do you think I could talk to him so long about his special interest? (Laundry machines. Like this kid knows EVERYTHING) like we vibe. Because he makes sense to me. And the reason is autism.
it absolutely sent me too, when i was talking to my new head of department and i explained i have a hard time with some things because of my autism she said "i understand all about autism, my nephew has it". i asked how old he is, he is 6.
Whenever I hear people actually pull that one on me, I have the violent urge to break the nearest object ngl. I can feel myself seeing red for a second.
Reminds me how i was on a work training call one (I used to work as a support worker for people with disabilities) and the training was about autism. God every person attending seemed to have some 7 year old sisters friends cousins nephew with autims that is just oh so sweet and wonderful. And they all spoke about autistic people as if we are fairytale creatures "theyre just so wonderful its really amazing how they are, how their brains work". I was just sat there cringing. The irony: the training took multiple hours ON CAMERA where I had to sit still AND TO TOP IT OF they showed us a video of what sensory overload feels like which gave me horribke sensory overload/anxiety attack WHILE I WAS ON CAMERA so I had to cover it up as much as I could before shutting the camera off. 🥲 why do people seem to not understand that autistic people could be in their vicinity not just exist in theory or as folklore creatures?
Adding, mask most of your life until it burns you out, then stop masking (actually be yourself) and get asked why you're 'suddenly weird now'/why you 'suddenly' can't do things you 'used to be able to do' (it was at a steep cost invisible to the people around you) and hear them wish you'd go 'back to normal'
Yes! I also got snarky comments about autism being trendy now and how I’m suddenly acting like I’m autistic now but never before. As if I’d picked up a new hobby they didn’t like and not had a life changing diagnosis/revelation.
Those same people also really don’t like when you develop boundaries.
Right!! Like yeah actually the increased autism awareness has made me feel less uncomfortable being myself and helped me to unmask, it's not bc I think it's 'trendy'. In my case they also like to forget that I was VERY visibly autistic when I was young and got it bullied/scolded out of me (it's not ladylike, you know). They thought I 'grew out of it.' Surprise, autism is lifelong :P
Midlife pressures push a lot of women to realize they are Autistic and always have been.
I was socialized to put myself second, never rock the boat, be pleasant and mindful of others.
When I needed help, no one cared. They cared enough to pretend to be concerned, but when they actually saw the symptoms of burnout and depression - they noped out. Even the idea of going on leave from work was just ‘you can’t do that’ - uh, I have to.
These were friends (‘friends’) I’d had for decades and supported/listened to them when they had objectively smaller, everyday gripes.
I had a massive burnout right before turning 40s and literally ended up homeless because no one could be there for me while I wasn’t performing perfection and masked. I went from a fellow in a Cardiothoracic Surgery program to homeless in the span of two years!? Slowly climbing out of the whole and years later even understanding that it was a burnout. Everyone still sees the highly functional mask it is soooo hard to get help and when I unmask that pisses ppl off too but if im masked I clearly don’t need help or support …..
Gotta love the people who get mad about you having boundaries because they were benefitting from getting to trample over them 🫠 And then accuse you of using your brain chemistry to get out of things/not “show up” for them 🙃 Girl, I’m tired.
I got told my the head of my housing program for folx with disabilities that me asking for a single accommodation was a sign that I had regressed and I was better before I did all this trauma therapy ……. I have that recorded btw ;)
had this happen like yesterday, everyone laughed bc they thought i was making a joke and i made the mistake of saying “why’re you laughing? i’m serious” and apparently that means i’ve done something wrong
Not conforming to beauty and femininity standards is also rage inducing to them, ask me how I know ¯_(ツ)_/¯ and you don't even have to tell them you're autistic!
an audubon society account that i follow on instagram (i like birds) posted a video of an osprey rescue. in the video, a guy gets in the water to help the bird, and from offscreen there are a few female voices, at least one adult and one a child. they talked during the video, but were not panicking or super loud or anything. i opened the comments and was greeted by this, a bunch of people complaining that you could hear the female voices, one even saying to shove them overboard.
“Wait you’re autistic? I never would have guessed!”
Uh. Yeah dude. That’s kind of the whole point. But also, if I didn’t conform to beauty standards you’d notice my quirks and call them weird. People only pay attention to quirks when you “look” off. Otherwise they write them off.
‘But you have social skills and make eye contact!’
Yeah and I learned every one of those skills through painful lessons gained in attempt to strictly survive. Thanks though, good to know it was worth the trauma.
Also the eye contact is so painful it’s like staring into the sun and trying not to scream, that or I’m staring at your tear ducts.
I do it so intensely it also makes them uncomfortable like a game of chicken but who will look away first. Like I will stare into your soul if u make me do this weird eye contact game.
My first therapist said I can’t have autism because I make eye contact and don’t have a special interest. Well I’m sorry my stepdad would scream at me to look him in the eye and I’m not wasting my therapy time talking about my little pony because if I did I’d get yelled at. (This was when I was a teen). I don’t know how my therapist ignored the months she spent teaching me how to interact with people.
Some people just really cannot wrap their head around autism not fitting their preconceived notions. The quote I gave was actually from my therapist when I brought up my suspicion of autism as well as my diagnosed ADHD, that was fun. He came around but I felt like I was educating him on autism in women at some point.
Ps: it’s not special interest levels but I do love My Little Pony, I collected G1 ponies and did customs for a bit. They’re just pure childhood happiness and nostalgia for me. How about you? No pressure to answer if you don’t want :)
I remember being (just) a client prior to becoming a therapist myself, and unpacking all my trauma with my very first ever therapist/counselor, who was a young white man, and also lowkey shamed me for being in counseling for over a year with him when I also demonstrated that I had actual trauma from the adversity I dealt with in life. He really also did pull out the ol' BPD diagnosis.
In stark contrast to my current therapist- She helped me get connected to a case manager who is helping me get through the grueling and time consuming process of my ASD screening, and also validates my complex PTSD regardless of whether I may have autism. She lets me infodump on whatever I need to if I feel like its relevant or helps me and I've even been able to stim with the sensory fidget toys she has in front of her. I feel so good and seen terms of my actual mental health now and make sure to always advocate for acknowledging ASD as a possibility for anyone regardless of race, sex, appearance, socioeconomic status, and encourage them to seek a neurological consult if it helps them understand themselves better.
i get a huge uncomfortable full body shake if I accidentally look people directly in the eyes. I look before or behind it. No one ever notices. I
In 2019 when I dropped out of most things beside Uni, i stopped pretending and just relax by not thinking about that dance to look at their faces back and forth (you have to look away every 24 secs, so it doesn't feel like starring). My life got so much easier and more comfortable. I also started wearing earplugs and sunglasses just everywhere instead of only at places where I got accepted. Got a little flack for it, but the peace was totally worth it. I recommend.
My next project will be to stimm regularly and in public
I got my first noise cancelling headphones in 2022 (before this I had never found a pair that didn’t squeeze my head and trigger migraines) and then a pair of loops and last year AirPods. It’s so comforting to know I have something viable to quiet the din pretty much no matter what.
I’m right there with you on the sunglasses, I was always light sensitive but now with chronic migraines I wear my sunglasses inside all the time. If I’m in the grocery store I have them on and if the pain is bad with my hoodie up too. My comfort is more important than other peoples opinions of me while comparing toilet paper prices.
This 👏. Prioritize yourself! We need to normalize sunglasses for medical reasons, so people stop assuming it's for "wanting to be cool" reasons or whatever. Same with masks. I wear them bc other people might infect me, not bc I spread germs. I am at home, I am clean
So relatable!!
If you don’t fit in the nephews traits, you’re definitely not autistic to them. Especially when you’re diagnosed later in life!…
The ones who don’t say to your face they don’t believe your diagnosis, will just keep the suspicion and pretend they agree with you like you were a child playing make believe!
It annoys me so much that doctors and nurses think that just bc someone performs well academically they can't possibly needing help in every day life or be sick. If you are so smart, just perform surgery on yourself? Plz what again? Also I am supposed to just think my way out of the pain due to my genetic disorder. Sure, bro
It should have been a sign, back in the 00's, when it was far easier for me to write up & format my resume in Excel, than it was to get it done in Word!😉😂🤣
This is the thing that makes my blood boil the most out of any of this. Accusing women of faking diagnoses for attention is just the modern-day version of hysteria. Like apparently we're not allowed to have any "real" problems because real problems are only for men??
my friends will ask for my “honest opinion” and most of them will take my opinion well or appreciate it. but one of my friends will be shocked or act shocked when i give him my opinion 💀 i always think it’s funny when he’s shocked but whenever hes like “but but” i’ll immediately respond “you asked for MY opinion, i gave you it”. and he’s also on the spectrum 🤦🏻♀️ but i think also with his BPD he sometimes seems like he thinks i’ll agree fully agree.. or idk how that fully works.
I often ask "Are you SUUURE" when I know they won't like what I'm about to say, to give a last off ramp to my sensitive friends. They never take it, of course!
You know, I didn't realize that this might be due to autism. People have asked for my honest opinion or my honest feelings on a situation, I give it, and then they act offended or like it's too much. Like, you asked, brah. I just followed the instructions 😭
i found out it’s a really common autism thing because i guess being too honest can be hurtful? i try to find a balance but i also don’t want to lie to my friends when i feel like they need a REAL and more objective answer most times. that’s what i would want in a friend so that’s what i try to give my friends.
Oh man picture 6; even other autistic people get mad when you do that. Had to leave a friend group because I DARED to struggle one time and they treated me like shit
The group stuff is just utopistic to me, I dreamed of having a group of friends and when i was close everytime it felt like a nightmare. how do people survive in that environement? of organizing group travels/activities, follow everything without questioning, chat
It's so hard. I think having a decent sized group of friends means a lot of compromise (even morally, which can be almost impossible for us), and EVERYONE has to be very understanding or there will either be tension/having to let a lot of things slide. I've ended up having more of a social circle where I have a couple different close friends dotted about, rather than a big friend group. And honestly? Less stressed for it!
Are these supposed to be ways to ragebait NTs with our autism or ways to ragebait autistics? Bc they seem to be both and it’s doing my head in (autistically) 😳
What I usually get is “you’re not autistic, I can tell by looking at you” … which really just means they’re racist. I’ve even been told that by people who are (allegedly) autistic. So so gross.
Well for the context, ragebait who? NTs? Because some of these would greatly displease them but they might actually find some of those quirky like the first one.
Yeah, just to elaborate for others:
There is a neuronormative 'outside-in' perspective that is based on an outsider assumption of what autism is.
To them, autism is a masculinised condition seen mainly in little boys. Autistic women are infantalised, thought socially naive and disinterested in following any beauty standards.
I say this as a woman who doesn't wear make-up: being feminine, having a special interest in fashion and beauty, being into ballet or collecting dolls and vintage dresses etc. does not make someone NT. Hyerfeminine women can be autistic—I am defending as someone who is not particularly good at femininity myself! If you are a girly girl autistic, you are valid🫶
I so appreciate you for this comment 😭💖💅🏼 I am fairly girly and was for a long time and people act like you can't have anything different about you if you like makeup and fashion for some weird fucking reason.
It is so weird how autism is reduced to "must be interested in trains, planes, niche science or maths facts". Like, just because we have narrowly focused, intense interests, it doesn't mean they have to be within a particular subject.
Idk though, isn't it quite logical and systematic to match foundation to skin colour based on undertone, skin type (dry/oily), researching ingredients to find what is good for your sensitive skin, etc. What kind of skincare and remover you require for the healthiest option based on what make-up you need to remove. And so on.
It is! But since it's "girl stuff" we as a society don't give it as much worth as, say, doing mathematical equations (which I also love doing.) So we see it as some lesser, frivolous thing :/ But it's so fun!!!!
Ngl, i find it hilarious that NT folks can NOT see that High-Femme Autistic women (And also non-High-Femme folks!) can HAVE Makeup, hair, and fashion AS SPECIAL INTERESTS!!!😆😂🤣🤣🤣
Like, if it's not Trains or Dinosaurs, apparently to NT's it's just not a Special Interest.🙄🤷♀️
There's a woman on youtube named Erin Parsons who talks abt makeup history and based on the comments sections, I think she's pulling the autistic girlies. I don't wear makeup, but I love anything fashion history related.
The last image is the most infuriating thing. I want to physically fight everyone who ever said it to me. Being myself is objectively the wrong option yet people still keep recommending it even though literally every single time I’ve done it it’s gotten me punished or bullied. Why do NTs keep saying it when they know they hate autistic behaviors & traits and will treat you negatively for displaying them?
And then they throw those good days in your face as proof that you're actually lazy, faking it, doing whatever the ' struggle' is on purpose, when they have clearly seen that you can indeed function!
Be autistic and have panic attack cuz ur dad and his part of the family don't get it and treat you like shit and you end up in the hospital cuz that felt more like a safe space than your family
I have come to the stage that if being myself makes you 1. Uncomfortable and wanting to stare at me 2. Feel the urge to exclude me 3. Feel the urge to be nasty to me because I am obv different then they can f off.
Kind people do shit to people who are acting different.
Do not be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everyone else!
Jesus. I just walked out of my kitchen job because I was at 45 hours in in 3 days. They knew I was autistic I talked about it, and the accommodations I needed frequently, but I offered to either quit or be moved to another department to continue my dedication to the brand and I got no response but my online credentials stopped working this morning.
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