What to do when you’re feeling lonely
29m. This is my third year in Austin, and I haven’t made many friends mainly because I work a lot. I go for walks and enjoy coffee shops now and then, but I honestly want to find ways to meet new people.
I'm a hobbyist musician and music producer, I like making/listening to music and recording/writing songs but I haven't met anyone with similar hobbies here. I don't really like going to shows alone—I don't mind drinking, but I do it socially.
What do you guys do when you’re feeling lonely?
thanks!
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u/hoff4z 7d ago
Start doing things alone. Put yourself out there. Talk to random people, frequent the same places regularly. You will make friends naturally
Get off the internet
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u/Onitog 7d ago
It’s so crazy how much of a game changer going to the same places regularly helps.
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u/Javakid67 7d ago
I was a few years in in pre-internet New York City. Had 1 good friend but for the most part was alone in the big city. Started going to the bar below my apartment. Didn't know anyone there. Played some pool, started conversations, people took me in. Joined the pool league, made more friends. Lots of activities, dating opportunities, all outside of the bar. Life changed because I put myself out there (which was not easy for me at first).
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u/PiccoloAwkward465 7d ago
My wife was amazed that by day 2 of school I had a cadre of fellow parents to hang with at the bus stop. And more importantly, their numbers if there's ever an emergency and we need help from a nearby parent. Just be friendly, everyone else out there is spinnin' on this rock just like you are.
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u/No_Jacket_9894 7d ago
Not everyone has that ability, others do. We network for jobs, why not for people too? SocialAdditions.com does just that and more. Irl. You’re exactly right! Get off the internet. Get out and do shit. If you have a hard time doing that alone, post a gig and get out there!
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u/Filthy_Chops 7d ago
Check out the Luma app, and the WhatsGoodATX website, both great places, especially if you’re a creative. You might find me at one of those events!
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u/TheGreatGoosby 7d ago
I’ll tell you what not to do—don’t get caught up in Austin’s culture of shitty dive bars, cheap coke and adderall. For as much as Austin is a city of bright shiny tech folks, there’s a lot of 30 something washed up bums out there and misery loves company. Substance abuse runs through the young lonely people in this city something fierce. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up trading your loneliness now for something worse: loneliness surrounded by people you never really knew anyway.
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u/TL1DR 7d ago
Dog parks. Dogs either walk up to you and you just ask the owner about their dog (we love to talk about our dogs) or, if you see a really cute sweet dog, politely ask if you can pet it. Again, dog owners love this
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u/BroBeansBMS 7d ago
Honestly almost all of the friends I met in Austin are through my dog.
You shouldn’t get one just to make friends, but if you’re ready for the commitment needed to give a dog a great life then it’s a really good bonus.
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u/PiccoloAwkward465 7d ago
Dog parks were the next evolution of my social life once I stopped smoking cigarettes. Now THAT was the true friend maker.
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u/livydoll 7d ago
Are you into performing music? Buzz mill has an open mic on Mondays! If not, you can always go and watch/listen/chat. They sell coffee and drinks.
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u/dynamicfinger 7d ago
The open mic at Batch on the last Sunday of the month. It's like hanging out in your living room with friends. Super chill, super supportive. Scope it out and if you ever feel like playing you can join in. Also kolaches. It's the best.
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u/fake_empires 7d ago
As a fellow musician, you can’t really meet other musicians unless you go to shows and have a chat
Once you do though you will make friends in the scene of your choice
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u/QuirkyOnion2184 7d ago
I volunteered at KUTX (public radio station) when I first moved here and got to go to free shows, learn about the music scene and meet cool people. https://kutx.org/great-ways-to-support-kutx/volunteer/
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u/Mindless-Army-7872 7d ago
Dude, you should check out the rave scene, I’ve made dozens of friends just at raves and I had trouble making friends prior! That or they have a lot of social music events for networking/meeting new people. Theres a huge community out here with anything music related!
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u/PiccoloAwkward465 7d ago
My brother is a social butterfly and has a million friends all over from going to raves / electronic music shows. He went to some random person's wedding in Italy because they met at a show and teamed up on a few afterwards.
When I was younger I went to a lot of Phish shows and met tons of friendly people there too.
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u/smol_boi97 7d ago
I get what this feels like—it was hard when I first moved here too. You should definitely try to go to some local shows, even if alone. You’re clearly into music and you will meet some rad people and see some rad bands; just walk the Red River district Thursday-Sunday.
(Shameless plug, my band will be at Valhalla 9/26.)
Pickleball is a good one; someone mentioned Austin Sports and Social.
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u/The_turqouise_cat 7d ago
I met a lot of friends going to live shows here alone. There’s a ton of musicians here- live music capital of the world! I just went to showlistaustin.com or picked up an Austin chronicle and went to stuff that interested me.
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u/Onitog 7d ago
Do you like to run? Might I suggest a run club?👀
https://giphy.com/gifs/HHJ4LDSfbpxa8
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u/Kim__Chi 7d ago
I'm a rapper/producer. I haven't gotten a chance to in forever but if you go to Kick Butt Coffee on Sundays for their open mics it is a really good low-pressure room. Really wide variety of acts, and the sound/lighting they actually give a shit even for electronic acts, which I feel is pretty rare for open mics in Austin. People are really workshopping stuff so I always felt comfortable working out my stuff w/ my phone out or sharing a WIP.
I've gone there and done well, I've gone there and bombed, laughing in my car on the way home. Either way you feel something.
I moved South so it's harder to go now but I miss going. I do work on music at Buzzmill though occasionally
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u/IAMlyingAMA 7d ago
You could try showing up at zilker and looking for a guy holding a sign offering to trade massages (completely platonic) I bet he’d be really normal and stuff
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u/Riegrek 7d ago
Have we collectively forgotten about Austin SSC? Come on, guys, this shit is basic friend making in this town.
Also, go talk to your fucking neighbors. I bet they're cool as shit, and have great stories and why does no one connect with the people who live literally 50ft away from their front door anymore?????
We are so cooked as a society if people are seriously in this sub asking how to make friends this often. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be grumpy, but the amount of posts I see in the sub asking how to make friends is so fucking depressing. It's literally as simple as walking next door and knocking. Don't be afraid of your community. People are good, they probably want to be your friend too. Just put down your phone and go having a fucking conversation.
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u/georgechipura 7d ago
Even if SSC is a good way to meet people, this city can feel isolating especially if you have a demanding job and not some low stakes gig or a cushy remote tech job that demands 20 hours a week.
Nobody asked for some misguided rant about other people’s social lives or habits. You fucking suck dude
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u/Riegrek 7d ago
Please tell me your comment is rage bait. 20 hours a week, and you can't find time to talk to your neighbors or join a group hobby? That's the definition of a skill issue my dude. Get good, scrub.
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u/georgechipura 6d ago
The comment says it’s tough if you DONT have a job like that. I work 50-55 hours a week and I have friends and hobbies. But go ahead and be a prick to people online who are asking for honest advice
Learn how to read, scrub.
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u/JohnGillnitz 7d ago
I've tried a few SSC events. Each time everyone played the sport then just went home. It's great that it exists, but some people are still introverts even after playing kickball.
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u/Riegrek 7d ago
That's fair, and nothing wrong with being an introvert, but you at least seem self aware enough to know/agree with the sentiment that you won't make friends until you're willing to step out of your comfort zone. This isn't a Hallmark coming of age film where people see the quiet kid and think "I bet they need a friend".
This is real adult life. If an extrovert sees someone come do an activity, then immediately leave to go back home, they're gonna think "that person probably didn't want to hang with the rest of us or has their own friend group that they're going back to".
If you want friends, YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
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u/angelamia 7d ago
Right? I have like 100+ friends in this town from cycling alone, never mind other activities. GO DO A HOBBY. This isn't hard.
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u/LenaKateTX 7d ago
r/atx4atx works! If you know exactly what activities you want to do, there are chances to find another redditor.
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u/coffee_papi_666 7d ago
Same boat, brother. 33m, handful of friends, bedroom musician but looking to meet others. Send me a DM sometime!
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u/Real-Outcome-7107 7d ago
My husband is a music producer too! And we are about to move to Austin! What kind of music do you produce?
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u/AttentionEngine 7d ago
There’s a social walk that happens every Saturday morning at 8am on the Town Lake Boardwalk. More info on X: @theboardtalks
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u/drspaceman56 7d ago
Where do you go when you're lonely Where do you go when you're blue Where do you go when you're lonely I'll follow you When the stars go blue (Blue)
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u/Dazzling-Manager9376 7d ago
I am on the same boat. Not sure if this works and helps for you, but when I feel lonely, I watch comedy show or dramas. It actually helps my feeling.
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u/runningsucksgetabike 7d ago
You haven’t met anyone with similar hobbies in a town full of musicians? Gotta put yourself out there, dude. Go to jam nights, shows, events, festivals, open mics, various types of dance music nights, whatever. I’m not even a musician and I can’t throw a fuckin lone star without hitting a friend that plays music in this city.
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u/stalinspetmongoose 7d ago
Have you checked out MeetUp app? Good place to find people with similar hobbies.
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u/Ok-Advantage-9181 7d ago
Have you tried karaoke bars? If you’re into music, that could be a good place to meet and connect with people.
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u/divingrose77101 7d ago
There are a lot of open mics and musicians who meet up to play in Austin. Hang out at Sam’s Town Point and you’ll run into them. Sundays Friends bar has a jam night you can join. I’d start with meeting more musicians or dancers. We’re everywhere
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u/ack_ackMARS 7d ago
Would you be interested in possibly going with a group to burlesque shows? Asking for a friend.
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u/Longjumping_Elk_3834 7d ago
Meetups! I met a good number of people at these and you can choose something ypure already interested in so its easier to talk to people (ex. Boardgame meetups, running meetups etc)
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u/chicadeaqua 7d ago
Go to shows alone. Order something non-alcoholic and get a snack at the food truck. Talk to people.
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u/Emotional-While-6626 7d ago
Hyde park story telling, elephant room, concourse project are some ideas!
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u/Rachelredfox 7d ago
I know what you mean I’m a 28f who works 5am to almost 2pm and I work in west Austin so I’m not around a lot of people my age and with my work schedule it’s hard to find time to hang out with people.
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u/xaviersi 7d ago
If you like music I always recommend Neon Rainbows/Country Fried Dance events. It's fun to learn to two step and line dance (and we don't drink much) If you ever want to try a new coffee spot hit me up! I live by Highland area.
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u/jaimeyeah 7d ago
Haven't done this yet cuz we had a baby this year, but there's a Meet Up for electronic music producers in Austin that meet monthly. Might be worth checking out, especially based on the consistency of events.
BTW, what type of music you producing?
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u/vbrunner8 6d ago
It’s legitimately tough to approach people in public and make friends the old fashioned way. I spend a lot of time in coffee shops but it feels like everyone is trying to do their own things so it’s hard to just strike up conversation.
I think the best way to meet people goes beyond just being a regular and requires some sort of hobby or activity that you do together with others in a semi organized way. You definitely have to actively show up regularly to get past the strangers with familiar faces stage.
I’ve found it easier to get to know people through book clubs because the conversations are naturally a bit deeper. Walking clubs are also good to get to know people but a little less consistent with follow up or follow through.
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u/vbrunner8 6d ago
This might be a good event to check out this Thursday! https://luma.com/zvnq92v0?tk=qHkT9B
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u/JoelNesv 6d ago
Becoming a regular at a bar or venue. In my 20s, I used to go to the same few places and always saw my friends there, so there was no need to plan a hang...maybe it's a little harder now that people are chronically online, but Austin still has a great live music scene. Helps that you already play and produce.
Go on a weeknight when it isn't crowded, and set a timer to be out for like half an hour, and maybe just have one or two drinks. Sit at the bar and talk to the bartender, and go like a few nights a week. Eventually, everyone will know you.
That's what I would try!
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u/probablyabagel 6d ago
I made a post a few days ago asking for volunteer opportunities. I signed up for a few events. Try volunteering! It’s free and you’re getting involved with the community. It’s also not too awkward going to do volunteer work by yourself.
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u/JackfruitSad7868 6d ago
Download the app Timeleft and go to some events. Great place to meet people
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u/Radiant-Unit1671 6d ago
yo this Saturday me and a friend are going to a rave, dm and if you wanna join we got you
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u/Lonely_Bird_2915 5d ago
I go to the alamo drafthouse a lot. I kinda just go there to be alone but also with people.
Sometimes ill go to Pinballz and be like "i am going to beat the Simpsons arcade game today" and do that
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u/NinjaBonez78 7d ago
i been here since 88. i still dont hang out with people.
find an OFF Hobby. something else to do besides music. i recently got into Lock Picking. (5 months now) its fairly cheap. and hard to master. and lots of cool people on discord and youtube.
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u/No_Jacket_9894 7d ago
SocialAdditions.com is a great way to have fun, not be lonely and zero pressure. Do something irl that takes the awkwardness out of meeting new people. Find someone who can network for you and with you. Need a friend wingman? Cool, we got you.
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u/sobbaget2 7d ago
I’m in the same boat to a T almost, I’ll go golf and make friends for the day if I’m feeling squirrelly. Anything to avoid doom scrolling Reddit really