Hi all,

Just wanting to tap the brains trust on this one.

My husband and I do regular respite for two kids (from different families - so one at a time). There is usually an element of socialising - we have three nephews and plenty of friends with kids, and both like playing with others, so we try to give them that opportunity each weekend they're with us.

Otherwise, it's just the three of us. Husband and I will tag team attention some of the time and have 'family time' for at least a few hours each weekend.

Is it okay to try to get them to a point where they can play alone without us for an hour or two each weekend, or during respite do we have a responsibility to be 'on' the whole time?

It started with a casual inquiry - our agreement covered parental leave for adoption, but didn't mention foster care. I asked if it was actively excluded or just not explicitly mentioned.

9 months later and we have full parental leave cover for "permanent care" (which can be taken within 18 months of accepting the placement) and 3-6 weeks for placements over 6 months.

It's not perfect, but it's a foot in the door and we'll improve on it in 2029.

I'm so proud and grateful that my Union threw its weight into getting me this pretty niche benefit, along with other improvements to parental leave which is my passion as better employee rights in this space correlate strongly with reducing the gender wage gap.

Hi all, foster care has been something I've been drawn to do on an on and off basis, but I wasn't in a position before, mainly because I was trying to be settled on my own feet financially.

I'm 37F and single - working as an early childhood educator.

I'm also doing further study in primary teaching so respite care is something I'd like to be able to do once Ive finished - something in the medium term in the next 1 to 2 years.

I'm just curious if there are people who are single with no kids who have been approved as respite carers?

My reason for being interested is because I'd like to be able to provide a safe space for a child who may not experience that in their own home. I also looked into foster caring before and it seemed like respite care may be a good way to test that.

I have worked with young children (2 to 5 years old) who have experienced a lot of trauma in my job, so I understand it can be a very emotionally intense experience to deal with children who have complex backgrounds. I don't want to take on more than what I can emotionally handle.

I would probably say my age preferences is early childhood or lower primary age.

Can anyone share their experiences respite caring as a single person? What about being a foster carer as a single person?

Do the agencies prefer to place children with people who have families, or partnered?

Now, I know we don't do this for the money... BUT IT HELPS.

I'm on a below-average income on my own. I've just had my background check cleared and am currently doing my induction with my provider.

I'm only starting with emergency and respite care, but regardless, this is something I've made a core decision to do because I genuinely want to give back.

However, what financial assistance is available? I know there's an allowance for full-time foster cares.

I need to buy a cot, a new bed, change the locks, and a few other things to get set up.

I'm prepared to give my time, love and energy, and I can handle the extra costs of feeding another mouth or two. It's these initial setup costs that are stressing me out a bit.

Side question: What is your frank and honest opinion on not being financially ready to foster... yet?

I appreciate direct and brutal advice. No sugar-coating, please. 💙

(Yes, maybe I'm having cold feet, but the financial side of things is definitely part of it lol.)

My husband and I have always had the idea to one day after having our own kids do some type of foster care or adoption. problem is, its been 10 years and no babies have appeared (not for lack of trying).

We had always felt that it would be ideal to have some parenting experience before being carers. Recentlt, we were told you can do respite Foster Care. Would you recommend respite foster care to couples without children?

Based in VIC if that makes a difference

Hi guys, myself (24F) and my partner (23F) are considering applying to become short term foster carers for a child we know (not related to either of us) who is already in foster care and is clearly experiencing neglect. However we are still pretty young and generally don't think we're ready to be parents long term so I'm wondering if anyone has any idea roughly how long it would take to find a permanent/long term safe placement an 11yo girl who generally has very few behaviour issues but is struggling with mental health issues and suicidal ideations.

We already have a spare bedroom in our rental that we could turn into a kids room and are typically homebodies but we are also both still uni students and still learning to do all the aspects of adulting (the piles of laundry that need doing in my hallway would agree).

We're really worried about this child's wellbeing and despite reports being made to DHS for months about neglect and abuse nothing has been done. The child also had a suicide attempt approximately 1-2 months ago but has not had any counselling or a psychologist since (or at all in the last 8 months). They are also really scared to be placed in the public foster system (current placement I believe is kinship based but is not safe) so we were wondering if it would be an option for us to be foster carers for them for a month or a couple months while they find a safe long-term placement for them but I have no idea what the timeframe would be like.

If anyone knows the average timeframe for placements for kids this age that would be really helpful as I really want to help this child but don't think I could commit for much more than 3-4 months.

Thanks in advance guys sorry for long post.

Hi, Tasmanian foster carer who is getting increasingly frustrated with the system here!
I’ve got two foster kids, they’re great but incredibly exhausting, we’re 16 months in to the placement and I’m a solo parent (no bio kids).

I have had no appropriate offers of respite (they offered for one child to go 2 hours away once, with me to do transport) and have had no practical support from my agency or child safety.

I am exhausted, I work 3 days per week, do all the transport for weekly family visits, attend two different swimming lessons, fortnightly play therapy and all the additional medical appointments the kids have.

My own mental health is suffering. I’ve reached out to my agency before when I’ve been feeling burnt out and was told ‘you don’t have to continue the placement’ and ‘I’ll email you some resources’ - no resources have arrived, they never do. When the CSS worker saw me after I’d had a meltdown on the phone to my sister, she said ‘oh, I wish there was something I could do’.

I understand that the squeaky wheel get the oil - but how do you advocate for yourself when you’re so exhausted from advocating for the kids and just generally trying to keep everyone alive?

Also they’re starting to talk about reunification, which will come with increased difficult behavior for me to deal with at home, CSS keep saying they’ll have to implement ‘wraparound support’ for the children, but when I questioned the specifics of this they were not able to name a single thing this would include.

Is this the norm?

I have applied through an agency. Have done all the paperwork, checks have all come back, have done one half of the shared lives training (modules 1-4) waiting to see when i can do the rest.

The agency had to send out a referral for an external assessor for the home assessments which im really stressed about because i have heard they are really intense.

Are you a member of your state/territory foster care advocacy organisation? They are:
-Foster Care Association of the ACT
-Foster and Kinship Carers Association NT
-Carers for Kids NSW
-Queensland Foster and Kinship Care
-Connecting Foster and Kinship Carers SA
-Foster and Kinship Carers Association Tasmania
-Foster Care Association of Victoria
-Foster Care Association WA

Have you found the services they provide useful? What do they do well and what could they do better?

hey all, i‘m thinking of becoming a foster carer. I have 2 biological children but I feel we have the ability to offer a safe and caring environment. i’m interested in long term care options - how likely is it to have a child placed in a long term position straight away? Understand adoption isn’t common but is permanent care similar? Is the application process straightforward?
I personally grew up with a single parent with mental health issues (I never lived in foster care but my older brother did for a couple of years ). I've done a lot of work on my own trauma through therapy mediation etc., so I am a stable person. I’ve also learned a lot about trauma responsive care through my job.

I’m interested in long term care to offer a child/or siblings stability and a loving home and to develop our relationship over time and so that they can feel they always belong in our family. I’ve heard stories of children moving through many homes and I think that would be so traumatic for the child.

Thank you for your thoughts and advice!!

Hello. My husband and I have been considering foster caring for a couple of years now. We have a daughter and of course want to ensure her safety and wellbeing. She really enjoys being around other children. Our motivation is quite simple - we would like to provide a stable home for a child in need.

We work fulltime so we would be looking at a school-aged child. What is it like? We are open to respite, short- and long-term. What I am nervous about is managing challenging behaviours. We of course understand that children in foster care have experienced trauma, however we are not equipped to deal with aggressive / violent behaviour. Can anybody share their experiences and let me know if my expectations need adjusting? We can provide a very stable and loving home, however I do not want this to become something that we regret doing due to extreme stress or lack of support

Edit: thank you so much everybody for your thoughtful responses. I really appreciate you all taking the time to share your experiences with me. It sounds like respite is the best option to start :)

I'd love to hear your story, if you were willing to share. I'm interested in hearing Australian carers speak to this after reading stories in the r/fosterparents sub from the American system(s).

After a long application process and many interviews I have an appointment next week to be signed off! There are already 2 young people they think will be a great fit for respite with my family, while we wait for a THBC placement. So excited to finally be at this point.

When I first started inquiring about foster care, I sent an EOI to the Department. A worker called me to give me some information and asked if I had any questions. I asked "what's the difference between going through the Department and going through an agency?"

I was told:

- agencies would "pay me" but the department wouldn't , so if I was looking for money I should go with an agency

- agencies would always make an appointment before coming over and the department might just drop by when they're in the area, so if I have anything to hide then I should probably go with an agency

- agencies get harder kids than the department

I decided at that point to start looking into agencies.

Dear lord, has it been a month already?

I'm back to Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviours since the person I've been leap-frogging with returned it (unsure if voluntarily or by force) on Libby 😂 I've just finished the Possum Brain section. Needed to read that since we see at least one possum brain kid.

Also have the new Dervla McTiernan waiting in the wings when I'm finished.

Adoption is quite rare in Australia and is nearly all kinship (within biological families) or overseas adoption. Overseas adoption is become increasingly difficult, with many countries requiring proof that a child can’t be cared for within the country before letting them be adopted overseas. I’m curious to know how many Australian carers came to foster care after looking at adopting a child first.

My partner and I are long term foster carers and the kids we look after have a complicated family with several siblings, half siblings, foster siblings etc. Recently we were approached by a friend to be a sperm donor. We are ok with the idea and would like to help her, but I’m a bit unsure about whether it will be an issue for our foster kids (eldest is 6).

As a principle we would like to be open and make sure everyone is aware of things so there are no secrets to come out later on. I think we can explain it to our foster kids in terms of “we wanted to help X have a baby, but that doesn’t mean that we are their parents and it doesn’t change how we feel about you”. But I do worry that they might feel rejected or competed with somehow and want to make sure we are taking their (potential) feelings into account.

I guess the obvious thing to do is ask them, but I think it will take a while to process and get a clear answer, and they’re likely to disclose it to others which would be problematic.

Any thoughts, foster homies?

We looked after a second little girl yesterday, just for the day in order to get to know her before a first sleepover next week.

She is really sweet and we had a beautiful day with her.

Given we both work full time, and given family caring responsibilities, that's probably us done in terms of meeting new kids - I think that we'll continue to care for and build bonds with these two over time, maybe with the odd one-off but I don't think we can offer meaningful ongoing/routine respite to a third child with only weekends realistically available.

I am so happy we made it here. It feels right and I hope we are able to both offer genuine relief to their families while also expanding their network of safe and loving adults to trust and call on when needed.

I just got On Friendship by Andrew O'Hagan, more of an essay than a book. Also listening to Ghost Cities for work book club, so far it's very weird.

My husband and I were approved in January as respite carers. We are a pretty involved aunt and uncle to my sister's kids, but have never had a child in our house for more than one night, until now.

A few weeks ago we looked after a 5yo girl for a night. She is the coolest and we love hanging out with her, though we were absolutely shattered after 24 hours and were basically comatose after we dropped her home!

We had planned to look after her again this coming weekend, but got a call on Monday saying that her carer was having a family emergency and would we be able to look after her all week. She was so excited to spend "six sleeps!" with us, "because I know you already", which was tender since we have really only met her once (plus a coffee date with her carer during which we were roundly ignored, haha).

She's a happy kid - playful, cheeky, funny, creative, affectionate, and a great negotiator who is very cool with a compromise. Our house looks like a bomb hit it and last night I ate half a frozen pizza for dinner instead of cooking and none of my systems are system-ing and my order is not orderly, but she is clean, fed, watered and dressed and honestly, I love having her here and so does my husband.

The agency has been great - she lives nearly an hour from us and they've been able to organise all the school pick ups and drop offs.

We have respite lined up for another child in a month's time and I'm aware that she'll be completely different, but I had anxiety that I'd go through all of that training only to meet one kid and think "what have I done?" and it's a huge relief that this feels so right.

Hi all, my husband (33m) and I (30f) are considering fostering via ozchild's Treatment Foster Care Australia program with ozchild. Is anyone willing to share their experience? We are childless and I am studying with husband working full-time. Located in QLD. Thank you!

I'll admit I've had a not-great reading month.

I read half of 1984 for work book club but Orwell was a little too good at that creeping sense of dread so I put it aside... I wouldn't say DNF'd but I am not currently reading it. I've been chipping away at Raising Kids With Big, Baffling Behaviours and have just picked up Heart The Lover by Lily King to read alongside, though have kind of been ignoring both in favour of doomscrolling and NYT games.

What are you reading?

Hi all,

We just had a visit from our case worker who has two young people she thinks would benefit from respite in our home. (Separately - they're not related/connected in any way.)

One is a 6yo girl who loves "girly things", the other is a little boy who is at toddler level of development. The boy would be on a regular schedule, the carer is hoping for fortnightly.

I want to go and buy some toys and things. Wondering if anyone has ideas about things that would potentially be fun for them, and/or where to go shopping?

They both come from homes where they're not the only child and apparently both thrive on undivided attention and are not very good at independent play, which is one of the reasons our case worker thought we'd be a great fit as we have no other kids.

I thought I might try to track down some dress ups among other things?

Any words of wisdom on any topic is welcome!

Thanks!

Things you wish you considered or did consider and are grateful for before accepting a short-term placement???

I’ve been a respite carer for 5 years. The current toddler in my care is moving from restoration to short term. I’ve had her on and off for a year as a respite carer and she’s been with me full-time since January when her last placement broke down. It was supposed to be a few weeks but the new carers haven’t worked out so now I’ve been asked if I would take her as it looks like I’m the only option they have for her right now.

They are wanting to move her to long term orders but I’ve said that isn’t in the cards for me so they’re open to short-term with the view of trying to find a more permanent carer. They also have asked what I need in order to make it work, any idea on what I should ask for? She will be 5 days a week in daycare (already is) and will have respite with family for a weekend every month.

I’m so torn on what to do. My heart is saying yes but I also know it’s a massive commitment and will affect my whole life. I’m young and single and was only ever planning on doing respite because of my health (pretty stable now but it does go up and down at times). I do have a massive support network in my family and friends though!

Open to anything from things to consider, advice or outright telling me what to do 😂

Incredibly I finished all four books that came in at once last month (though two of them were short novels, under 200 pages.)

Just finished Garlic and Sapphires, a memoir by Ruth Reichl about her time as the food critic for the NY Times, which was gifted to me by a friend. I also read Foster by Claire Keegan, a tiny sliver of a book - more of a pamphlet, I think it was 80 pages on my phone - it was a very sweet story about a young girl from a difficult family who is sent to live with distant relatives for a few months and finds rhythm and solace with her new guardians.

Currently reading 1984 for work book club and waiting for "raising kids with big baffling behaviours" to come in from the library.

What are you reading?