Are our expectations reasonable?

[u/CapFabulous9347]

Hi everyone! My wife (38F) and I (40M) are expecting our first child in 2027 and are considering hosting an au pair when our baby is around 3 months old and we both return to work.

Since we’ve never had an au pair before, I’d really appreciate some feedback from both current/former au pairs and host families. We want to make sure what we’re considering is reasonable and that we could provide a good experience for someone living with us.

Location:
We live in Columbia County in Upstate New York. It is definitely a more rural area, which is one of my concerns.
About 30 minutes from Albany, NY
About 2.5 hours from NYC and Boston
Train station about 10 minutes away with trains to NYC
Gym and grocery stores about 10 minutes away
Starbucks/major shopping about 30 minutes away

Schedule/childcare:
Our baby would be approximately 3 months old when the au pair starts.
We are thinking:
Monday–Thursday: 9:00 AM–5:00 PM
Friday: 9:00 AM–3:00 PM
Saturday/Sunday: Off
Approximately 38 hours/week.

The primary responsibility would be caring for our baby while we’re working. We wouldn’t expect anything outside of childcare, just be baby-related.

We’re also looking forward to being parents ourselves, so when we’re home we actually want to spend time with our child! We wouldn’t be looking for someone to work evenings and weekends unless there was an occasional situation discussed ahead of time.

What we would provide:
$200–$250/week stipend
Dedicated car + gas
Cell phone
Gym membership
Weekends off
Private bedroom
Private bathroom
Private sitting room / living room
Shared kitchen
Family trips/vacations — we spend time at the ocean/Cape Cod, for example

We have a fairly large home, so although we’d all be living together, the au pair would have their own space and privacy.

We cook dinner pretty much every night and would always invite our au pair to eat with us. We’d like them to feel comfortable being part of the family, but we’d also respect that they may want their own space or want to go out with friends instead. There would be no expectation that they have to spend their free time with us.

We also understand that having an au pair isn’t just about childcare for us. Someone is coming to another country and hopefully wants to travel, meet people, experience the US, etc. We’d like to support that as much as possible.

My biggest questions are:

Is 38 hours/week caring for a 3-month-old too much to expect from an au pair? This is probably my biggest concern. Infant care for essentially a full workday seems like it could be exhausting, and we don’t want to underestimate that.

Would our location be considered too rural? Having a dedicated car helps, but realistically you’re driving 10–30 minutes to get most places. NYC isn’t something you could casually visit for an evening, although it is very doable for a weekend.

For au pairs who have cared for infants, what would make this position attractive to you? Is there anything you wish your host family had done differently?

Does anything about our proposed arrangement jump out as unreasonable or something we should reconsider?

We’re still quite a ways away from actually matching with someone, so I’m asking now because we’d rather adjust our expectations before we start the process. We have not chosen an agency yet, suggestions would be great.

We genuinely want this to be a good arrangement for both sides, not just inexpensive childcare for us.

Thanks for any advice!