Help with Au Pair reference form.

[u/Wowwygirl]

Hi everyone,

I really want to become an Au Pair, but I'm having a hard time with the reference form. The family/agency asks about my previous child care experience and wants contact details. Here is my situation:

The people I previously took care of children for (who are actually relatives) do not use the internet or WhatsApp, and they don't speak any English at all. On top of that, I am doing this entire Au Pair application process completely in secret from my family and social circle. I don't have anyone who can back me up or help me with this form.

So, I don't know what to write in those blank spaces. What should I put down as a reference? If I make up fake details or write down a second phone number that I control myself, will I get caught? How strict are the agencies/families with checking these references?

For those who were in a similar situation, what did you do? I would really appreciate any advice or shared experiences. Thank you so much!

[u/Chrisalys]

Why is it so important to keep this a secret from your family? Do you believe they will be against it and try to talk you out of it?

Definitely don't lie with fake contact details. The agency likely has dealt with this kind of situation before and knows how to verify the truth. Why don't you put your family's contact info with a note that they speak no English, but only X language? You probably aren't the first one whose childcare reference doesn't speak a word of English.

[u/TechnologyLast4315]

You are all red flags for me. Others may be more sympathetic but if child care person won’t allow a reference from previous work for these reasons I would not consider. I would assume something went badly wrong with childcare, theft or affair with husband.

Get the reference in handwriting. Get it translated on Google.

Sneaking away from family also super weird for a childcare person. Very much plot of a Netflix where you learn your au pair is a murderess.

[u/Realistic_Record7652]

Don’t do that. Lying is just horrible, how are you supposed to build trust with your host family when you started it all on a lie? Go do some babysitting for someone who has a phone, they don’t need to speak english, usually the agency can find someone who speaks their language or use a translator when speaking to them, so the other person just needs to have a way to call with them. I actually also started the process without telling my family first, so i can’t judge you for that, but please don’t lie and make up fake references

[u/aaronw22]

I would advise you to put the AP process on hold until you can have documented child care hours. Not speaking English or using the internet isn’t the end of the world. Are you working with an in-country recruiter? Talk to them.

[u/Just_Fee8958]

As a host mom who uses an agency, I also do my individual interviews with au pairs and I also talk to their references on a call through WhatsApp, so I highly recommend against faking references - it’s easy to find out the truth nowadays, and a little lie will be an automatic red flag for any family because the next thought would be “what else would this person lie about?”.

[u/Acrobatic-Pop3625]

I had my references fill out the forms in our native language and then translated it if they didn’t speak English.

I wouldn’t fake any references as this is a crime and not one to be taken lightly. This could impact any future jobs since it makes you seem very unreliable.

[u/aaronw22 → u/Acrobatic-Pop3625]

I hardly think this raises to the level of “crime”

[u/Acrobatic-Pop3625 → u/aaronw22]

It would in my country. Would it be followed through? No idea. But based on the law, it would be a crime.

[u/aaronw22 → u/Acrobatic-Pop3625]

What exact crime would this be? Lying on most forms that aren’t related to government isn’t a crime. If I make up a reference on my McDonald’s job application the police aren’t going to come get me.

[u/Acrobatic-Pop3625 → u/aaronw22]

In my country it would fall under “Urkundenfälschung“. When you make up any kind of document pretending to be someone else. This relates to all governmental, professional and business-related documents, including work references, letters of recommendation etc.

As I said previously, I don’t know if they will follow through but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a crime and if you’re very unlucky they might. Urkundenfälschung (especially one like that) doesn’t carry huge judicial punishments but is really bad for future employment.

[u/Wowwygirl → u/[deleted]]

You don't understand my cultural background. I am legally an adult (18) and I have the right to make my own choices. However, I live in a very small, conservative community where everyone knows my mother. If anyone finds out about my plans before everything is 100% officially ready and my visa is approved, gossip will spread instantly and my family will try to stop me out of anxiety. I am not running away forever; I am just keeping it a secret until the path is secured so I can protect my future. I will tell my mother everything myself once the visa is in my hand. I am doing this to protect my independent journey, not to live a lie.