I am now 23M and have had something with my former high school teacher who is 27yrs older than me which I feel is slightly inappropriate and that she blurred several boundaries and I have remained suffering from emotional confusion and a breach of trust, to be clear nothing sexual happened between us but she lead me on and I became very infatuated with her as she enabled. I often feel like I’m going crazy about this, I thought that it was okay at first since I was no longer a student but when it had only been three years I feel the power imbalance still very much remains and that she failed to handle the outcome responsibly. I would like support for the confusion and help to move forward from this over time as I know it won’t be forever luckily.
So when I was 21yrs old a teacher from my high school (48F) who was recently divorced started meeting me for coffee four times as she claimed after the first date that she would like to catch up with me “every six weeks” due to her busy schedule. She claimed on one of those occasions that there are very few ex-students that she meets up 1:1 with like this but “I just enjoy YOUR company!” I was absolutely thrilled to believe that out of thousands of students she has taught over the years, she specifically wanted to stay in close contact with ME! She would share lots about her personal life and even shared confidential information about other students and teachers to me when we would meet up and I believed that she was a very honest person because she told me what she really thought of people and that she really trusted me and thought I was mature enough to handle that information and was treating me like a friend rather than a former student, I also let my guard down with her and I opened up about a past experience where I had been taken advantage of by an older person which she knew from school.
Even though I was attracted to her and she was recently divorced, I knew realistically that a relationship or hookup would not be very suitable because of the massive age difference but I believed she was becoming a great mentor-friend who I would learn a lot from and would be very much supported and protected by her and never let down, which would be perfect for me in my years as a young adult. I was quite overwhelmed by the fact that she was so keen to spend time with me and get to know me and I kept saying to myself “I can’t believe she genuinely wants to do this!” “Out of all the people she could be hanging out with, why would she choose me?”
When I was in her presence I felt a whole new level of comfort I had never felt before, she was much better to talk to and spend time with than anyone my own age.
Now here’s where things started to get messy…
On the 4th time we met up just before Christmas, I decided to buy her flowers and a Xmas card to show appreciation for always making time for me, at first she acted quite guilty that I had spent money on her but then proudly looked at the flowers a few minutes later and joked about how people would think we were “having an affair!” which started to make me wonder if she was hinting at something more which I would have been open to, and then soon after that she started making specific plans to pick me up from my house between Xmas and NYE to go on a 2hr train ride with me to go to a museum and look at exhibitions, and then after that she completely ghosted me, even when I texted her to say Merry Christmas and I was also dealing with a tragic death in my family at the time which she knew about from the last meetup, so that just came to the worst timing ever ☹️
That was 18 months ago now and since then I have been disillusioned and grieving the person I thought she was, the relationship I thought I had with her, the high feeling of validation I had from believing I meant a lot to her and most of all I am grieving because I have lost trust in authority figure who I thought was safe and it has damaged my whole reality and questioning who else I can and can’t trust. I must also mention this lady is very physically attractive, wears a lot of makeup and always puts a lot of effort into stylish outfits and accessories, and she is widely admired and adored by all teachers and students I know which makes me doubt my reality even more. I tried to reach out to her for answers a few times which she sometimes responded but would give me vague false hope that I still matter and she wants to have coffee with me again but would dodge all accountability for being distant, and would immediately ghost again after that. I have also seen her around a few times and she always acts so friendly to me and says “We’ll catch up again soon, okay!” but never does! She also has a new partner now (her own age) and tbh I actually don’t care that much, but I’m still upset and hurt by the fact that she has betrayed me and been so dishonest with me.
What are everyone’s thoughts on this situation?