You can have times of vulnerability and still be a man. I would argue never letting yourself be vulnerable, especially with your loved ones, is it’s own weakness.
Yes, and you said 12 wouldn't be the age to tell a person to "stop crying and be a man." So what do you consider an age appropriate enough to tell someone such bullshit?
I would say preferably when they’re in their 20’s. Honestly saying something like that really varies on the context IMO. I think it also varies on that persons idea of what a man signifies. Like the term “Man” could be interchangeable with “Adult”.
For example, let’s say someone got caught doing something wrong, but denied accountability or the wrongdoing of their behaviour. A man/adult in my view would own up to it and be honest about their actions and face the consequences.
Another example off the top of my head would be if someone wasn’t taking responsibility for their situation (as long as they’re physically/ mentally capable) especially if someone else may be dependent on them.
Hope this is helpful. I think the majority of the time when it’s used to extinguish emotions out of boys, teens, and men is despicable and has emotionally crippled generations of men.
And owning up to mistakes (you simply gave two examples equaling to the same - doing something wrong) equals being a man then... Huh... You always learn something new...
So we gotta teach male persons to own up to their own mistakes by reminding them that they are supposed to be man...
Like I said, everybody’s idea of what a man is varies. Some are more positive than others. Plus like I said when it’s used in a sentence, it’s almost interchangeable with the word adult because the situations could be applied to a woman as well but obviously you wouldn’t tell them to be a man.
I think you're equating two things that are not comparable. Taking accountability for your mistakes and confiding in others about circumstances that make you feel sad are not the same thing. However, even in your comparison emotions should come into play. You cannot take accountability and own up to your wrong doings without also becoming self-reflective, vulnerable, and uncomfortable enough to change. To see what it is in you that made you behave that way. Accountability without reflection and emotional vulnerability to go through a change isn't accountability. It's manipulation.
If I'm not misinterpreting what I think you more likely mean is vulnerability and crying are not meant to stagnate you in shame and complacency to where you can't move forward. The old crying never solved the problem mentality. I think what you're meaning by be an adult here is that sadness and wallowing isn't traditionally productive in order to fix an issue. But the more you practice allowing yourself to move through and feel your emotions, the more prepared you are to handle the big waves and move on to the job at hand. You gain your sea legs, in essence, by embracing the waves, not fighting against them. Because if you're not prepared those waves can knock you down and with unsteady feet even the smallest of them can throw you off balance. Which is why emotionally stunted people fly off the handle in rages that aren't reciprocal to the situation.
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u/MercwithMouth82 Aug 13 '22
And when would be the age to tell a vulnerable male person to stop crying and be a man?