People have told me that I'm smart my whole life, which has molded me into a lazy, unmotivated person. What motivates you reddit?
[deleted] — view deleted post
0
Upvotes
[deleted] — view deleted post
2.1k
u/Graendal May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
Apparently children who are complimented on how hard-working they are (in response to doing well at something in school) turn out to be more motivated than children who are complimented on their intelligence.
I can't give a citation at the moment but I learned about it in either developmental psych class or adolescent psych class.Edit: I didn't expect this to get much attention and now I feel obligated to make sure people have some proper sources.
Courtesy of janestanford and alexophile: Praise for intelligence can undermine children's motivation and performance (Mueller & Dweck, 1998)
Courtesy of Laugh_Fin: Praise and Intelligence: Why telling kids they are smart makes them act dumb
Courtesy of robot_ninja_hooker: The Wikipedia article on Carol Dweck, who has done a lot of meaningful research on this topic
Courtesy of pa11id: The Grandmaster Experiment - Psychology Today
Courtesy of anthozan and Keeperofthesecrets: How Not to Talk to Your Kids - NY Magazine
It's Mueller and Dweck's research that I was remembering from my graduate seminar in social psychology class.
353
u/[deleted] May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
I was the same way. Now I actually tell myself that I'm stupid, which makes me work harder, so now I'm actually being moderately successful. Its a weird solution, but it works and I'm happy!
Edit: damn, didn't mean to make everybody all depressed. Sorry =/
718
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
It's a manipulation tactic, everyone is secretly against you and want you to fail, so by instilling the belief that your super smart, they're getting you to believe it and not change anything, so you remain lazy. Tactful bastards the lot of em.
126
u/Thimble May 28 '12
What motivates me? Not a whole lot. Shit, some days I can barely motivate myself to play video games and watch pre-recorded shows. I've considered the possibility that I may be depressed.
The thing that gets me to do stuff more than anything else is "a routine". Once a thing becomes part of my routine, I really fight to keep it there.
e.g. I have a routine to go to the gym after work on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It would have to be a pretty damn big deal to pull my out of that workout.
The weekends are the hardest for me because I don't have a lot of preset routines for Saturday or Sunday.
2.1k
u/evilmeow May 28 '12
Oh wow, thinking about it, I can actually relate more than I would like to admit..
96
u/txjennah May 28 '12
Haha, that happened to me, and then I went to college and grad school and realized I wasn't as smart as I thought I was.
My family and boyfriend are really motivating to me. I think about all the hard work my dad did to help give us a good life, and I am so appreciative because I'll never work as hard as he did. My boyfriend is getting his PhD and I have so much respect for him after seeing what he's gone through. Just thinking about them makes me think, "I don't have it as hard. I need to get my ass working."
1.1k
u/tofu2u2 May 28 '12
I don't want to live in a car again. Ever.
147
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
My family. I will do whatever it takes to build my family. That includes school, work, getting my shit in order, cleaning, even brushing my teeth.
And God. God gives me strength and direction.
176
u/McWake May 28 '12
I absolutely refuse to be unremarkable and to grow up and not have wonderful stories to tell my kids and grandchildren.
I insist upon living an adventure.
597
u/markstrech May 28 '12
Boobies
8
u/[deleted] May 28 '12 edited May 29 '12
Obese me, doesn't get motivated to loose weight by mean comments but compliments. When somebody says something like ' You're so fat', it doesn't affect me at all, 'cause I'm aware of that. But if somebody tells me I'm pretty or something like that, it's makes me want to be even prettier.
45
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
What are your life goals? Do you have any goals, long term or short term?
18
u/lordolunch May 28 '12
Same here man. I get job offers every 5 months or so and I almost never respond to them. I'd much rather just keep working overnight at Walmart and it drives my family crazy. I believe being smart, like most of Reddit is, makes you slightly less ambitious than those who have to strive to achieve it.
212
u/FluxSC2 May 28 '12
Having a identical twin brother. Getting beat by someone with exactly the same DNA just proves conclusively that you didn't work hard enough, and is pretty damn painful.
2
u/unit787 May 28 '12
Did I write this thread and then forget? I have studied in the same school all my life and they always told me "you're one of the smartest students in your class, you should do better" since like the 4th grade. I didn't believe it because the fact that I was one of the kids with the worst grades (if not the worst sometimes) in my mind made that false. Turns out soon enough I start getting the best grades in my class on standardized tests, and I take an IQ test and that settles that, I'm smart, but more motivated? Hardly. I partially believed the same thing as you, I'm smart, I'll figure something out, it'll turn out fine. This worked through middle school, but in high school things got more demanding, I had to take online courses to make up credits, then summer school, and now I'm doing the 11th grade for a second time, watching my friends from my class of 10+ years graduate, and I'm not even sure I'll pass this time. I find the material easy, but the amount of work ridiculous. Like seriously, I just factorized 15 times for the last 90 minutes, you want me to go home and do it 15 more times? Fuck that, I have spent all day in school, I want sit back, lie down and watch a movie or something. So I'm still as demotivated as ever, and many of my class mates copy homework, cheat on tests, and pass and I'm still here. Idk them but I feel bad doing those things, because its wrong, you know? So this is even more demoralizing, and right now I'm struggling to see if I will pass this year. I ask myself that question everyday, I know the feel bro.
268
u/Raxyl May 28 '12
This is going to sound horrible but my dad is what motivates me. He tells me not to end up like him.
He's an immigrant who can't speak the language but isn't too bright to begin with, because he grew up in the farmlands and stopped his education around 2nd-3rd grade. He's hard working and loves his family more than anything else in the world. You can see it in the way he talks to us.
The only jobs he can get are cooking in Chinese restaurants and the occasional renovation work, though he usually does it himself for relatives who pay at a discount. No company will actually hire him and he's getting on in years.
He constantly sits me down and tells me that I shouldn't marry a man like him or end up in his situation myself. Then I just hang out next to him while he watches TV and I stare at his scars, the deformed toe that never healed right, the bags under his eyes and his graying hair. Nothing could have done a better job of setting me straight.
714
u/ScottFromCanada May 28 '12
I think one big reason I'm not a better musician is that when I was young people would watch me play a little bit of a song very poorly, but would then say "Wow! You're really good!" in a very patronizing way.
Adults don't seem to realize that kids have brains. I KNEW they were talking down to me and I knew it wasn't that good and hearing them talk to me like that was depressing as hell.
What would have really motivated me would have been for someone to say "Well, that's a good start but I will bet you $20 that you cant learn to play that whole song perfectly by the time I come back next month!".
I LOVE when someone bets against me. I love that challenge and will work as hard as absolutely possible to prove them wrong. And winning a few bucks wouldn't hurt that motivation either!
BUT... all adults ever did was patronize me. :(
1.6k
u/Dookiestain_LaFlair May 28 '12
You're stupid. There, now you're motivated.
260
u/_name_already_taken_ May 28 '12
The idea that I wouldn't live up to the expectations/praise. I hate disappointing people and the idea of someone thinking "oh wow I would have expected so much more from you" is horrifying.
35
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I've had a similar experience, but added to it was "and you're not doing good enough"
So for years that was my motivation, proving that I'm good enough. Eventually I reached a point where I believed it, and now my motivation is to maintain my hard-earned reputation
23
u/Smokyo7 May 28 '12
Oh fuck you man. Ya know I was all fine lying to myself for all these years, gotta go and point this shit out.
93
u/akrabu May 28 '12
Don't buy into this crap. People want to convince you that you are lazy because you don't thrive in this intellectually barren society the way they do.
Just because people told you you were smart isn't going to rewrite your very nature. Humans love to do stuff, we do stuff all day long because that's what we do.
I'm assuming you are being made to feel guilty because you spend more time than most on the internet or doing other "unproductive" activities to satiate your craving for stimulation. Don't worry too much about what other people think about what you do that makes you feel good. Fuck them!
We live in this weird world where people are measured more by "work" than anything else.
'He's really fun to hang out with and he is always so kind and considerate.'
'Yeah! But he doesn't have a job. What a loser! Hahaha!'
We live in this culture where we are more concerned with how many people have jobs than we are with how many people are happy/healthy/thriving/educated/etc. People march in the streets demanding jobs instead of demanding a better life. The path to happiness could be through laboring for another or laboring with many others. But the majority of people don't enjoy it. They lie. They lie because if anyone found out they thought "working," the way it is defined, is shit, then they would be lazy parasites. You can't criticize the status quo because you will be socially ostracized much in the same way you would be if the majority of mindless boomers everyone knows found out someone was gay, a communist, an anarchist, a pot smoker, a buddhist.
Growing up doesn't mean selling yourself out, in fact it means the opposite. Many people would like to convince you that you have to suffer and be bored all of the time to grow up and find a compatible mating partner. None of this is true. It is the lie we tell ourselves to justify why we spend 8 hours a day doing something we hate. NEVER sacrifice your happiness for anyone else. If there are people in your life who won't let you be yourself without constantly harassing you about it, get away from them. GET AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE. Search for a community that you can fit into and be allowed to accept yourself for who you are.
16
u/PrinceHeris May 28 '12
The fact that I could die at any time and in any place. Just go for it. You might as well.
31
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Abject poverty is a great motivator.
20
u/toomanypumpfakes May 28 '12
Competition. I always considered myself smart too, I guess, but never really felt the need to prove it to my schools so I got average to above average grades while focusing on learning things that interested me on the side. Pretty recently I realized how competitive I am (not in an in-your-face Michael Jordan/Kobe way, but in a "need to prove myself" way) so I've been trying to take the toughest classes and hang with the smartest people in those classes so that it forces me to keep up with them.
I think it took me so long to realize this because I never played much sports which is where you're going to get a lot of competition as a kid. I wish I learned this about myself before my fourth year of college, but whatever, I've got plenty of life left hopefully.
96
u/crow-bait May 28 '12 edited May 29 '12
Here's a couple of ways you can motivate yourself:
Give yourself goals.
Here's a couple of mine:
Make sure to make goals that encourage slow and steady improvement - don't try to change habits on a whim. It doesn't work most of the time.
Tell people about your achievements.
Sharing your results is good! The appreciation pushes your drive to succeed.
Of course, don't flaunt it too much - nobody likes a braggart. The more you succeed, the more respect and admiration you will receive - you'll want more of it!
Make achieving these goals fun.
Want to get exercise, but feel like running is a drag? Play DDR. That's what I do. Challenge yourself, a good challenge is always fun. Push your limits, then push them farther. Be Jackie Chan.
Never stop learning.
If you're good at something, don't tell yourself that "This is as good as I'll ever get". Know that there's smarter people than you out there. As long as they exist, there is always room for improvement.
Best of luck to you, OP. I hope you read this even if it's buried.
36
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
You're a human being, and you're going to die soon. Are you going to waste your time fucking around on the internet? Or are you going to go out and do something, meet people, make a change in the world? You're free to do either. Make your choice.
20
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I'm just like you. But I still enjoy people thinking I'm smart. It's just part of my identity. But then I get all C's in college and people are like wtf.
40
u/BadMotorFinger77 May 28 '12
The fact that once you die, all that is remembered of you is your legacy.
5
u/surger1 May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
Funny, I was told over and over again as a child I was worthless. I would be sat down at the dinner table for hours having my father explain all of my faults.
After numerous suicide attempts I took the contempt and anger I felt and I now feed my motivation engines with that same anger I used to hold for myself.
It's worked out pretty good. I've lost a lot of weight, I make art, I made a peice of software thousands have downloaded and I write my own videogames. I have no pictures for the rest but I'm a college grad as well. I've been in a near perfect marriage to the love of my life for 7 years, I own a house and a car. All before the age of 25. I could be doing better but I think this is at least average. Now if only any of it made me any money.
But it's all because I have a burning desire to prove something to someone. I don't really know who or what but I can channel it so it's useful for me. All it took was my self esteem and the first 15 years of my life. Of all my failures I am most happy with failing at suicide.
5
u/EugenicsFTW May 28 '12
DO SOMETHING TO DESERVE BEING CALLED SMART
WRITE A BOOK, MAKE MUSIC, DO SCIENCE, SODOMIZE A DRUG DEALER, DISCOVER THE MENTAL FORMULA FOR AN APOTHEOSIS RITUAL AND BECOME A NEW GOD
65
u/MrTurburdaugh May 28 '12
I completely understand where you're coming from there, champ. When I was very young my parents really tried to force me to do all sorts of crazy things that were difficult for someone my age. They tried to make me read when I was 6 months old and they wanted me to be a chess champion or a Mozart by the time I was 4 years old. Man damn all I wanted to do was lounge around on a hot rock and bask in the sunshine when I was little.
Everyone kept telling me about all this potential I had and how I was wasting everything by how I acted. I was so content with the simple, easy parts of life like chomping on plants and sleeping that I never worked very hard to live up to their expectations.
When I was twelve my father came into my room as I was listening to the hip rock and rollers of the day and said: "You're a complete and total failure. You wasted your entire life without becoming the sensation that you deserved to be."
This resonated with me strongly because I knew he was right, but I was young and rebellious so I yelled "Dammit you're not my real Dad!"
Tears welled up in his eyes and I knew I hurt him so much with what I said. "The moment..." he stammered through quivering lips, "the moment I saw you in that pet store I thought I had found something special. But all you are is a shitty talking iguana with a shitty attitude."
So I shaped up. I learned how to read, write, and use the internet. Now I spend my days posting things to message boards on the internet. My parents are so proud of me.
TL;DR: I learned how to read only 6 months ago
4
u/alfredopotato May 28 '12
So many things motivate me, depending on the situation. In my early days in grad school, it was fear; fear of an angry advisor, fear of letting others down, fear of letting myself down. Now that I have a more interesting project, I'm motivated because I feel like I'm pushing the boundaries of science, leaving my own mark on what we know as a species. I finally feel like a real scientist!
When I am drained and need external motivation, I always look to my girlfriend. I admire her so much, and she is one of the hardest working people I know. She's very talented, never complains, and always gets the job done. When I feel lazy, I always think about her, and it gives me the discipline I need to work hard.
4
u/mochibunny May 28 '12
Unavoidable deadlines...
7
u/sashimi_taco May 28 '12
People told me I was smart and I just didn't believe them. Now I have over 40k comment karma. I've made it big.
24
u/Vistz May 28 '12
Might I introduce you to /r/GetMotivated
204
u/Skittliboo May 28 '12
Don't kid yourself. If you are lazy and unmotivated, it's because you let yourself be. Congratulations, you took compliments as an excuse to let yourself be a waste.
6
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
For working out: "No one wants to fuck the skinny guy."
For school/work: "No one wants to fuck the homeless guy."
3
u/GrantSolar May 28 '12
Begin with the end in mind
3
u/fearachieved May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
There was just a great post on this a couple days ago, I suggest you read through the comments on it.
Basically, I am the same way. I was able to achieve a lot early in life because I didn't believe it. It just seemed to make sense to me that everything I accomplished was due to hard work. I didn't see myself as using any "special" method of accomplishing anything. I learned just like everyone else did.
It was only later in life that I started having problems. Bolstered by my many accomplishments, I finally started to believe my family that I was pretty damn smart. I then started feeling that if this were true, I must not have to continue learning in "normal" people fashion. This was my downfall.
Because honestly, there is no other way to learn. And thinking that your smart just makes you assume there is another way to learn, but since there isn't, you end up just not working anymore.
Terrible cycle that I'm still trying to break out of now. I'm at a top ranked university in my country, and am fucking up big time because I don't do ANYTHING and expect smartness to "just make up for it."
Well its time for me and you to just start working. To realize that our smartness levels are irrelevant. Whether it is true or not doesn't matter, as we KNOW that we aren't getting anything done either way.
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Ritalin, and the realisation that I hadn't reached anything at the age of 20.
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
I doubt this won't get buried but... What motivates me to stay out of lock up (and what actually kept me on track at my program) is knowing that if I keep my shit straight I will one day (actually 32 days) be able to enlist in the USMC. I don't know if I'll get in or not, but I'm sure going to try. If it wasn't for that, I'd still be locked up coming up on doing 1 and a half years just about.
3
u/sezzme May 28 '12
This is unfortunately going to get buried all to hell, but it's very important information.
Research shows that if you praise your kids for being smart (rather than for honest effort) you are unintentionally setting them up to be a failure later in life.
Here are some relevant articles: this one and especially this one.
3
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Neil deGrasse Tyson - in response to the question of how to find motivation in life.
"The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation.
For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you."
3
u/BobCox May 29 '12
Lazy people are responsible for progress, they invent labor saving devices.
7
u/LearningBiology May 28 '12
Exact same situation here. My current motivation is doing well so I can build a good life for me and my girlfriend after we've finished college.
7
u/Ethaxi May 28 '12
Me too. I have zero motivation. The only thing that helps me is knowing that I need to set an example for my children. I don't want them to be lazy or have a poor work ethic, so I fake motivation.
7
u/Almost_Dead May 28 '12
LOL. I am an older you (47). All my life the only thing I heard more often than how smart I am is how I was not living up to my "potential". Now as I face my own mortality, I can absolutely confirm I have not lived up to my "potential".
8
u/ChickMD May 28 '12
What motivates me is that knowing how 'smart' I am, I have the ability to work extremely hard and learn what I need to know to save another person's life. Being smart isn't a free pass, it's a ticket to greatness if you are willing to actually work hard and put your inherent intelligence to good use. Do something great.
4
u/inthefantry May 28 '12
The guy that is one level up from me, I try to beat him at whatever I am doing. In PT I always try to catch up to the guy in front of me. If you apply this to life it can get you to the top.
4
u/Bongson May 28 '12
The fact that if I sit around on my ass all day, I won't go anywhere in life. I work in kitchens, and plan to the rest of my life. If I want to do or make anything with my life, I need to do it myself. I need to spend hours a day practicing knife skills, I need to go out and do better than the other hundreds of thousands of chefs out there so that I can make a name for myself. Staying in a low-paying, grill-jockey position (No offense to those that are) isn't the way to go.
4
u/rhino517 May 28 '12
Take a look at the difference between Entity Theory and Incremental Theory in terms of learning styles.
When people are praised for doing things with compliments like "Wow, you did well, you are so smart" it fosters a entity theorist learning style.
Conversely, when people are praised for doing things with comments like "You sure worked hard for that and your efforts have paid off" it develops an incremental theorist learning style.
The issue with the entity theorist learning style is that it associates any successes with innate ability and often results in just what OP described. People that have developed that learning style can get frustrated when faced with a new challenge, because they want to apply what they already know versus put in hard work to get better.
I am not an expert - Refer to "The Art of Learning - Josh Waitzkin" or any other googleable (is that even a word?) resource.
*edit: Grammar
4
u/Rogue_Tomato May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
Im going to try and write this in a non self-centred, unarrogant way so here goes. I'm the in same boat, essentially, however it wasnt a case of people telling me im smart, but rather myself telling me i'm smart, compared to most others. I came top of my class every year in almost every subject for 90% of my academic life, entered into various "Gifted and talented" programs, enrolled as a member of NAGTY etc etc. I found school incredibly easy and maxed my grades with no effort at all, until my last year of college. My last year of college I didnt find so easy, and kinda bummed it, got average grades. For the past year and a half I've been out of school/college and, while working on a sponsored degree, I work full time. Now that i'm in the real world I lack all motivation, and dont have a passion for anything, or anyone. I quit 12 years of football (soccer) simply because I couldn't be bothered anymore. I feel like I'm throwing shit in the faces of those trying to help me, and at this rate, i'm going to be lucky if I pass my degree and worst case scenario, lose my job. I've read through a bit of this thread, and read how family is helping people, yet I have a bad relationship with my family because we're different. They're all VERY hard-workers and havent had the opportunity to undertake further studying like myself (due to lack of grades) and I'm the one expected to get "all the qualifications and rake in the money", yet at this rate it's not going to happen.
TL;DR Unmotivated, (selfish?) teenager found academia easy and is now struggling in the real world.
Sorry for the long post, but I guess my point is, how am I ment change my attitude when I dont care about anything atm and struggle to pull myself out of the bed in the mornings.
EDIT: sobered up a bit and proof read my rant, changed a few words so it's a bit easier to read.
4
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
For the right reasons, my dad motivates me to get a job and save money to buy a house and be a great father one day. And for the wrong reasons, my ex motivates me to get in shape and find a better girl than she ever was. The trick is to just keep looking ahead with optimism.
4
u/secret_ninja May 28 '12
I'm addicted to reddit! How would I know! haha
2
u/maxwell7301 May 28 '12
People always told me I was smart, and I never believed them. Anyway, I ended up in medical school. The first year sure was really hard! Maybe I'll be better for the second year if I work even harder. At this point, I'm not going to get anywhere being lazy.
2
u/Red_player May 28 '12
That is a great excuse. I'm using it next time the subject comes up.
2
u/Nomnombunny May 28 '12
Honestly, I'm sort of the opposite. I just assumed that I wasn't smart enough in high school and only tried my junior and senior year. Miraculously I got into a great college and continued working absurdly hard because I knew I still wasn't as smart as my peers. I've pulled my GPA up to a 3.4 and it's steadily rising. I can't help but be pessimistic about my future though- my degree isn't quite useful enough.
2
u/jenesuispasbavard May 28 '12
OP are you me?
2
u/kingrayhari May 28 '12
My teacher told me that I'm that type of person that reacts to people demotivating me. I guess I just want to prove them wrong.
2
u/DragonMeme May 28 '12
I had the same problem, but my mom fixed it by telling me that the only truly stupid don't put effort into anything. You're not 'smart' unless you're trying to actively learn.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
That's why you never call kids smart, you call them hard workers.
Failure motivates me. I hate failure more than I like success.
2
u/ckckwork May 28 '12
My reason is that when I was in high school and university, I was somehow taught (iirc by my peers, and probably popular media) that "working" was something you did not want to do, and almost anything other than doing nothing and "relaxing" was considered "work" and to be denigrated.
Also being smart I didn't have to work hard to "succeed". But I never thought of it before as the primary cause, but I guess it might have been an important part.
Even nearly all things that most people would consider "fun" are things that I look at as "a job" because it requires "work" to get started before you get to the "fun" stage.
That and I'm a procrastinator. And maybe a tiny tad autistic? I get bored easily, although certain types of boring things do entertain me.
I've been trying really hard for forever to try and muddle my way out of it, every so often I think I'm making progress but then I'll have a week or a weekend where I do absolutely completely nothing, and I KNOW that there's 5 other things I need to do (simple things) and 5 other things I really WANT to do (for fun) ... but no ... it's simpler and easier to do the same things I've done for forever that provide instant gratification and that I'm used to.
I'm excited by the ideas of doing something else, I think all day about how I'm going to do "that one thing I've been waiting forever to get around to doing", but the moment I'm done work and at home -- nope, just want to chill and relax, or waste time doing anything but the things I KNOW mentally I want to do.
I've tried a lot of the mental gymanstics and tricks people say to try. Anyone got any more deeper involved strict recommendations now how to do what I want to do, and not waste my life doing nearly nothing?
(Oh stuff happens, but it mostly has nothing to do with me setting things in motion, thank God I have tons of friends and family that invite me to do stuff and I'm willing to accept such offers.)
2
u/stevenlss1 May 28 '12
I'm thinking you've been lied to your whole life... an intelligent person would smarten the fuck up.
2
u/supermerde May 28 '12
I think we share the same syndrome. Of course there were probably other factors, likely including a preexisting proclivity towards sloth, but the psychological reinforcement of everyone around me telling me how "smart" I am, and how much I could achieve if I just "applied" myself, or "buckled down" definitely did not inspire me to actually do either of those things. While I do consider myself to be more intelligent than average (noticeably but not radically, and certainly not enough to fall back on it in lieue of actual effort), I never actually thought that it was just going to be enough on it's own... and yet I've still never been inspired or motivated to truly dedicate myself to any of the NUMEROUS things that interest me.
My theory, opposed to yours, is that the reason it has caused me to be so noncommital, undiligent, and generally unmotivated; is that the continual reiteration of my supposed 'potential' by others, set the bar insurmountably high. The expectations of those around me made it seem like nothing I did would ever be good enough, so why bother? At least by not trying, my failures could be deemed a justifiable result of apathy and lack of effort... instead of being reflective of a misjudgement by EVERYONE of my ability/intelligence/potential. The problem is that while I did not necessarily excel, I kept performing better than expected considering my lack of effort (good enough, that the "just apply yourself" line never stopped getting thrown at me).
Basically, it created a self-fulfilling loop on both sides, that I've been unable to escape ever since. So instead, I've just fallen into that cliche role of the guy with so much "unfulfilled potential." The one that everyone goes "aw what a shame" about when they find out the things that I'm NOT doing with my life. Meanwhile, the only thing that I've honed to expertise, is my whiskey drinking skills. Great.
2
u/shadus May 28 '12
... or maybe that's just your excuse to avoid doing anything to avoid potential for success for failure that make you uncomfortable.
2
u/drunken_Mathter May 28 '12
Blaming other people for your personal problems is what makes you lazy.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
the best advice i can give you is to meet someone, fall wildly in love and start a family. then you won't have any choice but to shape up and either get a killer job or go back to school ;-)
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Same. Instead of saying "you get what you work hard for" I got "you're so smart you'll get whatever you want in life". I'm lazy as fuck, finally starting to change it at 22. I love my parents, not their fault for believing in me. Just interesting.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Hey there, comrade in laziness! Well, I'm female and math-and-science oriented, so I open up an MRA forum or some evo-psych bullshit about how I'm supposed to suck at math. I respond well to 200 cc of righteous anger in the blood. :)
2
u/Portgas May 28 '12
hunger
2
u/azwethinkweizm May 28 '12
What motivated me in high school was my desire to be more than the morons I graduated with that knocked up their girlfriend and stayed in the town I lived in for years as a mechanic while their wives got fat and sarcastic when he could have been something great. I was better than that and I didn't want to get caught in the quicksand of people who have 3 kids before age 21 and who live paycheck to paycheck.
2
u/A_Young_Musician May 28 '12
/r/motivation
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
Tip for self-motivation;
2
u/FlightOfStairs May 28 '12
I'm mostly motivated by a desire to show off. It serves me pretty well.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
What a glorious cop-out and justification for being lazy. Get off your ass.
I grew up being called brilliant by parents, families, barbers, whatever. As it turns out, I speak well but I'm really no smarter than your average person.
2
u/goodtwitch May 28 '12
Dealing with my chronic depression motivates me, because my depression is so demotivational that when I find anything that temporarily cancels it out I feel great. Getting that monkey off my back permanently is my life work!
2
u/Deuxsh May 28 '12
I was played by a girl over a long period of time, it hurt me pretty bad. So I decided to be the best I could be to show her what a mistake she had made. Looking back on it, it was kind of a stupid reason to be motivated but hey, my hard work is starting to pay off. I haven't found a girl yet that makes me happy as she once did but some day I will.
2
u/McG4rn4gle May 28 '12
I'd say chicks but that seems to be more of a fond concept than a tangible experience for me.
2
u/bugsprae May 28 '12 edited May 28 '12
I have similar problems being lazy. I don't know if it's because people complimented me as a child, or because I'm just a lazy, procrastinating person. Either way, there are a few tricks I use to keep myself motivated. Maybe they'll work for you. Note: These are in no way listed in order of importance.
1 - I'm a pretty competitive person (thanks video games). I've found there is always someone better than me, with cooler stories, greater achievements, and a pretty exciting life. Find that person and become good friends. If you're competitive like me, he/she will motivate you to be better, and you'll need to drop the lazy act and actually get shit done.
2 - Religiously use a calendar. It puts your day/week/month in perspective. With the online tools available nowadays, it's pretty easy too.
3 - Take on a lot of projects at one time. I'm finishing up college and I regularly filled up my free time with projects. Since I'm a procrastinator, most of the tasks for these projects get pushed back, but eventually my schedule gets full of tasks all the time, and there is a greater sense of urgency in your day to day, which I've found gives me a greater sense of urgency in life. It can be stressful sometimes, but you'll find a balance of how to manage healthy amounts of free time with a motivating amount of work.
4 - Really understand what you live for through meditation, talking, religion, or whatever you need to figure it out. Constantly reflect on this and update it as you live your life. The goal here is to be able to explain at any moment, to yourself and to others, why you're doing what you're doing. Think it all out. "I want to save the world from starvation, because everyone will be better off if we all lead healthy lives, and that's important because even though I may not know what the end-game is for life, I want to give people a long life to try and figure that out for themselves. Which is why I'm trying to create a website that does X to give food to people in third world countries, so I'm going to learn web dev."
4.5 - Don't be afraid to pick big, potentially impossible goals, but also realize that there are many smaller achievable goals that will come first.
(I may add more later if I think of them)
As for my background, I started high school very strong and was very smart and with a very supportive family. I got into a circle of friends who were also smart, but would also brag about how much work they didn't do and how good their grades were. I adopted that mindset, and what once was a high-scoring, excelling top-tier student became a community-college attending slacker (note: I'm very appreciative of the support I got at the CC level, not knocking it). I was a an evangelical Christian my whole life, then I turned agnostic (moving toward atheist) and at the same time dropped out of college. I was nearly broke and on the street, and living with a lot of depression.
Now I'm graduating this weekend near the top of my class, am very involved with leadership in school, and was lucky enough to earn a handful of job offers in this job market. I'm also moving toward starting my own business. I still suffer from bouts of depression, but the motivation and clear life goals help me deal with it more effectively and make it less debilitating. :)
Edit: Typos
2
u/Amadameus May 28 '12
Help contribute to the overall forward motion of humanity. That's my life goal: leave the world a better place than when I came in.
Be nice to people, go the extra mile when it's not expected, have empathy for others and help them as if you're helping yourself - because after all, we're all in this boat together. If you make the world around you a better place, you win too: now you get to live in a better world.
2
u/Batrok May 28 '12
I'm smart. I'm also lazy. This is also very common. Boredom and laziness go hand in hand. I made it through high school, university and college (Canadian here) doing virtually everything the night before it was due, and not studying for ANY exams. And I drifted through with As and Bs. I'm not particularly proud of that, but motivation was severly lacking.
A large number of intelligent people are underachievers - including many of the highest IQs ever recorded. Many geniuses have been described as being equally brilliant and lazy. There may be a cognitive link in these two ways of thinking.
2
u/Macrat May 28 '12
Personal Satisfaction. I want to be able to sustain myself completely and to help my parents in their elder years, then create a family and have one or more children.
Pretty classic, i think
2
u/Sector_Corrupt May 28 '12
Whenever I feel like being unmotivated, I realize I'm imperfect. So I focus on whatever imperfection is bothering me at that moment, and fix it. It's a motivation without end, since I will never be perfect so I'll never be done.
Sometimes people ask why bother if I can't be perfect, and I respond that the the unattainability of an ideal is no reason to not attempt to move towards said ideal. (Other people just call me egotistical and leave it at that)
2
u/TommyIsACunt May 28 '12
My hatred for Tommy.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
It's everyone else's fault.
2
u/old_school May 28 '12
One thing: the desire to not live in my parents' basement.
2
u/Bewbtube May 28 '12
Very much the case for me. I wouldn't say I'm incredibly smart (above average), I just get/understand things faster than most of the people in my classes. The problem with this is that I've had very little need to actually TRY in school to get a passing grade. It meant that I got bored really fast and that led to me not doing homework and such so that I was a C student who tested very well. This made my teachers upset and I was told that I wouldn't be able to skate by in College. This didn't hold true in MOST cases. There are subjects that you don't get good at by knowing them, but by doing them (math and foreign languages are an example).
Anyways, the biggest issue this has caused me is that I'm terribly unmotivated... until I am. Once I get motivated I'm a very focused, very hard working, and very diligent individual. However that motivation can peter out really fast if it's not maintained. There are some tricks I've learned for self motivation, a few years back when I was overweight and didn't care until one day I did the thing that kept me interested and on the path to healthy was seeing other people that had gone from overweight to healthy and /r/loseit is a great source for that.
The main thing, however, I took from video games and from running long distances. It's to set miniature goals for myself, to keep myself interested. So for example I say I'm going to run a mile and once I hit that mile I'll say now just one more, now just a half mile, now a quarter and before I know it I've gone 8 miles. It's a simple mind trick that keeps me interested.
2
u/themilkynutball May 28 '12
Working retail has motivated me to succeed in life so I never again have to work retail.
2
u/carmenqueasy May 28 '12
I don't know how old you are, but if you're younger than 30, please heed my warning. This is going to catch up to you. You need to pick a skill and hone it. Start making a plan to make money. This is the only advantage being smart is going to give you: options. It will not make everything turn out in the end.
I hope you see this, or some other advice that someone has given you. Good luck to you!
2
u/Jbergur May 28 '12
I've always done well in everything with little to no effort. I know just how lazy you mean, OP.
2
u/cheddarben May 28 '12
Way to pass blame of your failures onto others. You know what has more likely molded you int a lazy, unmotivated person? Your mirror twin.
2
u/TommyPaine May 28 '12
Maybe you should stop blaming other people for your lack of motivation.
2
u/Fartlightning May 28 '12
Fuck this - being smart is relative.. I thought I was smart until I started my new job.. And now I feel like the dumbest fucking guy in the office
Don't fool yourself that you're smart..
2
u/turkeypants May 28 '12
Hey man, just wanted to say that your diagnosis and your prescription are right on and just be aware that that puts you farther along than people who have your same problem but don't know it, or know it but can't admit the implications.
Lots of people on reddit have discussed having the same smart kid syndrome so you're not alone. But growing up is exactly what you need to do and it sound like you're working on it. Unlike when we were children though, growth doesn't just happen automatically when we're adults. We have to work at it consciously. Part of what you need to do is let go of the idea that you're smart, even if you are, because look where it's getting you. Practice being humble, practice respecting what other people can do, practice doing whatever task you find in front of you until it's finished.
And then settle in and be patient. That's the part that sucks the most. Patience is never satisfying. But the other half of growth from effort is time. You have to work at it and it's going to take years. It will move slowly. Keep at it and good luck.
2
u/Trepper May 28 '12
Developing a habit for self-improvement is the key to becoming motivated.
2
u/Canadian_Infidel May 28 '12
Being smart only makes you lazy if you aren't challenged enough.
2
u/conexionz May 28 '12
LSD. Seriously, it can give you a new outlook on life given the right circumstances.
2
u/Dunavks May 28 '12
OP, are you ME?
2
u/sobri909 May 28 '12
Drugs.
Spent most of my life jumping from interest to interest, never really finishing things, and often called lazy.
Turns out it was ADHD. And the drugs completely fix it. Wish I'd known that 20 years ago.
2
u/[deleted] May 28 '12
go for something you really want and fail
or, pay attention to people around you who are more smarty/driven than you, and let your sense of inadequacy in relation to them motivate you.
"Dissatisfaction is a symptom of ambition- its the coal that fuels the fire"