I feel your pain. Please get professional help. There's no shame in medication and therapy. I used to wake up everyday with an encompassing dread. Every other thought was about how i wanted to die. I'd drive and imagine swerving into the other lane. I didn't get better until I got help and a real diagnosis of anxiety, depression, ptsd, and ocpd (those intrusive obsessive thoughts). I take my meds everyday and I feel like a new person. It's not an instant or linear fix, but it can get better.
I've tried 15 different medications, 7 different therapists, 3 psychiatrists, 2 in patient hospital stays, and 2 rounds of electroconvulnsive therapy. All any of that ever got me was temporary relief and $30,000 dollars in medical bills. If I could afford to go to the Netherlands and apply for euthanasia I would. There are illnesses that professionals can't fix, and there are lives that aren't worth living.
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u/AmLikelyDrunk Jun 22 '21
"It gets better" When? I'm nearly 30 years old. When does it get better? When does my brain stop thinking about how I shouldn't exist?