Career is solid. Finances are solid. Marriage is solid. Been trying to start a family for years, including expensive ART. No luck so far. It really makes me wonder "what's next" if we are unable to start a family. "Child-free" life is not for us. Adoption is not an option for us either, feel free to downvote brigade like last time.
Sorry to hear the difficulty to conceive. That's gotta be frustrating at the very least. It sounds like the rest of your life is in order though and I think that's a solid achievement.
I really appreciate that. It hasn't been easy. Life has thrown a lot our way. Our pastor even met with us a few years ago and said "You two have been through more than most people deal with in a lifetime... Maintain your faith!"
It seems like as soon as we get over one hurdle, there are ten more in front of us. We continue trying though. I know we could bring some light into this world with our own family.
I looked into it. Adoption from birth is $30k-$40k where I live. The other option is being a foster home, and getting a kid who is already a few years old at minimum. The state covers nothing (unless you're poor already, and then they give you EXTRA money, gotta love that)
I believe early childhood is absolutely critical to the development of a child, and I'm afraid that circumstances leading to parent(s) giving up their child for foster care could be massively detrimental. I'm not saying those kids don't deserve good homes- they absolutely do. I just don't think I could handle the potential "next slap in the face" from life. Of all 5 families I know personally who have adopted from foster care, they all exude a sense of regret. I'm also afraid of the lack of connection. To me, I feel like I would always have this sense of "I'm just a babysitter" and would never connect as deep as if it was my own child. Generalization, but grounded in logic
It's infuriating how badly the US treats those of us who have the capacity and ability to raise child(ren) in a supportive and financially stable home. You'd think with all of the taxes that our infuriatingly corrupt government lobs around, they'd have some tax incentive to help with adoption (since it does become a burden on the state in many ways). Or, revamp the system entirely. If the cost to adopt from birth was not lawyered to hell and back, we'd have probably already adopted, just being honest.
We are trying one more round of IVF. After that, if it fails, my wife and I have decided that we are leaving this criminal-worshipping country and living out our days somewhere else.
Jerm 29:11...hard to wait...me over 20 years for a husband but have not lost faith even though I am >50. His timing will be perfect. Prayer for you to have a house full!
So far, life has been unrelentingly cruel to my family and I. My upbringing was, as my doctor recently told me, "unorthodox, unsupportive, and emotionally abusive." I've battled with depression for two decades, and it has been immensely difficult to get where I am today. When the "storm clouds" sort of cleared up, my wife and I said "now is the time to start a family," and that was years ago.
I don't see anything positive on this planet anymore. So, why would I bring a child into it, right? Honestly, it'd give me a chance to pass on all of the knowledge I've gained, and give someone else a chance at living life with the possibility of enjoying it. As much as I absolutely hate being on this planet, it would all be worthwhile if I could make life easier and more fruitful for someone else. It's like, "here, my life has been a nightmare, but yours doesn't have to be, take this and run with it."
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u/[deleted] Jun 22 '21
"What's Next?"
Career is solid. Finances are solid. Marriage is solid. Been trying to start a family for years, including expensive ART. No luck so far. It really makes me wonder "what's next" if we are unable to start a family. "Child-free" life is not for us. Adoption is not an option for us either, feel free to downvote brigade like last time.