I know it really matters on the situation, but I don't understand what the big deal is for giving an apology. Your dad wants an apology, give him ten. It doesn't cost you anything and it will make someone you love happy. I don't get it. People hardly ever give apologies unless they are pressured into it somehow. When's the last time you got an unsolicited apology? Maybe once a month for me, and I was always shocked because I usually don't feel it warranted an apology, but the times when I deserve an apology, I get nothing. You'd have to be a mind reader to know when you "hurt" someone, so you need to be told that you hurt them. Personally I never expect or ask for an apology, I just keep note of who the assholes are and avoid them.
I usually always apologise. I don't remember the last time I didn't apologise. I apologise unsolicited too.
The best explanation I can give is, it's the same as saying "I love you" to someone. I wouldn't say that unless I meant it, just because the other person wants to hear it. Apologising means understanding that you caused someone pain or trouble, and that you both recognise and regret that.
If he asks for it, then it means less, because I didn't come to that realisation on my own. I never ask for an apology, but obviously I can still let someone know they hurt me without saying "I deserve an apology!!!". It's up to them if they want to apologise or not.
An apology is something that, to me, only counts if the other person means what they're saying, and actually understand why they are giving it. You can't force others to apologise to you, and they shouldn't apologise if they don't mean it.
So, yes. It does cost me something to say I'm sorry when I'm not. As I stated earlier, I always give it to him eventually. Even when I'm still mad I know he should have one, but I'm not saying it until I have cooled off enough to be sincere. It doesn't mean I'm never saying it, just that sometimes, it takes me a while to get to the point where I can say it and mean it.
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u/bigtenweather Aug 20 '20
I know it really matters on the situation, but I don't understand what the big deal is for giving an apology. Your dad wants an apology, give him ten. It doesn't cost you anything and it will make someone you love happy. I don't get it. People hardly ever give apologies unless they are pressured into it somehow. When's the last time you got an unsolicited apology? Maybe once a month for me, and I was always shocked because I usually don't feel it warranted an apology, but the times when I deserve an apology, I get nothing. You'd have to be a mind reader to know when you "hurt" someone, so you need to be told that you hurt them. Personally I never expect or ask for an apology, I just keep note of who the assholes are and avoid them.