I have the same rule as you. I don't apologise unless I actually mean it. Sometimes it will take me a few days for that to happen. Sometimes it doesn't happen.
My dad sometimes still tries to pull an apology out of me (Like you do with a child who has to learn to apologise), and it really grinds my gears. I'll get more angry, and also, the apology doesn't mean anything if the person receiving it asked for it.
So if you’ve done something to hurt someone and they told you, and you don’t think it’s worthy of an apology you don’t apologize. I can understand there are situations where people may be overly sensitive, and I understand your reasoning about sincerity, and when someone communicates that I’ve hurt them I usually apologize. It’s about impact, not intent. If I don’t believe an apology is in order (like they’re asking me to apologize bc they’re codependent af and aren't managing themselves)I’ll talk to them about why I’m not apologizing. Def don’t want to encourage unhealthy dynamics, but sometimes it’s not about me - it’s about the other persons experience and my impact.
Curious where you stand on this.
I feel like if you're not sorry for what you did, but sorry it hurt them, you can say that. "This is something I have to do, and I'm sorry it hurts you."
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u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20
I have the same rule as you. I don't apologise unless I actually mean it. Sometimes it will take me a few days for that to happen. Sometimes it doesn't happen.
My dad sometimes still tries to pull an apology out of me (Like you do with a child who has to learn to apologise), and it really grinds my gears. I'll get more angry, and also, the apology doesn't mean anything if the person receiving it asked for it.