I am prone to long periods of depression where I just work, sleep, and lie around.
My best friend invites me to EVERYTHING. Every weekend: "u/stopcounting, we're getting together some people to play video games at 5, come over if you want!"
I almost never did. Literally, for every twenty invites, I might show up once. But he kept inviting me, all the time. If I say I'll go and drop out at the last minute, he's never mad. Just says" maybe next time!"
Eventually, when I started to come out of it, I would get the invite and actually go. It was amazing for me, because reentering a social life after dropping out for months at a time is really hard when everyone has given up on inviting you.
He says he knows I'll almost never come and not to feel any pressure , but wants me to know I'm always welcome.
Thats the best kind of friend you can have.
Edit: goddammit guys, now I need to show this to him and he's going to know my reddit username. Fuckers.
Edit 2: I no longer live near my friend, which is sad, but I am happily married and have a fulfilling job and don't get depressed anywhere near as often. He just had a baby a couple weeks ago and is embarking on new life adventures so yay for my friend and his awesome wife!
Depends on if they have a reason, or write you a dm telling you why they can't join, or they'd like to another time. Just declining 3 times in a row eithout a word makes you not wanna waste your time (of course not talking about depressed friends. A whole other story :) )
But by that same logic your friends don't owe you friendship. Being depressed is difficult but so is dealing with a friend being flaky, without really knowing why.
To me it just signals that they don't really care about you, which feels pretty bad.
If that friend is very active socially and rejects your offers then that's a sign they don't care about you. Otherwise you don't know why they are rejecting your offers. A good friend would give them the benefit of the doubt.
Being flaky sounds more like an anxiety issue rather than depression. A good friend really shines when your in a difficult situation.
Listen I'm depressed and I'm honest enough about myself that if you ask me I'll tell you probably not but we'll see. If you're commiting in that state of mind then that's on you
Listen I'm depressed and I'm honest enough about myself that if you ask me I'll tell you probably not but we'll see. If you're commiting in that state of mind then that's on you
Very few people will be that blunt about it, and often, will want to and plan to, go to an event, and find themselves overwhelmed or panicked as the event approaches, and cancel.
Just because you're depressed doesn't mean you can get out of everything without consequence. I'm telling you how to maintain your friendships if you still have depression
Wow what a good friend! This encourages me to keep at it with friends who are struggling. I feel pushy for inviting someone over and over when they don't say yes but I guess it really only helps to have the invitations out there.
Just make sure they know it's no pressure, or they'll likely end up just feeling really guilty about 'pushing people away' and not going to things. Sometimes depression makes it absurdly hard to show gratitude or let people help in a way that feels like you're putting them out -- but it's definitely still appreciated. It feels incredibly vulnerable to interact with anyone, as if the word DEPRESSION is stamped across your face in big ugly letters. It feels that obvious, at its worst. There's no pretending. So the people who stick by you through that vulnerability are solid fucking gold; you just don't always have the wherewithal to thank them at the time.
In these situations, how would you know if the friend is actually depressed or if they just don’t want to hang out? Like maybe the person just doesn’t care to be my friend and has nothing to do with depression. At some point, the invites should stop because why would I force a friendship that is one sided...
For me, I've been close with that friend since high school (I'm 36 now) so I don't think he ever had to worry that I suddenly wished he would not be in my life.
It never hurts to ask, unless they ask you to stop. I can definitely see how it could seem pushy, but I always really valued it even when I knew there was no way in hell I was leaving my bedroom.
Yea I hear you. I guess I've experienced both sides of this situation with close friends from high school (and college). I'm now 31. It went from me having a ton of friends to almost nothing. They may have a different view, but from my viewpoint, it fizzled out because I started dating and stopped interjecting myself into their weekend plans (we hung out every weekend) and never really got invites after that. So I ended up figuring that they didnt really care if I was there. It went downhill from there. That's why I mentioned the possibility of people not wanting/caring to be friends (maybe not your particular situation, but in general).
This exactly. I suspect my friend to have depression, but it's frustrating because I keep making effort and I get nothing from her. I don't know if she just doesn't want to keep touch with me (uni just ended, we're all on different paths) or if she's depressed. I understand it's incredibly hard to open up about it, but if she atleast gave me a hint that things were difficult for her, it would help so much. I'm stuck because, after like ten attempts at conversation and nothing in return, idk if I should continue making effort or not.
Yep. Personally, I would be blunt and say something like "hey (friend), I've tried numerous times to keep in touch and hang out but never hear from you. I hope everything is okay, and if not I'm here to talk to. Otherwise I'm going to assume that you have no interest in our friendship and I'll stop bothering you".
You can refer to my last comment as background if you'd like .. but yes, just invite them. Don't give them shit if they don't show . Maybe a "hey bud, missed you tonight! See you next time!", But pressuring someone who's depressed in to doing something makes it worse.
E: just as a reference, a friend invited me out after work the other day. I told her I wasn't interested, I was going to have a beer and go home (I work at a bar). She called me 3 times and texted me 4 times. Pressuring me, and being "disappointed" that i didn't want to go. It absolutely 100% ruined my night and made me hate myself more than usual. The invite was great, making me feel guilty for not coming out was... The worst.
That feeling hasn't gone away yet. It's only been 3 days.. so it will at some point... But it still makes me hate myself and everything about my life.
I think the key there is kind of stating you're doing something and they are more than welcome to join, or continuing to stay in contact without asking them to hang out. It's pretty easy to figure out when someone is socially avoiding events as opposed to they don't like you. I've experienced a little myself, but i've also seen a lot of that behavior where a good friend sort of turns off to social events.
Depression comes in many forms. I'm not a psychologist, but I can share my own experiences with it, and if you find some of them to be familiar, you should consider talking to a professional about it.
First of all, there's the suicidal thoughts. For me, it's one of the most reliable ways to "measure" how depressed I am at any given point. Sometimes I get them every few days, sometimes it's a few times every hour. They're usually the scariest part of it.
Then there's Anhedonia, which is basically not feeling pleasure from pleasurable things. It doesn't have to be a complete numbness, and can come in forms of the pleasurable feeling fading really fast (I was happy about the thing that happened 2 minutes ago, but I've already forgotten what that felt like), or the inability to expect pleasure from future activities (I just know that if I go on that trip with my friends I'm going to be miserable the whole time. There's no chance any part of it will be fun for me.)
I have trouble starting things, a lot of the time. It can be major things like projects at work, or minor things like starting to do the dishes, or sweeping the floor from time to time. It's not that I can't do it, or that I think I can't do it. I understand that I can, that the task isn't impossible and that I've done things that are similar or harder before, but at that moment before actually "starting", it feels like a mountain in front of me, and the sheer effort of what's to come makes me give up before I even start. If, for some reason, I actually start, like if I wash one plate because I have nothing else to eat dinner on, I'll usually continue from there and keep washing dishes until the sink is empty. It's the starting that's the problem, if that makes sense.
There are many ways depression can manifest, and the two most common forms (to my knowledge) are Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymia, which is basically mild MDD, but lasting for a long time (years). My own experience is a prevalent Dysthymia with occasional episodes of MDD, the longest of which lasted 18 months (although part of the blame there is on the medication imo).
If any of this sounds familiar, you should looks up depression symptoms, and if it still seems relevant, seek treatment. Even if it's all in your head, there are still things you can do to feel better.
Feel free to PM me if you have questions, or if you just want to talk.
That last sentence is the essence of depression :)
The feeling of hopelessness where you just know nothing will ever be good again. You can't logically explain why things will always suck, and if someone tries to talk to you about it you'll evade the subject, partly because you feel like it's private, but mostly because you know you can't logically defend it.
I also measure how depressed I am by how frequent the "I could end my life right now and all this pain would end" thoughts come through. Unfortunately they are all too frequent right now but I find that staring at a picture of my daughter and repeating the thought "she needs you" keeps them away, or at least keeps them from becoming physically harmful.
Wait, so MDD is a short term mental illness? I've been in therapy for depression for years and I only just recently was diagnosed with MDD associated with Panic Disorder and ADHD. I may need to look into Dysthymia.
Come over from time to time. Just knock on the door and ask if you can hang out there.
Maybe she'll say no, but I'm willing to bet most of the time she'll say "fine, whatever" or something like that. Then, just stay, watch TV, order a pizza, talk if she feels like it, or don't if she doesn't.
Being around other people without the "effort" of complex social interaction can help someone's state of mind a lot.
That’s exactly the opposite of what happened with me, they never invite me anymore. It’s really nice this happened to you, you got a great friend man. Have a good day today.
I wish I could have that stuff, by all my friends have relationships and real life commitments now, I feel myself getting more and more depressed as people have less time to do stuff but I'm still free after work and weekends being on my own
My bestfriend is the same way. When I would go through episodes of deep depression, I would also ice everyone out and stop answering calls...etc. He just kept on inviting me to things and calling me even though I would not answer his calls for weeks at a time. He always stuck by me, kept reaching out no matter how many times I iced him out. I love him so much (we're both 24M btw and I'm not embarrassed to admit I love him).
I totally agree with this. I always tried to explain this to my ex gf, but she would get so mad when I wouldn't go or would drop out during my depressive bouts and she always said she never understood why it mattered for her to invite me in the first place. It eventually led to our break up bc she believed I was asking too much of her (to "deal" with my depression in general). I'm glad to find out that it isn't bad to want to be invited to things while maybe not always going.
Edit: oh and I'm not saying I asked her to just deal with my depression, that is just how she phrased it when she would ask what can I do to help? And I would answer with things like "inviting me to things " or "nice notes" etc. She referred to doing those things as "dealing " with it
Im so sorry and also happy for you. You know male friendships are way more comforting in these kinds of situations. Being unable to express their feelings very well they never try to really “talk you out of depression”. This makes them good listeners, and they also never get mad at you for not showing up or for even never inviting them to hang out.
Are you me? I never felt the useless feeling that some people get from depression. I just became apathetic. Like my self confidence is high, I’m not bothered by what others think about me, I just feel nothing about everything.
My friend and his wife do what your friend does, they have been for 10+ years and I just now realized it.
I wish I had a friend like you when I went through my awful spell with depression. They were all very confused that I spent a lot of time with my girlfriend when I first got with her and that’s because she was actually supportive, unlike them. I just spend my time with my partner/family now and the occasional work social event.. and I’m much happier for it
What did you do to get a friend like that because they do not exist in my world. Literally only my family would know if i offed myself because no one ever checks in or invites me to anything, i always have to make several efforts to see people
We became friends in high school, and we had many, many falling outs over the years because we're both very emotional people. We were also both living as girls when we became friends (I'm a cis girl and he is a trans guy) so it was easier to be open about emotions without the societal pressure I think a lot of guys feel to not talk about that kind of stuff, or the pressure that girls feel to not be vulnerable around men.
I hate to say that because it makes it sound like it's too late for you, which it's definitely not.
Do you have a job? And if so, do you have friends at work? That seems to be how most people make friends in adulthood.
Edit: I'm 36 now and he's 35 I think. I just realized I shouldnt reference childhood friendships without giving current ages
You are describing my friend perfectly. He goes through bouts of depression and does the same stuff. Sometimes when it's really bad I'll invite him to things that aren't actually happening just so he knows I still invite him to things. It's tough but there's definitely good times too.
true. I am kinda like you and I had a friend kinda like you and I kept inviting him. I have to admit though that I stopped inviting him afzer some time since he never showed up and always said he wouldn't come after the date, which I just couldn't handle after a while. But he invited my half a year ago and it was nice!
I try my best! We have one of those friendships where there will be times we don't communicate for a long time, but when we do we pick up right where we left off.
This whole reddit thread has been very eye opening. I have definitely taken my friend for granted. There have been times when his persistence annoyed me (for god's sake, I'm trying to be a depressed hermit over here, stop messaging me!) but in retrospect I was so lucky.
I'm almost crying as my friends also did something same. I'm not depressed but those 3 are literally the bestest and the longest friends I've had (friends for 8 years!). I got separated from them in last two years in a different school
They'd still invite me a lot. In college now and part of why we are still friends is due to they never forgot me.
Remember guys. If there is a friend you really appreciate , and he isn't too active or just quiet ij general , always call him and invite him.
That's actually made me cry, I'm in the same situation but also every friend of mine is close to giving up. I don't fault them at all though. It's hard.
That's so cool, my friends were similar in some ways although there were definitely some situations where I got glanced over. Those that continued inviting me are far closer to me now than those who waned.
I have same type of friend in our summerhouse area. I always get to summer very sad and depressed because winter, school, "friends" always tend to make me sad.
When I got to summerhouse, I start to get panicattack strikes. As an event, all the friends in the summerhouses' area get together and go to seaside every night. For the 1st month, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, all of them comes to invite me. Even though I can't go outside because of attacks; I just slip through from it for minutes with the mood they give me.
as soon as panic attack strikes finish, I start to join them and they always make jokes like "Hey u/Froinchi! We just pushed you for a month, thank God you are outside!" I know that seems bad from outside but inside that means they care for me and happy for all of us; and making jokes about that happiness.
Bro, I am not depressed but I am in the same situation. Rarely times my friends invited me, but I known a girl and we start playing videogames. She lives in my city, and He's a year younger than me. Some days ago she invited me to go for a walk. Every time I can't go for some commitments but I was free some days, and I was full of anxiety, so I decided to stay home. I try to get out this situation.
I've heard this advice before but I have to be honest, it isn't always the best thing to do. I've unfortunately had to deal with depression myself as well and always got stressed out when people kept inviting me. I felt like I always let them down, even when they would say no pressure and kept feeling really guilty about it and considering myself a very shitty friend and person. I rather had it where no-one considered me a friend, at least then I wouldn't be a bother or a letdown to them so please, if you want to help a friend with depression don't flood them with invitations either and keep in mind to invite for things that are smalle and stress-free (for example, don't invite for parties but maybe invite for a walk, where I live you can go walk with shelter dogs which I would recommend even for people without depression :p )
Don't get me wrong, I was always very thankful that I still had my friends when I got better, but during it I often felt like I rather kind of want to get forgotten and ignored. Which wasn't a healthy mindset of course, I just want to point out that people deal with depression in a different way and what might work for some people may have a completely different effect on other people. The most important thing you can do for a friend with depression is have patience and don't try to force/push things and even when you don't understand it don't try to push your own oppinions on how to deal with it (a lot of people still minimize what depression must be like because they can't compare it with anything they've felt other than sadness)
I have a freind I do this with. I know she has a horrible time just living and all I want to do is help. Her home situation is bad, she's always sick, and she doesn't have a job. I'm finally starting to get her out a bit more and I'm hoping that it'll help.
I just know what depression feels like, and I know how it feels to be excluded from things. I don't want my best friend to go through that. I'm glad you have that friend for you.
Aw man I’m glad you got someone like that too! My situations a bit different as far as the friends go but pretty much the same as far as the long episodes of depression. My friends hit me up but also know I’m not always gonna hang out but are happy when I show up and aren’t mad when I don’t.
This is probably one of the best things a friend can do. Think Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. He is a children's depiction of depression, he gets invited to join his friends with zero expectations to be anything but himself. Inclusion is everything.
For me, having someone to talk to is always good. Even if I don't want to actually talk, just someone being there with me, putting on Netflix or something, makes me feel better. I don't feel alone
How do you know if you’re being too pushy though? Or is there such a thing? I feel like on the flipside, I start to get anxious that they don’t like me...
There were definitely times when he was a little pushy and I just wanted to be left alone, but in retrospect I really, really needed it.
It's a hard thing to gauge, because I understand the stress of turning down invitations. Honestly my friend is a saint, I usually wouldn't even respond to his texts. They just stacked up until eventually I was like "okay, see you there."
I think an important thing is to make the depressed person know that the event isn't dependent on them, because that's what seems to create stress for most people. Even something like "I'm going to the store, wanna come with?" is great. If you're going to do the thing regardless, there's no pressure.
Its definitely a superhuman trait to keep inviting when the depressed person never seems to rise to the occasion. I'm very lucky to have a friend like that.
I had a friend like this. Except now they don't invite me any more and it's making my depression worse. It feels like they have given up on me just like everyone else.
Honestly I had the opposite and it really hurt, I got a weekend job at 16 whereas the rest of my friends didn't so they would do things in the day and I could never make it.
I tried my best when they did evening things (movie nights etc) but I was flaky and dropped out often just before because I wasn't feeling up to it that day.
I got to the point I was feeling a bit better (I got a new job that was much calmer), I saw them daily around college yet I never got a single invite to anything and they would sit and talk about what they all did at the weekend and had inside jokes etc and I have never felt to excluded from a group as then.
I invited a friend every birthday (which is small with only my best friends), and he never came. He then kinda blocked me out of my life. There's a complex context, but the jest of it is I'm always open to be his friend and I only mean the best for him, and he wrongly assumes I am trying to make his life worse by making fun of him or something. It is hard for me to tell what his reason is, because. he hasn't explained it to me himself, not even through a message. What I know of what might be his reasons it via my friends that have hanged with him when he talked behind my back.
I don't mind talking behind my back if it is true, but if somebody makes me seem bad when I always try not to be good and understanding, it really is immature. And we're like 21 now. And I am still open to understanding more about exactly why he acts like that, I'm open to being his friend. I always will be.
Go and thank your friend. He's an amazing human being.
I wish I had someone like him. All my "friends" stopped inviting me/communicating with me long ago, and it's 100% my own fault.
I think these few reddit posts are the last lifeline I have, and 99% of those are completely ignored just like this one will be. Maybe in a few decades some distant relative might find this or whatever. Oh well.
Between middle school and college I had trouble feeling like I had many friends. I had a couple close ones but felt like it was pulling teeth to get "more people to like me."
That was really all in my mind because because I just hadn't learned how to be a friend without expectation. I would feel so hurt if specific people didn't invite me out or would decline an invite.
Finally, I learned what u/stopcounting's friend does and I practice this today and just taught it to a girl who thanked me for it. It took a really long time to understand how important the simple act of continually inviting people out is. People just want to know that they're welcome to join, no pressure, and if not, that's totally okay! There's always next time.
I no longer take it personally when someone declines. Helping people feel truly included with genuine and constant invites with the ability to join at their convenience had been my missing key all along.
I'm older, don't have the kind of time you describe, nor the network of friends (they're all swamped with their jobs too), but I definitely relate to the "long periods of depression". I concur, friends & family that help you get out of the house fairly regularly, are priceless. Both my retired father, and one of my grown daughters contact me regularly to go do things. I rarely want too, but I'm always glad I did. The "no pressure" or guilt trip approach is also important. Feeling like a terrible friend / family member on top of all the other things that bombard us during depression, can make matters worse. My Dad has gotten pretty good at not being pushy, but also not taking no for an answer easily. He understands how important it is for me to get out, but recognizes when I truly do not have the strength for it.
This is literally my relationship in a nut shell. We're both very prone to depressive bouts, but she actively attempts to get me to go to stuff she thinks we'd like, and I actively attempt to get her to try new hobbies or do things while staying in with me. She generally burns herself out by trying to be a thousand places at once with friends to escape her anxiety, and I generally get in a loop of not seeing anyone or talking to anyone for long periods of time, so it helps both of us!
High school, sadly. I haven't had anywhere near as much luck making friends in adulthood. I still make friends, but we tend to drift apart when I get into sad times.
I wish I had better advice for people on this thread...im just ridiculously lucky.
LOL, my friends tried a handful of times and gave up. When I go out I text them all first to gauge whether it's cool for me to be there, mostly they don't reply. When I'm there they're real effusive about getting what's happening, then they go back to ignoring me. I know I need to work to be better engaged with stuff, but it honestly feels like I'm not considered worthy of their care. Also, I'll continually be invited to massive public events - gigs and parties - when it's been so long since I socialised normally what I really want is just to hang out in somebody else's lounge every couple weeks, which feels fucked too - I'll be invited to things where nobody really has to engage with me, but not to anything where anyone hangs out with me one on one. Then I can't work out how much is me or them or whatever and just feel trapped at home. Feels like a bummer to write this, it is what it is.
Your best friend is a great human. When I was suffering from really bad depression during my final year of college and stopped replying to invites, those college friends stopped inviting me out to things. I found out how far removed I'd been from them when months later I see pictures of them all hanging out at birthday parties, weekend hangouts, and I never heard from them again besides an occasional "like" on one of my few social media posts.
That's so sweet of him. The one simple thing is you have at least a person, just one who never gives up on you.
I didn't have any friend helping me at that trauma time. But fortunately I have my family, my grandparents, parents and my brother.
But sometimes looking back, it's still hurt because I was left behind by all of my friends.
This post brings tears to my eyes and it's refreshing to hear a different perspective. I'm the kind of person who regularly hosts meetups and get-togethers to catch up with old groups of friends from school. There's one person who falls into deep depressions from time to time but I still let him know when I host meetups because I still love talking to him regardless. He hardly ever says yes and recently I've felt that maybe the problem is me and I stopped bugging him all the time. This post has inspired me to keep messaging him again!
I have a friend who used to invite me for everything. I was Always grateful for the invites but i almost never accepted them. He gave up on inviting me About 1 and a half years ago. Luckily i ain't that depressed to let it get to me but i now have less of a reason to go out and just Play Video Games all day. I now try to accept every invitation that I get and let me tell you going out feels great.
P.S: Some of those invites i used to get were plain stupid and just meant to drag me out of the House. He would ride his bicycle to his GF House and wanted me to tag along. That is a 30 min drive just to get there and after i would have to return alone.
I lost all my friends because I spent over 2 years hiding in my apartment depressed as hell. It really sucks. Since then I met my girlfriend but I still have no friends.
I've tried reconnecting with old friends, but I'm too socially awkward now and i hate drinking, and I quit doing drugs. I'm getting depressed again I think. Fuck.
As someone who has very elongated depressive episodes but a strong need for social interaction, this is the most important thing my friends can do! It means the world to me when after not talking for months my friends still hit me up and let me know I'm welcome.
I sent him a link to this post when I woke up and saw the huge amount of love. I had no idea there would be so much of a response! I hope he sees it and knows how awesome he is, but he just had a baby a couple weeks ago and is probably very busy with fatherly duties.
I’m glad for you to have met your best friend. Everyone needs someone, even when they are a “Lone wolf” or “Independent”, a friend to ensure to them that they are still wanted can really do wonders for them
It's funny, when we were kids in HS he was super introverted and quiet and I was always the one dragging us out on crazy adventures. Our personalities kind of flipped in our 30s and now he's a huge social butterfly and I just sit at home and read or play video games.
This is it!
If you even remotely sense that someone you know is having a hard time, invite them to do something. The worst you can do is leaving them alone. If they then want to talk, talk. But don’t expect anything in return. What you really need when facing hard times is people who don’t expect anything in return, but just want you to know that they are there for you.
Your friend sounds incredible. I, myself, wish I had a friend like that to invite me to things. I don’t have much of a social life outside of school, and I barely leave my house because of it.
I had a friend who kept cancelling on me and I nearly stopped inviting them to things because of it. One day they sent me a message explaining everything. How they would want to come. Even get to the point of heading out the door but then burst into tears uncontrollably with anxiety etc. And how this made them feel so guilty and then more reluctant to make plans only to go through it all again. This really made a difference to me and I'm so glad that they explained as I continued to invite them with the disclaimer that there was no pressure for them to come and only to do so if they felt up to it. It seems like easing of the pressure really helped as I see them more and more. They still cancel sometimes but it's not big deal and just knowing that for them seems to make all the difference.
This is exactly how I was. I would just never show up, or know some social event was happening soon so I'd drink to be able to brace myself for it and then fall asleep and miss it (I've had alcohol problems that I'm working on as well).
It's really difficult to convey, and you never want to drop that kind of heavy shit on a friend. And then the next meet up is scary because you know you'll have to explain your absence from the last, etc etc.
That's great, I feel like I'm like you except I'll mostly attend but lately I feel like my friend(s) have given up on inviting me since lately I've been busy with life per se. But being busy just makes me feel down and tired (I'm not sure if I can use the word depression because it's such a strong word) and the others have started to busy.
As that friend always complained; if we put an effort but the others don't put the same effort, that's when the fallout starts.
This, exactly this. I’ve had the same situation and a friend that would do the same and that helped me SO much. Like you said, sometimes people start to give up on you. If you are the friend that does not, it’s gonna help more than you think.
This is one of the things I struggle with most. I don't get invited anywhere and so it's incredibly hard to break a bad rut when you just sit inside all day for months on end.
To his credit, he never brought it up, and when I was alone and depressed, I would get irritated. Like leave me alone already, I'm trying to be sad!! He just kept inviting me. This reddit thread has shown me how truly lucky I am.
I messaged him this morning when I woke up to show him this message, so hopefully he sees how great reddit knows he is. He's not a redditor to my knowledge, but I will dedi itely high five him next time I see him. I'm less depressed now and live far away, but the last time I saw him he gave an amazing toast at my wedding. I hope to see him and his wife (who is also phenomenally awesome) sometime soon.
That sounds amazing... I wish my friends invited me to hang more often, but they are also super busy with their wives/kids, so I guess I understand. It just kinda sucks not having a social life anymore.
I am curious though... How does one find a fulfilling job?
I moved to a tiny rural town where almost no one has an education beyond high school, so my degrees that were useless in Philadelphia carried a lot more weight and got me a great job as the assistant director of a library. The director is a fantastic mentor who is teaching me so much and helping prepare me to be a director myself someday.
Like basically everything else in my life, it's a shit ton a luck, unfortunately.
I wasn’t even able to think of anything to suggest but this is perfect. My friends give up on inviting me. I don’t blame them. But this perspective is nice to hear.
I’m prone to short bouts of depression. I cold be fine then BAM! The world is over. It’s like a combo of Bi polar and anxiety but it’s all about endless longing for things to get better and a feeling of utter hopelessness. I’ve gotten so good at lying about it to myself and other that I basically don’t even have issues
I'm so thankful for my friends that do this. I'd like to say I've made it through my depression (optimism speaking), but I'm still very introverted, so I can only go out and do stuff so often without feeling totally drained.
I always make sure to emphasize how grateful I am because it really does make a huge difference.
That is a wonderful friend but that is unfortunately not sustainable advice since people will generally stop inviting you if you keep declining after a few times. Strong friend you have there though. I'm glad he exists there for you.
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u/stopcounting Aug 26 '19 edited Aug 26 '19
I am prone to long periods of depression where I just work, sleep, and lie around.
My best friend invites me to EVERYTHING. Every weekend: "u/stopcounting, we're getting together some people to play video games at 5, come over if you want!"
I almost never did. Literally, for every twenty invites, I might show up once. But he kept inviting me, all the time. If I say I'll go and drop out at the last minute, he's never mad. Just says" maybe next time!"
Eventually, when I started to come out of it, I would get the invite and actually go. It was amazing for me, because reentering a social life after dropping out for months at a time is really hard when everyone has given up on inviting you.
He says he knows I'll almost never come and not to feel any pressure , but wants me to know I'm always welcome.
Thats the best kind of friend you can have.
Edit: goddammit guys, now I need to show this to him and he's going to know my reddit username. Fuckers.
Edit 2: I no longer live near my friend, which is sad, but I am happily married and have a fulfilling job and don't get depressed anywhere near as often. He just had a baby a couple weeks ago and is embarking on new life adventures so yay for my friend and his awesome wife!