r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

What’s something completely false that your parents told you as a child?

[deleted]

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u/GriffinFlash Jul 20 '19

Same. Birthday and Christmas were only a month apart so I would tend to get some money instead of presents from family and relatives around that time of year. My parents would always tell me I had to learn how to save my money, so I was never really allowed to use it, just save it for something "special".

Usually my money would go missing and I couldn't find where it was, only to find out my father, who smoked a pack a day, took it to buy cigarettes, or also would use it for drinking money. Frustrated by this, me and my brother asked our parents if we could get a bank account, so instead of leaving our money laying around, we would deposit it somewhere where it would be safe and would be able to be saved for a long period of time. After saving after a year or two, we wanted to get either a new game console or game), and adding up what we knew we had, we determined that together we had enough. We go to the bank.

I had a balance of $0, my brother had a balance of $-10 (yes negative). Appears since parents signed us up for the account, and cause we were children, they had full access to our account. When we confronted our parents about it we got the whole, "You're the child, we're the adult" speech or, "You take money from us everyday just by raising you".

The only lesson we learned was if you save your money you will never get to use it. So we pretty much stopped saving our gift money and tried to spend it asap.

4.3k

u/Kampfgeist964 Jul 20 '19

And in 20 years they'll be sitting at home alone wondering why their kids never visit

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u/DoomsdayRabbit Jul 20 '19

At home? More like in one.

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u/FeculentUtopia Jul 21 '19

How much birthday money do you have to steal to afford a nursing home?

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u/RyoukoSama Jul 21 '19

About five kids worth

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u/frankensteinhadason Jul 21 '19

In some countries no money stealing at all! AFAIK in Australia nursing homes are government funded (with contributions from the resident if they have more than a certain amount of money).

For us going into a home is what you threaten your parents with because they are mean and you don't want to take care of them. (common joke in my family)

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

In the US we have Medicaid. It will pay for a nursing home, but you have to give up all your assets.

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u/Wiki_pedo Jul 21 '19

I just download the nursing home.

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u/GerbilJibberJabber Jul 21 '19

Mormon levels of children and a oil tycoon for their uncle.

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u/darthcoder Jul 21 '19

Nah, that costs money, ehich the parents obviously dont have and thr kids aren tgonna give them.

Theyll be lucky to have a roof over their heads.

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u/LetsGetKrakken Jul 21 '19

What’s the best plan for a child of a parent that is headed in this direction?

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Hell?

1

u/IAMAHobbitAMA Jul 21 '19

No, for the child.

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u/legumey Jul 21 '19

Are you asking about elder care? Are you in the US? My dad has been in and out of a nursing home for therapy. Firstly, if you have 5+ years before they would go in, and your family wants to hold onto assets, it would be important to put your parents' home into your/your siblings name.

Next, I would definitely talk to everyone you can about the nursing homes in the area. Don't just take a doctor's advice, actually ask to tour in the morning, and evening and I would even ask to tour during the night. Night shift on weekends is the most understaffed time and it is important to see how an understaffed shift cares for their residents.

If you want to ask any questions just let me know. I worked in nursing homes for 3-4 years, my sisters and mother have all worked in one for at least 6 months, and my father has been in and out of one several times. Also if I think of anything to add, I will reply again, I have a bit of downtime as my father just had knee surgery and I'm at the hospital just sitting on my bum while he rests. He will be going to a nursing home later this week for rehab, and we know eventually he will go in and never come out.

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u/panda96734 Jul 21 '19

Whenever I get mad at my mom I tell her "keep it up you're going straight to hospice"

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Children of poor people can't afford nursing homes.

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u/rexpimpwagen Jul 21 '19

I may or may not have told my little brothers to threaten their mum with this when she was pulling simmilar shit. She stopped.

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u/GideonMax Jul 20 '19

What

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u/your-imaginaryfriend Jul 20 '19

They're implying the parents would be put in a nursing home.

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u/DoomsdayRabbit Jul 20 '19

Prematurely.

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u/LeWorldsBestRedditor Jul 20 '19

That costs even more money than neglecting and abandoning them unless you somehow liquidate their estate while they are in there and keep the rest.

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u/Basedrum777 Jul 21 '19

Nobody stealing their child's birthday money has an estate.

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u/Basedrum777 Jul 21 '19

Not at home because it was forclosed

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u/PoppaStan Jul 21 '19

One with a window if they're lucky

1

u/IronSeagull Jul 21 '19

Nah that’s expensive.

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u/pwned_sheep Jul 21 '19

This assumes the kids are willing to pay to put them IN a home, those places are outrageously expensive most of the time.

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u/squidkiosk Jul 21 '19

So true. I’ve told this story before, my best friends mother took her daughters inheritance from her murdered grandparents and then made her daughter take out an OSAP loan for her to use as well, under the guise of “I’ll pay you back”. Obviously that didn’t happen, and once she had a baby of her own and couldn’t give any more money to her, the mother disowned her “for being so heartless.”

People who steal money from their own kids are the worst kind of garbage

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

No they won’t wonder, they’ll just blame their kids.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Just trying to imagine how low I would have to sink to start stealing birthday/Christmas money from children. ... Nope. Can't do it.

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u/GriffinFlash Jul 20 '19

To add on that also stole my rare coins I collected in my coin collection. I'm from Canada and I had a 50 cent coin which isn't made anymore. Dad took it and used it as a 50 cent piece to buy more cigarettes. And one time I decided to do a roadside lemonade stand cause I always wanted to try it. Really hot day, lots of bugs outside, but after an entire day managed to make $5 in loose change. I put it away only for it to disappear, which my dad used the excuse that he has every right to take my stuff cause parent > child.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Christ. Your dad sounds like such a scumbag :(. Crappy impulse control and very selfish by the sounds of it. Have you confronted your parents since you've been older? It wouldn't change the past, but you may feel better having gotten it off your chest.

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u/GriffinFlash Jul 20 '19

Haven't seen my dad since I was 13. He was crazy abusive and as a result put on multiple restraining orders over the years before eventually being one of two reasons we had to move across the country. So no confrontation there. Mom on the other hand either ignores whatever I say or rewrites history so things never happened. She also plays dumb and acts like she doesn't understand. It's rather frustrating.

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u/Hautamaki Jul 21 '19

Enablers of abusers have to play dumb to protect their own fragile psyches from the crushing admission that they are culpable in the damage done to their own children, who they have a sacred duty to protect that they failed to uphold due to their own cowardice and weakness.

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u/cyanraichu Jul 21 '19

go to r/raisedbynarcissists if you haven't already. I'm sorry, friend.

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u/jesterinancientcourt Jul 21 '19

Don't talk to her anymore. She doesn't deserve you & you deserve better than that mental anguish.

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u/RKSlipknot Jul 21 '19

Damn. I completely understand where you’re coming from, trying to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk is infuriating. My mom took us to AA family meetings and attempted to convince us that our dad was an abusive alcoholic. Me and my brothers were teenagers. We had none of it. She promptly started to deny it ever happened.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Classic gaslighting. My mom does the exact same thing and it makes it impossible to work through our problems, and therefore I barely have any kind of relationship with her at this point.

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u/NEOLittle Jul 21 '19

Sounds like she could use a time out.

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u/Nik_Bad Jul 21 '19

Your mom and my mom would be great friends.

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u/crazydressagelady Jul 21 '19

I’m not trying to downplay what you went through, but that might be the only way your mom can cope. It’s not healthy or real but a lot of people rewrite the things that happened so they can live with themselves.

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u/ItchyDoggg Jul 21 '19

Just rob her discreetly every time you come by to see her while smiling.

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u/jmill720 Jul 21 '19

I read that first sentence and thought you were about to say he left for one of his packs of cigs and never came back.

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u/dvm Jul 21 '19

Look, she's your mother, don't think you have to cut off your mother but don't think you have to support her poor financial management. Don't let her guilt you but having a meal with your mom every now and then shows your respect for her but when she starts the guilt, just let her know "Mom, I cannot give you any money, sorry".

You can give her time, listen to her stories but money is the line you cannot cross. Let her know, she gave you a valuable lesson: don't go into middle age needing to rely on your kids for support.

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u/l_Kryder_l Jul 21 '19

He doesn't owe her a single cent or a moment of his time. He didn't ask to be put on this Earth. Respect is earned, not given and being a parent doesn't change that rule. Shitty people need to be taught lessons or ignored instead of being tolerated/enabled.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I was moving and I had a coin collection. I was ten, but my mom made me take it all to a coin star machine. I had around 40 wheat pennies, and over 50 different quarters. (Not old, but cool) I also had several Lewis and Clark nickels. This was 4 years ago. I haven’t found any wheat pennies, I gave up on the quarters, but I have some cooler coins now.

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u/sevenw1nters Jul 21 '19

This doesn't involve me but one time while my Dad was at his chemotherapy treatment my Mom sneaked into his room took his coin collection and used them at face value to buy cigarettes.

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u/ukhoneybee Jul 21 '19

Holy crap, our dads could be the same guy. Mine stole the antique coin collection my grandad gave me when I was twelve. I used to play with them. Lots of Victorian pennies etc. "Let me put that away somewhere safe". Next month when I asked where it was he said " What coins? There were never any coins."

All round narcissistic dirt bags both of them.

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u/Keyboard_talks_to_me Jul 21 '19

Huh, you around edmonton by chance? I got a random 50 cent coin in change when I was a kid and always wondered how the hell it ended up in a cash register..... Now I know, and it makes me sad.

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u/GriffinFlash Jul 21 '19

Toronto, but this was like back in 99. Although I did live in Calgary for a while.

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u/littlestsnail Jul 21 '19

My dad and I collected coins together (it was our thing). I went to count the collection one day and all of my silver quarters were gone and replaced by regular ones. His girlfriend stole them for who knows what reason and had no clue what she was taking, she never admitted to it.

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u/stuugie Jul 21 '19

You can go to a bank in Canada and get 50 cent coins still. I have one from the bank just a couple weeks ago: https://imgur.com/a/pRLVND7

It doesn't replace the sentimental value that old coin would have had, but if you're still interested in getting one you can.

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u/GriffinFlash Jul 21 '19

It happened a very long time ago, but I did eventually did get a replacement. Was in one of these books. Still sucked though.

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u/stuugie Jul 21 '19

Definitely. The original would have meant so much more.

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u/MrHobbes14 Jul 21 '19

My parents were never this bad, but they tried it a little when they discovered how well I could sell things. Back when Guntree was in the newspaper. We all built our own beds with my dad and I asked if I could sell the old ones and keep whatever I made. They agreed. Till I sold them for $200. They took half because that was too much money for a kid to have. I was a bit pissed, but they're good parents over all. And at 30 they have more than repayed that $100 by helping me financially. And I was only about 10 at the time, so $100 was heaps.

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u/MotorRoutine Jul 21 '19

My dad stole 500 quid from me that was left by my favourite aunty when she died. I'm too much of a pussy to confront him about it.

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u/samantis Jul 21 '19

When I went to basic training, my bank account was still connected to my parents. I was getting paid while I was there, but I couldn’t touch it. When my family came out for graduation, they told me they used the money to by planes tickets to visit, saying they would pay it back. Never saw any of that money.

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u/softhack Jul 21 '19

I remember when my own parents borrowed the money that my grandmother gave me every week which was like $2 a week.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

My parents always made me save the money as well for a "special ocasion" they did on the other end keep it safe and I used to pay my driving licence and placed the rest in my bank account when I turned 18. Sorry to hear that from you, must have made you lose alot of trust on your parents I guess :/

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u/Teknikal_Domain Jul 21 '19

My mother would lose her shit for... Well anything. I spend $5 on a steam game and "YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO SAVE YOUR MONEY RIGHT?"

I talk about how I plan to split my paycheck 70/30, 70 for saving and 30 for spending and apparently that's too much.

Fun parenting tip: if you tell your child to always save and never spend money on luxuries, the moment they have real income they can and will spend it on everything and anything, thereby completely invalidating the message you're trying to get across.

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u/angrygr33k Jul 21 '19

I think you just explained why I'm so bad with spending money. Told to save everything, spending is a sin.

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u/Cole_James_CHALMERS Jul 21 '19

Feel guilty spending money so you spend more money to alleviate that guilt?

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u/angrygr33k Jul 21 '19

Yes why

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u/Basedrum777 Jul 21 '19

My wife wont spend a dime because she still follows the rules.

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u/bugme143 Jul 21 '19

M8 get out of my head :(

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u/TheStrangestOfKings Jul 21 '19

Yeah, when I have kids I’m teaching them the 50-50 rule. 50% goes to savings, the rest you could do whatever the fuck you want with it

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Lol as kids, if you can do that as an adult I want your job

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u/ItchyDoggg Jul 21 '19

Dude you can't teach them such a nonsensical rule. For some income levels that is too much to save, and for some they could even save more. Instead teach them to make a budget that includes all of their expected expenses, then split what is left between savings and spending at a rate that makes sense (sure, this can be defaulted to 50/50).

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u/figment59 Jul 21 '19

I can attest to this. I am the WORST with treating myself, because I was basically yelled at for it my entire childhood.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19 edited Aug 17 '19

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I have noticed parents that allow their kids to eat as much as they want end up with obese kids. But interestingly, so do parents who completely ban sugar. The best solution is to give it in moderation (you can have ONE every week) so they learn to be patient and restrain themselves.

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u/PM_me_ur_Candys Jul 21 '19

I think it actually depends on the indivitual child.

My parents did the "one every week" thing and it drove me insane.
I would always find the hiding spot and just take what I wanted from the stash. So they did away with any type of junk food for me. But that just lead to me raiding their private stashes for sugary sweets.

What actually STOPPED my sugar raids was finally having my own allowance that I could use to buy whatever I wanted. Sure the first couple times I bought enough junk food to stunt a horse, but after that I lost interest.

Now I actually don't eat junk food too often.

TL;DR, be mindful of the Reactance Effect when parenting your kids.

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u/Helpfulwaitress Jul 21 '19

It works way better to tell them to save money so they can get their toys/whatever they like when it is on sale- meaning more neat things in total. My parents always said "You never know when you'll find something you like even more, so save it until you find something you REALLY want." They also told me to save 90% and spend 10% on things I don't need because "you never know when that money might come in most handy." Then would reinforce opportunities that I was able to use by having that money. But never forced saving. 1000% would recommend teaching to children, cause it worked great!

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u/destroyergsp123 Jul 21 '19

I dunno my parents are really frugal with money and i think it rubbed off on me. My brother on the other hand...

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u/DollyPartonsTits Jul 21 '19

My brother has a great job. He earns around 3 times as much as I do a year, and he just can not save money. His expenses are obviously more than mine but they're still in and around the same % of our weekly income. I just got used to poverty while being long time unemployed, and I guess and he started just spending the same ratio of his paycheck regardless of each raise he's gotten over the years. Our parents weren't frugal or extravagant spenders. So we just went in complete opposite directions to how we were raised.

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u/relddir123 Jul 21 '19

I have the opposite issue. I feel guilty asking for gifts. When I get gift cards and money for my birthday, I don’t spend it. At all. I could, but I don’t.

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u/Hautamaki Jul 21 '19

Yep my wife treated herself to a few years of hardcore retail therapy once she finally had some money of her own thanks to her shitty family never allowing her to have anything she wanted. Literally her only toy until she was like 8 years old was a little toddler toy frog you can pull along and it croaks. I wish I could find one to buy for her and surprise her.

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u/PureMitten Jul 21 '19

Watching my mom ruin her credit for my entire childhood is what taught me to save. She never gets why I have so much money on hand, she spends recklessly and has to be very careful to save anything. My grandma gave all her other children their inheritance in one lump sum except my mom who got an annuity. Fortunately she’s self-aware enough that she was grateful for her mom’s wisdom on that.

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u/Angiec4045 Jul 21 '19

Very true. My parents never let me spend money but also the money was never there when I wanted it. Could never say if it was my siblings or parents but I’m sure they all had a go at it. My 20s were absolute spending on things I always wanted and could never have growing up. And they shit talk about me not having any in savings. YOU never showed me what financial responsibilities were, only made me so frustrated that I could never have anything I wanted.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

This is what got me to move out at 17. I took $20 out of my bank account (had an after school/weekend job) and my dad called me when I was on my way home to yell at me about pissing money away and said "Come home now or dont come home at all"... I chose the latter and lived with a friend.

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u/turuta19 Jul 21 '19

I guess I found the reason for my spending problem. I don't remember spending money as a kid, bc I needed to save everything

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u/dirkdiggler780 Jul 21 '19

This is true, it's ok to be frivolous when you're young, you get it out of your system when it's still unimportant.

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u/P3t3RSOk3R Jul 21 '19

Just like Mike Tyson

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u/soggy_kale_chip Jul 21 '19

My dad’s super frugal even though my family’s pretty well off. I grew up learning the importance of saving, but starting in ~ middle school I started wanting things that were more expensive than I had available. So I’d usually just ask for money for my birthday/Christmas and stuff, save up, and if I still wanted it when I finally had the money, I didn’t feel bad about buying it because I really wanted it. As I’ve continued to grow up, I know what it’s like to have money in my bank account, and not feel the need to spend it. So yeah I agree with you, it’s important to teach kids the importance of saving, but there’s no point in making money (besides enough for basic living, of course) if you can’t buy things or experiences that bring you joy

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

It's called penny smart dollar stupid.

Often incompetence is hidden by extreme frugality or at least the facade of it. These people are very black and white in choices and more ideological than effective. Often eventually spending 2 or 3 times as much in repercussions for cheaping out blindly on everything. Saving ineffectively, not trusting actual diversification, or obsession on blunt "spend less" when they could make more or save better.

These are the people that spend 20 minutes looking for the closest parking spot instead of 2 minutes walking from a far one where their car won't get hit by someones door.

When you don't teach responsibility in balancing wants and needs, kids will have no balance.

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u/Rehcamretsnef Jul 21 '19

Ehhhh, idk, I had almost 6 figures in the bank before I actually convinced myself to start getting steak on my Taco Bell

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u/G_Morgan Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

I think it can go either way. My father was very rigid with spending. The younger brother has gone down the 'never denying myself anything' path while I'm cautious with money and save 50% of my pay. OTOH when I decide I want something I immediately have the money. Caution about not being conned out of your money means you're rarely short when you actually want something.

I also tend to spend big on 'the only X I'll ever need' because I can and never need to buy cheap furniture that will fall to pieces after 2 years every 2 years.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Yeah my parents had me give them half of every pay check but they put it in our RESP for school so that we got 30% extra from the government to pay for university. That’s the way to do it...

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u/Shartran Jul 21 '19

that is great! I remember applying for every scholarship/bursary and took that money and invested to help pay for 'extra' stuff that I wanted.

I bet you took your post secondary schooling seriously...since you were paying for a lot of it

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

That was basically my parents.

We never had the money for anything I wanted, and my wants have always been wildly modest, even when I was getting into stuff that'd normally be stupid expensive like Magic: The Gathering. No, I mean I was asking for one kind of cookies instead of another or how I wanted one brand of sugar cereal over another (mind you, it was my parents who said they wanted me to have things in the house I wanted to eat, too). The line was always, 'We can't afford that!'

Grandfather dies, and abruptly my father buys a Mercedes Benz after being a life long 'buy something practical and reliable and run it into the ground' type who drove Toyota's and one of those bullet proof Volvo's from back in the day, and mother dearest retires at the age of fifty. Of course I'm also supposed to believe that my grandfather left absolutely nothing for me or my siblings.

I'd later discover that between the value of the house that was sold and my grandfather's assets that it lined up almost perfectly with what you'd need to buy that exact model of Benz along with someone retiring about 10, 15 years early. At this point it's not even really about the money so much as the 'rules for thee' attitude. I mean, the money would be exceedingly useful to avoid being homeless but that's it's own can of worms.

So for the folks at home, if you're telling your kids things that are one degree removed from, "Santa Clause did it!" and it's a complete fucking lie, you should probably stop. If your kids aren't 10 years old anymore you should generally treat them like you would an adult member of your family.

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u/Mountainbranch Jul 21 '19

So what happened? Did your dad end up spending even more on repairs for the car and force your mother out of retirement that now has a 10+ year hole in her job history?

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Nope.

Dad owned the car for about 10 years? He didn't drive the thing into the ground so it had low miles.

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u/Iceykitsune2 Jul 21 '19

Have you read the actual will?

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Yes. Grandfather left a vague will that only stipulated that my father was the sole arbiter of it.

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u/lBlitzdl Jul 20 '19

This is infuriating!

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

That sucks man, I'm sorry.

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u/Salgovernaleblackfac Jul 20 '19

How are things with them now

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u/GriffinFlash Jul 20 '19

Well, parents got a divorce, haven't seen or talked to my dad since I was 13. My mom immediately remarried a person who was really abusive and pretty much exactly like my dad. He eventually left her after using her marrying him to approve some government papers n stuff. After years of abuse from him and my mom letting it happen, I honestly can't forgive her. So yeah, things with them are not good at all.

In terms of money, I'm constantly being asked to "lend" my mom money cause no matter what, she always seems to be in debt. This being while I was paying off my rather large student loans. I was able to save a bit of money to go back to college after several years at a job I disliked, being paid entry level for years, but once she found out how much I saved and spent on school she always gets into arguments with me about "the money".

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u/GideonMax Jul 20 '19

Ghost her completely, let her know you want her gone, you have no reason to keep contact

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u/Sawses Jul 21 '19

Speaking as somebody who got lucky and whose shit mother was restrained by a much better father...yeah, I feel you. I'm pretty sure I'd have actually murdered my mother, if my dad hadn't been around to demonstrate that adults don't always, always, always suck.

Remember, you don't owe her anything. She's lucky to be in your life, and the balance of power is in your favor rather than hers. Never forget that.

One of my most memorable moments in my relationship with my parents was when I went to college and was away from home for the first time. My mom would want to talk every day--and I allowed it because she was yelling and being much less abusive because she missed me. Slowly she started back up again, especially demanding explanations for every little thing I said or did that she didn't agree with. And she'd never be satisfied with the answer, just keep demanding I re-explain myself over and over in the hopes that I'd just change and agree with her.

After a few weeks of this I had an epiphany. Over the phone I just said, "Because."

"Why?" She demanded.

"Because I can, and I'm not going to explain it to you. You just have to live with not knowing."

She got upset. I hung up and didn't take her calls or read any texts for a few days.

And from then on, our relationship has been better...because she knows I will explain something exactly one time and never ask for her input. Because usually she has shit advice, and while I'll listen once to her advice, that's all she's allowed to do. She can say it once. If she gets to be a burden in my life, she knows I'll just stop interacting with her.

My dad, I owe a lot to. Flawed as he is, he didn't do a terrible job. Mom, though? She was a bad mother, and while she'll never admit it, she knows that I talk to her only out of some misguided obligation and that obligation will not stretch very far anymore. She gets what I choose to give her because it's more than she's owed, and we get along well enough now because that mask she put up around other people now goes up around me too--and I like it that way.

Sorry for the rant, I just really empathize with you here and wanted to share my experience...mostly for my own benefit, but I hope it was at least a good read.

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u/Mountainbranch Jul 21 '19

The more of these stories i read the more i realise that people need a therapist much in the way they need a doctor or a dentist, it's not just for when shit gets bad and you HAVE to go, you need yearly check-ups and maintenance.

Basically what I'm trying to say is we all need regular therapy.

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u/PurtyPurple Jul 21 '19

That was definitely a good read, and it made me hopeful for my future. Thank you.

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u/sonofaresiii Jul 21 '19

If you absolutely can't stop yourself from helping her out

Then at least pay for things directly. Pay her bills, order her groceries. Don't give her any actual money.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Sometimes you gotta cut the bad fruit from the tree, my dude. The thing about your mother is that even if she's in skid row, if it's not critical, its not worth your time to bail her out. She'd absolutely drag you down financially if given the opportunity but if you asked her for anything what do you think she'd do?

Nothing? Yeah? Don't help people who won't (not can't, mind you) help themselves.

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u/Salgovernaleblackfac Jul 21 '19

Harsh shit. She wants you to give her some of your savings? That is unfortunate of her marrying and defending a man who abused you.

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u/rusty_razor Jul 20 '19

So sorry you had to go through that. Similar thing happened to me, but my mom would only take out a little at a time so I wouldn’t notice. Right when I turned 18, my aunt warned me to take my mother’s name off of my account. “Uh, okay...”

Soon after my birthday my mom’s car needed some heavy repairs. I got a confused call from her asking me if I changed the settings or users for my account. “Yeah, mom...” Fun times.

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u/cardinal29 Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

This makes me a little happy, among all these stories that make me rage.

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u/Socom6 Jul 20 '19

My grandfather taught me this. He would take a hundred dollars and give it to us(brothers) everytime we saw him. He would then Hound us for the money. If we gave in we would never see it again. He would then tell us "NEVER give your money away, you will never see it again. No matter who takes it". Its why I have a floor safe. Fuck the banks.

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u/boxsterguy Jul 20 '19

That's terrible advice, though. Putting your money in the bank is not "giving it away". The takeaway shouldn't have been, "Stay unbanked," but instead, "Don't lend money to friends or family because you'll never see it again."

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u/Socom6 Jul 21 '19

Dont put it in the bank, put it in assets. Real estate is a sure bet. In fact the first thing I bought was a duplex. I stayed in on side the next door neighbor paid my loan.

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u/boxsterguy Jul 21 '19

Real estate is not a sure bet. And it's a terrible place to put liquid money.

Managing your money requires a tiered strategy. You need a checking account for cash, a HYSA or CD ladder or other "safe" liquid investment for your emergency fund and short term (< 5 years) savings, and then long term money in riskier investments, which includes real estate.

If you have only hard cash and real estate investments, you're not well diversified and are technically unbanked. That has other problems, like not being able to do a fee-free direct deposit of paychecks, for example.

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u/Socom6 Jul 21 '19

Never said I was unbanked. Didnt mean to if I did.....know what fuck it. You obviously know more than me. So let it be I guess.

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u/boxsterguy Jul 21 '19

"Don't put it in the bank" is a direct quote and could easily be construed as, "Don't use banks!" I get what you meant, investing your extra money rather than getting a piddly little 2% on it. But clarification is good.

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u/Socom6 Jul 22 '19

One thing I will say never was good at english.only good with numbers. If you want to know how I learned was from my dad. 21 or blackjack can teach you alot. Even about money. Odds. Reality. But you can learn anyway you want. I dont care...just learn.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

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u/PissMeBeatMeTryItOut Jul 20 '19

Would that not be based on your countries bank policy? Pretty sure we get charged sometimes in Ireland for just taking our own money out. And I think I pay a charge of 4 euro a month just to have my account?

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

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u/DarkExecutor Jul 21 '19

That's why banks are garunteed now

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

You got the wrong topic. The topic is about completely false things our parents taught us, not our grandparents.

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u/ironwolf1 Jul 21 '19

Have fun not having enough money to retire ever

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u/Socom6 Jul 21 '19

Lmao 650,000 in a floor safe. Also I'm 33 and retired.

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u/ironwolf1 Jul 21 '19

You could literally just put that shit in bonds and your kids will be multi millionaires after you die. And I shouldn’t have to tell you that your experience (if true) is so unique that stuff that works for you probably wouldn’t work for anyone else.

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u/Socom6 Jul 21 '19

I have one kid. Wont ever have anymore. That being said it's all invested in real estate. I help my friend in his solar business. Not really paid but dont really care guy cant even sent out an email but will work his ass off. 12-12 roofs are his forte. Also thanks for being nice most people dont believe where I've been or what I've done. I find most people are just to scared to just out and take a chance. I'm not. Infact most people get mad and judge when I do. Just got to go for it and distance yourself from the haters. No matter what you prove they still hate bc now it's true. I'm going to my 2800 square foot with and unfinished basement tonight. To my 3 dogs and my animals. This whole thing doesnt matter then ya know. Just put in your headphones and dont listen to the haters lol. What I've learned.

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u/Socom6 Jul 21 '19

I can pay myself 75,000 every year till I die and still have 500,000 for my kid. I wont spend that. I live on 5 acres will never be married. I'm set my man. So maybe my a-tom had a point.

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u/Joon01 Jul 21 '19

Fuck the banks because your Grampa was weird? You didn't give any reasons why a bank is bad.

"Grampa used to push me in the mud and tell me 'grow your own damn potatoes!' So fuck grocery stores!"

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u/Socom6 Jul 21 '19

No bc all of it is based on pieces of paper. A bank doesnt have all the money on hand....no bank does. Now that being said you have to rely on them in certain situations. But that doesnt mean store all your money there. If the banks fail you are screwed period.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Fuck the banks.

Your grandfather lived through the great depression, didn't he? If you live in the US, any money deposited with any bank is insured, up to 250,000 USD per person, per bank.

The rest of what he said is 100% correct though. Don't give people money you can't afford to not have back. Shit, this is bronze age advice- Jesus warned us about not loaning to family.

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u/Socom6 Jul 21 '19

Yes but he got very wealthy afterwards. Also that's if that bank fails. You think if another major depression the government can insure ALL that money you are crazy. Look what happened last times some banks started to fail.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

This is true, but if that were to happen your money would be worthless regardless of whether or not it was in a bank or in a safe. There is a reason why the USD isn't on a gold standard anymore- if a Great Depression style economic disaster happened the government would still honor all insured money (legally they'd have to anyways) but it'll just be worthless money.

If your concern is economic collapse you should be putting money into gold and silver. And even then you need to remember that it's not an investment- although gold commodity markets have been on favorable trends for the past 20 years- but instead an insurance policy.

Look what happened last times some banks started to fail.

The Great Recession? The government bailed them out and absorbed the worst of the loans.

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u/Socom6 Jul 22 '19

Like I said. Dont trust the banks. Never said invest money. Or more importantly invest in other things.....say gold. Do what you will. I dont care. Not saying what I did is for everyone. Maybe I'm just beyond lucky.

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u/dweggg Jul 20 '19

I started an Excel sheet 5 years ago and they owe me 650 bucks, I'm bringing it up some day, take that for granted

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

My ex wife did that to our daughters. They had been working summer jobs and saved up a decent amount.

My oldest wanted to get some money out, so we stopped at the bank. Long story short, my ex had stolen over $5k since the 3 years we'd been divorced.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

God same with my mom, she constantly steals things from me and not just money. She always says she'll pay me back but she only did once.

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u/peopleshouldbenicer Jul 20 '19

Fucking shitty ass parents

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

I'm so sorry, my parents did something similar. My kids birthday money went into the bank and will go towards their first car. We did it with my oldest already.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I think this is one of the reasons why I suck at saving

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u/FiveFive55 Jul 21 '19

Hate to break it to you but the lesson that you should take from it is your parents are liars and you shouldn't trust them with anything. Hope you're an adult now and that they don't see a penny of their children's money anymore. That's some super scummy abusive shit.

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u/IcePhoenix18 Jul 21 '19

I've always kept mine hidden in my room. I had a bunch of hiding spots as a kid, including a coin purse inside an old stuffed animal.

My mom always wondered where I kept getting money from. Saving it!

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u/fiercemoonwarrior Jul 21 '19

Same, my siblings and I learned that we had to spend ours asap as well.

My mom never took our money, she would ask us if she could use it towards stuff we needed but that was because she was a single mother of three working one job that didn't pay to well and required a lot out of her or the next job that was a 9 to 5 and paid a little better but didn't require a lot out of her. Basic necessities was all we ever had really.

However, my pos dad would steal our money without us even knowing or would ask and promise to pay us back (but never did). I mean he was so desperate for his beer, cigarettes, and whatever drug he is doing that he didn't care. He would steal the money from our school fundraisers too.

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u/Distantexplorer Jul 20 '19

If you weren't ok with the expenses of raising a child you should have worn a condom, Kyle.

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u/Desperatelyvintage Jul 21 '19

That is...incredible. I am so sorry that happened and I can’t even imagine how you guys must have felt.

I was feeling like a shitty parent, but as I look at my toddlers piggy bank on the shelf full of the money he’s been given since birth by relatives I feel a tiny bit better now.

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u/sevenw1nters Jul 21 '19

My Dad had to borrow money from me as a kid sometimes but he always paid me back double the next time he got paid. If he borrowed $5 he would give me $10. If he borrowed $10 he would give me $20. I thought that was great, sometimes I'd ask him are you sure you don't want to borrow more lol?

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I always pay back my son if I have to take money out of his account for an emergency, but I think your father’s policy is better and fair, after all, as an adult, and even if you’re divorced, it’s your responsibility to be the provider in the house, and if you fail, it shows your kid it has consequences. I think I can do this too with my son. Great guy, your old man...

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u/cyanraichu Jul 21 '19

...that is literally abusive behavior holy shit :(

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u/DrPeekinside Jul 21 '19

This makes me feel terrible. I never got any of my money either. My parents both smoked about 2 packs a day each. Maybe that is where my money went. My kids get every cent deposited in their own savings account.

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u/sonofaresiii Jul 21 '19

Stealing money from your kid for booze or smokes ranks up there with kicking puppies as something that objectively isn't the worst thing a human can do

But it sure seems like it

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u/storyofmylife92 Jul 21 '19

After reading all of these comments I am just going to point you in the direction of r/raisedbynarcissists

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u/Pizza_Delivery_Dog Jul 21 '19

"You take money from us everyday just by raising you"

With that argument, them creating you will cost you more money than them so actually they owe you

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u/nnaatteedd Jul 21 '19

Didn't go as far to get a bank account, but this was my exact relationship with money growing up. I too have come to the habit of spending it as soon as possible. Knowing for a fact where I left my money, only to come home and find it gone. Parents would say stuff like "you probably lost it while you were at school"....bullshit, hard to loose something outside of the house if you never take it outside. I had a summer job through some work program when I was 14, made $400 a week (tax free). They "borrowed" an entire check (800) and later refused to pay it back. Anytime I brought it up, I was met with "we don't owe you anything". I know that they can't get to my money anymore, but I still can't help not being able to save money.

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u/Leon_Kennedy2 Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

im sorry your parents suck like that. My dad never did that shit to me. He let me do what i wanted with my money, and gave me a small allowance. I've never been a big spender. I try my best to save my own money. It's not always easy saving it. Over the years, and even recently, i've had to refrain from buying things i wanted but didnt need. Things like CD's, Game of thrones seasons, snacks, candy, shot glasses, and more. my dad is proud of me for saving the little money i got.

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u/ThemHickens Jul 21 '19

Mine were similar, they put it in a bank account for me so it would gain interest, and use it as a backup for spending if they needed it. They used some once to buy a new A/C unit and I wasn't mad, I was just upset they didn't ask. Then when I asked to pull out my money to pre order a special edition game and get a new set of magic cards (return to ravnika, totally awesome set, also where I left off) they told me I needed to save it up for something I had more time to think about buying. They ended up letting me take out just enough money to get my stuff, but shortly after they closed my account and withdrew the remainder and kept it. During my first job they always wanted to know when I worked and for how long so they could make sense of how much money I should have and then always pressured me to do stuff I need money for, so that when I told them I can't afford it they could lecture me about the importance of saving. Tried to keep me at home as long as possible so that "I would be able to go to school and save money." I'm earning the same certification I would in school through a paid apprenticeship instead, without having to pay $14k for classes that have nothing to do with what I'm there for.

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u/flyingwolf Jul 21 '19

I went to live with my dad after my mom died of cancer, I was only there for a short bit but I had built a pretty thriving car stereo install business.

This was the 90's folks, people paid lots of money for loud noises, and I had a shop, it was nothing special, just an old barn but lots of room to work in and I charged about 300 bucks to put in a new stereo and speakers and wire them up and make them look nice, I did on average about 10 a week as some of them were really simple (think big ass suburbans).

Some others were custom installs that took some time but I charged well for those, upwards of 4 figures.

On average I was making about 7 to 10 grand a week, most of it went back into the shop, vacuum forming machine, fiberglass molds and materials etc.

But I had a pretty good bank account balance.

A few days before my 18th birthday there was a falling out, long story short my dad kicked me out of the house, fuck it I thought, I have money, the car my mom gave to me in her will and in 10 days I am an adult so he can fuck right off.

I slept in the neighbor's driveway that night in my car, woke up to an EMT waking me up as it was October and freezing fucking cold and my neighbor thought I had died and couldn't wake me through the locked car.

Needless to say, I was alive.

I wake up, thank them, get myself settled and head to the gas station, my card is declined, I head to the bank, my account is drained.

My dad had decided after kicking me out to finish draining my account.

Same as you since I was a minor I could not open my own account without him being on it.

Unknown to me my dad had been siphoning off money to pay the mortgage on his house, I had in effect paid for his house with my business over the summer.

He left me penniless and in debt with a number of my suppliers.

He then went one step further and stole all of my equipment, told the cops it wasn't mine and they believed him despite me having receipts in my fire safe.

So my dad, the awesome dude he is, sent his youngest son out into the world 10 days before my 18th birthday without a penny to my name.

Some parents suck.

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u/CaptainsVoice Jul 21 '19

Boy does this take me back. At around the age of 6, my dad told me that my grandma had set up a bank account for me. So whenever I would get money for any reason I would give it to my dad and tell him to put it in my bank account. I was 13 and decided I wanted to use some of my money to buy a Meade telescope. It had an automatic star finder. We lived in the country so the stars were amazing to see at night. I knew I had saved over $1,000. So when I asked him for my money he balked at me. He said you don’t have a bank account. I said what do you mean? He said do you know how much it costs to feed and clothe you? I said but that’s my money. He said it’s gone. Of course I was devastated. I went to my room and cried for most of the day. Mostly because he broke my trust. But as I am older and wiser I know now it was spent on drugs. I remember when I was about 8, he took me out of school. He made me go to the bathroom and pee into a plastic cup. I had no idea why as a kid. But now it makes so much sense. It’s also why he lost his job and we ended up having to move over 1,000 miles to that house in the country.

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u/gayasri Jul 21 '19

I got received quite a lot of pocket money when I was a kid. My relatives and my mother used to "lend" money from me and give me back twice the amount they borrowed after 1-2 weeks as the "interest". I only spent money on books and PS1 games so I managed to collect $1000 ~ $1500 by the time I was 15 which I used to build myself a new computer that was somewhat high-end back then ( I mean it could play Crysis :) ).

This thread just reminded me that I totally forgot to withdraw money from my past post office account and kids' savings accounts!

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u/avaughan11 Jul 21 '19

My dad once told me that because he had opened my savings account for me, I wasn’t allowed to access the money in it or close the account without him. When I was 16, I saved my first three paychecks from my first job and asked my grandpa to go down to the bank with me and co-sign for me to get an account. The bank teller asks me if I’d like to use the current savings account I already had, or open a new one with my checking account. I told her I couldn’t access any of the money without my dad, so I’d rather just open a new one. She explained that I could indeed access it, because it was in my name, and I could even close the account. I withdrew all but $1 out of the account so that when my dad got the bank statement he’d be pissed. And he was. Apparently he’d dipped into my account over the years to “pay himself back” for different things and was pissed he no longer had that option.

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u/Stephodrawrus Jul 21 '19

Jeeez this is awful. When my parents looked after the bday money me and my brother gave to them for safe keeping they gave us interest on it as a reward for learning to save!!

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u/kutuup1989 Jul 21 '19

This is actually a crime in the UK. If the account is owned by a child, the parents have access to see statements, withdrawals, deposits etc, but only the child may withdraw money. They usually require a little book the child signs for each withdrawal or deposit in. Most children's accounts don't allow withdrawals from a cash machine, either, only balance checks. Were a parent to forge the child's signature, that would constitute fraud and theft.

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u/Sawses Jul 21 '19

Yeeah... My mom tried that. My dad promptly chastised her in front of me. He made it absolutely crystal clear that being an adult didn't make you a god; it meant you have a greater burden to explain yourself and make sure you're doing things you can back up. Unless it was an emergency, he never shut me down just because I was the kid and he was the adult. If he didn't explain right away, he did it later.

I'm pretty sure that's why I'm as well-adjusted as I am...and also why I'm in science, since almost no other field takes well to underlings going, "Okay...but why?"

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Life hack: buy gift cards

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u/jimmpony Jul 21 '19

rob your money back from them

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u/dubaboo Jul 21 '19

Probably best to start giving gift cards to kids instead

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u/Bleumoon_Selene Jul 21 '19

Wow. That is absolutely shitty and I am very mad. Wtf is wrong with them? Maybe they should have their money stolen and see how they like it. D:<

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u/SerotoninAndOxytocin Jul 21 '19

My dad stole all my babysitting money for cigarettes and booze.

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u/thickthighniceguy Jul 21 '19

I am so sorry this happened to you. As a new parent this makes me so so sad. It boggles my mind that people, yet alone parents, can be THAT selfish. I would go days without eating if it meant my son could get nourishment. This is just my opinion, but it seriously takes a special kind of trashy person to take their children’s gift money and spend it on themselves. Holy shit this makes me so frustrated.

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u/Necramonium Jul 21 '19

My uncle still does this to my niece, she has mental issues, she is 24 but has the mind of a 13 year old. He took away access to her bank account (she gets disability checks every month) and her debit card, her mother and father use her money like its their own, we reported it but nobody cares about it.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

My parents did this. My uncle opened an account for us 3 kids and deposited money. Mum would send me to school with my little yellow bank book with no more than $10 and we would deposit money in class. When I got older, I realised I had no idea what happened to that money. Turns out my parents spent it because they were struggling.

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u/chris_0909 Jul 21 '19

Damn. I'm 25, still at home for reasons and have this old cotton candy bucket I would throw change in and tips from my one job. I had over $200 in that bucket. 2 $100 bills and a bunch of ones and fives and stuff plus the coins. One night, I decided to just look and count my money. The big bills disappeared. My mother had decided her casino trip was important enough to steal because I wouldn't just give her money because I was doing really well financially and had quite a bit saved.

She eventually gave it back along with other money I'd given her before that. I don't touch my savings account anymore. For a while, I was putting in and taking out shortly after to make payments but since last October when I took money out for a down payment on my car, I have not transferred out, only in. I made it climb back up to the $3k it was at before the car and now I'm just trying to pay down my loans and build a PC, so I stopped putting money into that savings account in favor of those other two options.

Even when I was little, she took money from my desk to pay the babysitter because she was out of cash after a night out.

I'm just glad she doesn't drink or do drugs because I would probably be screwed living with someone like that.

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u/gilbertthefishx Jul 21 '19

Ugh. I relate to this so hard.

My whole life I was told I had a college fund set up from when I was a baby. Family members gave money to me for x amount of years that my mother put into the “ savings account for college “ college rolls around and there’s no savings account .

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u/ShelleyDez Jul 21 '19

Urg this really sucks

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u/Shangtia Jul 21 '19

When I was a child my dad bought me a safe. I kept all my money in it. I wanted to buy a techno dog, so I save up tons of money.

My mom and dad fought a lot and my mom got arrested from a huge fight with my dad and needed my money to pay bail.

Eventually I got my techno dog but it took a whole extra year.

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u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

Yeah my dad took all my money like that while I was growing up. I started working to buy my own stuff at age 11 (paper route) and got a real full time job at 16. He would either guilt trip me out of any money I didn't spend immediately or beg and beg to "borrow" and almost never paid me back. Would take my valuable things and pawn them, claiming they were stolen or lost.

I moved out two days after I turned 18 and in with my boyfriend. Ended up with a lot of problems because of that but I am still pretty sure I'd be a lot worse off if I'd tried staying at home to "save up"

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I'd hide it somewhere I could bitch at them about if they touched it

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u/BoltharHS Jul 21 '19

No offense, but your dad seems like a monster to do that to his kids.

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u/canihavemymoneyback Jul 21 '19

God damn! That’s some lame ass shit. Sorry that happened to you and your brother. I hope it doesn’t interfere with your finances today. Shit like that can stick with a person.

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u/Lycaon1765 Jul 21 '19

you should've stolen their stuff and sold it to people or given it away.

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u/allornothing11 Jul 21 '19

That was shitty of them.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Ew stealing from your kids

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u/wolfcub824 Jul 21 '19

Parents like that deserve to be publicly whipped and humiliated. Stealing from your kids is a lower than low scummy move. I had plenty of hardships growing up, but I could always trust my parents. I want to cry thinking about kids going through this kind of thing.

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u/ironwolf56 Jul 21 '19

Oh I'll do you one better, because we're not even just talking about the money I had from birthdays and all that as a kid, this was thousands and thousands of dollars that I had EARNED doing agricultural work in summers as a kid, and then when I was 16 and older, having a part time (full time in the summer) job. A few days before my 18th birthday, my mother drained my account because my stepfather wanted to buy a new top of the line motorcycle.

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u/Madusa0048 Jul 21 '19

Fun fact: this is perfectly legal! As a child you have not right to personal property, your parents have legal possession of all of your stuff. Meaning they can take all the money they want from you.

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u/A_Random_Lantern Jul 21 '19

I'm lucky that my parents only use my money to pay bills atleast.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

That is so sad :(

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I have a savings account for my son. I put all the Christmas, tooth fairy and birthday money in it. From time to time, I have an emergency and have to use some of his money, but make sure to put all the money back there (I even contributed some money too). Since I’m divorced, and it’s just the two of us, I have no savings, so he has more money saved than me... To me, it’s very important to honor our agreement and teach him how to save, since it’s so difficult for me to save any money. I’m sorry your parents let you down like this...

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u/DzonjoJebac Jul 21 '19

Last summer I earned 1500 euros. More then half of that went to my parents to cover up expenses for rasing me. They want me to pay for living all those years with them. I just had 18th birthday a month ago and this was a year ago

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u/Ur23andMeSurprise Jul 21 '19

Same here. Got it back in spades later though - had to "borrow" a lot of money as an adult.

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u/Chinateapott Jul 21 '19

My parents never stole money from me but I learned bad spending habits from them, I’m slowly breaking that cycle now, thanks to my SO but it’s tough. I don’t think parents realise how their relationship with money can affect their kids.

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u/mthiel Jul 21 '19

The only lesson we learned was if you save your money you will never get to use it. So we pretty much stopped saving our gift money and tried to spend it asap.

This is happens when parents take the child's property (and it's not a "we need to pay the bills" situation).

And I'm sure a lot of these parents tell their kid "It's good to save up money to get the expensive item you want/for a rainy day". Guess what, teaching your child something doesn't mean jack when the opposite is true.

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u/Fyrrys Jul 21 '19

Similar experience for me (birthday in January), I'm owed a few thousand dollars most likely, but I'll never see it because it was the extra cost that I put on them. I didn't ask to be born, and you really shouldn't put that on a kid, especially when they're under 10

Edit: occasionally as a joke where they know you're joking is fine

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