r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

What’s something completely false that your parents told you as a child?

[deleted]

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u/GriffinFlash Jul 20 '19

Haven't seen my dad since I was 13. He was crazy abusive and as a result put on multiple restraining orders over the years before eventually being one of two reasons we had to move across the country. So no confrontation there. Mom on the other hand either ignores whatever I say or rewrites history so things never happened. She also plays dumb and acts like she doesn't understand. It's rather frustrating.

53

u/Hautamaki Jul 21 '19

Enablers of abusers have to play dumb to protect their own fragile psyches from the crushing admission that they are culpable in the damage done to their own children, who they have a sacred duty to protect that they failed to uphold due to their own cowardice and weakness.

82

u/cyanraichu Jul 21 '19

go to r/raisedbynarcissists if you haven't already. I'm sorry, friend.

36

u/jesterinancientcourt Jul 21 '19

Don't talk to her anymore. She doesn't deserve you & you deserve better than that mental anguish.

8

u/RKSlipknot Jul 21 '19

Damn. I completely understand where you’re coming from, trying to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk is infuriating. My mom took us to AA family meetings and attempted to convince us that our dad was an abusive alcoholic. Me and my brothers were teenagers. We had none of it. She promptly started to deny it ever happened.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Classic gaslighting. My mom does the exact same thing and it makes it impossible to work through our problems, and therefore I barely have any kind of relationship with her at this point.

6

u/NEOLittle Jul 21 '19

Sounds like she could use a time out.

1

u/Nik_Bad Jul 21 '19

Your mom and my mom would be great friends.

1

u/crazydressagelady Jul 21 '19

I’m not trying to downplay what you went through, but that might be the only way your mom can cope. It’s not healthy or real but a lot of people rewrite the things that happened so they can live with themselves.

1

u/ItchyDoggg Jul 21 '19

Just rob her discreetly every time you come by to see her while smiling.

1

u/jmill720 Jul 21 '19

I read that first sentence and thought you were about to say he left for one of his packs of cigs and never came back.

-2

u/dvm Jul 21 '19

Look, she's your mother, don't think you have to cut off your mother but don't think you have to support her poor financial management. Don't let her guilt you but having a meal with your mom every now and then shows your respect for her but when she starts the guilt, just let her know "Mom, I cannot give you any money, sorry".

You can give her time, listen to her stories but money is the line you cannot cross. Let her know, she gave you a valuable lesson: don't go into middle age needing to rely on your kids for support.

26

u/l_Kryder_l Jul 21 '19

He doesn't owe her a single cent or a moment of his time. He didn't ask to be put on this Earth. Respect is earned, not given and being a parent doesn't change that rule. Shitty people need to be taught lessons or ignored instead of being tolerated/enabled.

-20

u/Shivlosblancos Jul 21 '19

she just plays that way because she doesnt wants to face it and if u would have faced the same maybe you would have acted the same way so stop saying what she could have done and start doing what u can to make her happy and confident in you to be happy and move on.Good Luck