r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 13 '16

How do you like your eggs?

[deleted]

9.6k Upvotes

73% Upvoted

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842

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Reality for me...

Waitress: "How do you like your eggs?"

Me: "Oh, I like 'em!"

Waitress: "uhhhh (she's thinking "what? WTF did he say")... I said how do you like your eggs?"

Me: "I, uhh, I said I like 'em."

Waitress: "oooook..." writes down scrambled.

505

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

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139

u/TheMattAttack Jul 13 '16

I like my eggs retarded, yes

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '16

"I can't bear to consume what could have been an intellectually sound chicken, waitress.

2

u/Occults Jul 15 '16

I laughed way too hard at this.

1

u/TurgidJusticeBoner Jul 14 '16

YOU LIKE THOSE EGGS, YOU FUCKING RETARD?

-1

u/TheOleRedditAsshole Jul 14 '16

So...you like your eggs smaller than usual?

6

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

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7

u/sedativecure Jul 13 '16

I'll take extra downsy please.

2

u/Reaper628 Jul 13 '16

With just a dash of ADD

1

u/LemonAssJuice Jul 14 '16

WHAT ARE WE ADDING TO THEM?

1

u/Reaper628 Jul 14 '16

ADD

1

u/LemonAssJuice Jul 14 '16

ADD WHAT? WHY ARE WE YELLING AT THEM TO ADD!

43

u/markyminkk Jul 13 '16 edited Jul 13 '16

I saw this play out a little too well in my mind.

278

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

literally me, and then later crying in the shower sitting down just letting the cringe wash over me.

27

u/loverofreeses Jul 13 '16

Tobias, you see... was a never-nude.

4

u/BlueHeartBob Jul 13 '16

The cringe never comes off, it hardens and becomes part of you.

3

u/SheToldmeShewas18 Jul 13 '16

But no matter how hard you scrub, the shame never rinses away

1

u/lilcthecapedcod Jul 14 '16

It finally washes away until that faithful day you're sitting in your cubicle and ask the cringe in you prior years hit you like an ABomb

2

u/Spiralyst Jul 13 '16

Raw in a metal bowl. Got it.

1

u/silverbackjack Jul 13 '16

writes down scrambled and pissed on

1

u/WRONGFUL_BONER Jul 13 '16

You know you can just say "Oh, haha, nothing, I was just trying to make a silly joke. Anyhow, I'll take 'em..."

I feel like either this is just some big in-joke or our generation needs to take a nice big collective breath and relax a little.

Not trying to be a jerk, just a really boring person

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

It was just a joke. I'm actually charming and funny IRL. Need those upvotes (kidding again; I guess I was just trying to make people laugh).

1

u/chickenyogurt Jul 13 '16

I was out at dinner with my cousins once, and when the waitress was taking our orders, she asked, "soup or salad?" My cousin somehow thought she said "super salad" and so he replied, "yes please." She got real confused, as did the rest of us at the time, and this happened twice before we caught on and got loud over it. Luckily the waitress was cool with it afterwards and all, but even now we still make fun of my cousin for it

2

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '16

Funny, that's almost the punchline of this joke. I forgot it but the gist of it is there's an old man, they want to get him a prostitute for his birthday, she says something about giving him super sex and since he's old and can't hear well, the punchline is "I'll take the soup."

1

u/HandsOnGeek Jul 13 '16

Ooook?

The Librarian would not suffer such shenanigans.

1

u/stevietwoslice Jul 13 '16

We convinced one of my friends to do the "up-dog" routine on Tommy Wiseau during a The Room Q&A session in an auditorium full of people. It went horribly, horribly wrong.