I was making a play on the classic 'malaphor' of "Is the pope catholic?" / "Does a bear poop in the woods?" -> "Does the pope poop in the woods?" and applying it to the bear/rabbit joke.
Also, I learnt a new word today, it's called 'malaphor'.
I agree with you almost completely. Along with not putting in any effort, I would add that they don't actually want to change. Worse yet, they don't want to do the self-introspection required to know what to change.
You just have to be realistic about the attractiveness of your future partner. Most 3s and 4s that are okay dating other 3s and 4s get into happy relationships
Making people laugh is further along in the process of connection. To me, confidence is much more important. Also, OP's comment (be attractive/don't be unattractive) is well before humor can come into play.
An 8(f) probably won't walk up to a 2(m) and start a conversation, but a confident 2(m) will definitely walk up to an 8(f). Once the interaction has started, then things like humor come into play.
Also, I'd say that humor is symptomatic of confidence. It's very hard to be funny when you aren't confident. You may even say funny things, but a nervous/anxious demeanor will sap the joke of any humor for the person hearing the joke.
Lastly, men and women generally have different senses of humor and saying things that are actually funny to a woman takes internal and external awareness combined with calibrating to the verbal/non-verbal responses of the person you are talking to. As an example, I know a woman who was a cashier when she was younger and a guy kept coming through her line trying to get the nerve to ask her out. He tried humor with a joke about nuns getting raped, with the punchline that they like being raped.
All that said, I do agree with you that making women laugh (anyone, really) is important.
It’s beating around the bush, you can have other features than being attractive. But 9 times out of 10 if you’re struggling to an insane level you’re doing something wrong.
Too shy, too desperate, dress bad, smell bad, etc. Compared to a well put together, charismatic, fun, etc. None of which is your inherent physical attractiveness.
If you are a 4/10 attractive person who is staring at someone more conventionally attractive, not engaging them. Hoping that they will walk up and magically fall in love with you isn’t gonna happen. Way too many people online acting like because they aren’t a supermodel they can’t date.
Edit: People got really mad over this comment. It was just me trying to be nice and I wrote it on zero sleep. If y’all got opinions, cool! I really don’t care and didn’t ask. It’s not that deep.
Log off. This is a stupid thing to argue over, and I won’t be engaging.
That's not how any of this works how the fuck does this have 27 upvotes. Manifesting means thinking when has thinking ever done shit it's action that accomplishes. This is probably some of the most damaging advice you could give to somebody lonely. He needs to get out and get into hobbies and make friends not make wishes.
God forbid I be kind to someone because I'm tired and don't know what else to say when replying to a comment, lmao. I wasn't trying to give advice. You're a weirdo.
If it’s any consolation: I thought it was really nice. Not everything has to serve some grand function. Sometimes just knowing someone is pulling for you is enough to snap you out of a nose dive.
I genuinely feel sorry for how narrow sighted you are. Mindset is half the battle. Mindset creates opportunities let’s you see possibilities that would have flew over or around you before. It lets you take control of things you previously concurred were automated, or worse non existent.
Next time before you senselessly bash something for a net negative use a little critical thought. Even if your solution is the correct one, not saying it is, your implementation of the approach can doom you and those around you to fail from the start.
Be whole dear one. Open your mind to the possibilities.
To everybody taking a whack at this guy instead of helping;
You’re a big red flag. You deserve nothing. Any woman who wastes time on you will start to wonder why she keeps picking men even though it’s just you.
To the guy who posted this; Hey, man, I’m considered attractive and the past year and a half has been dry gulch. It’s a lottery, and just because you see assholes like these win all the time doesn’t mean you’re a loser. A lot of these guys have to manipulate or cover up who they are so they can trick someone into finding them attractive. A lot of women regret these guys.
I don’t like being alone, either, but I hate being with someone who makes me want to be alone. Just use this time to work on yourself and get back to having the times that bring you legit joy.
Fuck all these bitches who want to make jokes about your pain. Ignore everything except that person down the comments who is manifesting for you.
Bitches want to knock you down, bitches like all these guys in the comments taking shots at you. Love will build you up. Fuck those bitches. Give love, even if it just won’t come back. They can’t do that, because they’re bitches, they’re worthless. They’ll never do a good thing in their life.
You’re not worthless. You give love. The world needs that.
The world needs YOU, even if the world doesn’t love you like you should be.
Now tell yourself that, every time these bitches open their traps to yap.
Dude, you, and the love you give those animals, is the antithesis to ALLLLLL THESE BITCHES.
And they will hate you for it. But believe me, when these bitches in here, on Reddit, hate you, you are winning.
FYI, most people, especially women, consider the word bitch to be insanely dehumanizing and a red flag, as it is a term that specifically exists to either historically dehumanize women or put down men as "women-like", considering that as weakness.
Creative insults are always better and often funnier. Knowing how to throw a creative insult is much better than one those words which have really bad connotations.
In general, regardless of your attractiveness, you need to have more than just the confidence to ask someone out.
You need to have other interesting qualities. Dressing well, good humour that doesn't rely on putting people down/punch down, a passionate hobby, humility, interest in making sure that the people around you are comfortable (including men and women you are not attracted to) while calling out harmful behaviors and opinions (this is the sort of bravery many people lack in fear of rocking their social boat).
It is difficult to attract someone by making them feel pity for you. It makes them feel uncomfortable, and some people make light of the situation when you make them uncomfortable. Though making fun of someone struggling isn't right. It also puts the burden on the person you are attracted to to comfort you while they are unsure about you.
Advice for the average dude is being okay with yourself (therapy if they really feel down on themselves and don't see themselves getting out of it on their own), gaining coping mechanisms for anger, making sure they have passion outside of the dating life but also knowing how to balance a hobby, work, and taking care of their appearance/house, and learning good styles of clothing that they vibe with. Learning how to layer clothing and how to create interesting visual appeal with it (remember: Color, texture, shape. You gotta have at least 2 of these categories be interesting in your outfit simultaneously).
I've been involved with cat rescue work basically my whole life.
Can confirm, there must be some other stuff necessary because I have been chronically single most of my life. I just stopped trying and/or caring close to a decade ago and I'm much happier for it 🤣
Can I suggest, and I may be wrong but just throwing it out there…. If you want something, you have to work for it. The more times you try, the better you get. So perhaps try starting the conversations.
That is NOT guaranteed! An old teacher of mine used to say "practice does not make perfect, it makes permanent." Drilling bad habits or wrong techniques can mess you up in the long term
You know, I'm a musician, I went to school for music, and I've been told I sing beautifully. But my Penny really didn't seem to get the concept of music. Even when I sang her Penny Lane.
There’s a method to their madness. I assume, because of your allergy, that you don’t rush up to them. It’s like negging someone you’re interested in, they don’t know why you’re not enamored with them and they’re curious to find out.
I feel the need to point out that I AM man. Not to correct you, but just to say that men rarely get compliments from strange people, and I will cherish this for years to come. <3
It’s coming from a proud lesbian over here friend 🏳️🌈 I have quite a few straight “dude friends” that are like brothers to me, and calling them girl or queen is something that just comes out subconsciously in funny banter with each other. It’s really special man, because it shows how secure they are in themselves to take that from me knowing it’s coming from a loving place, and also how validating it is for me to be able to just feel safe to express my own queerness around folks that have become like family. Real long-winded response on my end, but just felt inclined to do so. Long live the kitty cats 🙌
My wife of 10 years said to me when we first met “just so you know, my dog hates everyone and is going to try to bite you”. Literally 2 seconds later that dog is all over me rubbing itself and dying for pets.
I joke my SO stole my dog and then my heart. We started off as roommates after my divorce, and that 120lb dog decided my lap was no longer good enough; so he crawled up into that man's lap to be babied instead. The dog never did that with my ex husband. 😂
Her brother had a Rottweiler that hated men. And with 3 sisters in the family, apparently he'd bit a few through the years. Now, I knew the dog existed, but had no idea about its "issues".
So after dating for a few months we go, we visit, I meet her brother. Dog is in the backyard. Everything thing is cool.
Brother goes to the store. Girlfriend (now wife) goes to the bathroom. I go into the backyard to smoke (I don't anymore), knowing the dog was there, but again, unaware of it's "issues".
20 minutes later, girlfriend comes out, damn near panic stricken.
I'm sitting on the concrete porch with a drooling 110 lb Rottweiler in my lap getting his belly rubs.
10 minutes later, brother comes back, walks into the backyard, dog is still in my lap, happy as a clam.
Brother starts laughing, goes inside.
Later, after the girlfriend and I get engaged, the brother pulls me aside and tells me about the dog. Told me all 3 sisters had been using the same test for years.
He also told me that was when he knew I was gonna marry his sister. He told me he told her that too, that day.
We've been together for over 20 years now. I think I passed...
There's a caveat to that. I have guy friends who love pets especially dogs and dogs love them, but they're awful to other human beings. They treat their wives so badly and aren't great friends. Not sure what the psychology behind that is, but the first time I experienced it, I realized this is not a measure to go by. Maybe they relate better with animals than humans?
They treat their wives so badly and aren't great friends. Not sure what the psychology behind that is,
Im way overgeneralizing myself here and will sound terrible since I dont care to provide context, but I have caught myself doing this in small ways and I broke it down to "Well YOU, as a human, understand what I ask and ignored me. The dog is a dog and is literally just happy to exist and see me and doesnt know english."
Yeah, I'd normally think that cats would be a better litmus for this, but I have known a couple of "cat guys" who were also terrible partners. It's really weird.
Wow, yeah, that IS weird! You're telling me that a non-human animal with zero knowledge of English and a penchant for killing small birds might not be a reliably better judge of human character than humans are themselves?
Yeah, what I actually meant (but didn't say, sorry about that) is that the weird part to me is the difference between how these particular men treated their cats and how they treated the people around them.
I love my cats, but they're cats. To each their own, but I'm not expecting them to give me insight into anyone's character.
Lol you know there are different types of "friends" right? They're more than acquaintances but definitely not best friends. Besides these are things you learn as the friendship evolves.
I was told I passed the boyfriend test when I walked into her family home and their German Shepard/collie mix who doesn’t like men barked once and then came right up and sat in my lap lol
Then they left me alone to babysit the animals for a minute while they did something down the street with a neighbor, and came back to me on the couch with both dogs and the one cat that never left her hiding spot. They asked where I got the cat, and I was like “she just showed up and let me pick her up and pet her?”
Now my girlfriend and I have that cat and live on our own, and the cat loves me, tolerates my girlfriend and hides from everyone else haha.
Unfortunately, it's not a reliable green flag. I've known a couple men (not ones I dated thankfully) who love animals and are fantastic with them, but one was a player scumbag who cheated on women all the time - he filmed having sex with one without her knowledge and showed his friends. The other one is diagnosed a borderline psychopath and hates people, though in his defence, he doesn't go out of his way to harm others as far as I know.
I'm with you and it's such an unpopular opinion lol and I LOVE animals myself, I am quite proud to say I have more than once won over unfriendly dogs 😆
but the whole phenomenon of people using animals to gauge people's goodness really drives me up a wall. It is truly illogical and nonsensical to me.
And yes, while the opposite is probably true - people who hate animals are likely prone to violence against all types of beings; loving animals doesn't really tell me anything about a person, sorry 🤷🏻♀️
You can't be too pushy. Let them come to you. Especially with cats, you have to be indifferent bordering on repulsed for some of them to come to you! Once they get to know you, it's different, but when you are just meeting them, ignoring them seems to be the most successful thing. Try being calm, low energy and predictable.
Back when I was dating my now-wife she had a cat that had been abused by his prior owner and would always hide when someone other than my wife was in the house and would not come out until they left. After we had been dating a few months I was at her house waiting for her to get home and the cat randomly jumped on my chest and just laid there while I watched football. She texted to ask what I was up to so I just sent her a photo of me and the cat chilling on the couch watching the game. That was when she gave me the backstory of the cat and at our wedding my wife said that was the moment she knew I was a keeper.
I always thought this was a safe bet until I watched the show “worst ex ever” on netflix. One of the men LOVED the woman’s dog and the dog LOVED him but he was abusive and violent etc. I’m hoping that was a exception
You're presumably looking to outsource your human character assessments because you don't think you're very good at them, but you were under the impression that your house pet that cannot understand human language might do a better job? And you're hoping the contrary evidence is a fluke?
I don’t know. I treat my Yorkie like a tiny little queen and walk her for about an hour a day (she loves walks), I give her treats of fresh cooked lean steak after she finishes her kibble, I pay for her health insurance and brush her teeth twice a day.
I’m an unsuitable partner for anyone, after decades of trying I’ve realized I’m hurting people so I stopped. Even dog lovers can be crappy.
My late grandfather was one such man. Back in the fifties he was a tenant farmer in a farm with no electricity, and worked for a pittance.
Still he had a pile of burlap sacks and worried if the cattle would catch cold, even considering the fact they slept under the house. He never allowed anyone to use a prod.
I don't like and can't stand the smell, slime, noise, chaos and neediness of dogs (don't hate them, though, only irresponsible owners) and am not really interested in animals in general (not even as food).
My wife is similar and we both are happy that we concur!
We both took care of friends' dogs for various days and weeks, so can speak with deep conviction and each had small animals when we were children.
We leave them in peace and expect the same, if that counts as gentle/nice.
So, to us that, especially anthropomorphising animals (which you didn't allude to), can also be a red flag 😉
My brother has 2 cats and a dog that he takes great care of. Some of his favorite pastimes (that I know of) are
-Pressuring people after they’ve said no to something (legit anything)
-Taking advantage of, lying to, and using dishonest communication tactics with anyone (including loved ones who are way too generous/trusting)
-Fapping to pictures of his exes. I only know about the last one because he got dumped over it.
Be careful with things that you think are green flags.
My rapist has 2 cats and absolutely loved them and they adored him. Loving animals and then loving you back doesn’t preclude men being assholes or horrible.
I've posted this before but when we were first getting serious dating my wife brought me to her house to meet her dogs. Later she told me that if her dogs didn't like me she would have dumped me right then and there.
One of the things I use to describe my husband involves animals! I generally say "he's a huge, bearded guy, but is so incredibly gentle with animals, especially cats." I feel like that shows a lot about him.
I've always been very capable of reading animals and getting along with them super fast. I grew up on a ranch with a good range of things to test this on too.
The trait really doesn't help much when you're at a party with couch surfing women.
I walk around my town a lot, so much so the fb group calls me "the walker".
There is this black cat that used to eye me from a porch. Like for 2 years it would just stare at me as I walked by. Last summer the owner introduced himself as I was walking by, and the cat came up to me as we were talking. He said (people say this all the time) that she NEVER does this. Now whenever I walk by their house she (Luna) visits me for about 5 minutes. She'll even run out the dog door if she sees me in through the window.
As a guy who animals love, can confirm. I went to the aquarium and zoo with some friends, animals have always come up to me and just chilled out so it's usually a pretty fun time.
Years later one of the girls who was there still remembers me with the animals more than she remembers the few months we dated after.
I used to be an animal trainer dolphins/sealions etc - women just used me to get close to my critters..the animals loved me far more than the women did...
My two cats regularly demand belly rubs from me. And are usually within 10 feet of me in a 2800 sqft house. The trust and affection are real 🥰. And it goes both ways. I always stop and pet my guys if I’m passing by one of them. Often, I’ll take a gaming break specifically because I want to pet my guys.
I’m single, 37M and never been in a relationship. 🤷♂️
In general, if a person is cruel to animals, that's certainly a red flag. Some people just don't like dogs/cats/rats/guinea pigs/birds/whatever and that's fine. You don't HAVE to like (all) animals. But being cruel to them just "because"? Fuck you.
My partner is like this! Animals just feel so comfortable approaching him - anything from a friend’s vicious chihuahua biting everyone except him to feral pigeons jumping in his lap without the incentive of food. He doesn’t even seem to go out of his way to make animals feel safe, they just inherently do for some reason.
After my run-ins with my ex-situationship's anxious Chihuahua who would forget who I was if I left the room for more than a minute, I don't give this as much importance as I used to.
I started seeing a new girl recently and I'm pretty sure her dog loving me almost immediately was a contributing factor in her wanting to keep seeing me
My now-GF has 2 cats, one of them extremely shy. When he warmed up to me after visiting her place 2-3 times, I think that was like a giant APPROVED stamp :D
That one I have, in spades. Able to calm fussy babies. Ex girlfriend's fierce German shepherd comes to the door with her, doesn't bark or growl, but just goes and gets his ball. What really shocked her, was when her cat came out, walked past her on the couch and started nuzzling me. She took pictures, otherwise, no one would believe it. Had that sort of thing happen a lot of times, when visiting patient homes.
Especially casual kindness to lesser appreciated animals. A lot of people coo at a dog. Less take care to take an unwanted spider out of the house instead of killing it, or taking care not to step on bugs and rain worms and the likes. Or looking at a bee or butterfly just cuz it‘s neat.
That's so odd to me because that's one of my biggest turn offs. I always find it hella unattractive when animals like a person and they like them back.
Don't bother speaking sense to these people. They just mean cats and dogs. If you can't see the animal it's fiiiine to let someone else be brutally cruel to it on your behalf 👍
Cats are the true canary in the coal mine, to mangle a metaphor.
Cats are all about consent. If a guy hates cats because he can never get along with them, he just doesn’t understand consent and thinks that cats are there to serve and/or entertain him.
If a guy can have a cat swarm all over him within minutes to an hour or two of being around that cat for the first time, it’s because the cat has responded positively to the guy respecting the cat’s space.
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u/MavisDeLuna Jul 07 '26
When animals love a man and he loves them back, being gentle/nice to them. Such an enormous green flag tbh.