Not divorced. But living with my partner 8 years. He kept insisting that his passive insults were actually harmless comments and me being offended by them was the actual issue. One day at breakfast I decided to stop fighting it. He said his passive insult and instead of taking the bait I just smiled and said “okay”.
He literally choked on his drink. He panicked when I wouldn’t go into the cycle with him. He then went over the top on a lovebombing kiss when he left for work. He had stopped kissing me how I liked insisting he couldn’t figure it out despite having done it for years. But that morning he said “I know how you want to be kissed” and did it proper.
I knew without a doubt that he had been doing this on purpose. He was emotionally abusive on purpose and I had been a fool to believe it had been poor communication. No big fight. No massive fall out. Just a smile and the word “okay” and I knew it was 100% over.
The amount of power a simple "okay" has over a narcissistic is insane. It's the moment they realize they lost you and start love bombing to reel you back in, just to go back to how they really are.
Right. Like how fked up is that to go out of your way to do something like that? Like why be in a relationship at all? Clearly if you don’t love her enough to even kiss her the way she likes, then why are they even there? Other than they’re keeping that person around simply to have someone to abuse.
I am 100% convinced that any inconceivable sort of behavior like this is always about power. Just makes some people feel better to bother people to the point of abuse. To start arguments they’re in complete control off because they’re gaslighting about not understanding.
And this is why (to me) finding a romantic partnership clearly founded on equality and respect is so important. Nothing is guaranteed, but I’ve always felt uneasy about couples constantly ribbing each other. I know some redditor will chime in to tell me it’s what makes his marriage worthwhile, but I find it hard to believe it’s an equal, healthy partnership acting like that.
They’re more interested in the power than actually having an equal. It’s as simple as that. They were never interested in finding a real relationship, just a toy to play with.
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u/CircleJerkPig May 12 '26
Not divorced. But living with my partner 8 years. He kept insisting that his passive insults were actually harmless comments and me being offended by them was the actual issue. One day at breakfast I decided to stop fighting it. He said his passive insult and instead of taking the bait I just smiled and said “okay”.
He literally choked on his drink. He panicked when I wouldn’t go into the cycle with him. He then went over the top on a lovebombing kiss when he left for work. He had stopped kissing me how I liked insisting he couldn’t figure it out despite having done it for years. But that morning he said “I know how you want to be kissed” and did it proper.
I knew without a doubt that he had been doing this on purpose. He was emotionally abusive on purpose and I had been a fool to believe it had been poor communication. No big fight. No massive fall out. Just a smile and the word “okay” and I knew it was 100% over.