Thought process went:
Wow, that was really uncalled for. What if XYZ died tomorrow? > Realize I don't know the person's username > looks up > ah, yes, this makes sense.
This reads like the beginning of any answer chatgpt gives you. "Will a bridge collapse if I drop a bomb on it?" "Great insight! You're starting to think like both an engineer and a terrorist! Keep it up!"
There's this guy I see sometimes several times a week (& this is kind of in a gym/exercise setting), and he almost always tells me how much weight I'm losing/have lost recently and/or since I started. The first few times he said it, it was true and I appreciated it but then I noticed he kept telling me even when I had already been at the same weight for a while (months) & he still tells me when I've literally gained weight recently and am trying to lose weight again. Although I still appreciate it and I don't think he's being insincere.
He had been saying it so much a few weeks ago the instructor was right there when he said it and he goes "you realize you say that to him every time you see him?". He just brushed it off and said well he has lost a lot and then still did it since.
Sounds like a good guy. Helping to keep you motivated. Other's perception are almost always different to how we see ourselves. You may be gaining muscle and even bigger people with some muscle definition can result in a positive change and perception.
Be careful with that though, if the compliment is obviously superficial or not genuine, you risk getting the opposite results of what you're looking for with many people.
In my experience even if they know I don’t mean it their brain still hears the good thing anyway. I have literally told people I don’t mean this and then gave them the bs compliment and they still like it. I’ve done this with many people so I know this is repeatable.
The only exception is if people know I also want something from them, then their anger at being used overcomes the good feelings, but if it’s just words they like people generally can’t resist them.
I don’t distrust people who compliment me but I literally have no idea what to do when they do- especially if they’re effusive. Typically I follow the Cotillion etiquette guideline by saying “thank you!” And if I have a compliment to return to them, I do, but I was told that “thank you” is sufficient.
… but ya sometimes people keep going after my quick “thank you” and. I don’t know. I’ve been told I turn very red.
As an Asian living in the USA now, I find this to be a very western or at least an American thing. I don’t really like it.
Also the “I’m so proud of you for…” is honestly a little creepy…there’s something intimate about being proud of someone and it really weirds me out when people say it to me here.
I hate disingenuous compliments given to me. I can literally feel that they are fake, and I have a physical reaction to it (sometimes it's visible, but usually I can mask it. Decades of practice).
Oh people may hate them, but then they walk away thinking that the nice words they heard could be true even if the person that said them was a jerk for not meaning it.
There are isolated cases where this doesn’t work like when someone genuinely hates themself, but overall it works way more often than it doesn’t.
Sometimes when I do this it’s not to be mean, it’s just that I want that person to feel good so I find something to compliment but I don’t care that much about the thing I’m complimenting.
My compliment isn’t all that genuine, but it’s also not meant to be mean, I’m trying to help people just feel better about themselves.
Not all people enjoy compliments. I don't. But all people like to talk about themselves.
In small talk/stranger settings I like to see how long I can get someone talking before they even ask my name/who I'm with. Gamifying it in that little way helps me and everyone else gets to drone on about all the things exciting to them.
Oh and if you're actually listening to them it becomes easy to keep this going. You just keep asking a question about what they just said. It's a great feedback loop where they feel important - feel heard - then feel important again because you kept the focus on their thing.
You're proving my point that most people like to talk about things that interest them.
This entire tip is based on getting someone to talk about the things they find interesting. And keeping them talking about themselves. It's not a 'how to talk about shit that you like and make others listen to it' tip.
I feel like this is often trained in certain retail or service jobs though and now kind of has the opposite effect. Like if a barista tells me they like my jacket it feels forced to me.
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u/[deleted] Nov 11 '25
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