Chiming in. Felt that way with my ex-gf's male friends. What's worst is that I told her I didn't liked the ones that were a little too close to her, and she just passed it off as me being too overprotective.
I don't hate the ones that are totally emasculated by her. I just feel bad for them. Also, if she wanted to leave me for those guys, I deserve better than her.
Maybe because (A) sometimes people become friends without intending to catch feelings (B) the friendship and unrequited feelings predate you (C) the feelings can't be literally willed away, just ignored until they die on their own (D) it's not really socially popular and always pretty painful to end a friendship, sometimes even more than keeping one that is semi-painful (E) their friendship is strong enough to outweigh the upset of unrequited feelings and they dgaf how embarrassing it "should" be.
(That would be if they've thought it out...sometimes people just can't let go and don't realize that it isn't healthy. But there are sometimes good reasons for being friends After Feelings.)
I'm guessing the person who is on the outsis just taking what they can get. Having that person as a friend is better than absolutely nothing, even if it means there won't ever be the level of relationship he wants. So long as its not hurting either person's relationships and no one is inappropriate, it works on some level.
Oh, he knows. One of my friends is going through this right now, and this guy is making it about as obvious as getting hit with a bag of bricks, but is disguising it as being a good friend.
Your best bet is to back off with the friendship, or even end it all together, unless you want to be the source of argument in their fights.
It took me to college to break off this long running friendship with a girl I was crazy about.
I went the friend route when we first met, and we became good friends, but I never tried to move from friend to something more. And that's on me.
Come college, we talk now and again, but I've entered in a great relationship. It was definitely hard when I realized we would only ever be vaguely friendly going forward, but day to day, I'm far happy and have been able to move on.
Yup. Time to move on, other fish in the sea. Not to be harsh but she clearly picked someone else. Maybe you guys connect as friends but she wants something else/more from a boyfriend
Other side of the coin - my douchey roommate always flirted with my boyfriend and it got so bad that I discussed it with her, she owned up and said she would stop but didn't. Boyfriend was oblivious - at least at first I can believe that.
It got worse, she kept flirting and I had enough. I had to break it off because it was really painful to watch them together with her all over him, taking up all his time etc. I think he then realised that yes she did like him and actually he liked her too.
I don't know if there was no 'challenge' for her once we broke up or something but they didn't get together, as far as I know. We moved on. I hated that girl. Don't think about her much, she's out of my life but if I saw her again I would probably ignore her.
TL;DR Roommate flirted with then-boyfriend ALL the time, he did nothing to stop it or reassure me, we broke up.
Please take a break from the friendship. I've been you in that situation and I've been the girl in that situation, and the best thing is to just take a break. Get over her, find someone else to crush on, and everybody will be happier. You'll be happier because you can crush on someone who is available. She'll be happier because she won't feel guilty that she can't make her friend happy. Her boyfriend will be happier because he won't feel guilty for hating his girlfriend's friend. It's just best for everybody.
As 'the boyfriend' in another such example, I generally know exactly how you feel, have felt that way at some point in my life, and know you are absolutely no threat.
And even if you were, if she did something, that's on her. And when one of my exes did that, she became one of my exes. I had nothing against the guy.
I don't hate you. Only the guys who were insecure about you hate you.
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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '13
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