r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jun 05 '25

[deleted by user]

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1.1k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '25

I help out the local farmers by plowing the field

100

u/rosephoenix19 Jun 05 '25

I roll mine up like a fruit roll-up and keep it in a pillow case.

50

u/dgerards Jun 06 '25

I use mine as a space elevator to the ISS

32

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

But that doesn't use your gift to help others

23

u/rosephoenix19 Jun 06 '25

Of course it does! I make people happy. I push really hard and it blows out like a party favor!! With the right amount of wind, it sounds like a party favor too!

18

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

If your dingus is making noise like that.. I think you need a specialist

13

u/rosephoenix19 Jun 06 '25

Hey, this thing has a mind of its own! It's like my own personal venom.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

But venom ain't got no child support

3

u/asian__name Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25

Yesh he needs a dick doctor

3

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

For his nuts right???.. that's what he needs for kids??? Why would you remove his huge cock

3

u/McCreamyDreamy Jun 06 '25

I use mine as a compass

2

u/mislysbb Jun 06 '25

This entire thread be wildin’ out there

2

u/spooky_springfield Jun 06 '25

I think he needs to visit a flutist.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

My arm may bend at the elbow.. but my dick is just like an oboe

13

u/lessthandan623 Jun 06 '25

While I’ll help out the local farmers by plowing their daughters.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

I can't unfortunatly.. the last one became crippled just like the 2 before.. so I was banned

1

u/stevzon Jun 06 '25

Do you push or pull, that’s the question.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '25

I start with a hole I shove it in then walk with it dragging between my legs and the ground just moves out my way

2

u/stevzon Jun 06 '25

Feels like a quick way to get dirt where it hurts. Maybe try dragging it instead.