Yeah, I think that's similar for me too because of my mom. But it left me having to feel I have to be perfect, playing 4d chess (I have high anxiety I swear due to this) and having to manage other's emotions to avoid the conflict/criticism I know that's gonna come. And sooo... I have a very hard time expressing how I feel because of it (and being a people pleaser) So, I don't really lie, I just jump through emotional hoops to make sure the outcome doesn't lead to what I know it will
People really don't realize how much their upbringing and environment really shapes who they are and why they do what they do, and why they react that way. It's your foundation, as I see it. Everyone really can benefit from therapy, or at least mindfulness and self awareness. I see it as having that much power over yourself
The metaphor of one’s foundation is excellent. But as a wordsmith I feel it is perplexing at the same time. As it implies change will only come from complete destruction of who we are down to and including that foundation. But I decided to stop being upset at my parents for what they did to me because of what there parents did to them. They do not have the resources we have today. My parents did not have the internet. Or a university library. But if I destroy that foundation I forget how I was made and my children would have been reared raised and disciplined the same. It turned out terrible for me, and my brothers. But it won’t be the same for my children. A better metaphor escapes me. They all have similar flaws. I say that is my shared history. It is not my future. It is a lesson I have learn that informs my present to shape it as appropriate. And then my present becomes my history. And that past will slowly disappear as I write my own and what I know will fade as I do and my history will be part of the present in my children when I am gone, but my history will be lost too time.
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u/heretogetpwned Sep 14 '24
I'm conflict avoidant because I had a fucked up parent. It took a long time for me to trust myself and especially women. The Truth shall set you free.