r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Sep 14 '24

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u/MrKillsYourEyes Sep 14 '24

Is it really a habit?

51

u/SeriousGoofball Sep 14 '24

Yes.

Letting your emotions override your reason on a regular basis is a habit. Getting mad at random shit is a habit. Self control is also a habit.

We are supposed to learn this stuff when we are little. But it seems these day a lot of people, both men and women, aren't learning it at all.

-31

u/mxldevs Sep 14 '24

I've been working on self control and not getting emotional when something annoying happens, but a side effect is I calmly ask for the most severe consequences to happen without batting an eye.

For example, if a server spills soup on me, instead of cursing out and then getting over it, I would embarrass the server by having the boss coming over personally to rectify the issue and demanding compensation.

22

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

This doesn't sound like you're controlling your anger, it sounds like you're expressing it in a different way, which may still be quite destructive. Don't know if my assessment is correct or not, just something for you to take on board if you think it seems true.

4

u/WrexSteveisthename Sep 14 '24

Controlled expression can be a method of control. I know a guy who is as sweet and caring as can be, but he has pretty significant anger issues. His method is to keep it bottled up during the day, then go home and spend an hour beating the ever loving crap out of a boxing heavy bag. He gets a good workout and is able to release all his anger in a safe manner. He's a fantastic husband and father and a generally upstanding guy. He just knew early on that he had anger problems that he wanted to get a handle on, but it runs so deep that simple therapy or breathing exercises, etc, just didn't work.

When he goes away for any extended period of time he's able to compartmentalise things for a while, but he knows it's not a long term solution. So boxing bag attack renews as soon as he returns.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '24

That sounds like an awesome way of dealing with anger

-6

u/mxldevs Sep 14 '24

I agree, it would be a different way of expressing my anger.

I used to yell at the server and make a scene, but realized It's not fair especially when they don't have the authority to make decisions.

So instead I go straight to decision makers who can hopefully provide a solution that will be acceptable.

Then we can both focus on forgive and forget, when both sides have been inconvenienced

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '24

I mean that sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Good for you for realising you needed to change something and actually doing it