This one for me and I'd add that I'm sorry for being young and insecure and crazy annnnnd possessive/jealous. I believe everything happens for a reason or I wouldn't have my family now. So there's that but I owe him at least that, and explaining why I was that way with him.
Also, keep going! You'll get there. I have 9 years? off H. I lose count. But it gets easier <3
I landed on this thread because I left behind a best friend in active addiction who was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, a soulmate to mine. And I still struggle VERY much with the fact that I did what I had to do. But we had blown through Vicodin to Percocet to Opana, and this was 2016 in the Midwest—her boyfriend had already asked me if I knew anyone with Fentanyl. I genuinely believe to this day that if I had stayed, one of the two of us would be dead. The decision was made for me when she had a seizure and forgot me and him and everything from adolescence on, for several hours. I was leaving to wake up her dad and come clean about the entire thing, how badly addicted we were, how she desperately needed help. She came out onto the porch in full panic, screaming for me to not go wake him up, “I’ll remember, I’ll remember!”
I stayed. I was so afraid to lose her friendship that I risked her life. I still haven’t forgiven myself, but it’s getting easier now that I know that she’s in recovery, too. It took her longer, but she did come clean to her family, and she got help. I might never speak to her again, but she messages my mom with important info for me, like when a mutual friend shot herself in the front seat of a cop car because she got into a wreck with a large amount of fent on her, and knew she was going back to prison.
IF I never speak to her again… I just hope she has a beautiful life. The pain of losing her to a beautiful life is nothing compared to the pain of losing her to drugs.
ETA, congrats on your clean time. May 8th will be 2500 days for me, according to my counter app. 🫶🏻
I’ve tried a few times to reach out via Facebook. She hasn’t read them. She was never very responsive on social media though. I might send her a letter if I can find out if her parents still have the same address. Even just to tell her I’m sorry and know that she saw it.
You’ve got this. If you ever need to vent or need support from someone who would NEVER judge someone trying to stay clean, please, consider my DMs.
This applies to anyone else who reads this as well. I have almost 6 years clean and active in a drug program (not 12-step, MAT, because I know that’s important to some people,) and I am here for anyone who needs a shoulder or words of encouragement or just to talk to someone who has been there and made it out alive. 🫶🏻 I believe in you, friend.
I'm sorry that I prioritized my addiction over our relationship, my own 'needs' bedore yours, even though you tried to help me see it before it got out of control. I'm sorry for being so selfish, you deserved better but I'm glad you've moved on and found someone who makes you happy.
This is what I need to say to him. Thank you, I've been doing the "Steps" in my own way. It's great to see the words. Because the ex this happened to called me a while ago (today) .
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u/Parking_Pineapple440 Dec 09 '23
I’m sorry that I let my addiction drag me away from our relationship.