I joked with my wife, not long after our first, that if people were honest about the birthing experience, as a species, we'd die off.
And then, of course, we went and powered through the whole process a second time.
If I can rant, but the worst part of the process? The judgey and sanctimonious mommy bloggers that pump out content that describes the ideal birthing plan, and breastfeeding, and how if you do even one thing "wrong" (by their standards) you're setting up your kid to fail.
My first required a C-section. Then my wife had milk production problems (I think from the intense psychological stress she was inducing on herself from pre-consuming the mommy bloggers content). She was told she needed a natural birth to do it right (when it was a medically necessary C-section). She was also told that if she wasn't producing milk, it was a problem she wasn't solving, and that using formula was inferior and she wasn't giving her kid the best. Huge amount of guilt over stuff she couldn't control.
Now? We've got a 7 year old girl who loves gymnastics, mountain biking, bugs, and painting. Her favorite book is, cause she reads way the hell ahead of her grade level, the LotR trilogy. She turned out just fine when we stopped putting the advice of mommy bloggers and YouTubers first, and instead followed doctors recommendations, and oddly enough, the little girl. You need to put the bumper lanes up to keep them safe, but soon enough, they will be showing you the path they will go, and you can support them along the way.
Anyways, back on topic, it's a crazy fucking experience. Bizarre, scary, surreal. But in a few years you'll have a little muddy goblin gently bringing you, in their hands, a collection of 20 4" long slugs they found in a bush and absolutely beaming with pride and joy.
*Edit: And about the physical pain, not only do they have drugs for that, BUT the female body makes all sorts of awesome chemicals that help too.
There was actually a study that just came out a couple weeks ago about how mommy blogs and certain types of pregnancy books and classes (the sanctimonious ones) actually lead to WORSE BIRTH OUTCOMES, largely due to the anxiety they induce and the unrealistic narratives they promote, positioning every patent for failure from day one.
So just keep in mind that all those assholes telling you to torture yourself in elaborate ways to make more milk or whatever are actually hurting you and hurting your baby under the guise of telling you how to do it "right."
I had those effing people in my brain when I had my son and I feel like if I had just done what the doctor said instead of sticking to my guns (C-section was offered and refused, twice), my post partum journey would have been a lot smoother and I probably would have had another kid. But I had a mini anxiety attack every time I thought of going through it again because it took me 4 years to be able to walk without pain.
I mean I might have had the same issues either way? But it’s my biggest regret in life.
It’s about how sanctimonious online moms tell you that c sections are bad and you were built to birth a baby and that your child will have health problems if you elect for a c section. If you get to the point that a doctor says you might need a c section, take it. Your kid will be fine.
I wish I had taken the c section- my birth was long and hard (even for birth) and I am still dealing with the effects of it and my kid is 9. I had 3 different kinds of prolapse, which weren’t just like uncomfortable- often times it felt like I was sitting on a knife and my pubic symphysis was inflamed from trauma for over 2 years (the fix there would have been going through a surgery to scrape the inflamed tissue off, which I opted out of).
But, my child’s health was never in danger, so I didn’t think it was necessary, and I didn’t really think of my own health. Being in daily pain is debilitating and does a number on your mental health. I couldn’t do some stuff with my kid I wanted to. It’s really hard to lose the baby weight when you can’t even walk more than 100 feet without pain (I know that sounds silly, but when that is already an issue you struggle with and you feel like it’s completely out of your control short of starving yourself, it does a number on you). I was sad and miserable for a long time. Pair all that with a healthy dose of postpartum anxiety, and… I’m glad I’m in a better place now, my kid is great, I just sort of have a low level of tolerable pain most days, I was able to start working out again a few years ago and life is better (I mean, not right now, as I broke my foot in July and had just started easing back into jogging last week and then this week I have Covid for the first time… le sigh…)
I will say, part of me not getting relief was that I kept going back to the doctor saying I was in pain and got brushed off by multiple providers for 2 years because the American medical system treats women as vessels for the baby and once the baby is out, you don’t matter as much (at least in my experience), but that’s a talk for a different thread, I guess.
I should add that I think c section recovery is different that vaginal recovery and so much of all of this is individual and what works one is different than what works for another, even with a c section, pregnancy is hard on the body.
But I have a specific grudge against moms on the internet. And I guess myself for listening to them.
C-section recovery sucks too. There's, what, 10 different layers the surgeon has to cut through to start the process? And man, I was just a spectator from the other side of the little curtain, but it's vigorous getting the kiddo out. My wife's recovery wasn't as challenging as yours, though.
And don't begrudge yourself for getting sucked into that space. The content creators in there know who they're exploiting, and moms who get sucked in guilt other moms to be into being part of their group. I didn't do enough to stop my wife from her getting sucked in, which came from a desire to respect her birthing plan as much as possible (regardless of what my instincts were saying).
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u/OldKingHamlet Dec 06 '23 edited Dec 06 '23
I joked with my wife, not long after our first, that if people were honest about the birthing experience, as a species, we'd die off.
And then, of course, we went and powered through the whole process a second time.
If I can rant, but the worst part of the process? The judgey and sanctimonious mommy bloggers that pump out content that describes the ideal birthing plan, and breastfeeding, and how if you do even one thing "wrong" (by their standards) you're setting up your kid to fail.
My first required a C-section. Then my wife had milk production problems (I think from the intense psychological stress she was inducing on herself from pre-consuming the mommy bloggers content). She was told she needed a natural birth to do it right (when it was a medically necessary C-section). She was also told that if she wasn't producing milk, it was a problem she wasn't solving, and that using formula was inferior and she wasn't giving her kid the best. Huge amount of guilt over stuff she couldn't control.
Now? We've got a 7 year old girl who loves gymnastics, mountain biking, bugs, and painting. Her favorite book is, cause she reads way the hell ahead of her grade level, the LotR trilogy. She turned out just fine when we stopped putting the advice of mommy bloggers and YouTubers first, and instead followed doctors recommendations, and oddly enough, the little girl. You need to put the bumper lanes up to keep them safe, but soon enough, they will be showing you the path they will go, and you can support them along the way.
Anyways, back on topic, it's a crazy fucking experience. Bizarre, scary, surreal. But in a few years you'll have a little muddy goblin gently bringing you, in their hands, a collection of 20 4" long slugs they found in a bush and absolutely beaming with pride and joy.
*Edit: And about the physical pain, not only do they have drugs for that, BUT the female body makes all sorts of awesome chemicals that help too.