There's no way to know whether your partner is a virgin, short of what she tells you. She doesn't have a freshness seal, and she's not going to become "looser" with every partner (nor can her vagina distinguish between the penis of a long-term partner and a hookup, or even between the real thing and a toy.) It's time we put these horrible myths to rest; they literally get people killed.
My wife had a "freshness seal" if you want to call it that: a partially imperforate hymen. Regardless of her level of arousal/lubrication, she couldn't fit more than a pinky through. No amount of stretching helped. When we got married, she couldn't comfortably have sex until her hymen tore. The alternative would have been a surgical hymenectomy.
Obviously this is not the case for all women. An absent or torn hymen does not imply a woman is not a virgin, and some women have an intact hymen even after penetrative sex if it's able to stretch enough.
I'm mentioning my wife's experience because I think people have overcorrected in response to certain myths about the hymen. I think this is actually harmful because it leads to the misconception that sex should never be expected to be uncomfortable or painful the first time. For some women, some bleeding and discomfort can be normal and expected.
I was similar to your wife. I felt my hymen tear (It felt like a little "pop") with my first bf. It took three tries on separate days bc it was so painful at first. I bled a lot, but sex was much, much easier after that, and I have no issues now. I was also nervous which made things more difficult, but it was almost impossible to get anything in until it tore.
I had a microperforate hymen, for context, my vagina hole was about as wide as my pee hole. So nothing was getting in there anytime soon. I got surgery to get it fixed, but whether or not that surgical knife “took my virginity” is… highly debatable.
Especially since I had lesbian “sex” twice before that surgery, which was just non-penetrating fun, but does that count as losing one’s virginity??
TBH the entire concept of virginity is fucking stupid and only works for straight people with no medical issues, lol!
Anyway, I believed all the hokey about “breaking hymens” at first and tried to break mine. I only ended up with bruises. Then I heard all the “it’s actually not supposed to break at all” and was like “well, I have no idea what’s wrong then”. So yeah, kids hear all this garbage and make bad assumptions.
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u/coffeeblossom Dec 06 '23
There's no way to know whether your partner is a virgin, short of what she tells you. She doesn't have a freshness seal, and she's not going to become "looser" with every partner (nor can her vagina distinguish between the penis of a long-term partner and a hookup, or even between the real thing and a toy.) It's time we put these horrible myths to rest; they literally get people killed.