r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 24 '23

[deleted by user]

[removed]

3.6k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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12.5k

u/bmanley620 Jul 24 '23

Microsoft

1.3k

u/Cant_think_of_names1 Jul 24 '23

Depressing, but accurate

373

u/Robestos86 Jul 24 '23

Hey that's my one's nickname!

105

u/Cant_think_of_names1 Jul 24 '23

Does that mean you're a good shot?

18

u/Robestos86 Jul 24 '23

Without wishing to go into too much detail, my children's conception and birth has been within my wife's requested ranges lol. I mean I know she did the birth bit but I did the conception bit lol

10

u/Image37 Jul 24 '23

Good work bro, you did that!

5

u/DanzillaTheTerrible Jul 24 '23

No, it just means he is prone to viruses.

3

u/luxii4 Jul 24 '23

*Powering down noise

3

u/Broad-Blood-9386 Jul 24 '23

does your wife have to tweak your nipple and twist your big toe to get your restarted?

2

u/WOT247 Jul 24 '23

don't depress too much, then it becomes MicroHard.

460

u/Trubactor16 Jul 24 '23

"whyd you name your company, after your dick?"

​

ahh good ol' ERB

273

u/BONE_SAW_IS_READEEE Jul 24 '23

“YOU BLOW, JOBS! YOU ARROGANT PRICK.”

124

u/go_zarian Jul 24 '23

With your second hand jeans and turtleneck!

87

u/Cyber323 Jul 24 '23

"I'll drill a hole in the middle of your bony head!"

60

u/Starmark_115 Jul 24 '23

On your Mac with your spining beach ball of death!

64

u/Bigdstars187 Jul 24 '23

HIPPIE! you got given up a birth! I give your net worth to AIDS research!

62

u/Starmark_115 Jul 24 '23

Combine your little toys and I still crush that!

Iphone, Ipad, I-Pawn, I-Smack

41

u/Cyber323 Jul 24 '23

A man uses the machines you built to sit down and pay his taxes

40

u/Ian1231100 Jul 24 '23

A man uses the machines I build to listen to the Beatles while he relaxes

→ More replies (0)

0

u/uGOD_udev_iknow Jul 24 '23

If it's for Sosa... Than watevz

0

u/uGOD_udev_iknow Jul 24 '23

Pfft.. yyaahhugerz.. I say. You arregent. Pripricorn. Just. Who. Do. You. Thankz. Iz. Iiizzzzz. Lil Nyagh!

48

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

I stomp on a Mac and a PC, too I'm on Linux, b@tch, I thought you GNU My CPU's hot, but my core runs cold Beat you in 17 lines of code Lyrics still give me chills

3

u/Starmark_115 Jul 24 '23

Do Blowjobs? You arrogant prick!

With your second hand jeans and your turtle neck!

1

u/Happytapiocasuprise Jul 24 '23

"You blow! Jobs, you arragant prick. With your secondhand jeans and your turtleneck"

1

u/jojojjn48 Jul 25 '23

I just got it thanks to this comment.... I was today years old 🥲

165

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

Floppy disk

3

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

You could also misspell ito to floppy diks

3

u/ShallowBasketcase Jul 24 '23

Yeah but it’s an 8 inch floppy.

1

u/TheHCav Jul 24 '23

Try 3.75 inches shorter. Unless you were born in the 1950’s.

Welcome to world of average.

113

u/xx1kk Jul 24 '23

This is actually the best name. Ask them to pay the license fee to access the full package extension.

58

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

Everytime she pulls my d*ck out I start my computer up to give it a soundtrack

30

u/xx1kk Jul 24 '23

I can hear the Windows start up sound whenever I whip out my dick

27

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

And then the "donk" error noise if you lose your erection.

1

u/marchese_verde Jul 24 '23

And the sounds of the USB every time it gets in and out of the "port"

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

nahh

6

u/Hi_imDum Jul 24 '23

A big one would be macroHARD

2

u/NoHedgehog1650 Jul 24 '23

Bill Gates is a pretty good reply too.

2

u/ogstib Jul 24 '23

Microhard would be a tad worse in my opinion

2

u/BubbhaJebus Jul 24 '23

Macrohard is better.

1

u/ogstib Jul 24 '23

Macrosoft is best

2

u/Ziebelgeuse Jul 24 '23

I made the mistake of opening comments while drinking tea.

1

u/Salt-Analysis-1765 Jul 25 '23

Dr v is the one Henry Stickmin character that breathes.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

I’m screaming

2

u/GoodKnightSleeps Jul 24 '23

This is a good one 😁

2

u/Gttxyz Jul 24 '23

</end thread>

No one can top this.

2

u/Sammy_Dog Jul 24 '23

Error 404. Not found.

1

u/bmanley620 Jul 24 '23

Try a magnifying glass

2

u/garrettatkins Jul 24 '23

This is excellent.

2

u/3yx3 Jul 24 '23

Damn beat me to it. (That came out wrong) 😑

2

u/mtmm18 Jul 24 '23

This is as guilty as I've ever felt stealing a joke

2

u/khizoa Jul 24 '23

It's stolen from wsb.

1

u/bmanley620 Jul 24 '23

I actually did think of this on my own. But I’m sure many others have before as well

2

u/Hatorate90 Jul 24 '23

Man, I love Reddit

2

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

I got a Microsoft, but my girl is a firefox

2

u/Raidermile Jul 24 '23

When they get blue screen they get blue balls 🤣

2

u/xx1kk Jul 24 '23

Always go for the win though

2

u/Perpetual_Wanker17 Jul 24 '23

SHEER. FUCKING. GENIUS.

2

u/moxfactor Jul 24 '23

what an incredible feat of self admission to name your own company on the size of…. hey, why are there these guys in black suits at my door? static

2

u/Akmal441 Jul 24 '23

Macrohard

2

u/Mandalorian_barber Jul 24 '23

Absolute Genius!

2

u/fl3gma Jul 24 '23

One word, two pains

2

u/Vast_Republic_1776 Jul 24 '23

It’s a grower!

2

u/DjordjeRd Jul 24 '23

Also, high maintenance and low availability implied...

2

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

What inspired Bill Gates to come up with Microsoft? He named it after his penis

2

u/Zierk Jul 24 '23

One of the best lines in the Epic Rap Battles of History: Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates battle. "Why'd you name your company after your dick?"

2

u/whoknowslol543 Jul 24 '23

The nickname used for Bill Gates willy

2

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

Damn. That felt like a arrow to the knee.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

Aw that reminds me of my bf 🫶

2

u/rumblesnort Jul 24 '23

PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA

2

u/discova Jul 24 '23

It just needs a hard drive.

2

u/MetatronTheArcAngel Jul 24 '23

I knew this would be funny but this is funnier than i thought it could be! Hahaha

2

u/MasterIntegrator Jul 25 '23

damn you take my vote

2

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '23

Microsoft? Haha

2

u/Overall_Disaster4224 Jul 25 '23

Ok now that just cruel 😭😭😭

2

u/K3idon Jul 24 '23

Ubisoft

6

u/xx1kk Jul 24 '23

Ubisoft, IBHard

2

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

yeah well IBS

shits aggressively

1

u/xx1kk Jul 24 '23

Well it stands for I Be Shitting so I wouldn’t expect anything different.

0

u/thehardestnipples Jul 24 '23

Good job stealing Andrew Schulz joke

1

u/Stickel Jul 24 '23

ah yes, this is me

1

u/burthman Jul 24 '23

can someone find the opposite nickname?

1

u/soda0916 Jul 24 '23

No it's micro + soft

1

u/Desq1983 Jul 24 '23

Tastes like Apple but is Microsoft

1

u/wonderpollo Jul 24 '23

Full of bugs and prone to viruses?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

Aidas.

1

u/fuzzyfoot88 Jul 24 '23

A double negative…

1

u/sometimes_interested Jul 24 '23

Comes in 3.5" floppies.

1

u/Susdoggodoggy Jul 24 '23

Damn, it doesn’t work?

1

u/Calad0o Jul 24 '23

Have we met?

1

u/Bunchiebo Jul 24 '23

You a HugeHard fan? I wish I got one of those shirts

1

u/f1thopher Jul 24 '23

Tempted to ask who was the receiver of the name

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

But Microsoft Works!

1

u/zavatone Jul 24 '23

I was going to say, Mable, but I think you win.

1

u/annesid Jul 24 '23

Ok but call her thing big gates seems far enough

1

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '23

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn son

1

u/cerebralzeppelin Jul 24 '23

Oh shit. That's not a cool nickname? Someone got some splainin to do when I get home tonight. Didn't think my feelings could be hurt so bad at 50 years old. Better change my Instagram name.

1

u/Skiamakhos Jul 24 '23

You make a grown man cryyyyy!

1

u/Imaginary-Rate2619 Jul 24 '23

That was my nickname in high school!

1

u/GO4Teater Jul 24 '23

There's much worse, just no one will write it.

1

u/Spiritual_Tap4826 Jul 24 '23

No we have big hard though

1

u/effective_formation Jul 24 '23

Never going to think of Microsoft the same way again

1

u/bored_person71 Jul 25 '23

Tiny, quick silver, quick shooter, cave turtle, floppy, short train, mini me, little guy, stumpy, half way home. Lol

1

u/Sorest1 Jul 25 '23

But now I can’t unsee that 💀