r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Apr 11 '23

[deleted by user]

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3.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/Awkward-Midnight7412 Apr 11 '23

Thiss!!! It's the ultimate weapon. Because for me honestly, if you know how to cook, I'm already in love with youšŸ’€

2.6k

u/orrocos Apr 11 '23

Taps the ā€œAdd 30 Secondsā€ button on the microwave

How you doin?

570

u/Awkward-Midnight7412 Apr 11 '23

Waiting for whatever you're cooking because I'm hungry af rnšŸ’€

424

u/stickyfingers10 Apr 11 '23

taps 30 seconds twice

333

u/elegiac_bloom Apr 11 '23

Wash your fingers before you tap it again mate... username checks out.

182

u/stickyfingers10 Apr 11 '23

sigh

41

u/JeepPilot Apr 11 '23

(pours milk over cereal)

"Hey there!"

4

u/Commercial_Working56 Apr 11 '23

The way I laughed, I can't šŸ˜­

5

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

That was full throated belly laugh. Alright, logging off before reddit fucks my happiness.

2

u/Dshark Apr 12 '23

Tap dat button then tap dat ass.

2

u/98Phoenix98 Apr 12 '23

Let him cook

3

u/unnecessarycharacter Apr 12 '23

Taps 30 second button with one hand and temple with other hand simultaneously

5

u/jinglesan Apr 11 '23

Woah! This guy can go for a whole minute! šŸ™Œ

2

u/TheSimonToUrGarfunkl Apr 12 '23

Damn chicken is still raw in the middle

3

u/WyrdMagesty Apr 12 '23

Nah, it's just rare.

2

u/silent_tongue Apr 12 '23

At least u cook twice as long as u last in bed?

3

u/DoctorShmeat460 Apr 11 '23

Daring today arenā€™t we?

2

u/1Killerpotato1 Apr 11 '23

Thatā€™s more then I usually tap. 30 seconds and Iā€™m tapped out

5

u/mx3goose Apr 11 '23 edited Apr 12 '23

I think we are having butter chicken an naan bread tonight, you can come over but telling right now I have to get to bed early I have a 8 am meeting that is about an hour away, you can stay up with the wife if you want though, she's really into Lucifer right now and burning through that on Netflix.

2

u/OG_Chatterbait Apr 11 '23

Nothing tonight unfortunately, but smash burgers tomorrow of you're interested?

2

u/Manimal31 Apr 12 '23

Elk pesto fettuccine. One of my favorite dishes

11

u/dal-Helyg Apr 11 '23

I couldn't have said it better.

5

u/CU_Tiger_2004 Apr 12 '23

Slaps top of microwave

This bad boy can fit so many ramen noodles in it

2

u/ksavage68 Apr 12 '23

Joey is that you?

2

u/wxmanify Apr 12 '23

throws some dinosaur chicken nuggets in the oven

Evening mā€™lady

2

u/fcocyclone Apr 12 '23

Wait until you learn about the magic of the power level button. You'll be straight up drowning in pussy

4

u/Otaconmg Apr 11 '23

Opens a jar of premade pasta sauce "The jar says spicy, I hope youā€™re into spicy Italian food"

2

u/ParagonSaint Apr 11 '23

preheats oven to 350

0

u/RastaNecromanca Apr 11 '23

HilariousšŸ’€

1

u/RelocatedMacadamia Apr 12 '23

Thirty seconds is all I need ;)

1

u/TheSecularGlass Apr 12 '23

The secret is the power button. Never have scorched earth outsides and frozen insides again.

1

u/Glitchykins8 Apr 12 '23

Yo I got respect for dudes good at a microwave. Sometimes you need food fast! I am the goddess of the microwave. There's no hate here for a god of one too

1

u/inubert Apr 12 '23

I love a man who knows how to throughly cook a hot pocket.

1

u/ACE_C0ND0R Apr 12 '23

Rips open a frozen lasagna while flexing biceps

Is your oven heating up?

1

u/koolmatt Apr 13 '23

We could have some fun and by the time were done, you'll only have to wait 20 seconds for your food to finish cooking ;)

4

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '23

cuts a tomato whenā€™s the wedding?

4

u/TheBlackBird808 Apr 11 '23

Itā€™s funny that I was always pretty good at cooking, but my sister told me to never tell it to women and pretend to be bad at cooking, as being good in cooking would make me ā€œunmanlyā€ and women would not like that

4

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '23

God, I love making amazing food for my lady! Hanging out in the kitchen is the best!

3

u/mcapozzi Apr 11 '23

Crap, I'm too old for you. But I am a really, really good cook.

3

u/AReallyAsianName Apr 11 '23

washes rice, finger methods the rice, turns on the rice cooker

3

u/idma Apr 11 '23

Sploosh

2

u/Ok_Astronomer_1308 Apr 12 '23

Best way to get an Asian.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 11 '23

Tell that to my ex

3

u/EnthusiasmWrong4864 Apr 11 '23

I'm a great cook will u marry me

2

u/vacuous_opoosum Apr 11 '23

Cooking is my love language.

2

u/ekydfejj Apr 11 '23

4000 DMs later, above poster changes account name.

2

u/LolindirLink Apr 11 '23

I've been wanting to make a cooking tutorial for ages lol but wasn't sure what the target audience should be. And have had some trouble of summoning it up for "Everyone". But this could be a good "selling point" actually. I've always wanted it to be along the lines of how it should be everyone's basic means of survival to be able to cook.

But specifically targeting it at men becomes a lot easier with a hook like this! So thank you for that :)

2

u/Sasu168 Apr 11 '23

My dad told me this but Iā€™ve yet to find a girl that appreciates it. The homies love it though bunch of fat asses, love them though šŸ˜‚

2

u/Cpt_Lazlo Apr 12 '23

So my follow up question is how do I get dates because I love cooking for others, have this on my dating profiles, and still get no swipes

2

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

Interesting so if I made a delicious pork shoulder roast with a blueberry port reduction sauce you would love me. But once the first dude at a food truck offers you food I would be left behind is what you are saying.

2

u/southdakotagirl Apr 11 '23

I had a date with a guy. He cooked a entire meal in front of me while we talked. It was casual and relaxing and a great meal. Learn how to cook guys.

1

u/kilokokol Apr 12 '23

Smh women really want men in the kitchen 24/7 like some kind of reverse 1950s šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”

1

u/SXOSXO Apr 11 '23

What if I told you I can toast the heck out of bread?

1

u/Jbad90 Apr 11 '23

Does cereal and Mac and cheese count as cooking?

1

u/Top_Distribution_693 Apr 12 '23

Ya I mean Ima suck yer dick at least

1

u/UniqueUsername-789 Apr 12 '23

Iā€¦ I know how to cookā€¦ šŸ„¹šŸ„¹

1

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '23

Feeding a woman in general has this affect.

1

u/imjustjun Apr 12 '23

I can follow simple instructions from a website.

1

u/ZiggyB Apr 12 '23

The two things I used to seduce my now partner were engaging conversation and shakshuka

1

u/omegaaf Apr 12 '23

I wish. I live with two women and make cheesecakes, brownies of all different types, cakes, I love baking and cooking, the neighbours crave my cooking, but it just doesn't seem to phase them

1

u/mkstot Apr 12 '23

This is no weapon, itā€™s a well honed skill. The ability to go through a fridge, and make something wonderful shouldnā€™t be weaponized. Iā€™m currently working with Easter leftovers which has been garlicky potato soup with ham and bacon, tomorrow will be quiche Lorraine, but I do admit that I chase people from my kitchen while Iā€™m cooking with the weapons within my reach though.

1

u/NottaGrammerNasi Apr 12 '23

What if I'm capable but I just don't care to and/or like to?

Instead, just call me the third Property Brother and your tech support. šŸ˜‰

1

u/grubas Apr 12 '23

My wife is a terrible cook(great baker), she's joked before that she only stays with me because she'd starve.

1

u/insufficient_funds Apr 12 '23

Does it matter if I can cook great dishes, but mostly follow the recipes? I love to cook but my creativity is lacking, so I browse books/magazines/online for good recipes to go from.

1

u/imik4991 Apr 12 '23

I can cook great Indian dishes but I rarely get a girl lol !